Archive for the ‘Fatal Assumptions’ Category

Today’s post is a new blog page: “Lessons from Antioch” (California)

The pages are full of the Dugards and the Garridos; people what answers, and collectively, it appears there’s a need to process the trauma, and put names to the “Who, What When, How and Why?” this happened.

Click on this link:

(As these posts get a little more personal, understand it’s not just for the blogger’s sake but for the bloggers’ hope that another perspective on these things might get heard.)

It triggers trauma, or perhaps it’s thoughtfulness, or perhaps it’s a desire to mention what other mothers have gone through that is different, but of some similar qualities: sudden loss of access to and contact with their sons or daughters, and lack of closure, or time to recover or heal from prior abuse(s). One can get so acclimatized to abuse, or to repeated violations of personal integrity, that this sort of “alternate reality” becomes “normal.” What’ I’m concerned about in this matter is future generations, and what “normal” has become for American women, both growing up and grown-up mothers.

My own father (deceased) I deduce was told, like many, to “man up,” shut up and step up to the plate when his (wife-beating) father abandoned the household. Retaliation for even CRYING about the violence, let alone reporting it, was simply part of his youth. After being locked in a closet for crying initially (so the family lore goes) he went on, and worked hard, educated himself hard, provided well, such that his own children (ALL of them) also got college educated. I’d say did all right (that’s one adult child’s perspective only; there ARE others), but as the youngest of these, and alone in the house as his marriage disintegrated, I certainly noticed and questioned that, despite the success, he also drank hard too (bottling something else up?), married several times, and, unfortunately, never discussed or addressed any of his own family shortcomings, nor did any of our own adult family actually handle these well, other than by transmitting what I could call UNhealthy family values: Zero dialogue on THE most important issues of life, a lifelong habit. Scapegoating. Tolerance of domestic violence towards, now, more than one member, and clan-like excommunication for anyone who dares to report any of the worst family secrets (and I shudder to think of the ones that haven’t yet come to surface).

My father died suddenly and under circumstances that were not explained to me. I learned more about him after his death from the Internet than from anyone I was related to. He has been described alternately as a genius, and modest (a side of him we didn’t know!), and creative. His mother was devout, and he rejected the concept and existence of God, another family value I myself later rejected, and paid dearly for over the years. I like to think that, had he realized one of his daughters would go on to marry and be exposed to what his own mother was, I like to think he’d be turning over in his grave, but fact is, I don’t know. I do know there was a certain sexism, not uncommon for the day and time. And I do thank him for not following the utterly insane policy that the HHS is nowadays, deciding and enforcing that children need contact with wife-beating fathers, for the good of, I guess, the country (???) and their little lives.

I consider refusal to address violence endorsing it. They consider it “dwelling on the past,” even when the ostensible past was as recent as last week or last month. They got that one down, and in order that my children should not know the truth about this family, have endorsed further criminal behavior towards them, and me, and this state, again in the name of “Family.”

It appears that the family law venue is also in the business of telling people to shut up about both their own family secrets (retaliation on custodial parents for reporting abuse in the form of switching the kid to the accused parent!) as well as ITS own secrets, which (as family secrets tend to) includes the financial business deal driving the steamship that’s steamrolling over (well, I could go on and on with that analogy, it’s an apt one) – — that’s steamrolling over the years that SOME families might have otherwise had in peace to recover from the initial trauma, and rebuild a few lives. Big Brother had a supposedly Better Idea for the country, you know, and so we are to sacrifice the duration of our children’s — well, til they are legally adults — and stay in the system until all the proper tolls have been paid, and “Therapeutic Jurisprudence” has run its course, replacing the former language of right, wrong, crime & punishment, and deterrents for doing it again.

Which deterrents Phillip Garrido had, but in the words of one of his several kidnapped for the purpose of raping women, (the 1976 woman that got him the 50 year jail sentence, that he served a few years of), it just made him a smarter and wiser criminal.

However it’s not the men’s doing this so much as the institutions they create doing this, which frightens me the most, for at least my own children’s futures. Put against this, is their spirit and, I hope, smarts.

And the VOLUNTARY donation of the national resources and sort of “conscience” to the federal government. Kind of like the cycle of rain, rivers flow to the ocean, evaporation, clouds, rain, etc. The concept is that justice and a better society will somehow rain down on us.

I’m not holding my breath.

However, sometimes this happens when the parents may even know where they are; this happens in the “family court venue.”

Recent articles talk about how the girls are recovering from trauma, and that’s partly where I started in this new page. I note a difference of perspective from the experts quoted and what i know about the trauma thing from experience.

I end up talking about the importance of the declaration of independence, and personal defense of boundaries. And how it MIGHT help if the public were a little less self-delusional, compartmentalized, and dissociative when it comes to US vs THEM and the role of government in kissing all our “ow-ies,” settling our squabbles, raising our young, monitoring our marriages, determining our public visions, and protecting our boundaries.

NO, let’s get back to the foundational principles. And add women and girls in the mix as citizens, not as items to be devoured or dominated.

If overall, we ALL had less tolerance for unreasonable dominance, I think a lot of partnerships and society would be healthier. You can force compliance, but you can’t force love, and when force gets into the family business, then we are REALLY in trouble. And we are.

I don’t think the culprit is god or godlessness. I don’t think the culprit is men OR women. I think the loss is of a sense of selves as individuals (socially) and a loss of language — transformational ideology throughout the internet, and our institutions.

As imperfect, or OK< sexist racist classist (etc.) as those colonists were in the latter 1700s, the three “charters of freedom” still shed light and common sense:

Declaration of Independence
Constitution
Bill of Rights.

If we don’t like the middle one, we should change the oath Presidents take on assuming office. Barring that, we should hold them and every one else in any form of government to the same standard of these 3. “Consent of the governed” still counts.

So I recommend we start thinking in those terms again, starting with putting some of the terms back into our heads and coming out of our mouths. Expect a fight, in that matter, though!

That’s all for now. If you want straighter talk and fewer words, get it from the street:

http://www.thestreetspirit.org/

On God (Dec. 2006)

3. If God is, whence come evil things? If He is not, whence come good?
BOETHIUS (Roman philosopher 480?-524 A.D.) The Consolation of Philosophy, translated by W.V. Cooper, 1981

4. I still believe that standing up for the truth of God is the greatest thing in the world. This is the end of life. The end of life is not to be happy. The end of life is not to achieve pleasure and avoid pain. The end of life is to do the will of God, come what may.
MARTIN LUTHER KING JR., (U.S. clergyman and human rights activist, 1929-1968), “The Most Durable Power,” sermon, Montgomery, Alabama, 6 November 1956

(LIFE LIBERTy and PURSUIT of HAPP(y)NESS, and in that order. Physical, mental, or spiritual Welfare =/= happiness, but the first can sustain life. Moral proclamations by government about how to live, how free to be, and what happiness consists of is not the government’s province, it’s ours).

On poverty, who are you going to believe? A Harvard Ph.D. or a poor person?

Poor Magazine

This stereotype is that poor people can lift themselves out of poverty because, it assumes, they are responsible for their own poverty. Linda Burnham explained in her opening, the myth in America is that “everyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps.” This myth allows the public to discard “a whole layer of society” who can’t pull themselves up.

Linda spoke of the American economy as both an engine of incredible wealth and an engine of poverty. This engine “creates and recreates poverty everyday in the US and all over the world.” During the war, discussions of poverty have been swept off the table. It is important to connect the war against the poor to the war abroad. Burnham mentioned that Lockheed Martin, the world’s largest weapons manufacturer, has just been awarded a contract to run the welfare system in Florida. The company, who makes huge profits off of war, will now be making huge profits off of managing Florida’s poor.** In order for a country to subjugate and dominate another population, it has to first dominate its population at home. All you have to do is look at the streets of your city to see that this is being done on an everyday basis.

**This is why I don’t think much about the conversations on solving domestic violence. IF it were solved, there’d be less cash flow all round, less poverty, and poverty IS an industry!

Or Ask the Beat Within

Violence And Material Madness
by Speedy, posted May 18, 2009I think violence comes from people who has a bad life style. They don’t get the good things in life and so they get angry, so they look to robbing and stealing. That’s what gets them in here. So then, when they get in here, their whole life is starting to mess up. And when that happens, they’re in the system. Then they get even more madder because they’re missing out on a lot, so they get to more stealing.

Some people grow up with anger, and some are taught to be mad and act bad. Like some parents say, when somebody hits you, you supposed to hit them back. But sometimes that’s not the right thing to do, so than they get in trouble for what they parents taught them. But when they get home, he or her mom says, “That a’right.” So than they keep getting’ in trouble.

But some violent stuff mostly come from material madness, so they try to steal and stealing ain’t the right thing. You should just get a job, have some money in yo’ pocket and that’s go be you. And if that material thing is really expensive, so that’s when you save up and get that thing for yourself, so than that’s when you see you don’t have to look to stealing. When you don’t have to steal and you see that you don’t have to do that no more.

OR: (This issue had several letters to President Obama….)

A Letter To The President-
by TAE, posted May 18, 2009Dear Mr. Obama,

I think you should make certain things that keep young black men busy for the weekends, so we could stop killing ourselves. I also think that you should start building new colleges for people who cannot afford that type of money, so they could be something in life to take care of their family, and get the majority of the tax money every year.

I think there should be less education about African-American people and more about other cultures so people wouldn’t have to feel down all the time by hearing the word “Nigger” a lot.

People who’s getting abused in their family should be taken care of in a shelter that provides a little bit of discipline, so they could grow up and succeed in life, and keep innocent people out of the pen.

OR:

Dear President
by Richard, posted May 19, 2009How are you Mr. President? I am writing from Santa Clara juvenile hall. My name is Richard. I am facing a life sentence for kidnapping, attempted murder, carjacking, and 2nd degree robbery. I am 17 years old.

I would like to congratulate you for becoming the 44th President of the United States of America. You inspire me to do many things. It gives me hope to become something I thought I couldn’t be in life no matter what it is. I believe in you, that you are going to make things right in this world. I know when I go to prison I can try my hardest to get my education and other things. I didn’t think I could at first, but with you as President, I have faith.

I know I am in here and might not get out soon, but I know you will be there for those on the outside of these walls. I know you will make a change. I hope the best for you, Mr. President. Thank you for reading this, and I apologize for taking your time.

Our Mission

The Beat Within’s mission is to provide incarcerated youth with consistent opportunity to share their ideas and life experiences in a safe space that encourages literacy, self-expression, some critical thinking skills, and healthy, supportive relationships with adults and their community. Outside of the juvenile justice system, The Beat Within partners with community organizations and individuals to bring resources to youth both inside and outside of detention. We are committed to being an effective bridge between youth who are locked up and the community that aims to support their progress towards a healthy, non-violent, and productive life.

Regarding recovery from violence (WHICH the Antioch/Dugard articles from today dealt with),

from http://www.Lundy Bancroft.com:

Addressing the healing needs of children: There is a wide consensus that children’s recovery from exposure to domestic violence (and from divorce) depends largely on the quality of their relationship with the non-battering parent and with their siblings.20

Of course this statement runs entirely contrary to the bulk of the “fatherhood” premises and the entire family court venue basically doesn’t validate or practice.

Therefore, in addition to safety consideration, court determinations should take into account whether the batterer is likely, based on his past and current behavior, to continue to undermine the mother’s authority, interfere with mother-child relationships, or cause tensions between siblings.

This becomes kind of irrelevant when the court itself does the same things. My experience is that the past was considered to be a totally blank slate, and therefore any fallout was attributed to whoever it “fell” on. Extended family influence (which I tried to bring up, and was significant) was ignored. It was an unbelievably stereotyped reaction. Possibly the reason I’m writing so much is from the impact of the years of being told POST-separation not to talk about this, or any other subsequent criminal behavior(s). Oh well . . .

Because children need a sense of safety in order to heal,21 juvenile and family court decisions may not want to include leaving the children in the unsupervised care of a man whose violent tendencies they have witnessed, even if they feel a strong bond of affection for him.

So when it typically does, often right after the filing of a civil restraining order, or when divorce is started almost immediately after someone files a protective order, resulting in the “joint custody” “Shared parenting” mindset, then we have a serious values conflict, as I did, in the past, now almost ten years. A move was made (locally) to extend the initial restraining order time to 5 years from 3. I know I would’ve made it had this happened. Certain agencies, and entities, made sure this was defeated. Now that I have time (called unemployment!), I did find out who they were in that case.

If you want straight talk on some poverty, justice, and crime policy issues, again, (although I try, there’s the verbiage issue!), try: Street Spirit, Poor Magazine, the Beat Within (although that’s getting slicker and slicker since I first saw it),

Thanks. Happy Labor Day (USA). Unemployment rate _ _ _ _ _???

Labor (or rest) well, we have one more day off in America. I gave up the concept of seeing a daughter at this time in favor of not fighting that fight until I have some income. The lack of closure is a constant source of stress. Closing has to be done right to be safe. Go figure. This is one reason I think if women leaving abuse could get a bit of space and time, they could run some great businesses. It appears that Jaycee/Alyssa both helped her captorS S S S Ss s s s s run a business (not including any horrors she endured IF the brothel rumor was true) and educated her also-imprisoned daughters, the product of her rapes, but nonetheless her DAUGHTERS, the best she could. I wish her well and the family that’s now reunited with her.

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

September 6, 2009 at 5:17 PM

Posted in compulsory schooling, Designer Families, Fatal Assumptions, History of Family Court, public education, Vocabulary Lessons

Tagged with "We had no idea!", 2nd Amendment, family law, parental kidnapping, Self-Defense from DV, social commentary, Social Issues from Religious Viewpoints, Studying Humans, trauma, U.S. Govt $$ hard @ work.., women's rights

Who’s actually TALKS with the REAL stakeholders when it comes to Stalking, Domestic Violence (not “abuse”), and Child Abuse??

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I have a question, after finding an unusually honest commentary on how the model code for stalking laws was developed. I’ve spent some years, in the process of seeking help, becoming acquainted with the standards for what makes sense, according to LOTS of organizations. I then tried to bring this common sense into actual practice in our own case after it hit the family law venue.

Yeah, right..

I have a question. As usual, thinking aloud (and posting as I go), the introduction gets longer and the original content that inspired the post, lower and lower. Presently, scroll down to just below all the graphics (logos) and there’s the question, and in primarily BLUE content, the quote that started today’s post.

Eventually, over the years, I got to the point of connecting more and more dots, including why would it take this amount of diligent searching by a woman with two college degrees and highly motivated to get some answers, to come to the inclusion that the tipping point is where the intent to publish hits the point to put it into practice. This is a fulcrum.

Eventually I stopped just reading only content, and started paying more attention to in which publication things were published (most of which I couldn’t afford to subscribe to). THEN I started connecting which nonprofit (or, some of these are almost exclusively the project of some government grants, and say so right on the websites) with which publication, which which professionals. This is what would in interpersonal interactions be called “body language.” Only, without warm bodies and live voices and actual interaction face to face, the next best substitute, especially for those without a travel fund, is sometimes a little background check. On-line. Free.

What I post here today was written a while back by a professional now involved in addressing some family court issues, and who I hope to meet someday soon. We appear to have been circling around geographically within a few miles of each other, but consistently in different venues. In other words, she has worked for and at organizations I’ve sought help from and whose halls I’ve sat in as a “client.”

It’s probably time to make a phone call. Meanwhile, today’s a difficult time for me, and I can’t quite say why without revealing which case. Please bare with some of the over-writing here, and understand why today (and I acknowledge, yesterday), sarcasm is pretty high. Fact is, I miss my daughters, and it’s the beginning of a school year. Instead, I get the back hand and the ugly side (or no side at all) of the parent and other adults in control of their lives. I can and have read law, and after looking, still don’t see that I’ve committed a crime in these matters, and I most certainly HAVE seen and identified several ones committed since the case switched from civil to family law, which I to this day believe is where batterers go to hide, and keep up the same pattern of behavior, only with more validation.

Oops, there I go again.

ANYHOW, as to the conferences and subscriptions, I have a suggestion: Instead of a grant to explicate the context of domestic violence in custody decisions (apparently a recent one) and the “Domestic Violence Conference of the Decade,” whose speakers and sponsoring organizations I did take a pretty good (on-line) look at — and got the general picture for sure — and ANOTHER one I just heard of today:

(boy, the logos, and PR, and branding, is getting more and more professional!):

(SEE: http://dvinstitute.org), which it appears just happened in Detroit. . ..

Here’s another one about to happen in San Diego:

http://dvinstitute.org/announces/files/Partial%20Brochure-5-18.pdf

The logo makes me think I’m back in grade school again (check it out — I couldn’t click & drag).

It has a wooden post with 3 pointers, “Future, Present, Past” all askew on a sky background.

“FUTURE” is pointing right (the only one pointing right) and UP (ditto).
Present is horizontal and point left, indicating a change of direction. From WHAT?
Past is pointing left and down. Talk about not very subtle.

I could suggest some more detailed logos. Perhaps the length of the line I stood in yesterday for $15.00 coupon to go get food, which allowed me to get some nonfoods, which Food Stamps program, onto which I’ve been forced back because of former failed systems, most of which interfered with My system called, working! and complying with court orders. Because we might also have a problem with drugs, alcohol or tobacco, or who knows, perhaps just for simplicity, and of course for the safety of those distributing (i.e., no cash), we could only go to ONE store (a few miles away, which is great for those without cars, with children, and poor enough to need help with food). I figure out the expense to time ratio of this, and between wait, and buses, it was approximately $4.00/food benefit per hour, four hours expended in getting coupon and food. Not including getting home with it. A far cry from a conference.

This line contained live people with real stories, and mostly people of color, different colors, sizes, and manners; most of them also, women, many with children, and each with a story, and their own method of dealing with the long wait. It was detailed and usually cheerful, this waiting is routine. I didn’t see anyone I recognized although I’d been there many times before.

Perhaps I should show some children crying, with a forensic child psychologist, or CPS worker. Perhaps I should show a woman crying. Perhaps I should show General Assistance being cut (as it is) to make way for some of the grants I’ve been blogging on, including yesterday.

If economic distress causes violence (I don’t believe it does) than perhaps this is partly why. But an inane signpost over these words? – –

A New Direction for a Safer Tomorrow: National Conference on Supervised Visitation and Safe Exchange

Yeah, that and a new specialty in the field, too. . . . . Not THAT new, but apparently . . . .

The National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges and the Office on Violence Against

Women are proud to sponsor the first National Conference on Supervised Visitation and Safe

Exchange. This conference will inform professionals (WILL INFORM WHOM?? WHOM????)

about how to provide supervised visitation and safe exchange services that account for (HOW ABOUT PREVENT??) domestic violence.

THink about this: if there is a need for supervised visitation and safe exchange, that means domestic violence is already there.

Pare

nts who don’t threaten to abduct, or hurt a Mom without supervision, or do this (and many do), wouldn’t need this.

National experts will provide education on safety for adult victims and children; services for diverse populations; community

collaboration; and advocacy, in the context of domestic violence and supervised visitation and

safe exchange. The conference will highlight effective practice and programs, offer tips and

tools, provide an opportunity for networking, and inspire and invigorate participants.

Expert Faculty . . .

(I dare site visitors here to look up each and every expert and determine where they are coming from, and who pays their organization’s bills.. . . . . . )

Would you like to see a similar brochure? OK, here. I found it (this search) at

http://parentalalienationcanada.blogspot.com/2009/02/domestic-violence-conference-of-decade.html

California Alliance for Families and Children

cafcusa.org

Please forward to colleagues and friends

Family Violence Treatment and Education Association (FAVTEA)

favtea.com

THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CONFERENCE OF THE DECADE!

From Ideology to Inclusion 2009:

New Directions in Domestic Violence Research and Intervention

With Featured Presentations By:
Murray Straus, PhD	*	Deborah Capaldi, PhD	*	Don Duton, PhD {{NOTE: S/BE “DUTTON”}}
K. Daniel O’Leary, PhD	*	Sandra Stith, PhD	*	Richard Gelles, PhD

Also Featuring:
Sarah Avery-Leaf, PhD	*	Mohammed Boabaid, PhD	*	Ellen Bowen, LCSW
Jan Brown	*	Wendy Bunston, MFT	*	Michelle Carney, PhD
Ken Corvo, PhD	*	Carol Crabsen, LCSW	*	Christopher Eckhardt, PhD
Lynette Feder, PhD	*	Richard Felson, PhD	*	Kimberly Flemke, PhD
Joel Garner, PhD	*	Lonnie Hazelwood, MSHP, LCDC	*	Denise Hines, PhD
Jodi Klugman-Rabb, MFT	*	Christopher Maxwell, PhD	*	Eric McCollum, PhD
Daniel Sonkin, PhD	*	Arlene Vetere, PhD	*	Carolyn West, PhD

Date:	Friday, Saturday and Sunday, June 26-28, 2009
Place:	Los Angeles Airport Marriott Hotel Los Angeles, CA
More info:	2009 Conference Flier

Most presenters serve on the editorial board of the peer-reviewed journalPartner Abuse, published quarterly by Springer publishing. For more information, go towww.springerpub.com/pa

Sponsored by:
California Alliance for Families and Children
and
Family Violence Treatment & Education Association

TO LEARN MORE OR SIGN UP, GO TO:
WWW.CAFCUSA.ORG

Domestic Violence Training DVDs Now Available!

See the founders, the pioneers, and today’s most respected experts together at the one-of-a-kind, historic conference, “From Ideology to Inclusion:.”Evidence-Based Policy and Intervention in Domestic Violence The conference was held February 15-16, 2008, in Sacramento, California.

Mail or fax in your order today!

Order form and catalog (click to order)

Summary of Speaker Bios

Read more about the conference

Online video from the conference

DID I forget, in addition to any conference fees, there’s (like any good market niche) the collateral sales market too. Incidentally, downloading information is one of the lowest overhead, most profitable fields of direct selling around, once it’s in place. It’s a GREAT business model.

Is that enough Ph.D.’s? Surely I should just their judgments about my danger level, experience of domestic violence, and whether my kids are or are not at risk of — shall we say — parental abduction — better than my own. After all, look at the degrees!

I wonder whether it has occurred to any of these people that some women leaving abuse might prefer going for not just “job training” but more degrees themselves, rather than defending from the latest round of accusations through this system, or for that matter, the latests fads sweeping through it. . ..

Speaking for myself, I already had the degrees, I just wanted “permission to practice” what I was already trained in and couldn’t, formerly, because of the domestic violence situation.

Remind me to get another Piled Higher Deeper (then I won’t call it that any more…), it may pay better than blogging for nothing, if I’m in one of these fixing people fields. Which, however, I wasn’t. I was in music, which helps heal people many times. It changes them. But it doesn’t approach from the point of view, unilaterally: “You need fixing, and we will do it!” It’s more transformative than legislative in nature. Funding for the arts is in jeopardy, but not for family-fixing.

SO, who attended THIS conference?

Who attended this one? (Sorry folks, if you just missed it, this past June): In the words of one of the groups above:

The conference quickly became an international event after its announcement. This was due to all of the internationally respected experts that presented at the conference, as well as attendees that came from all over the U.S., Canada, Europe and Asia. Easily 95 percent of those who had registered and attended the conference were with state, local and U.S. government agencies, including officials and staff from the Department of Health and Human Services. It was also attended by a myriad of public health agencies, Social Services, law enforcement, treatment providers and family law practitioners. The list goes on. In addition, several states had representatives from their Judicial Branches attend, including judges.

Seems to me about the only people NOT there were: family court LITIGANTS, battered women, protective mothers, children who had aged out of the system, in the custody of an abusive parent (these young people DO exist and are now speaking out: Courageous Kids, Alanna Krause, others. I WONDER what my daughter will say, or realize, when she turns 18, soon.) I don’t see the category “shelter workers” there. I don’t see “domestic violence advocates” as a category, do you? Family law practitioners and treatment providers, You BETCHA!

Because of the historic nature of the conference, {{and surely not because of PR, contacts with someone at the station, or anything of a mercenary or publicity-promotion nature…}} Radio Station KFBK-AM 1530, in Sacramento interviewed Erin Pizzey, the founder of the shelter movement and one of the conference presenters (incidentally, it seems Ms. Pizzey, daughter of an ambassador, has come to the conclusion that the shelter movement is run by radical feminists and socialists, and was turned on by them for not going along.).. . Everything is always “radical” “new” “Pioneering” and “launched” (etc.) in this field.

Perhaps this next testimonial may explain why the D.A. was so resistant to allowing me to not lose, or help me regain, custody of my daughters when it was their FATHER, not their MOTHER who had taken them so long ago:

After going through the post conference surveys, we learned that most attendees gave the conference overall scores ranging in the 4 & 5’s (with 5 being the highest score). We have heard directly from many attendees who are mediators and evaluators in family courts, and they called the conference the best they had ever attended on the issue. Many of them have been in the practice for 30 years. One District Attorney wrote:

“I thoroughly enjoyed the conference and felt it was one of the best I’d ever attended (I’ve been attending DV conferences ever since the Judicial Task Force put on a statewide conference after the OJ case!)”

(The clear and blatant theme of this one appears to be that women are equally as violent as men. Hence, the publication “Partner” abuse (and “abuse” not “Violence’) Title: From “Ideology” to “Inclusion.”

Oops: http://www.cafcusa.org/2008%20conference.aspx

It appears these reviews are from the 2008 conference, which was merely “historic” and not “the conference of the decade.” Sorry in searching on the latter term a merely Grand conference got confused with the truly Grandiose, which is about how the language goes too. But it’s not truly likely that the same organizations, in alliance are likely to change directions themselves. They exist, many of them, to change directions of OTHER venues, and other people’s, well, court cases.

(Tell you what — this inclusion does not appear to work in reverse quite so well…)

But, who are the real stakeholders?

Why not instead just raise funds for subscriptions for women leaving abuse to some of the publications talking about us, and our children, and our batterers, and our stalkers, and our children’s abductors, and our options, and how to intervene.

If we could have some “supervised visitation” to some of these conferences, I’m sure we would be competent to stand up and dispel some illusions circulating around these topics. I have known for a long time what would and would not take this household towards safety and self-sufficiency and been asking for it from institutions that had it to offer, they said.

This has fallen mostly on deaf ears. So now I am more interested in talking to these people’s supervisors, and employers, which FYI, happens to be in many cases, the federal grants system.

(note: I talked myself into two such “Screening for Abuse (or, Domestic violence)” type conferences within recent years, AFTER I lost my kids, and while in PTSD, Poverty, dealing with stalking, and working one remaining job. I overcame the PTSD of speaking up, and was called “brave” for doing so, in front of many strangers. One was aimed at health professionals, and was nationwide. ANother was aimed at custody evaluators and was not, although I would characterize BOTH of them as having analyzed the problem of abuse pretty darn well.

It was extremely validating and didn’t make a damn bit of difference in the case, and I doubt will in a whole lot of others. Why?

Because INFORMATION is not MOTIVATION.

EDUCATION doesn’t produce behavior change unless the MOTIVATION to change exceeds the benefits of NOT changing.

Overcoming PTSD to speak in front of strangers, is not my definition of brave. My definition of “brave” entails facing potential death, which I have, not facing a strange audience. It entails facing down that man, with a loaded gun and crazy talk, in my own home, and not just once. The bravery THAT time related to the fact I was a mother, and young children were in the home. My definition of brave is, knowing the possible impact, telling my family to go take a hike and get a life, when they violated my boundaries post-restraining order, and made it consistently clear after this clear statement, that this was not on THEIR agenda.

Similarly SOME people need to start recognizing that surviving abuse may be luck, or it may show competence, and start getting a different attitude about who you are dealing with, when a person shows up not too coherent immediately after an incident. Or when they show up in court (repeatedly forced to, thanks to the family law venue, which specializes on hearsay vs. evidence) also not coherent enough, possibly because of who’s present, and because of the authoritatarian and “it could change on a dime” nature of the interchange.

At this public speaking at a conference for PROFESSIONALS in the FIELD time, I also almost spent a night on the street, because in the process of speaking up, I mislaid car keys, took a commute back home, and found out the keys were in another city. Getting them back took half a night, and more money (of the very little I’d gotten by chance the previous day, allowing me the commute to this conference), help from two friends by phone (my own cell being off) and it was cold, too. I then imposed on someone who was actually a music client (so to speak) to stay overnight so I might not, in the fatigue and stress, oversleep work the next mornign which at this point would’ve resulted in being dismissed.

About a year later (this being halfway through the court cases following child-stealing) I was indeed suddenly dismissed by this same group. Possibly they had what’s called “vicarious trauma” dealing year after year (and it was that) with my inability to get free from ONE abuser, and his friends, and the family law mishandling of a simple, simple restraining order renewal. Which I didn’t, FYI, get.)

I want to say something:

Since then, I have looked into the financing (funding, folks) of this same organization, and at its website. See my post on “the amazing, disappearing word “Mother.” (The group is not featured, but the principle applies). It is a premiere group in the war against violence, not against “women” but, well, “family violence.” I have to really question why in this same state, funds to shelters have been axed, but not to this group. I have to ALSO question why I couldn’t get simple help when I needed it (and that includes, to date) from any of the entities that exist to provide it, after some of the original ones made a few policy mistakes, major ones, in designing the original custody order.

So, why not just invite us to the conferences? Note: before, THAT, raise funds to make sure that their phone and internets stay on (and deal with on-line stalking as well). For example, the other year, had my phone been on, I trust I could’ve found a job and retained access to a moving vehicle through what’s called “work” — even though, through family law inanity, I lost custody on an overnight over a year earlier, all my profession in the aftermath (and buildup), and all hope of collecting any child support arrears in the process.

You know what these conferences are to me, any more? They are like ambulance-chasers. They are carpet baggers.

They are like a person with a boat with room in it, and not too far to BOAT to shore, but too far for most people, particularly people in danger of shock, or fatigue, or not in top marathon shape — they drive by in the boat and wave. Sometimes they grab a kid in the process. They congregate in boats, and talk to each other about the shipwrecks. They even SOS — the shore — for more gas, and refreshments — and “technical support” — to converse — exclusively with each other — about “how to rescue shipwrecked sailors.” SOMETIMES some of them even pull out a child or two, or three, and give the child into the care of other people making a living off the shipwrecks — OR the other parent that helped cause it. That’s bright.

Then they have conferences about “shared parenting.” Or, even about “the context of custody-switch.” Or sometimes even about “the advisability of mediation in family law cases involving allegations of domestic violence or child abuse.” I’ve read many of these, and they are (unlike this blog) generally copyedited, slick, and even have nice charts, sometimes color coded bar graphs, and the whole nine yards.

But what they don’t have is the voices of the people in the water which might show where they missed the boat in these discussion.

NOW — do I think ALL the people in ALL the conferences have impure motives and self-interest in the forefront of their minds?

NO — I know that ALL people are imperfect and have impure motives and self-interest to some degree, including me.

That’s what the Constitution is about, and why any sitting President is sworn, under oath and in public, to preserve, protect, and defend it. It’s about putting some restraint on tyranny.

This includes tyranny by simple exclusion from policy-making conferences.

It should NOT be necessary for almost every mother (or father) who goes through divorce to switch professions and join one that might help him or herself defend herself in a family law custody action, and it PARTICULARLY is not fair where one partner (and it’s most likely to be the female one) has a life in the balance. Not just an emotional economic life, but also a physical life to her or her kids.

TRUTH has a lot of depth and nuances, but the underlying principles are basic, and basically, SIMPLE. When we are talking about human behavior. As a teacher of many years, and I have taught, coached, directed, co-taught, co-directed and/or performed with beginners (tone-deaf) to professionals (in 3 venues: piano/vocal/choral), I know that the same basics work every time, as much as how people sing and their particular voices differ. Certain basics HAVE to be there, including: Air, vocal cords, something to sing, and to do it well — a REASON to sing.

Same for offices, lifestyles, businesses. There is income, expenses, cash flow, overhead, etc. There is some basic math involved.

What the extended decades-long (I’m approaching 10 years, I know others who have been in longer) nonending family law venue DOES is simply divert cash flow. It STOPS what existed before, and recreates a NEW version according to its paradigm. Many times, it stops the process and incentive for either parent to work.

So, IF the actual desire is to STOP VIOLENCE, or CHILD ABUSE and SAVE LIVES: I recommend starting to pay parents, particularly those who are experiencing stalking, abuse, or other threats, for some of these subscriptions, so we can keep up with what’s being proclaimed about us and our kids and our lifestyles,

Or, alternately, we could stop the conferences and get back to something halfway reasonable, like our own businesses. Right now, this thing is really getting out of hand. . . . . After a few years of chasing around the experts, and being ever so happy they had “analyzed” a situation well, I began to realize this is about where it stops. With the talk. (Well, not really, the dynamic of the situation is changing, but the “you’re making it up” folk are cancelling out the “you’re minimizing abuse” folk. Even when they “collaborate.”)

I actually DO have a life (still — not the same one, but a life) to get back to, and it’s clear that this is going to go on, well, forever. I DO have some things I wish to do in life than stop people so intent on stopping domestic violence, they have kept it going a good long while, and people so intent on sharing custody that they are not about to, ever, acknowledge that this is getting too many people hurt. No, “supervised visitation” is NOT a good alternatives, that I can see. For one, I was not offered it once in many years, although it would have been very appropriate given where the problems were happening in our case. Most people I know that HAVE supervised visitation (at their own expense) are women who got it AFTER they reported abuse. They lost custody and have to pay to see their kids.

Do I want to spend the rest of my life fixing this problem? No. I don’t think it’s going away soon. On the other hand, do I accept what has happened and zero accountability for what was stolen from my daughters, and me, and the unnecessary destruction involved? No. Do I want to lose something more if I confront again? No. Would you?

So. why not let the real stakeholders in on the discussions with the “stakeholders” in these systems? Why should we have to run around studying the industry, and finding out about each new conference half of us can’t attend anyhow? And with speakers we have already been exposed to their work, and a sometimes (I speak for myself) even know which grant or grants program is funding the thing and the policy? Have we become a nation of actually employed experts whose very jobs are robbing from the unemployed, whom they are studying?

(I do apologize for my sarcasm here. But my phone is only on today because someone had a good hair day, as opposed to a bad hair day, and another dribble of child support arrears showed up, enough for phone and not much more. In order to get some nonfoods (which is illegal on Food Stamps) rather than ask someone I know for this (again), I waited 2 hours to get a single coupon unredeemable except at one store — not nearby. I waited til the next day to redeem it. On that day, which involved approximately SIX total bus trips, none of them involving more than 10 mile radius total, and after having walked 2 of those miles without proper shoes, I took the baggage home (involving a sack of potatoes and more) and looked for work, a lead on charity cars, and more. Then my phone went off (as happens when one doesn’t pay in time). THIS MORNING, I talked the bus driver into letting me on half price, because the feet wouldn’t make a similar distance this time. It just so happened (couldn’t have been planned around or predicted) that — just under the deadline, a deadbeat Dad paid again. I reflected at how similar this was to life when I LIVED with this man (particularly as to unpredictable access to any kind of cash, and having to dedicate half a day or more to something that would take 20 min to an hour in a car).

The primary difference being then that I had the joy of a little company with my daughters, who were growing up still. I wonder where they are and what they are thinking today.

So, let’s change the dynamics:

Benefits (from OUR point of view, at least):

Life
Liberty, hopefully
Pursuit of happiness
Decreased National Debt ($1.9 TRILLION, I just heard?)
Safer classrooms, probably
Many, many more benefits.

Detriments (possibly from publishers, conferrers, model code designers, and a WHOLE lot more):

Some professions would have to find a new market niche, because the problems their professions live off would likely abate. Like those who have lived through (see subject line) they would have to be resourceful, flexible, think on their feet, and probably no longer have a “captive” audience or a steady stream of federal grants to solve problems, but enter the free marketplace like the rest of us.
The professed Ph.D. experts would have to move over for the actual “experts.” An expert is one who has experienced a thing, and has a vocabulary sufficient to communicate to communicate to others what it was. Typically, this entails knowing others involved in the same thing. OUR vocabulary, not the expert social science vocabulary.
Cash and jobs would flow in a different direction.

I think those would be the primary differences. The question is, HOW would America Survive without the economy of pathology? And the paradigm of the us/them; subject/object expertise heirarchy?

What year do you think this was written?

(Scroll to bottom for answer).

I have pasted an entire section from an article I found on-line today, as I was thinking about the mental segmentation and disconnect between different types of justice (courts), between courts & police, between police & prosecutors (from what I can tell), between “domestic violence” professionals and “child abuse professionals” (meaning, these professionals desire to STOP domestic violence and child abuse, by analyzing and, based on analyses, communicating their results and asking for policy changes. Then, if the policy changes, the matter comes up, is the PRACTICE changed. Again, the typical mentality is to “train” the professionals to practice what’s right.

Very few actually deal with the realities of human nature, namely, that there is no single branch of employment, business, and no profession, where most of the employees are altruistic, and none of them are dangerously self-serving, or motivated by, for example, basic human greed, denial, or lust for power.

This excerpt is a sample of what I’d call honest writing, which shows how even a “model” practice that is published — certain perspectives were omitted. I would imagine that in this case, the voices of the people with these perspectives (the victims the model code was hoping to help) were not present for the dialogue. THAT is indeed a problem, this gap.

it’s really a matter of language. You see, calling an intersection of court, law enforcement, and social services workers when discussing issues that affect people who come under the category victims (i.e., of crimes) without including the victims — IN THOSE DISCUSSIONS — is exclusionary.

It is a larger subset of a larger divide, called “service-providers” (including the “service” of JUSTICE) vs. Recipients/clients.

I’ve blogged on another post here about the effect of stalking on me, and including through other family members. It is a total life-changer (and illegal). I do not know how to sustain regular employment around the degree of it that has come into my life, and have totally switched goals in order to accommodate, if possible, the safety factor. I know other women who have done this. It’s NOT a game, and NOT a joke, but every law enforcement officer I reported to treated it as such, and added in some verbal abuse to go along with my attempt to report. I have reported it to almost every agency or type of individual involved in my case, as I also reported the risk of child-stealing (which happened) and my concerns about the lethality factor in our case, a combo. of gut instinct, only to then find literature that shows my gut was right.

It is an odd feeling to find out how much of one’s life had already been discussed and conferenced about, and how long ago, and relate this to how many women have been killed since because even this (in its own words) “flawed” model still isn’t being followed.

Nevertheless, here it is. It is in off-blue (not “link” color) italics. Any bold or underlining, or variations from italic blue, are my additions,or emphases, except obviously the bolded section headings:

National Institute of Justice Project to Develop Model Anti-Stalking Code for States

Limitations of Report from Domestic Violence Perspective

In response to the great and sudden interest in state stalking codes, the National Institute of Justice (NIJ) created a project to develop a model anti-stalking code for states, releasing their final report in _________. (see below) Interestingly enough, the report does not refer to the NIJ’s history of involvement with this issue, which included the development of a model harassment code over 10 years ago.

Unfortunately, the resource group which developed this model code included no domestic violence advocates. (An issue which continues to this day/Let’s Get Honest comments in other fields) Presumably this accounts for the fact that domestic violence, rather than being seen as a central issue in the development of the model code, is relegated to tangential status.

Domestic violence is rarely mentioned in the report, and when it is it may be in a footnote. See, e.g., footnote 83, pages 38 – 39, which touches briefly on the overlap between domestic violence and stalking, and reports without comment on law enforcement attitudes that domestic violence stalking incidents aren’t worth much attention: “… While 77 percent of responding jurisdictions in Australia and Great Britain reported investigating stalking-type incidents, none considered stalking a major problem . High-profile cases were rare in the responding countries, and most agencies consider stalking primarily a domestic violence problem. Typical victims are women of any age escaping abusive relationships with dominant males , they reported… Stalker’s methods did not seem to vary from those used by American stalkers, and the course of events seemed to escalate from unwanted contacts to following and face-to-face threats…” (emphasis added) The message appears to be that a crime in which the primary victims are battered women is not “a major problem.”

Domestic violence is hardly mentioned again until page 92, where one paragraph acknowledges the usefulness of drawing upon criminal justice personnel’s experience with domestic violence in formulating strategies against stalking. However, the report then lays out a research agenda which downplays the body of applicable domestic violence research which has already been conducted. The report calls for research on stalkers (i.e. their behaviors, motivations, demographics, histories), stalking as a crime (i.e. its prevalence and reponse by the criminaljustice system), and the usefulness of restraining orders in stopping stalking (i.e. how well the victim, defendant, and criminal justice personnel understand how to enforce them). Given that the overwhelming majority of stalking cases are domestic violence cases, we can already answer many of these questions. {{I alternate emphasis so every sentence is read in this paragraph.}}

In the discussion on sentencing, the report does not mention batterer’s counseling even once in its three-page discussion of evaluation, treatment, and mental illness, {{I’m not at this point highly enamored of batterer’s counseling, probably because of so many incidents I’ve read where counseling was ordered over incarceration; the batterer then aced the counseling, and went promptly out and murdered his former, reporting, partner. And I believe that where even a 10% outside chance of “murder” as a side-effect of ineffective counseling happens, the chance should not be taken. The concept that behavioral science, which is “prognosis” can substitute some how for safety, is not sound thinking, in my view. }}or in the principal recommendations where counseling is mentioned. This is unfortunate, since there is a growing body of literature on the efficacy of batterer’s counseling which would be applicable to the 70-80% of stalking cases involving domestic violence, and since there are also studies showing that most therapists are woefully untrained and uninformed in the area of domestic violence. {{Cobblers see shoes. Lawyers see legal issues. Therapists see personality problems. I have been stalked, battered, and lost access to the children through “family court matters,” so obviously this is kind of what I notice, too. So even correcting the “training” and “uninformed” factors (imagine the expense) would still be in essence asking a professional in a field to change their outlook on the field. }}

The timing of NIJ’s model code report was also unfortunate. The research was done before any appellate cases on stalking had been published, before the volume of commentators in law review articles, and when very few states had amended their statutes. The model code was based on two surveys sent to police departments around the country and to four other English-speaking countries, telephone interviews with prosecutors and defense attorneys, and analyzing the various state statutes on stalking and related issues. {{THIS PATTERN IS COMMON WHEN IT COMES TO GRANT SITUATIONS FOR POLICY CHANGES. FIRST, “DEMONSTRATION,” SOMETIMES (NOT ALWAYS) STARTING SMALL. THEN, “PROCLAMATION” BASED ON THE PRIOR “DEMONSTRATION” WHICH WERE NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF THE WHOLE PICTURE}}

It is unfortunate that the NIJ report was not seen as Part I of a two-part process, since it is necessary have an in-depth assessment of how the statutes are actually working in order to evaluate the NIJ’s proposed model code. {{This may have been “unfortunate,” negligent, or intentional. I don’t know which; I wasn’t there. At least this author comments on it. After a while, one begins to notice how many things termed “unfortunate” — weren’t quite left up to fortune. This word cropped up in a mediator report in my case, referring to something which had happened specifically and ONLY after repeated interventions and decisions prompted by said mediator. }}

Analysis of utility of model code proposed by NIJ for battered women

Benefits of Model Code

But even with all the above limitations, the NIJ Report has a great deal of useful information and policy recommendations which could help battered women and their children.

For example, the Report’s principal recommendations for a model stalking code include the following, all of which could be helpful to domestic violence victims:

a continuum of charges, including felony status

option of incarceration

orders to stay away from victim

counseling

victim notification before stalker released

early intervention

systems put in place so that civil and criminal judges know what the other courts are doing with the same case

a research agenda

a multidisciplinary approach

In Chapter Two of the Report, the proposed model code is discused in detail. Probably the most beneficial statement is the following: “Of utmost importance is a state’s decision to require the criminal justice system and related disciplines to take stalking incidents seriously.“

{{CAN YOU NAME AT LEAT 3 RECENT INCIDENTS WHERE IT WASN’T? TOM’S RIVER, A TOLLBOOTH IN CALIFORNIA, AND A HOME (WITH TWO LITTLE GIRLS TRYING –BUT FAILING — TO SAVE MAMA’S LIFE) WHERE THESE RESTRAINING ORDER VIOLATIONS OR STALKING OR SEPARATION DANGER WAS NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY?}}

The useful elements of the proposed code include a broad definition of prohibited acts; allowing “implied threats”, as opposed to “credible threats”, to be sufficient; the use of increasingly serious penalties to deal with increasingly serious acts, and encompassing misdemeanor and felony sanctions; and the broad definition of intent: “In other words, if a defendant consciously engages in conduct that he knows or should know would cause fear in the person at whom the conduct is directed, the intent element of the model code is satisfied.” The drafters made a similar comment in regard to the fear element: “In some instances, a defendant may be aware, through a past relationship with the victim, of an unusual phobia of the victim’s and use this knowledge to cause fear in the victim… a jury must determine that the victim’s fear was reasonable under the circumstances. ” (emphasis added) This language may open the door to the introduction of evidence regarding the stalker’s past threats toward the same victim, and to expert testimony on stalking generally, which will probably be beneficial to victims.

Similarly, Chapter Three’s sentencing provisions are also generally useful for battered women. The overall goals include protecting the victim, allowing law enforcement to intervene when appropriate, sanctions, and treatment for those defendants who can be helped.

The requirement of victim notification, and accompanying acknowledgements that some stalkers may be more dangerous when released from prison, and that stalking behavior often escalates into violence as time passes are very important for battered women. So are the enhanced penalties for restraining order violations, use of a weapon, minor victims, or prior offenses toward the same or another victim. All of these are typical of domestic violence cases. The no-contact orders upon release are likewise key for protecting battering victims. The advantages and disadvantages of requiring convicted stalkers to wear electronic bracelets are discussed sensitively.

Chapter Four, on pre-trial release, also contains recommendations which are generally good for battered women whose batterers stalk them. These include taking danger to the public into account, considering eliminating release on one’s own recognizance, recommended factors for courts to consider in each case, possible conditions of release, including no-contact orders, victim’s right participate in bail hearings, victim notification of pre-trial release and copies of release orders to the victim.

Chapter Five’s strategies for implementation are also generally helpful for battered women. The emphasis on a multidisciplinary approach underlines the need for all societal systems to work together to end this problem. The recommendations about the response of the criminal justice system are good as well, including training, better police policies and procedures, strengthening restraining order enforcement, providing judges with full criminal and restraining order histories of the defendant at every stage of the case, and the need to keep DMV and voter records of stalking victims confidential.

The NIJ’s proposed model code generally complies with the model code recommended by Susan Bernstein, which was discussed above. The NIJ code includes “threats implied by conduct”, and uses the history between the parties as a context in determining the nature of the threats. While the NIJ code does not mandate using computerized informational tracking systems, the larger NIJ Report recommends these, and also recommends the imposition of increasingly stronger penalties, including felonies. Though Bernstein’s recommendation that harassment include “unconsented conduct” is not addressed directly in the NIJ code, it appears that the NIJ drafters intended to encompass such conduct. Thus, the only key element listed by Bernstein which is not addressed by the NIJ Report is the reasonable woman standard.

Flaws of Model Code

On the other hand, the code has some flaws. First, threats toward the victim’s family are limited to those directed at her “immediate family”, which is defined very narrowly. It would be better to encompass the extended family, both because stalkers do not so limit their behavior, and because many ethnic groups in the US have a much broader definition of family than the nuclear version. Coverage should be provided if the stalker is threatening the victim’s aunt, uncle, grandparents, grandchildren, cousins, godparents, godchildren, in-laws, etc.

Second, “[t]he model code language does not apply if the victim fears sexual assault but does not fear bodily injury.” The drafters discuss the risk of contracting AIDS or being injured for resisting, and state that states may want to include fear of sexual assault in their statutes. However, the idea that sexual assault is not bodily injury in and of itself is ludicrous, and any historical distinction between these two types of injuries should not be maintained.

Third, the drafters propose that states allow for either restitution to the victim, or civil causes of action. It is unclear why victims should not have access to both remedies, since they are not interchangable: restitution is ordered by the criminal court, and covers only out of pocket expenses, while tort suits are under the control of the victim, and also allow for awards for pain and suffering and punitive damages in addition to compensatory damages.

Return to top of the page

Effectiveness of anti-stalking codes in general for battered women

We last turn to the question of the effectiveness of anti-stalking codes in general for battered women. On the one hand, such codes can be useful. They serve as an acknowledgement that stalking behavior is wrong, and should be criminalized. They contribute to societal awareness that stalking is often part of the overall pattern of domestic violence. They may be an additional charge which prosecutors can use. In some cases, stalking laws can stop the cycle before more violence occurs by criminalizing behavior which otherwise would be non-actionable. On the other hand, there are many limitations to the efficacy of stalking laws in preventing abuse and violence. In some jurisdictions, stalking laws are the latest fad: they represent feathers in the caps of legislators and criminal justice system personnel, without attempting to solve the underlying problems of men’s violence toward women generally and domestic violence in particular. Secondly, there appears to be a belief in some locations that stalking statutes will be a panacea, that if the legislators can merely write the magic combination of words, they will be able to stop this offense. Such viewpoints fail to take the big picture into account — i.e. without fundamental attitude changes on the parts of law enforcement, prosecutors, judges, juries, media, therapists, and the general public, the same old attitudes about domestic violence will attach to stalking cases and result in inaction, undercharging, light sentences, and ineffective orders.

In order to be effective, stalking statutes must be one piece of a much larger coordinated community response. Key pieces of such a response would include in-depth training and written policies addressing domestic violence and stalking, and would be an integral part of the criminal justice system, health care system, educational system, and other social stystems. The training and policies would state that domestic violence is wrong, criminal, and not tolerated. An additional key piece of the response would involve cooperation between all the different parts of the above systems, such as protocols for cooperation, regular interdisciplinary or inter-agency meetings, and death review teams, reflecting the reality that everyone has to work together if we will ever be able to stop domestic violence.

But even with a true coordinated community response, anti-stalking laws are still a limited tool in preventing domestic violence.Even with severe sanctions, some stalkers, like some batterers, will not stop or will repeat this behavior with other victims when released from jail. And some victims may still be reluctant to cooperate with prosecution because protections they are offered by the criminal justice system are inadequate to prevent retaliation. They may also feel sorry for the stalker, love him, want him to get counseling, etc., or they may be forced to deal with him for years to come because they have children in common. It is notable that many state stalking statutes do not cover situations where the former spouse/stalker has visitation rights. This is a major problem for battered women, whose batterers often escalate the violence after separation and transfer their attempts to control the woman to the custody/visitation arena.

In conclusion, anti-stalking laws are a step in the right direction, but in and of themselves will not solve the problems of battered women or other stalking victim.

MY SUMMARY:

(I only commented on top part of article, for a pattern of asking questions. ALL of it brings up good points, and I hope was read).

I COME BACK TO CONCEPT OF SELF-DEFENSE, AND a Survive! mentality for women. (See my Toms River, NJ post). Don’t break any laws, but do like the Boy Scouts, “Be Prepared.” AND, prepare to survive. I suggest that women pretty much be very pro-active in figuring this out themselves and with their own resources, until such day arrives where model codes are appropriate, or if appropriate, enforced, and if enforced, enforced seriously.

I deeply regret the years of my

(1) calling out for others to help me, while

(2) trying to maintain and help myself both, and immediately leave the situation.

I would have been BETTER engaged in time and energy not to have bothered with the first part. Unfortunately, like many women leaving abuse, economics was a huge issue, not just recovery and safety. This is why any effort to address DV issues not taking into account economic issues is simply unrealistic. At this point, i also believe that any discussion of domestic violence which does NOT discuss the negative impact that the realm of family law has had upon all the research, all the laws, and all the protective meaures in place, will not make a major difference. The efforts cancel each other out.

(Verbal Confrontation, or even taking protective action, on my part just brought greater escalations and punishments. In fact, this was typically where it got physical). I am talking about both IN the battering relationship (in my case, called “marriage, co-habiting years” AND in the afterwards years (taking a stand as a separate woman, with children in the household.). I remember one year of emotionally healthy, solvent, sanity — while a restraining order was in place. There was a storm brewing, but the majority of the situation was a sense of growing prosperity and strength, and — apart from the source of this — peace. This was BEFORE I’d had a few hearings in the family law venue.

The only benefit I can see from the whole process is that I now caution women to avoid absolutely every facet of it possible, and go about establishing their own: Safety, solvency and self-determination. It is also necessary to understand that doing so is not just a threat to one’s ex, potentially, but also to the entire “SYSTEM” if you don’t do it “their” way. Which means becoming dependent on aspects of this for safey, solvency, and forking over self-determination to a parenting plan (or something similar) obtained through a custody evaluator or mediator, who are influenced by forces one doesn’t normally have input to deal with, in part because one doesn’t know they exist to start with.

Now, as to my doing this myself, it may entail abandoning this blog, also. However, speaking out is part of a healing process also, and it’s a vital part.

While advocates from more than once side of the fence now dialogue and collaborate with each other (as women and thereafter sometimes men (including men who killed them) continue to die, and children continue to suffer abuse, and some go missing — the one side of the fence that is often not heard — IN the policymaking discussions, IN print IN the publications on these matters, IN the professional organizations that make a livelihood dealing with these matters, and basically on the IN, not the OUT, in these discussions — will continue to be the people with most at stake — their lives.

It is common sometimes to list the “stakeholders” in each new conference. I have looked at many of these lists. Rarely are the actual parents, targeted child, or targeted spouse (when it comes to child abduction or domestic violence or stalking, ALL of which are related, by the way) invited to confer. And if they did, and what such people said WAS published, or broadcast, what about retaliation? Ever think about that?

WHEN WAS THE EXCERPT WRITTEN?

About 15 years after Toms River, NJ – – 1994:

Found at:

http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/bwjp/stalking/stalking.html#id2355674

Domestic Violence & Stalking: A Comment on the Model Anti-Stalking Code Proposed by the National Institute of Justice

Nancy K. D. Lemon
Battered Women’s Justice Project

Publication Date: December 1994

(And the blank date in the excerpt was Oct. 1993).

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

August 26, 2009 at 6:42 PM

Ocean County NJ — 2009, it “spiraled out of control,” 2008, “a perfect storm of DV”, but $86 mil still for “NJ Public Law & Safety” 2007-2009

with 6 comments

(More on the dangers of love and romance in New Jersey, and in faulty misplacement of trust in law enforcement, prosecution, and public safety entitites:)

This wide-ranging post comes from asking more “why?” on the Frisco/Zindell murder-suicide and a third article on the topic is enclosed, along with my usual comments, conclusions, and wide-ranging observations. WHY did the court release Frank Frisco without paying his past-due support, if this was the basis of holding him? Who has a copy of that order? Within 5 hours, he had his revenge; seems to me the authorities knew this man. Ocean County has a low homicide rate, and a major one happened like it (same result — let out, killed the girlfriend) in only January 2008. Likelihood or no likelihood, sad or not, just FYI — I haven’t heard of a witness to the killing(s), and I haven’t heard WHY he was released. Have you? If so, please comment and send a link.

Although this incident wasn’t entirely a “family court” matter — this couple had no children together — the man did.

Keep in mind also — statements are made, but what weight to give them, in context. Is there evidence? Was there a witness?

Also, seeing this, I decided to add another website page (in process), showing prior decisions in prior cases that went south. The bottom line, of course, is be strong, think smart, and stay alive. We are entirely too passive and dependent in this society, which mindset “exports” the basic aspects of life (of which self-defense and self-defense smarts) is one. When the system fails, we try to fix the system. Endlessly.

(Now THAT’s a market niche . . . . . ) Better, know thyself, know they friends, know the landscape and help each other.

BUT FIRST, A FEW SERIOUS WORDS — and this is not a help site, but I feel it’s important:

A 30 year old woman (sorry, I care less about the man that killed her… and himself) in NJ who had a real track record of success behind her, a passion to serve, smarts — but not enough of the right kind, here — and hope, a desire for a family — and her own family was down a father, recently, she also didn’t have brothers in sisters. She was working in a Department of NJ that dealt with children and families.
This young lady was smart enough to say “no” to following through with the marriage, but somehow neither she nor all the surrounding experts had “SURVIVAL” attitude to realize how severe a “SURVIVAL” situation she was in. There was SOME realization, but not enough follow-through to keep her alive.
Below is a link to US Army training manual, 1992. I just looked it up. yes, it’s about wilderness survival, but Chapters 1 & 2 count. You want to learn how to “survive”?? Learn from the principles here — because clearly all the lethality indicators, domestic violence indicators, and millions of $$ to “prevent violence against women” are not reliable to save women’s lives, and men’s and children’s. They may and I bet DO help, but are they reliable enough to stake one’s life on? Would you stake someone else’s life on them? How about children’s? In this case, speaking up and trusting someone else to handle it proved fatal! Would you stake your life on these, then? $86 million of help to NJ, or not?
I’d say, no.
I am preaching to myself also in this matter, because I am having diffficulty with “indecision” in some issues here also. I recommend, though, overall, being 150% safe if possible, and then you’re also a better person for it. PART of 150% safe is knowing one’s teammates. Ms. Zindells’ teammates loved her, cared about her, warned her, and helped, her, but did not save her. Nor did she save herself. I can’t say I would in her situation (and am probably her by the grace of God only, as well), BUT – — perhaps we can learn what NOT to do for the next 53 women, in this state alone, that have similar situations to deal with.
This isn’t even current, but it has some common sense in it. Not “expert theory.” But hey, Boy Scout motto, “Be Prepared,” right?

U.S. Army Survival Manual FM 21-76 (link)

June 1992

I attached Chapter 1 — Intro & a few excerpts. There’s a Chapter 2 – psychology, also.

S U R V I V A L

S — SIZE UP YOUR SITUATIONS

U – USE ALL YOUR SENSES – UNDUE HASTE MAKES WASTE

R – REMEMBER WHERE YOU ARE

V – VANQUISH FEAR AND PANIC

I – IMPROVISE

V – VALUE LIFE!

A – ACT LIKE THE NATIVES

L – LIVE BY YOUR WITS, BUT FOR NOW LEARN BASIC SKILLS.

(SOME EXCERPTS & COMMENTS)

S – Size Up the Situation

If you are in a combat situation, find a place where you can conceal

yourself from the enemy.

OK — this was not a domestic dispute, it had just suddenly changed to, literally, a “combat situation,” although this may not have been immediately evident. . . . . When she confronted this man and said NO, when his hopes and intensity had been so high on YES, her entire terrain immediately changed. Her teammates needed to really “see” this, but fact is, most of our society is NOT structured this way. It is structured with top-heavy government doing the dirty work (alas, alas, when they fail, each time, and back to expecting them to do it right next time). Groups who attempt to not rely on this are castigated and sometimes outcast, in various areas of government expertise (I’m thinking about schooling, among others). . . .

Remember, security takes priority. Use your senses of hearing, smell, and sight to get a feel for the battlefield. What

is the enemy doing? Advancing? Holding in place? Retreating?

{{Boy, THOSE are not terms you hear so often in domestic violence counseling or treatment, or issuing of restraining orders, right?}}

You will have to consider what is developing on the battlefield when you make

your survival plan.

Size Up Your Surroundings

Determine the pattern of the area. Get a feel for what is going on

around you. Every environment, whether forest, jungle, or desert, has

a rhythm or pattern. This rhythm or pattern includes animal and bird

noises and movements and insect sounds. It may also include enemy

traffic and civilian movements.

There is definitely a pattern to the “field” of domestic violence, expert talk about it, and prosecutor, etc. responses to it. That “pattern” is that women are still getting killed when they leave, or going homeless. Another “pattern” is that men leaving one wife need a 2nd one either to live, or to justify the first failure OR (case in point) for money, not just a warm bed or a companion. The pattern IS that there was probably more than one side to the story of why he left that bitch, the mother of his kids. . . . Right now, this issue has come up with the home my children are in. The woman there is intently sure that I’m still the culprit, but has also acknowledged that her “man” (father of our children) wasn’t what he put himself out as, and, what’s more apparently targeted her for a certain function in his life. At least, that was one conversation.

Size Up Your Physical Condition

The pressure of the battle you were in or the trauma of being in a

survival situation may have caused you to overlook wounds you received.

Check your wounds and give yourself first aid. Take care to prevent

further bodily harm. For instance, in any climate, drink plenty of water

to prevent dehydration. If you are in a cold or wet climate, put on

additional clothing to prevent hypothermia.

Size Up Your Equipment

Perhaps in the heat of battle, you lost or damaged some of your

equipment. Check to see what equipment you have and what condition

it is in.

The “equipment” of this situation, for Ms. Zindell included: restraining order, courts, prosecutors, friends (for safety) car, and so forth. The “equipment” included many things, suddenly needed, that a normal life otherwise wouldn’t need. Like — I still wonder how much warning she was given about this person’s release, and whether she actually got it and became poperly alarmed enough.

Now that you have sized up your situation, surroundings, physical condition,

and equipment, you are ready to make your survival plan. In doing

so, keep in mind your basic physical needs—water, food, and shelter.

{{Guess what: in this situation, job wasn’t a basic physical need, priority wise. She was smart, and let go of the house, but . . .. . }}

U – Use All Your Senses, Undue Haste Makes Waste

You may make a wrong move when you react quickly without thinking

or planning. That move may result in your capture or death. Don’t move

just for the sake of taking action. Consider all aspects of your situation

(size up your situation) before you make a decision and a move. If you

act in haste, you may forget or lose some of your equipment. In your

haste you may also become disoriented so that you don’t know which

way to go. Plan your moves. Be ready to move out quickly without

endangering yourself if the enemy is near you. Use all your senses

to evaluate the situation. Note sounds andtemperature changes. Be observant.

VANQUISH FEAR AND PANIC

The greatest enemies in a combat survival and evasion situation are

fear and panic. If uncontrolled, they can destroy your ability to make an

intelligent decision. They may cause you to react to your feelings and

imagination rather than to your situation. They can drain your energy

and thereby cause other negative emotions. Previous survival and

evasion training and self-confidence will enable you to vanquish fear

and panic.

{{AND THE REST YOU CAN READ ON THE SITE, OR FIND ELSEWHERE. BUT KNOW THAT IT’S FIRST AN ATTITUDE, AND SECOND TRAINING TO UNDERSTAND PRINCIPLES, AND PRACTICE THEM. THIS WOULD REQUIRE HELP.}}

A woman ending a romantic relationship of some depth — particularly if the reasons doing so relate to safety or fear- / violence — is in a changed landscape, and needs to recognize this quickly and act appropriately. Note: The institutions involved do not encourage this attitude, and it’s challenging, after the isolation of perhaps the relationship, to then understand a different way of thinking while it is ending and until the danger is past. It took me a long time to realize the difference in urgency between the groups I sought help from (their concern: funding, grants — it’s a bottom line; mine: justice, safety — its my bottom line).

Back to my regularly scheduled post. . . .

You can’t judge a rolling stone by its cover: Best to ask for ID. . . . . This dangerous, middle-aged loiterer without ID (or the mike) was picked up by two young policemen in the NJ shore area last Saturday, so they took precautionary measures:

Saturday August 15, 2009, 8:08 AM

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2009/08/bob_dylan_stopped_by_long_bran.html

“

The police officer drove up to Dylan, who was wearing a blue jacket, and asked him his name. According to Woolley, the following exchange ensued:

“What is your name, sir?” the officer asked.

“Bob Dylan,” Dylan said.

“OK, what are you doing here?” the officer asked.

“I’m on tour,” the singer replied.

A second officer, also in his 20s, responded to assist the first officer. He, too, apparently was unfamiliar with Dylan, Woolley said.

The officers asked Dylan for identification.

This incident ended without incident and, presumably the concert afterwards. The Times, they are indeed a-changin’.

A young bank robber (Ocean County) last April was caught and imprisoned, as was the girlfriend who enabled it. They were put in jail and kept there a while:

Ocean County man is sentenced for robbing bank

Ocean County man is sentenced for robbing bank while girlfriend waited with kids
by The Associated Press
Saturday April 04, 2009, 11:42 AM

An Ocean County man will spend at least the next nine years in prison for robbing a bank last year while his girlfriend waited outside with her two young children.

A state Superior Court judge in Ocean County has sentenced Jason Conway to 11 years for robbing a Bank of America branch in Brick. The 32-year-old Conway will have to serve at least 85 percent of the sentence.

Prosecutors said Conway went in to rob the bank while girlfriend Jessica Faulkenberry waited outside with her two children and a change of clothing for Conway.

Police dogs eventually tracked Conway to the apartment where the couple lived.

Faulkenberry, who is 23, was sentenced to three years in prison after she pleaded guilty to two counts of child endangerment

Which goes to show, prosecution can happen, and crime often requires some enablement, somewhere along the line.

Child sexual abusers (sometimes) are kept in prison even too long, on the basis of their danger to society:

Supreme Court to review sex offender law

The top court agrees to assess a law that lets the US government indefinitely detain sex offenders even after they have served their sentences.

By Warren Richey | Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor

from the June 22, 2009 edition WASHINGTON – The US Supreme Court has agreed to decide the constitutionality of a law that allows the federal government to indefinitely detain a person deemed “sexually dangerous,” even after that person has finished serving a full prison sentence.

The issue arises in the case of a man who has been confined to a North Carolina federal prison for more than two years after completing his three-year sentence for receiving child pornography. The man, Graydon Earl Comstock, has no firm release date. (When it comes to child safety in particular) {{WHO WAS DISTRIBUTING IN THAT CASE?}}

The provision in question was passed as part of the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006. It authorizes the attorney general to seek the court-ordered, open-ended civil commitment of any “sexually dangerous person” already in US custody.

The measure is controversial in part because it relies on anticipation of future dangerousness to society, rather than actual or planned violations of law.

Although this is being appealed, someone decided to keep the person in jail, just as they decided to check out Bob Dylan.

However, the buff, stalking Frank Frisco with a criminal record was released, to allegedly commit murder & suicide. So much for nearly 20 years of lethality assessments from experts. 5 hours later, she were both dead, making him a murderer. He then hung himself. Was it the mental hospital time? The indignation of being arrested for a crime? The distraught rebuffed suitor? The debt? The inability to handle loss?
Who knows, but it WAS someone letting this man out of jail before that woman was truly safe.

Go figure…

Now let’s have an honest talk about expecting protection from public officials or actions, after reading this editorial (not article) on the same murder/suicide that happened 5 hours after he was released, obviously hopping mad on a few accounts: marriage cancelled, thievery being caught (he’d stolen from his fiance), public humiliation at last-minute cancellation of the marriage, probably anger at child support arrears, and being caught at THAT, plus being called on his behavior in public. He had been twice rejected (or failed) in marriage and was apparently not about to “get some” in the home front, and in short, the guy had been confronted on his behavior. I also read (elsewhere) that Ocean County employment was 6.2% last year, and 10% this year. Who knows what the terms of his divorce were? But this does not appear to be the type of guy who is going to go too long without a woman companion (judging by the overlap between EX and NEW).

[Same murder/suicide, Toms River, editorial]: Tighter Restraints Needed on Domestic Violence: app.com editorial

A police-officer friend of Letizia Zindell says she “did everything right” in abiding by the rules of the permanent restraining order she had against her ex-fiance. Each time he violated it, she called the police and he was arrested. That didn’t stop him from getting out of jail on obscenely low bail and killing her. . . .

STOP! Correction! Was it a jailbreak or was he let out on obscenely low bail? I read, he made bail and was then kept longer due to child support arrears, and then “inexplicably” — and until I see a court document or minutes of a hearing or decision, I don’t have the explanation) he was released. This required an order, and someone following an order. I also haven’t seen or heard how or when this woman was notified of his release.

Earlier last year [2008], Ocean County Prosecutor Marlene Lynch Ford vowed to change the way domestic violence cases were handled in Ocean County after a Stafford woman was stabbed to death by her ex-boyfriend two hours after he was released from jail when charges against him for a domestic violence incident were downgraded. One assistant prosecutor called the events leading up to the murder a “perfect storm of domestic violence.” Sadly, Zindell’s murder shows perfect storms aren’t rarities.

In other words — it not being their lives, their families at stake — the prosecutor reframed the truth back then, too, diverting the discussion away from system failures to the generic term “domestic violence. This does not appear to have stemmed the flow of federal funds to stop exactly this type of event (see subject line, see resources at end of this post).

The similarities in the two cases are striking. Bruce Burgess, who killed Tesha Lightsey on Jan. 8, 2008, was arrested on consecutive days for domestic violence disturbances. He was released from jail five days later, after the Prosecutor’s Office decided not to pursue an indictment on charges that he threatened her. Frisco, who was arrested repeatedly and phoned and e-mailed Zindell after his restraining order was made permanent, also was released after five days. He met bail on domestic violence charges the Friday he was arrested, but was held in jail until Wednesday because he owed more than $25,000 in back child support. Inexplicably, he was released without paying any of it.

When Lightsey was killed last year, concerns were raised that the brief jail time for domestic violence offenses was looked upon by the justice system as a “cooling off” period. In the Lightsey and Zindell cases, those five days were more likely a time of festering emotions – emotions that culminated in two deaths only hours after the attackers were released.

State Sen. Robert Singer, R-Ocean, sits on the Health, Human Services and Senior Citizens Committee. He should work with the county Prosecutor’s Office and state law enforcement groups to develop legislation aimed at better protecting victims of domestic violence from their abusers.

Zindell did everything right. It wasn’t enough to save her life. The laws need to be changed to prevent others from suffering a similar fate.

No, Zindell did not do everything right. First of all, she had everything going for her, was still relatively young (maybe not in shore culture, but she was!) and went picked the wrong man — or let him pick her. Why become involved with an older man, an ex-wife, 3 boys and debt? What was the prior history with relationships — was he the first significant one?

She lacked information to realize who this man was, and apparently didn’t run a criminal background check on the guy before he moved in. She was still young (relatively) and perhaps didn’t realize what this guy had at stake in “winning,” and like a lot of 2nd women is taken in, thinking the difficulties perhaps must have been that first “bitch” woman treated him wrong Of course I have no idea of Ms. Zindell thought this, but I’ve seen it plenty. There are vulnerabilities.

I can understand her not wanting to give up a good career and move out of state. But this ended up with loss of life (so much for job first). She possibly (been there, done that) was thinking that sending a clear message would be heard by this person. She thought the police would do the right thing, the prosecutors would do the right thing, and being probably involved in her job, wasn’t paying close attention to the statistics, the “DV” stuff that someone who’s gone through it might. I cannot say of course anything about what wa sin the mind, but the fact is, the responsibility to protect DOES lie with the individual, and one of THE most dangerous things any woman could do (or attitudes to adopt) is to think that anything less than full safety and full protection is acceptable. She did not have children by this man (which changes dynamics). She didn’t have sufficient people around her urgently enough (or trusting them if they were urgent) to know a good one from a bad one based on behaviors, or past behaviors.

Even so, Ocean County screwed up, and doesn’t seem very apologetic about it. Judge accordingly, if this is a situation of someone you care about, or yourself. Assumptions are not bliss, facts are.

Let’s read this account — there are a few points where more vigilance might have saved a life — do you know or see what they were? Do you see how the vulnerability? The following is the most complete article I’ve seen yet, giving more of her background, more details on the arrest record (although NOTHING on why he was released!), and who she packed up and was moving out.

http://beta.app.com/article/20090814/NEWS/90815005/1401/news05

. . . .

She was an only child.

She was a young superstar with a big heart, obviously, and dedicated in social service and helping others (like this dude, too).

Her father had died, after approving the marriage to this man (DAD, where was YOUR head at?)

A male friend left her alone after she packed some things to move out. DID SHE KNOW HE”D BEEN RELEASED? REALLY?

Although someone posted bail for the theft, bad checks and restraining order charges, the court ordered him held on outstanding child support of $25,870.36, officials said. The court then released him Wednesday without the payment. {{THAT”S WHAT TO INVESTIGATE!}} On Wednesday at 5:10 p.m., Zindell learned he was being released, authorities said. {{This is hearsay, at least to us. Where’s the proof?}}

That evening, she and a male friend went to her Lafayette Avenue home and she packed some of her things. They parted about 10 p.m. — ((And that was the last fatal mistake. Better to “book it” with the clothes on her back — and out of the area, FAST, NOW — then think later. #2 — if her friends knew, why was she ever left alone, especially being so popular? A woman’s life was at risk — surely someone could have taken her in, or a shelter…. )) the last time she was seen alive, police said.

Now, about that NJ $86 million for public safety and law . . . . .

WIKIPEDIA:

The New Jersey Department of Law and Public Safety is a governmental agency in the U.S. state of New Jersey that focuses on protection of the lives and property of New Jersey residents and visitors. The department operates under the supervision of the New Jersey Attorney General. The department is are responsible for safeguarding “civil and consumer rights, promoting highway traffic safety, maintaining public confidence in the alcoholic beverage, gaming and racing industries and providing legal services and counsel to other state agencies.”^[1]

^{Notice: public confidence in (several income-producing industries in NJ) and providing legal services and counsel — not to individuals, but to state agencies. Atlantic City (Southern Jersey, where this crime occurred) is a center of these industries.}

(The NJ Attorney General is an office, per wikipedia, that goes back to 1704, pre-U.S., and is too colorful to deal with here, although I note that in recent years, a Latina Attorney General, “Farber” was forced to resign over driving and traffic ticket and alleged ethical violations but in the larger context, well, she wasn’t Republican….. . .Despite the traffic record / behaviors, she sounds like an amazing person, having come from Cuba at age 16 to later become Attorney General of NJ!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zulima_Farber

NJ.Gov Offfice of Attorney General Bio

However, my interest in this department comes from the amount of federal funds it is receiving under prevention of Violence Against Women, including “formula grants” to prevent violence against women. I want to know why Frisco was given a low bail.

This department prosecutes public corruption as in (this just in Aug. 14th):

Morris County Sheriff’s Officer Pleads Guilty to Extortion for Demanding Money from Inmate for Special Treatment in Jail

TRENTON – Attorney General Anne Milgram announced that a suspended Morris County sheriff’s officer pleaded guilty today to demanding $60,000 from an inmate in the county jail in return for giving him special treatment.

According to Criminal Justice Director Deborah L. Gramiccioni, Lee C. Maimone, 43, of Mount Olive, pleaded guilty to second-degree theft by extortion before Superior Court Judge John B. Dangler in Morris County. Under the plea agreement, the state will recommend that Maimone be sentenced to five years in state prison. The state required him to forfeit his job as a sheriff’s officer and be permanently barred from public employment in New Jersey.

In pleading guilty, Maimone admitted that he demanded that an inmate in the Morris County Jail pay him $60,000 in return for favorable treatment. Maimone admitted that he offered to provide favorable testimony or information about the inmate in disciplinary matters in the jail if he was paid, but threatened to withhold such information if he did not receive the money. Maimone admitted that he accepted $2,000 as partial payment of the money from an undercover New Jersey State Police detective posing as the inmate’s girlfriend.

Maimone has been suspended without pay from his job with the Morris County Sheriff’s Office since Feb. 26, when he was charged by criminal complaint.

Maimone was charged as a result of an investigation by the New Jersey State Police Official Corruption Unit, the Division of Criminal Justice and the Morris County Prosecutor’s Office. The Morris County Sheriff’s Office assisted in the investigation.

Kind of makes you think, eh? Why wasn’t Frisco’s behind in jail? Another article I reviewed showed that WITHIN about 5 hours of his release, he had killed Ms. Zindell. Ms. Zindell was staying with “friends” however, he had been at a rehearsal dinner, and likely knew who some of her friends were. See donnasavage.com — Victim Safety Plan.

OR, announced August 5, 09 (2007 crimes)

Hillside Police Officer Pleads Guilty to Stealing Funds from Homelessness Prevention Program

TRENTON – Attorney General Anne Milgram announced that a Hillside police officer pleaded guilty today to stealing funds from the Homelessness Prevention Program administered by the state Department of Community Affairs.

According to Criminal Justice Director Deborah L. Gramiccioni, Vitor “Victor” Pedreiras, 32, of Hillside, pleaded guilty to third-degree theft by deception before Superior Court Judge Robert Billmeier in Mercer County. The charge was contained in an Aug. 14, 2007 state grand jury indictment.

Now, this was the tip of the iceberg, apparently in stealing from the “Homelessness Prevention Program (HPP) by Dept. of Community Affairs (“DCA”) — read on:

Judge Billmeier scheduled sentencing for Oct. 29. The state will recommend a sentence of 364 days in county jail as a condition of a term of probation. The judge today signed an order removing Pedreiras from his job as a police officer and permanently barring him from public employment. He had been suspended by the police department since the indictment was returned.

In pleading guilty, Pedreiras admitted that he falsely submitted – and assisted his girlfriend in falsely submitting – four fraudulent applications for grants totaling $14,963 under the Homelessness Prevention Program. Pedreiras’ girlfriend, Joana Pereira, 27, of Newark, formerly known as Joana Rodrigues, pleaded guilty on Feb. 21, 2007 to charges of third-degree theft by deception. Under their plea agreements, Pedreiras and Pereira are required to pay restitution to the Department of Community Affairs of $14,963.

Pereira, a landlord, admitted she submitted the four fraudulent HPP applications with one of her tenants, Tashime Mitchell, 35, of Irvington, who shared the proceeds with her. Three applications listed Joana Pereira as landlord and listed as tenant either Mitchell, a relative of Mitchell, or a fictitious person. The fourth listed Vitor Pedreiras as landlord and a relative of his as the tenant. Pereira is scheduled to be sentenced by Judge Billmeier on Sept. 3.

The false applications were submitted to Robin Wheeler-Hicks. Wheeler-Hicks, 50, of Elizabeth, who was formerly the DCA-Union County senior field representative who had responsibility for processing HPP cases in the county, pleaded guilty in March 2006 to stealing more than $866,000 from the Homelessness Prevention Program.

Let’s run this one by again: The “senior field representative responsible for processing these cases in the county, stole more than $866,000 from Homeless People who the program existed to serve!

She is also scheduled to be sentenced by Judge Billmeier on Sept. 3. The state will recommend that she be sentenced to seven years in state prison.

The Homelessness Prevention Program (HPP) provides grants to eligible individuals and families who, through no fault of their own, are in jeopardy of becoming homeless. It provides money to pay rent to keep a family in a current home, and provides applicants with two months rent and security deposit for a new residence if they have been forced out of their home.

Guess what — were this my state, this would refer to me. I do not feel responsible for any of the crimes committed against me, for failing to report them, and failing to avoid becoming a target of them. Nevertheless, there is this other system, called “family law” which does not fully recognize criminal behavior as criminal. A major organization and conferencer, publisher, writer, and (some of us have recently learned) co-recipient of grants to STUDY domestic violence, has itself stated, in its own “about us” history, that it wishes to de-emphasize the “old-fashioned” terminology in criminal law in favor of, well, more behavioral terminology. The systems of grants affects this.

Pause for Homespun wisdom:

Public service does indeed attract public servants, as a field. Fields of public service which entail a lot of authority over others’ lives also attract people who really LIKE a lot of authority over other people’s lives. AND, grant streams attract both public servants, who wish to help the intended recipients of those grants, AND people of criminal intent (or act least actions) who realize they can DIVERT such funds for themselves, relatives, girlfriends/boyfriends, and so forth. This goes up to judge level and attorney level, and at some point, one has to understand and accept that human nature throughout society runs the gamut from bad to good. The assumption that all in certain programs are “good” is simply naive. And all too common.

I found out about this AFCC after years of criminal behavior towards my daughters and me, and one other relative, resulting in chronic poverty from chronic employment loss, underemployment, related distresses (including PTSD, which was gone, and returned in a certain year), and returning to an “at-risk” situation I wasn’t in beforehand:

WHO IS AFCC (briefly, organization website):

What is AFCC?

AFCC is the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts – an interdisciplinary and international association of professionals dedicated to the resolution of family conflict.**

{{NOTE: THIS DOES NOT SAY “LAW” OR ENSURING JUSTICE. Though many court professionals are AFCC members, law and order are not — not even on the mission statement — of this organization. }} {{i.e., They are a self-appointed, evangelistic in nature organization on a mission to heal families. That’s fine, but that’s not what the legal process is about, which is ensuring due process and a just decision based on the facts in evidence.}}

**Quick Glossary/jargon primer: Remember last post, when (at bottom), I mentioned that the word “abuse” is a downgrading (minimization) of the word “violence” when referring to “domestic violence”??? Well the word “conflict” is a further downgrading of the same word. Even though “family conflict” {which attributes mutual responsibility} gets people killed, the truth is, People kill People, not abstract nouns! In the purpose of government and “unalienable rights” the FIRST one of them is “Life.” After that, Liberty and pursuit of happiness. So the rule is, FIRST, protect LIFE. That’s what government exists for, at least a modicum of protection of human life, both male and female, young and old.

(Seems to me Ms. Zindell fell in the cracks somewhere between first and second marriages, and a host of agencies well funded to protect her, and education public, and others, about what to do in these situations, PLUS even more agencies funded to “promote healthy marriages” (nationwide) AND another agency to collect child support on behalf of Mr. Frisco’s 3 (now fatherless) boys – – and this might be partly why.

Things just keep getting rephrased and reframed. Or, correctly phrased, and framed, but when a situation develops, the right actions — the safety actions — don’t happen. When lives are at stake, mistakes are unacceptable. Just as when housing (above) is at stake, racketeering, and stealing funds from the program to prevent homelessness by a program employee is not acceptable, either. And that time, got caught. . . . . . .

So back to AFCC (and yes, this DOES relate)…..

AFCC members are:
Judges	Lawyers
Mediators	Psychologists
Researchers	Academics
Counselors	Court Commissioners
Custody Evaluators	Parenting Coordinators
Court Administrators	Social Workers
Parent Educators	Financial Planners

[[What about “parents” ?? Are they invited/welcomed/recruited, too??]]

{{As such, these professionals, about whom many litigants are blissfully (til their decisions are handed down) unaware, are participating in an organization which has a mission to transform society and use the legal venue for behavioral science purposes. This, it has done.}}

That’s a whole lot of people dedicated to addressing family conflict. (And a whole lot of livelihoods. If this issue of family conflict were actually fixed, or drastically reduced, what would these people then do for a living?). Incidentally, the term “court commissioners” is where the child support appears to come in, at least in my state. This also seems (to me) to show a certain conflict of interest. Do you see the category “parents” in there? While many of these, naturally ARE themselves parents, one has to wonder how the parents themselves, the litigants, are going to be able to financially sustain the burden of all those professions.

The good news is, they don’t. See federal grants to states.

The bad news is, the federal government still gets its money from taxes. And when AFCC professionals faced with a divided interest between AFCC goals and US Constitution goals, they are as likely as you or I to say, what’s in it for me, where’s the money, and go with those they know better and have longer-term social and professional relationships with. In other words, it’s an ethical issue.

They push through policies without clearing it with the American public. This is an “in loco parentis” situation, and wrong.

Maybe these conflict of interest, or diversion of tax funds (by artificially prolonging court cases, and referring jobs to cohorts) is just a sporadic exception, and not really significant.

Kind of like domestic violence. I mean, abuse. I mean family conflict. I mean a domestic dispute. Like that one that erupted recently at a California toll plaza. Oops, excuse me, the 2nd article said it was a cold-blooded setup, not a hot-blooded distraught person.. . . . . . Maybe it’s not that common. . . . .

OK, CONTEXT: AFCC wishes to downgrade the use of criminal language in family conflict contexts:

The [Family Court] Review began to establish itself as a significant publication, having grown in size and scope and served as a harbinger of things to come for family courts worldwide. The September 1970 issue featured an article titled, “The Modern Family Rescue Team—Judge, Lawyer and Behavioral Scientist,” by Andrew S. Watson, M.D. (M.D., not “J.D.” !!) . . .

In that same [1970] issue, Jack Bradford and Jean Brindley, marriage counselors from the Third Judicial Circuit in Detroit, wrote about group orientation and group intake processes, a precursor to the parent education programs that would proliferate so dramatically two decades later.

In 1975, Review Editor Meyer Elkin editorialized on the language of family law:

Why do we continue to use the language of criminal law in family law? Is it primarily tradition that causes us to continue to use the old words in family law? ..We need to develop new words…Family law is entering a new period. There is now present an opportunity [sic] for introducing new practices and procedures—and words that will represent the combined expertise of both law and the behavioral sciences . . .

No thank you. The law has a form of reason in it, and procedures and safeguards. The behavioral sciences are a created industry with a humanistic view, and in the hands of people with religious zeal to transform society — well the history of religion has its own bloody footprints. No thank you. I’ll go for sound reasoning and truth, every time — factual truth. As did this prosecution team which caught a county employee for a homeless program stealing money from the homeless it was intended to serve!

. . .

who, after all, are equally concerned and have similar goals {{false!}} regarding the strengthening of the family. {{false! The law is about due process and justice, for individual torts (civil) and crimes (penal codes)}}. Let us now start the search for the words.

AFCC members and courts continued to lead the way in developing new services throughout the 1970s. In 1973, the Los Angeles Conciliation Court began a pilot program to mediate custody and visitation disputes. ((When criminal violence and life-threatening or injury-causing behavior has already occurred, it does not comprise the situation “disputes” and calling it that is a falsehood, and intentional twisting of meaning for a desired purpose)).

Back to: Hillside [NJ] Police Officer Pleads Guilty to Stealing Funds from Homelessness Prevention Program, in context of NJ Dept. of Public Law & Safety, and their $86 million to save people like Zindell and Frisco, and the others listed in my last post, state of NJ, 1998-2008, one newspaper’s accounts only, excerpts only:

Mitchell and Renita Livingston, 35, of Hillside, previously pleaded guilty to assisting Wheeler-Hicks in submitting numerous false HPP applications. Mitchell pleaded guilty to bribery and was sentenced on Nov. 3, 2006 to five years in prison. Livingston pleaded guilty to conspiracy and was sentenced on Dec. 15, 2006 to three years in prison. Mitchell was ordered to pay $29,000 in restitution, and Livingston, $10,500.

The charges resulted from an investigation by the Division of Criminal Justice and New Jersey State Police. Nine other defendants have pleaded guilty, including two former DCA employees who received probation and four corporations. All of the defendants were required to pay restitution to DCA.

HAVE they? Are the other defendants in jail? If so, why are the former DCA employees on probation and not in jail. Are the four corporations still doing business, and where can the NJ public be told who they are?

The Department of Community Affairs (DCA) alerted the Division of Criminal Justice when program officials uncovered questionable applications and transactions involving the Homelessness Prevention Program in Union County. The DCA provided administrative resources and investigative assistance to the Division of Criminal Justice and State Police throughout the investigation.

In other words, although fully 5 DCA employees were corrupt, we got lucky and the DCA self-reported this corruption. Maybe it was a few good eggs. Maybe it was enough good eggs afraid of being associated with the bad eggs. This is why I MUCH prefer the, let’s have the citizens go get accountability for programs involved in our lives — ourselves — rather than hope some appointed, funded experts are doing it. This isn’t Disneyland, and our minds shouldn’t be living there. Maybe Disney has something to do with why public minds went one way, while criminal minds, the other, I don’t know.

NJ, admittedly, has its hands full with “real” crimes, as opposed to domestic family disputes — drugs, gangs, and so forth, as was (coincidentally, same day as this article on the homeless program embezzlements) announced earlier this month:

Governor Corzine Announces Dramatic Decline in Homicides in Camden City

as Statewide Violence Reduction Initiative Nets More than 980 Arrests in 14 Months

Homicides in Camden this year down 46 percent

GOVERNOR’S STRATEGY FOR SAFE STREETS AND NEIGHBORHOODS (MAP SHOWS NJ HOMICIDES BY COUNTY)

Governor Corzine and Attorney General Milgram Announce Dramatic Decline in Homicides in New Jersey as Statewide Violence Reduction Initiative Nets More than 4,200 Arrests in 14 Months
New CrimeTrack program unveiled

Yet there was funding to help this situation coming to NJ, per the OAG website. I had some trouble with select, copy, paste, and encourage viewers to check the URL instead: I just saw several that related to violence against women, that’s all:

STOP Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)

The STOP Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) Grant Program provides the State Office of Victim-Witness Advocacy (SOVWA) a formula grant allocation under the Violence Against Women Act, authorized for funding in the 1994 Crime Bill. Federal rules allow 10% of the total VAWA award to be used to administer the grant program. The balance of the funding must be allocated as follows: 25% to law enforcement, 25% to prosecution, 30% to victims services, 15% discretionary and 5% to courts. Pursuant to new federal regulations, in 2003 the Division of Criminal Justice and SOVWA formed a statewide VAWA Advisory Committee to develop a Three-Year Implementation Plan, approved by the Office of Violence Against Women, to ensure continuation of services, opportunities for program expansions and introduction of new program

VOCA Victim Assistance Program

The Office of Victims of Crime (OVC) provides the State Office of Victim-Witness Advocacy (SOVWA) formula allocations under the Victims of Crime Act (VOCA) Victim Assistance Grant Program. SOVWA awards these funds to subgrantees who provide direct services to crime victims. VOCA guidelines allow for up to 5% of each year’s grant to be used to administer the Program. State grantees also have the option of retaining up to 1% of each year’s grant for conducting statewide and/or regional trainings for victim services staff. VOCA enumerates the types of direct services eligible for funding under this grant program. A minimum allocation of 10% must be awarded to subgrantees providing direct services to crime victims in each of the four categories: sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse, and underserved populations as victims with disabilities, language barriers, living in isolated locations and homicide survivors (as determined by the state grantee). This allocation requirement may be waived if the state grantee can document to OVC that a category of crime victims is currently receiving a significant amount of financial assistance from the state or other funding sources, a smaller amount of financial assistance or no assistance is needed or crime rates have diminished for the particular type of crime. VOCA funds are awarded to each of the 21 County Prosecutors’ Offices of Victim-Witness Advocacy, SANE/SART programs and DCJ programs (NJ VINE, Bias Crimes, Victim Services). SOVWA also provides direct funding to non-profit victim services agencies through the competitive Notice of Availability of Funds (NOAF).

NJ Victim Assistance Grant Program

The federal Office for Victims of Crime provides the State Office of Victim Witness Advocacy (SOVWA) formula allocations under the VOCA Victim Assistance grant program. These funds are used by the SOVWA to provide direct services to crime victims. The Victims of Crime Act enumerates the kinds of services that are eligible for funding under this grant program. Funds from this program are awarded to the county offices of Victim Witness Advocacy in each of the 21 county Prosecutors’ offices. Additionally, the SOVWA also provides direct funding to victim services agencies through the competitive Notice of Availability of Funds (NOAF) process.

Were there not program initiatives to help Ms. Zindell make a healthier marital choice? I mean this is definitely a going concern:
Healthy Marriages and Promoting Responsible Fatherhood. Here are the current grantees, nationwide, under both categories (BUT- – one program#, making it a little hard to differentiate fatherhood programs from abstinence programs, from what-nots.

NJ’s only recent “current” grants — although this is only relative to the website above) Fatherhood program was:

5	New Jersey Department of Corrections	Trenton	NJ	$334,366

Maybe that might take a little consideration — are we missing something, between the Steven Stosny’s Compassion Boot Camp philosophy, as expressed through court-ordered batterer’s treatment programs run by Catholic Charities, and going into prisons to teach fatherhood, but somehow, something missed Mr. Frisco in the mix. I guess choice still exists…

I think it possibly likely that Ms. Zindell did not see herself as a victim of domestic violence, although it’s clear she took protective measures. She was living with, but not married to this man. The amount of resources by county, available in NJ, is almost stunning:

http://www.state.nj.us/dca/divisions/dow/resources/countyresourcesdv.html

However the only reference in OCEAN county is to Catholic Charities. Even so. . . . one needs the vocabulary and understanding to take action. In looking at these NJ departments, there are some for “Children and Families” and for “Human Services” but none that actually SAY “Women” on them. There is a Victim Services department. Typically, we do not exist as a gender, only as a family function, too often (I say). There are no children without women’s participation. And yet, we don’t have an identity. “Children” do. “Families” do. Interesting.

http://www.state.nj.us/nj/gov/deptserv/

Some funding that went to NJ Public Law and Safety — straight to the government, per a site “USASPENDING.GOV”

(use with caution, but it’s at least an indicator).

The bar chart represents the years this database covers: 2000 – 2009

Federal dollars: $86,760,774
Total number of recipients: 4

(actually, this is one recipient with

4 different versions of its name;

there is a common recipient ID number for this database that I used to search on).
Total number of transactions: 39

Categories of assistance (these are “program ID” numbers).

16.803	$29,754,315
16.575: Crime Victim Assistance	$19,037,000
16.738: Edward Byrne Memorial Justice Assistance Grant Program	$10,412,521
16.588: Violence Against Women Formula Grants	$9,335,840
16.540: Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention_Allocation to States	$3,176,040

Top 5 Known Congressional Districts where Recipients are Located

New Jersey 04 (Christopher H. Smith)

$85,588,583

Top 10 Recipients

New Jersey Department of Law and Public Safet	$84,274,079
State of New Jersey, Department of Law & Publ	$2,263,250
State of NJ, Dept. of Law & Public Safety	$188,445
State of New Jersey, Department of Law and Pu	$35,000

Recipient Type

Government	$86,760,774
Other	$0
Nonprofits	$0
Higher Education	$0
For Profits	$0
Individuals	$0

This is all I can handle for today. I just reviewed some of the scams caught by this agency. I still think $86 million is a lot to account for, and wonder “what happened” in this incident. However, by the time someone figures out, there will be more, and similar. Take care of those closest to you and assume nothing.

As to faith-based institutions, NJ at least caught these folks. . . . BUT — notice the fields they earned money in!

Pastors of Morris County Church to Reimburse Congregants for Misappropriated Donations

NEWARK – The pastors of a Randolph-based church who were accused of diverting congregation donations for their own personal use, including purchase of 78-foot schooner and a $1.6 million property in Mendham, have agreed to reimburse donors and immediately resign from the church’s board.

Additionally, a fiscal monitor will take control of the banking and financial accounts maintained by Church Alive, Inc., which also is known as Randolph Christian Church, Inc. The church is a non-profit corporation located at 791 Route 10 in Randolph.

Eric Simons and his wife, Marianne, who are pastor and assistant pastor of the church, and Philip DuPlessis, an assistant pastor at the church, also are barred for 10 years from serving on any financial board. DuPlessis’ wife, Sharon, is an assistant pastor at the church but she is not a respondent in this settlement.

“These church leaders asked for donations for the betterment of the congregation but in reality they misused these monies for their own personal gain,” Attorney General Anne Milgram said. “We remain vigilant in enforcing the state’s charities laws and we will continue to hold accountable those who attempt to cheat donors.”

Congregants were told their donations would be put into a Building Fund. Instead, the donations were comingled with other church funds that were solely controlled by the Simonses and DuPlessises. In addition to the schooner and property, they paid themselves “honorarium” totaling $150,000 and also spent $39,395 on “life-coaching” classes and a “life-coaching” license for Eric Simons. Simons operates a for-profit “life-coaching” business. The church itself holds the license.

<<GEE, sounds like National Fatherhood Initiative (same business!)>>

“These pastors violated the trust of donors, claiming the donations would fund a new building. Instead, by controlling the donated funds without any oversight, they spent lavishly on themselves. Donors need to be vigilant and check with our Charities Registration Unit before giving their hard-earned dollars to any charitable or non-profit group,” said David Szuchman, Consumer Affairs Director.

{{{DOES THIS ALSO APPLY TO OUR FEDERAl, STATE, COUNTY & LOCAL GOVERNMENTS GIVING TO CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS?}}

The church is required to appoint an official board within 30 days, under terms of the Consent Order with the state. The board is required to review the employment status of all church employees, including the Simonses and DuPlessises, as well as all financial records and report back to the Division of Consumer Affairs.

The board will determine the sales prospects for the Mendham property, which is located at 14 Kingsbrook Court. The Simonses currently reside there.

The DuPlessises are required to repay the church $125,000 and turn over title and registration to the schooner. Eric Simons and Philip DuPlessis each must repay $50,000, the honoraria which were used to purchase the schooner.

Eric Simons and Philip DuPlessis also must repay a total of $14,495 as reimbursement for “life-coaching”education. The state will be reimbursed $60,917 for its investigative and legal expenses.

Deputy Attorneys General Anna M. Lascurain, Chief, Securities Fraud Prosecution Section, and Isabella T. Stempler represented the state in this legal proceeding. Supervising investigator Larry Biondo led the investigative work.

An online directory of charitable organizations registered in New Jersey can be found atwww.state.nj.us/lps/ca/charity/chardir.htm. Consumers also can call the Charitable Registration Hotline at 973-504-6215. Religious organizations are exempt from having to register but they must comply with the state’s Charities and Non-Profit Corporation laws.

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

August 18, 2009 at 4:03 PM

Posted in "Til Death Do Us Part" (literally), After She Speaks Up - Reporting Domestic Violence and/or Suicide Threats, Fatal Assumptions, Lethality Indicators - in News, Split Personality Court Orders

Tagged with Bribery Extortion Fraud Racketeering-public funds, domestic violence, Frisco/Zindell (NJ 2009), murder-suicides, NJ-Toms River, retaliation for reporting, social commentary, U.S. Govt $$ hard @ work..

Toms River NJ femicide/suicide post-mortem concludes strangled DYFS worker should’ve hooked up with “agencies such as ourselves”

with 8 comments

She “did everything right,” filed a protective order and “reported every violation,” and even moved out of a home she owned, but still her death was her fault, because she (being a state employee) didn’t hook up with “agencies such as ourselves” to develop a safety plan. it wasn’t the county prosecutor’s fault because, well, sometimes domestic violence just “spirals out of control.” It wasn’t her coworkers’ faults (I don’t say that it was), because they (self-report) they were concerned and talking about intervention. it wasn’t any police officer’s fault, because bail should’ve been set higher. It wasn’t, as far as I can tell, anyone’s fault, is the general conclusion.

It is a self-defense mechanism, and entirely human, to ask “why” when something this horrific happens. It challenges a lot of theories (myths?) about the field of “domestic violence” and shakes up one’s confidence in authorities that were supposedly handling these problems so the rest of us could get about our lives.

Clearly it is in the interest of the stability of the social fabric (at least for those not IN such relationships currently, for whom stability basically doesn’t really exist outside the self-created kind) that said authorities should be interviewed, published, do press conferences and give an explanation. Then the public can accept their explanation, or ease all but the most persistent of interests, and go about their business, while the police, prosecutors, judges, and others continue to go about THEIR business of issuing protective orders that don’t protect, and releasing people with clear criminal intent and identified disrect for the law, on their own “recognizance.”

Case in point, this suicidal/murdering father was known to be a check-bouncer and significantly behind on child support. When he came up with $1,500 bail, why were no questions asked about why he could raise a bit less than that for his past-due support? He had 3 sons.

Why would not, of all places, the coworkers at DFYS where she worked, not see that this man was seeing $$ in a relationship, even though she herself may have thought this meant “love.” (or companionship).

Here’s the article, then my commentary/questions — below it. This is the 3rd article I’ve posted on the Zindell/Frisco situation in Toms River, NJ.

August 17, 2009

T oms River murder-suicide highlights domestic violence cycle

{{That’s ONE spin. I personally — from afar — think it actually highlights system failure, and inexcusable system failure, too. What about ‘evidence-based practice in this field, in NJ?}}

Victim worked for DYFS

By MARGARET F. BONAFIDE
STAFF WRITER “(APP.COM news — see link above)

The murder this week of 30-year-old Letizia “Lisa” Zindell “rattled the public” because the victim was both educated and knowledgeable in the cycle of domestic violence, said Mary Pettrow, associate director of Providence House Domestic Violence Services of Catholic Charities.

Zindell held a master’s degree in criminal justice and was about to earn her second master’s degree in social work. She worked for the state Division of Youth and Family Services.

“To think, “How can a DYFS worker be a victim of domestic violence?’ ” stunned people, Pettrow said. “There are a lot of professional women who are victims of domestic violence.”

People think domestic abuse is “just physical violence,” Pettrow said. “But often, it is much more subtle. Abusers attempt to control the important aspects of their partner’s life using intimidation or threats and other psychological and emotional tactics.

“Even if you have not been hit, the cycle of violence exists,” Pettrow continued. “There is tension, a verbal or physical assault, then contrition. It is subtle. Over a period of time, that escalates.”

That escalation took its double-deadly toll, police believe, some time after 10 p.m. Wednesday night. The man whom police believe killed Zindell, Frank Frisco Jr., had been released from jail that night about 5 p.m.

Frisco, 36, was being held on restraining order violations and child support arrears, among other fourth-degree crimes.

Zindell was discovered strangled to death Thursday afternoon in the back seat of her car, which was parked in a friend’s driveway in the Penny Layne condominium complex in the East Dover section. A short time later, police found a suicide note in her Lafayette Avenue home penned by her ex-fiance, Frisco, against whom she had a restraining order. Police found Frisco hanged to death in the detached garage.

Friends said that Frisco’s growing control issues and instability had escalated to a display of rage against Zindell in front of his and her family and friends at a party after the couple’s rehearsal dinner. The next morning, Zindell called guests to say the scheduled June 21 wedding was off.

She moved out of the home she owned, leaving him behind, and stayed with friends at the condominium complex where her body was found Thursday. She filed a restraining order against Frisco and called police every time he violated it, friends said.

He had been jailed each time and was placed as an inpatient at a local mental health facility on at least one occasion since Zindell ended the relationship hours before their scheduled June 21 wedding, authorities.

“She did everything right,” as far as restraining orders go, said Kevin Arnold, an Island Heights police officer and resident. He has known the Zindell family since she was a youth. Zindell worked with Brooke Arnold, Kevin’s wife, at DYFS.

At work, Zindell’s life was excelling. She was promoted to take Brooke Arnold’s place following Arnold’s promotion.

Prior to the breakup, Zindell’s co-workers were genuinely concerned for her.

Before Zindell called off the wedding, “We were talking about interventions,” Brooke Arnold said. “He manipulated her so she could not talk to anyone. And she is an extremely, extremely intelligent person. It makes you think if this could happen to Lisa, it could happen to anybody.”

“What is distressing is this is a typical cycle of domestic violence. . . . It just spiraled out of control,” Ocean County Prosecutor Marlene Lynch Ford said at a news conference held after the discovery of the two bodies. “The initial violations did not involve acts of tremendous violence, but consistent with what we know about domestic abuse, it often starts out with harassment that often spirals into violence, and that’s exactly what happened here.”

“She was just really well-rounded, from a good famly, and he bled her dry,” Brooke Arnold said. “Something just needs to be done about restraining orders. His bail” was too low.

“These kind of (controlling) behaviors, if not addressed, over a period of time escalate and become physical,” Pettrow said.

“Anyone who came in contact with her, loved her,” said Angela Sarantinoudis, a co-worker at DYFS. “She was personable and down to earth. She was committed to her job and clients.”

“One of the hardest things in this story, is she had the world in front of her with access to resources we deal with with clients everyday. But she was not a client,” Sarantinoudis said.

Breaking the cycle of violence without support is extremely hard, Pettrow said.

“It is necessary to link up with agencies such as ours to create safety plans to break the cycle of violence,” Pettrow said.

“This is a heart-breaking tragedy for our agency as well,” Pettrow said. “Our hearts go out to her family. Help is only a phone call away. Take steps to prevent the cycle of violence before it is spiraling out of the control.”

The Providence House Hotline is 732-244-8259 or is toll free at (800) 246-8910.

All services are free and confidential.

I would like to share my dialogue on reading the post-mortems of this account:

First of all, any sense that in Ocean County, the word isn’t out about this type of crime, should be made clear:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASES REPORTED BY NEW JERSEY STAR LEDGER RESULTING IN MURDER-SUICIDE FROM 1998-2008

(The Blood & Tears of Domestic Violence: A Survivor’s Revelation)(note: she has a Victim Safety plan as well, read a few paragraphs: http://www.DonnaSavage.com)

2008/06/28… Man who allegedly killed his wife at YMCA was under court restraint
The man who allegedly shot and killed his estranged wife Thursday night as she watched her son in a YMCA swim class had a court order forbidding
him from having any contact with her, law enforcement officials said yesterday.

2007/06/02 Sat   Man in murder-suicide distraught over woman PERTH AMBOY: A man who fatally shot a woman May 26 and wounded three other people before fatally turning the gun on himself was apparently distraught over his failed relationship with the woman,…

2007/01/22 Mon Attack on estranged wife is foiled — Police report a phone call saves woman from assault, fire set by her husband.   …Reza forced his wife into the basement, where he held her captive and tried to sexually assault her at knifepoint, police said. But a friend’s chance phone call and the woman’s panicked screams stopped what authorities said could have been a murder-suicide.”The way this fire was starting to move . if another couple of minutes had gone by, we would’ve been dealing with a couple people (trapped by fire) in the basement,” Police Chief Joseph Clark said yesterday. (Geographic location unclear from summary)

2007/01/08 Mon Motive for killing Ocean Gate family is unclear, police say —
…Suspected murder-suicide is Ocean County’s third in four months …motives for the killings is unclear. While one neighbor remembers hearing the husband and wife argue loudly and into the night, others described them as a happy couple. Though violent crime is a rarity in Ocean Gate, population 2,100, the deaths were the third murder-suicide in Ocean County in four months. Shellhamer, who attended the couple’s wedding, called the pair “very nice, pleasant people.” Kyle, she said, used to play in the yard with her two sons. Married last April, Peckham and…

2007/01/07 Sun   A woman, her young son and her boyfriend were found dead inside an Ocean County home
… was released from the Somerset County Jail yesterday after posting 10 percent of $10,000 bail. Couple, boy found dead in Ocean County home. A woman, her young son and her boyfriend were found dead inside an Ocean County home yesterday in an apparent murder-suicide. Jeff Eyerly, 46, was found hanged inside the East Point Pleasant Avenue home in Ocean Gate, authorities told the Asbury Park Press of Neptune for a story posted on their Web site. The bodies of Carol Ann Peckham, 41,…

2006/09/22 Fri Couple shot to death in Lacey — Case apparently a murder-suicide
… went frightfully wrong. After an argument, David Walters followed his wife into the garage and shot her in the head, authorities said. He then turned the gun on himself. Ocean County Prosecutor Thomas Kelaher called the deaths an “apparent murder-suicide.” Neither he nor Lacey Township Police Chief William Nally knew what caused the argument. David Walters did not leave a suicide note, Nally said. “Why wouldn’t he just walk away? What could be so bad that he couldn’t just walk…

2006/05/05 Fri Shock and mourning follow Middlesex murder-suicide
TOM HAYDON, SULEMAN DIN AND NAWAL QAROONI STAR-LEDGER STAFF Their romance started with a personal ad in a newspaper and quickly led to a wedding in a Las Vegas chapel. But their marriage was turbulent, neighbors and friends said, leading Donna Palladino to seek a restraining order against her 32-year-old husband, Joseph Palladino Jr. Less than 24 hours after he was served with the order, Palladino killed his 36-year-old estranged wife
early Wednesday morning, stabbing her between…

2006/05/04 Thu MURDER-SUICIDE LEAVES THREE DEAD IN AMBOYS — Woodbridge man kills estranged wife, her mom and himself
… Donna Palladino, who lived in Barnegat, had been staying with her mother in the South Amboy home since her father’s death. William Beckmann’s wake was to be held yesterday and his funeral today. Both were postponed. Yesterday’s murder-suicide came less than a day after Joseph Palladino was served with a final restraining order his wife had obtained in Ocean County. The order was the result of threats her estranged husband had made against her in telephone conversations,…

2004/03/29 Mon Violent marriage ends with murder-suicide
… STAR-LEDGER STAFF A marriage marked by domestic violence ended with a husband stabbing his wife more than two dozen times, killing her before fatally stabbing himself, Ocean County authorities said. An autopsy performed Friday, two days after the murder-suicide in Forked River, Lacey Township, showed that 37-year-old Kurt Rosenberger stabbed 33-year-old Kathleen Rosenberger 28 times, said Lt. Robert Urie, a spokesman for the Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office

2003/10/26 Sun Couple die in apparent murder-suicide — Authorities say husband shot wife, himself in the presence of toddler granddaughter
… In this story about a murder-suicide in Elizabeth, the gender of a 2-year-old child found in the house with dead grandparents was misidentified due to incorrect information provided by the Union County Prosecutor’s Office. The child was a boy, not a girl. A man with a history of domestic violence apparently shot his wife and then himself yesterday, leaving their distraught 2-year-old granddaughter trapped in their Elizabeth apartment…  ..

2000/05/16 Tue No charges for Seton guards in abduction — Police: Inaction cost precious time in case that led to murder-suicide
… yesterday they could not press charges against a security guard and his supervisor who apparently ignored pleas for help from a witness to last week’s abduction of a Seton Hall University student. The victim was later killed by her ex-boyfriend in a murder-suicide at his Westfield apartment. ‘We really don’t have a charge to file against them,” said Lt. Frank Brunelle of the Westfield Police Department, the agency leading the investigation. As Christopher Honrath, 24, forced Sohayla…

((AND SO FORTH))

NOW REGARDING TOMS RIVER 2009:

Sources of commentary (per this article):

Ocean County Prosecutor comments:
“”What is distressing is this is a typical cycle of domestic violence. . . . It just spiraled out of control,” Ocean County Prosecutor Marlene Lynch Ford said at a news conference held after the discovery of the two bodies. “The initial violations did not involve acts of tremendous violence, but consistent with what we know about domestic abuse, it often starts out with harassment that often spirals into violence, and that’s exactly what happened here.”

{{note” The initial violations did not involve acts of tremendous violence” . notice attitude. This is what i ran across in my own case, when I attempted to tell police, in an incident that I took violations of court orders seriously. I also took threats to abduct seriously. Too bad they chose not to. I have explained to a policeman in a situation that because of the background of DV (and this was a situation that frightened me and had me trapped at home in a cul de sac situation without a vehicle to escape with) I am taking this seriously. It was “blown off.” This “blowing it off” response by a single policeman in my area was taken, apparently, as a declaration of “open season” for that season, and since, culminating — let’s hope — in felony child-stealing one and a half years later, as my reports of concern about that ALSO were “blown off”, shouted down, etc.

SO, . . ..

My question, to this response:
1. Who is Prosecutor Marlene Lynch Ford, and what does her (press conference statement) exonerating any type of legal/judicial/ or law enforcement miscarriage mean by “it just spiraled out of control” refer to specifically? Because it seems to me that a man was put into a mental hospital, when incarceration (without bail) would’ve been more appropriate, given the “lethality indicators” in his case. That’s my opinion.

2. How could a prosecutor be unaware of the prior lethality indicators in this case — was it lack of training? Was she so young and just unaware that economic abuse is an indicator, and that the love of money might be a motivator? My take on the situation was that someone in the police/legal community WANTED this woman dead, because otherwise, they would’ve taken appropriate measures to make sure she was not killed. How did her stalker know where she lived, since she’d left her own home (per this article), etc.

//www.georgian.edu/georgian/2007/cent_content.aspx?id=10479

Marlene Lynch Ford ’76

In June 2007, Marlene Lynch Ford was nominated by New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine to be Ocean County Prosecutor, a position she still holds today. Prosecutor Ford graduated magna cum laude with a B.A. in History from Georgian

Court College and was the recipient of the Departmental Award for the Department of History, Economics, and Political Science. She pursued her dream of becoming a lawyer and earned her juris doctorate from Seton Hall University School of Law in 1979 {for non-locals, I believe Seton Hall is a well-known, well-respected Catholic University in NJ}.

PERSONAL QUALITY: SMART!

Prosecutor Ford practiced law in Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey, before a successful run for the General Assembly in 1983, becoming the youngest women (sic) ever elected to the New Jersey Legislature at the age of 29. She served two terms representing the 10th Legislative District in Ocean County. During her first term, she ensured {HOW? By authoring them? Pushing for their passage? Which bills?}} that more bills were signed into law than any other first-term legislator.

PERSONAL QUALITY OR CONNECTIONS: POLITICALLY SUCCESSFUL

During her second term, she chaired the Assembly Judiciary Committee {{INTERESTING!}}and sponsored over 75 bills that were signed into law, including the Domestic Violence Prevention Act of 1990 {{Note: Amazing: this is before the 1994 VAWA act was passed}} ; the Victims Rights amendment to the New Jersey Constitution; and the Ford Act, the largest tax reduction at that time in New Jersey history.

PERSONAL QUALITY: ACTIVIST, PARTICULARLY IN DV AREA

Prosecutor Ford was nominated by Governor Jim Florio to be a Superior Court judge in 1992, and she served in the family division for four years and the civil division for ten years.

PERSONAL QUALITY: Well, the Governor liked her, obviously, or got her a judgeship. Comments (i.e., speculation on my part): JUDICIAL experience in the family law division. NOT exactly (if anything like other parts of the country) a place that is tough on criminal enforcements, one might think. I would love to see how those various cases went. . .

She was honored by New Jersey Monthly Magazine in 1992 as one of New Jersey’s Heroes for her role in expanding the rights of people to fair housing and employment, regardless of their sexual orientation. In 2006, she was promoted to presiding judge of the family division. She also served as the chair of the Committee on Model Civil Jury Charges and chair of the Supreme Court Advisory Committee on Outside Activities of Judiciary Personnel. (the what??) Georgian Court University awarded her the degree of Doctor of Laws, honoris causa, for her outstanding legislative and judicial work on behalf of the citizens of New Jersey in 2006.

Summary courtesy:

Has Prosecutor Lynch Ford had a family?

COMMENT FROM: Catholic Charities Providence House Domestic Violence Services Associate Director, Mary Pettrow:

The murder this week of 30-year-old Letizia “Lisa” Zindell “rattled the public” because the victim was both educated and knowledgeable in the cycle of domestic violence, said Mary Pettrow, associate director of Providence House Domestic Violence Services of Catholic Charities.

From what I can see, Mary Pettrow is very experienced and understands the dangers of domestic violence, AND the word was out in Ocean County, among the powers that be. I searched, and found 11 categories of help through this Providence House listed in Ocean County alone! through Catholic Charities. They appear to be a press go-to resource after another DV murder. This one, in 2006 in which, of course, the neighbors and police had no idea. . ..

Neighbors, police had no indication of domestic problems
September 22, 2006

The Asbury Park Press consulted with Mary Pettrow of Providence House for an article on the murder of a Lacey Township woman. Pettrow told the Press that domestic violence is often a progressive pattern and that “warning signs are not always apparent to outside people.”

CRIMINAL DEFENSE TO DV CHARGES IN OCEAN COUNTY — A FACTOR IN THE CASE??

In my attempt to look up who that was in Lacey township in 2006, I came across this Criminal Defense firm, stating that while Northern NJ has plenty of lawyers, who’s a person accused of something to turn to in Southern (incl. Ocean County) Jersey?

(NOTE: the list of incidents above, dating back to 2000 was also found in my attempt to find out more about the 2006 this same Providence House associate director/director, had been consulted about 3 years earlier.)

Ocean County is a great place to live and practice law. The crime rate is low, especially for serious crimes. Many people that are facing criminal charges do not have the money for private attorneys. As a result, there are almost no attorneys that solely practice criminal law in Ocean County. In addition, it seems that very few attorneys who focus a majority of their practice in northern New Jersey counties venture down to the court in Toms River. Will you get an attorney that will fight for you?

At Jack Venturi & Associates, we live and practice in Ocean County. Our criminal defense attorneys are proud to bring a tough and aggressive style of practice to Toms River and Ocean County as we believe that defendants in Ocean County deserve quality representation without having to break the bank.

And here’s their assertions of how aggressively they will defend against “domestic abuse” (notice: not “domestic violence”) in this Southern NJ shore area. While it is actually domestic VIOLENCE (even in the title to this section), notice how in the text it becomes “abuse” which somehow doesn’t sound so, well, you know, ‘violent.” NOTE: this isn’t accidental. NOTE: Well-known (and well-funded) DV group out of Minnesota has a well-known “Domestic ABUSE Intervention Program”, as is a different, “Domestic Abuse Project” out of Minneapolis with a well-known author in the field (Edleson, if I”m not mistaken — which I might be). Whether this is simply in those cases because a vowell makes a better acronym than the letter “V,” or because of ain intention to downgrade the severity of the issue in the public’s minds (i.e., in their language describing it), I cannot say, in that case at least. But I am on alert for the terminology-switch, for sure. This a criminal defense attorney firm (and domestic VIOLENCE is a crime — either felony, or misdemeanor) (and it sometimes escalates up to death(s)), so when that entity chooses to downgrade the term, I notice.

New Jersey Domestic Violence Defense Attorneys

In New Jersey, a family or domestic abuse charge can be a serious offense with long-lasting and life-altering penalties. If you have been charged or are facing domestic violence charges in any court in New Jersey, you should make sure that you have the most aggressive and effective domestic violence defense lawyers on your side. At Jack Venturi & Associates, our attorneys provide criminal court and family court defense to clients in domestic abuse cases. With offices in Toms River, New Brunswick, Eatontown & Princeton, we can represent you in any court in New Jersey.

A domestic abuse charge can affect your employment, your family, and the rest of your life. You should make sure that you come to court prepared to make the most compelling defense on your behalf. Contact Jack Venturi & Associates to meet with our attorneys and start preparing your defense today.

Click here to read about the recent success that our domestic violence defense attorneys have had in New Jersey.

We understand that every case is unique; every case is different. Our attorneys will take the time to know you and your family and help prepare the best defense in your case. With our assistance you can be rest assured that you are entering court armed with attorneys who know how to present your side of the story. Our New Jersey domestic violence restrain[in]g order defense attorneys can assist you with any of the following charges:

Domestic abuse {Good grief which is it? This website is training applicants how to name it, I gather}

Harassment

Stalking

Restraining orders: temporary restraining orders and final restraining orders

Child neglect

Domestic disputes {translation: what the first press release after a murder calls it, case in point, see “California” – on my recent blog/ toll booth shooting initially was characterized in news as arising from a “domestic dispute,” i.e., she somehow provoked him while at her job in an enclosed toll booth. The next report characterized it quite the opposite.}

Child abuse

Domestic disturbance

{{NOTE: isn’t that an interesting assembly of charges that seem to come hand in hand with “domestic violence” charges? Yet in the venue of family court, they are still convening studies (and taking federal grant money, LOTS of it) to “explicate” the context of this behavior in custody determinations, even though laws exist in many states saying that batterers don’t make good parents. That’s probably WHY more research is “needed” to (reframe) the discussion.

We can also help you vacate a New jersey final restraining order or appeal a final restraining order that has been entered against you.

This criminal defense firm also mentions — right up front — things that many women are not told, fleeing DV into the arms of the local justice center, or agency. They are told to file restraining orders, and make custody arrangements, and not told what is going to happen in the family law venue (which exists primarily in part to weaken consideration of crimes as crimes, I say), nor will they be reminded THIS:

Constitutional Protections for the Criminal Defendant

The United States Constitution and its subsequent amendments define the scope of governmental power and reserve certain individual rights to the people. The first 10 amendments, also called the Bill of Rights, contain basic, fundamental rights of individuals on which the government may not impinge. Many of these constitutional rights provide protection to criminal defendants in the criminal justice system. The Fourteenth Amendment extends substantive due process rights beyond just the federal system to criminal defendants in state courts where the vast majority of criminal trials occur.

The basic constitutional rights of the criminal defendant permeate every aspect of the criminal justice process. If you have been accused of a crime, whether federal, state or local, a seasoned criminal defense attorney can explain these rights to you and help you to fight for them at every step of the way.

The stage at which a woman with children is likely to be remembering these above privileges (and thank God for them) is likely to be after a custody-switch in the family law venue which violated this due process. However, the person opposing the charges is not so likely to be unaware of these rights.

I know this is quite a bit astray from the Toms River case, except my question is, after a murder in 2006, same thing, same Providence House director quoting the same truths about the domestic violence cycle, how come someone died THEN? (And who?) and what policy changed, if any, after that?

Per zoominfo: Indicator the Probation Dept. might have been aware:

The Probation Association of New Jersey, Local 106 – [Cached Version]

Published on: 6/8/2001 Last Visited: 2/2/2002

Contact: Mary Pettrow, CSW, Program DirectorProvidence House, a Program of Catholic CharitiesPO Box 104Toms River, NJ 08754732-244-6257

…
We were very fortunate to have representatives from the Probation Association of New Jersey volunteer their time to assist us with projects to maintain the clean and home-like appearance of the facility” stated Mary Pettrow, Director of Program Services for Providence House.If you are a victim of domestic violence, call the Providence House 24 hour hotline — 732-244-8259 or, in the 609 area, (800) 246-8910.If you are interested in volunteering, call 732-244-6257.

Looking for volunteers for domestic violence response teams
September 23, 3008

September 23, 2008 Whiting, NJ– Providence House Domestic Violence Services of Catholic Charities, and local police departments are seeking volunteers to assist victims of domestic abuse. These volunteers must reside in the following municipalities: Toms River, Seaside Heights, Seaside Park, Lavallette, Island Heights and Lakewood. Volunteers would be part of the Domestic Violence Response Teams (DVRT) located throughout Ocean County. DVRT volunteers meet with victims at the police station following a reported incident and provide supportive listening, options and referrals to help those affected by domestic violence. Volunteers are required to attend 40 hours of training over a period of 10 weeks. Ten of those hours will be spent observing cases heard in Superior and Municipal Courts. All prospective volunteers must undergo a background check and interview process, and must be at least 18 years of age, have a valid NJ drivers license, and available transportation. Interested individuals may contact Donald Horbelt, DVRT Specialist, at 732-350-2120 by November 7, 2008 for more information.

http://www.catholiccharitiestrenton.org/news_arch.php?PHPSESSID=a3e29bff11ce388b63df4f67a63387fd

Several articles here refer to Providence House, including that Prosecutor Lynch-Ford might have known about it, as well as police chiefs, mayors, Ocean County Freeholders, and others. So “what gives” that Ms. Zindell didn’t get to their doors yet, or feel she needed to?

Providence House thanks awareness month supporters
November 14, 2007

On behalf of Providence House Domestic Violence Services of Catholic Charities we wanted to share with you how grateful we are for the community support that was shown during October, which was Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Specifically, on Thursday, October 25, 2007 staff, clients, and community members celebrated the journey from “victim” to “survivor” of domestic abuse. The day began at the Providence House Outreach office located on Schoolhouse Road in Whiting with a flag raising ceremony on the newly installed flagpole given to Providence House by Manchester Township. PHOTO: Mayor Michael Fressola, Mary Pettrow, Associate Director of Providence House, Police Chief William Brase, and Councilman Kenneth Vanderziel joined to raise the flag to start off the day’s events (see photo, below). The Catholic Charities outreach building has also become a satellite location of the Manchester Police Department – a partnership that will greatly benefit the community and those affected by domestic abuse in Manchester Township.

The staff of Providence House then transitioned into preparations for the thirteenth annual Celebration of Survivors event held that night from 7:00 pm to 8:30 pm at Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton Church in Whiting. This annual commemoration honors all those affected by domestic violence, from clients who have worked so hard to transition from the role of victim to becoming a survivor to those who have lost their lives at the hands of someone who claimed to love them. At the beginning of the ceremony, Ms. Madelin Einbinder, representing Ocean County Prosecutor Marlene Lynch-Ford conducted the opening candle lighting. Many of the clients participated in this event either by speaking; writing a poem, or taking part in making affirmations about the positive steps they have taken in their lives. Clients of Providence House created a beautiful quilt depicting the various phases of domestic abuse and the journey to becoming a survivor, which was on display that night. The Ocean County Freeholders and the Township of Manchester gave Proclamations declaring October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Every year at this event awards are given to particular groups or individuals that have generously supported Providence House throughout the years. This year three honorees were awarded this accolade: Dr. Peter Lewis for choosing Providence House to be an ongoing beneficiary of the “Smiles for Life” program; Verizon Wireless for its cellular phone donation program, sponsorship of the Providence House gift auction, and provision of trainings to clients on job seeking skills; and the Zonta Club of Ocean County for being actively involved in addressing violence against the elderly through the creation of the Elder Abuse Task Force. The audience was deeply moved by all of the components of this special program.

In closing, another very important occurrence during Domestic Violence Awareness Month for which the staff of Providence House was extremely grateful was the recent grant of $80,500.00 from the Ocean County Board of Chosen Freeholders. This contribution will continue to make it possible for victims of domestic abuse and their children to receive free, confidential, and professional services through the various Providence House programs. Please let your readers know that if you or someone you know needs assistance or would like to learn more about domestic abuse, please contact the 24-hour hotline at 732.244.8259 or 1.800.246.8910.

There is also a significant article on this same web page about a parallel (??) treatment program for men, dating to 2008, Feb.

I remember a certain close to Valentine’s Day long ago, a severe and escalating incident involving guns (and a close call) was defused. The next day, or soon after, I attempted to discuss this in the religious, joint-counseling we had been recommended to (and did) attend. BIG . . .. BIG . . .. mistake. They didn’t want me to bring this up, so I shut up. I was asked (in a show of grandiose, after the incident, and public, pretense – – absent any repentance or apology or acknowledgement for how this incident had affected me, including from those counseling — to go attended a couples Sweetheart dinner and dance at the same church. I was still in shock, and went, and entering into the ladies’ room, recognizing someone I knew whose husband knew of the incident, I collapsed. The ladies room of this church was apparently a safer place (to me, emotionally), than the pastor’s office in the exact same hallway. After speaking my piece to a woman, I wiped up off my face, straightened up, and went out to the event. I have a photo from it; and look frozen. I don’t see that its import registered — at all — with anyone employed by the church.

So, here is an article around Valentine’s Day written from the perspective of a man counseling men who have been court-ordered into treatment for Violence against, presumably, their intimate partners From the same organization and page as the Providence House one:

From Violence to Compassion
February 14, 2008

Valentine’s Day is here – the time for expressing affection with loved ones. It seems improbable that the people we love can sometimes be the people whose hearts and bodies we hurt. Yet we know domestic violence is a reality, even on Valentine’s Day, necessitating shelters and services to protect women and children. If we really want to protect women and children we must also reach the men committing these offenses. Through court mandates, some men who have abused their partners and children enter our treatment program. Our goal is that they take responsibility for their actions so that the intergenerational cycle of abuse is stopped.When I started this work 25 years ago, we had a plan. Confront them. Lecture them about male privilege. Change their social beliefs to accept women as equals.

{{read on: sounds like the men coming through the program helped talk them into abandoning said plan, including accepting women as equals….}}

Trouble was, as seen through the rear view mirror of time, we were replicating the power tactics we wanted them to stop. We had the “truth”, and I was going to force it on them.

{{LET’s GET HONEST, anecdotal commentary: When I brought this up to individuals in my own case, the exact truth, and have continued bringing it, up, I found no such audience or understanding. This is in fact the general attitude I have noticed in the family law venue, and (generally speaking) in other venues in which “experts” tell those who have actually “experienced” violence and near-death or other trauma (ongoing, often enough), how to view their own experiences — namely, to minimize them. This is in effect telling people NOT to trust their gut and NOT to trust their own assessments of things that they actually have gone through assessing and taking legal action on. As such, it’s condescending, and yes, we do (whether male or female) pick up on the condescension AND the power tactics. One reason we understand this is that domestic violence IS a power tactic. The violence part is about power, punishment, and refusal to take orders, particularly from a woman (inferior in the relationship. Again, and unfortunately, too many “faith institutions” echo the same dynamics, including Catholics, Catholic Charities and other large institutions of various sorts.}}

We got compliance, significantly less capital “V” violence, the violence that is against the law. But when you looked closer at the picture, we saw more small “v” violence, the emotional and verbal abuse often goes under the radar of law enforcement but is equally damaging to its victims.

The prevailing sentiment is these men are monsters with no feeling who deny, minimize, or take no responsibility for their actions. {{Welll, as to all but the first part — which I can’t speak for, not being inside the other person’s head, I CAN speak for the other parts: deny, minimize and take no responsibility for their actions: Yes. This is true. }} My 25 years in the trenches have allowed me to learn from these men who abuse the same lesson I learned from the victims of abuse. They taught me that if humanity and compassion are goals, therapists must create an atmosphere of emotional safety in order to address the hidden shame and hurt that the men so fear. Frequently, men hide their perceived wounds behind a controlling and domineering veneer. We call these wounds “core hurts”, a term coined by Dr. Steven Stosny** in his work with men who have abused. These wounds usually originate in childhood and lead a man to believe he is unlovable, powerless, rejected, and unworthy of earning trust. The “core hurts”, hidden with accompanying shame, are actually mistaken beliefs about himself. Men who have abused hide this pain and shame from themselves and from others with a “mask”. They use the mask that many men use, but include physical and emotional violence. This mask ranges from the grandiose exuberance of exaggerated manhood to the “strong, silent type”. But behind the mask are men who use power, status, achievement, etc, to prove that they are better than others. Men notch their belts with money, cars, conquests of women, and athletic accomplishments, as demonstrations of superiority, of their definition of “manhood”. Power and winning are used in place of compassion in their relationships. Power may get compliance, but deep inside, these men know that they remain feeling unlovable. They try to manipulate “love” out of others, but they feel unlovable on the inside. When someone does express love to them, they cannot accept it because they do not feel lovable at their core. No amount of love from others will make someone who feels unlovable believe that they are worthy of love. They must do that work on themselves.

The men I have worked with have taught me that, given a welcoming sanctuary of emotional safety, inclusion, and acceptance, they have the courage to go behind the mask that hides their shame to heal their “core hurts’. An interesting thing happens as they expose these wounds and deal with the feelings of unlovablity, powerlessness, etc they were covering up. Their internal beliefs, beliefs about themselves, change. They discover their own lovability and internal power to regulate their own emotions (as opposed to their external power over others.). In the beginning of this compassion for self, they start feeling better about themselves, more worthy of love. And how does a person worthy of love treat others? Many of these men have found that they treat their partners, their children, and their co-workers with more compassion. They realize that both the capital “V” violence and the small “v” violence hurt their loved ones’ ability to trust, love, and connect. The men who do this work can hear and understand the hurt they caused others, and start to make amends.

For the men who dig in and work on themselves, their work does not stop when the treatment ends. About half the men who complete the program volunteer to come back to our “Passing It On” night where they help new group members have the courage to look inside themselves. When the men look behind this mask, the false manhood, the addictions, the aggressions, even the passive withdrawal into stonewalling, they see that they have discarded their own humanity. When the men do the work, one of the most common phrases we hear is “I got myself back”. “Myself” has been there the whole time waiting to be discovered. None of this means that these men should not be held accountable for their actions; they are totally responsible for their behavior no matter what the other person does. However, once inside treatment programs, if we want their humanity to re-emerge, we follow what these men have taught us: Create a safe place where shameful hurts can heal, and the humanity and compassion in the human spirit grows. We have seen men who have the courage to do this work change their definition of manhood to include expressions of sadness, allowance of fear, inadequacy, and imperfection. Compassion becomes a practice and self-responsibility becomes a discipline. The men start connecting with others with more humanity, more humility, and more acceptance.

Protecting women by providing shelters and supportive services is essential. So is holding the men accountable through the legal system. Most men do not come unless there are external forces. At the same time, creating a safe place for men to heal the shame and pain behind their violence will further this effort.

David J. Thomas, LCSW, LMFT, DVS
Program Supervisor, Family Growth Program of Catholic Charities, Trenton
Thomas has worked at Catholic Charities with family violence since 1977

Which brings me to the point of Healthy Marriage and Responsible Fatherhood recipients in NJ. I thought, SURELY, the reason Ms. Zindell had to die was New Jersey somehow had missed the boat on udnerstanding that DV can be lethal, and they were also short of teaching “healthy marriages.” But here is someone out of Trenton, who is a devotee (apparently) of Dr. Sosny, who teaches, for a fee of course a Boot camp for Smart Marriage attendees.

Dr. Stosny is offering his celebrated Boot Camp training exclusively for
Smart Marriages attendees. Participants will learn invaluable skills in
emotional regulation and dealing with chronic resentment, anger, or
emotional abuse. You are free to use the any of the materials and skills you
learn merely by attending the training. You will also have the opportunity
to become a CompassionPower associate and to use Dr. Stosny’s name, trademarks,
and website for marketing, for a small annual fee. This fee is usually $250, but for Smart Marriages
institute graduates, the fee is only $100 a year.

The CompassionPower Boot Camp consists of 3 sessions of 8 hours each. Love
without Hurt consists of 4 intensive, two-hour sessions, with 22 pages of
homework assignments.

If you do any kind of family education or intervention, you will certainly
encounter hidden emotional abuse and violence against spouses
and children. In some couples you’ll notice harshness and hostility,
but in many you will not – abusers can be charming and affable in public.
Most abuse occurs in private when a loved one, purposely or inadvertently
triggers the abuser’s sense of failure or inadequacy – as parent, spouse,
lover, or provider. This causes a sudden drop in self-value, which makes
them feel powerless and unable to see anyone else’s perspective.

{{i.e., it wasn’t “the devil made me do it” or “she made me do it” but “my drop in self-value made me do it.”

((While there’s I bet truth to the fact that this aggression IS a reaction to the sense of lowered self-worth — I mean what kind of man with a sense of self-respect would go assault (or kill, or beat up on) his wife or girlfriend? SO WHAT? Why cannot we not talk about simply the self-respect that goes with understanding what laws are, and the civic duty to comply with them? I have been through unbelievable situations without violating laws against abuse, stalking, visitation interference, child-stealing or anything of that sort. In consequence for this level of self-restraint, and after appealing to the justice system(s) for justice, the police for enforcement, the child support system for enforcement, and the courts for protection orders, I have totally lost my sense of safety in my own neighborhoods, all expectation that child support arrears of any sort are going to come in, and with zero assistance as to either protection, victim compensation funding (although a crime was committed and income was lost — ALL income, as a matter of fact) because of this crime and no other identifiable reasons, I have gone to zero again. this was AFTEr all the years of violence in the home. So, I have little sympathy for organizations or programs where men, after wounding women physically and in other categories, can get an ear for licking their wounds and wounded egos in front of a ready ear. Did SHE get this mercy somehow? Did she get it from the men in question that had to be ordered into treatment to start with?. What kind of racket and set of alliances is this, anyhow?))

Aggressive impulses occur automatically when people feel powerless,
but unlike most of us, abusers act out the aggression. The power-and-control
tactics for which they are known are merely attempts to keep family
members from doing something that might make them face their failure
or inadequacy as parents, spouses, lovers, or providers. That’s why
research shows that efforts to change behavior without empowering
abusers fail.

Both the Compassion Power Boot Camp and the Self Regulation:
Love Without Hurt add-on program feature Stosny’s empowering concept of innate
Core Value, the unique human drive to create value and maintain an inner
store of intimate, aesthetic, spiritual, moral, compassionate, and protective
experiences. The centerpiece of the program is HEALS, which is used to
treat resentment, anger, and violence. HEALS automatically raises self value
during the sudden drops that lead to abuse, by conditioning Core Value to
occur with the first signs of resentment, anger, or anxiety. The experience of
Core Value makes it possible to see other perspectives and be compassionate
to loved ones.

(Where government programs meet market niches; we’re in it.)

Searching on David J Thomas (above’s) program area, Family Growth Services, it would appear that although there’s a high overlap with the department Ms. Zindell worked in, somehow a connection was made. Perhaps, because she wasn’t yet a “family”? Here:

Community and Population Served by the Organization

The Children and Family Service Division serves more than 500 abused and neglected children annually and attempts to also bring their families under the wing of its services. Its programs operate in Mercer, Burlington, Monmouth, and Ocean counties. Division programs are made possible by an extensive network of more than 700 employees and 400 volunteers. Many clients are referred to Catholic Charities from the corrections system or from the state Division of Youth and Family Services. ..Family Growth helps abusive families change violent patterns of interaction so that children can remain safely in their own home and rebuild their basic trust.

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Well, that’s it for this (now long) post, for now!

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

August 17, 2009 at 8:24 PM

Posted in "Til Death Do Us Part" (literally), After She Speaks Up - Reporting Domestic Violence and/or Suicide Threats, Fatal Assumptions, Lethality Indicators - in News

Tagged with domestic violence, Intimate partner violence, murder-suicides, retaliation for reporting, social commentary, U.S. Govt $$ hard @ work..

Words fail me on this incident. . .. did the police/judge WANT another headline?

leave a comment »

(1) and (2) were California and Pennsylvania, respectively.

(3) NEW JERSEY,

ARTICLE 1:

Cops probe (Jersey) Shore murder-suicide

Friday, August 14, 2009

STAR-LEDGER STAFF

THE LEADING BLEEDING HEADLINE:

A family friend hoping to borrow cleaning supplies from Zindell discovered her body in the back seat of her 2005 Acura around 2:30 p.m., Toms River Police Chief Michael Mastronardy said.

The chief was not sure how Zindell was killed and that remained unknown as of last night, pending an autopsy by the Ocean County Medical Examiner’s Office.

After Zindell’s friend informed police of her grim discovery, authorities began a frantic search for Frisco, said Mastronardy. Police discovered his body around 4 p.m. (WHERE?)

THE BACKGROUND, possibly acc. to police report:

The couple apparently broke off their wedding plans two months ago, sparking a series of events that saw Zindell file a restraining order against her ex-beau and caused police to force Frisco to check in to a mental facility, Mastronardy said.

Mastronardy being the Police Chief, and this account being his explanation of why the man went to a mental facility and not a lockup. If there is some procedural rule regarding this, it seems to me this would be in the account. I could find on-line an account 15 years old (Duluthcenter related) where this happened, and the woman was killed.

If you had been looking at domestic violence training and “technical assistance” funding like I have been, you’d be highly irritated that these things still happen. If the training isn’t getting the job done, then let’s have a new policy. WITH each and every restraining order — that is, assuming we DO care about whether or not people get killed afterwards, possibly — or have to live in fear of this — or live without fear of this and then are shot (etc.) anyhow — simply have an intense self-defense awareness and protection course RIGHT AWAY. She gets SOME defensive weapon, not a gun, and training in its use AND is sternly warned to be alert of her environment and careful. Or, leave the area.

Zindell and Frisco had been romantically involved for two years, according to police.

Missing piece of information: How long between prior wife and their romantic involvement and plans to marry? ALSO, did his ex-wife have custody of the two children, or him? Either way, did he NEED this woman to manage to get the kids, or to raise them if he had them? What was this man’s motivation for re-marrying? What was hers for marrying him?

Don’t tell me “marriage education” is the solution. These people were young (my perspective) adults of full age.

Over the past three weeks, police had responded to several calls from Zindell, who alleged her ex-fiance was constantly harassing her and violating a restraining order she had obtained against him in June, when the pair severed their engagement.

Frisco, who has an ex-wife and two children, had been jailed on charges of domestic violence and violation of the restraining order until late Wednesday afternoon, Mastronardy said.

From WHEN until late Wednesday afternoon? That doesn’t add up even mathematically. What should readers do, go look for a different account?

Police immediately notified Zindell of Frisco’s release, the chief said.

Zindell told police Frisco had contacted her several times in the last two weeks, Mastronardy said. He first threatened her, on July 30, with a lawsuit regarding the property they once shared in the 500 block of Lafayette Avenue and sent her several e-mails, according to Mastronardy, who did not know the exact nature of the lawsuit.

{{I’m sure it has some relevance to his feelings –whose was it? As they weren’t yet married, I’d speculate it was either his, or hers.}}

On Aug. 2 and Aug. 6, Frisco continually tried to get in touch with his former fiancÃ©e, Mastronardy said. He contacted her by e-mail 24 times on Aug. 2 and proceeded to send her a bouquet of flowers on Aug. 6 while she was at work. Both actions were considered a violation of the restraining order.

THREATS THEN FLOWERS . . . .

Following those incidents, police forced Frisco to spend a week at a local mental facility. At the end of his stay, he was jailed on an outstanding warrant from the domestic violence charge before being released Wednesday.

James Queally may be reached at (973) 392-4136 or jqueally@starledger.com

ARTICLE 2:

Two found dead in South Jersey murder-suicide

GANNETT NEW JERSEY • AUGUST 14, 2009

TOMS RIVER — A 30-year-old township woman was found dead in a locked car Thursday afternoon, and her 36-year-old ex-fiance was discovered hanging in the detached garage loft of their Toms River home less than an hour later, in what Ocean County prosecutors say is a murder-suicide.

The body of Letizia Zindell, who had recently moved to the Penny Layne neighborhood, was discovered on King George Layne at about 3:15 p.m., authorities said. A friend coming to visit her discovered Zindell’s body in the car. Shortly after 4 p.m., Frank Frisco was found hanging in the garage of their home on Lafayette Avenue, authorities said.

The two had been engaged and living together in the Lafayette Avenue home, which is registered to Zindell as the owner. But the wedding was called off and the relationship ended about two months ago, authorities said.

According to online wedding registry sites, the couple was registered at Macy’s and Crate & Barrel and had planned to marry June 21.

“We suspect another chapter in domestic violence history of our state,” Ocean County Prosecutor Marlene Lynch Ford said at a news conference held at Toms River police headquarters early Thursday evening.

After police found Zindell’s body in her car, they began searching for Frisco as a “person of interest,” wanting to question him in her death, Ford said.

“Based on our investigation, this appears to be another unfortunate murder-suicide,” Ford said. “Police are piecing together the story of this couple that had such a tragic conclusion.”

Restraining Orders (AND CHILD SUPPORT CHECKS….)

Zindell, who worked for the state Division of Youth and Family Services, secured a temporary restraining order against Frisco on July 9, after he gained access to some of her accounts and stole $770 from her, authorities said. A permanent restraining order was issued on July 21 after Frisco failed to show at his court date, Ford said. One of the conditions was that Frisco repay the money, according to authorities.

Frisco apparently had money problems. He wrote two bad child-support checks this year — one on Jan. 23 and one on June 17 — township Police Chief Michael Mastronardy said. The amounts of the checks were not immediately known.

Frisco was divorced, had three {{3? 2?}} children and was self-employed at a business based in Cherry Hill, though what he did for a living was not known, authorities said.

The restraining order also prohibited Frisco from having any contact with Zindell. Frisco was arrested by sheriff’s deputies Friday for repeatedly calling and e-mailing his ex-fiancee, Ford said. The arrest came after Frisco was discharged from an unnamed hospital, authorities said. He posted $1,500 bail Wednesday at about 5:10 p.m and was released from Ocean County Jail in Toms River, Ford said.

“What is distressing is this is a typical cycle of domestic violence — it just spiraled out of control,” Ford said. “The initial violations did not involve acts of tremendous violence, but consistent with what we know about domestic abuse, it often starts out with harassment that often spirals into violence, and that’s exactly what happened here.”

IN OTHER WORDS, MS. LYNCH FORD OF OCEAN COUNTY HAS BEEN UP SOME BACKWATER FOR HOW LONG? AND HAD NOT READ ANY OF THE LETHALITY ASSESSMENTS GOING BACK TO 1985 UP TO NOW, HAS NOT BEEN AWARE OF ONGOING NEWSPAPER HEADLINES ABOUT THIS TOPIC, YEAR AFTER YEAR, AND HAS NOT SAT UNDER ANY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TRAINING BY ANYONE. ALTHOUGH SHE’S A PROSECUTOR. AND YET (TO SUMMARIZE IT FOR THE PRESS) IT’S ACKNOWLEDGE — THEY KNOW IT SPIRALS UP FROM HARASSMENT INTO VIOLENCE, AND YET — AND YET — HE WAS GIVEN BAIL, AND POSTED IT, RATHER THAN THE FIRST VIOLATIONS (AND THIS CONSTITUTED CLEAR STALKING, PLUS THEFT, PLUS DANGERS SIGNS UP THE – – – – – CREEK — AND RELEASED.)

UNDER WHICH JUDGE? UNDER WHAT NJ LAWS?

Details Withheld

Zindell’s body was discovered in the back seat of a locked, gray, Acura TL sedan, which police removed from the neighborhood shortly after 5 p.m. with the body apparently still inside. Investigators left the neighborhood shortly thereafter.

Ford would not say whether Zindell was killed in the car, or if her body was moved there after her death. Authorities also would not say if any weapons were recovered, or if marks or signs of trauma were found on Zindell. An autopsy is scheduled for today.

King George Layne is located in the well-manicured Penny Layne complex of condominiums with cream vinyl siding and faux brick exteriors behind the Ocean County Mall on Hooper Avenue. In interviews, Zindell’s neighbors said everyone there kept very private lives and few people knew the young woman.

{{the hazards of a well to do or upper middle class lifestyle — neighbors don’t protect.}}

Felipe Jorge, 19, a lifeguard at the pool in the complex, said he heard Zindell come out of her condominium at about 2:10 p.m. Thursday screaming, “I can’t believe you did this to me.”

{{Ms. Zindell, working for the state and having had a repeatedly violated restraining order, stalking, and etc., didn’t alert the lifeguards or others of her concerns, but tried to engage somehow when he showed up? well, those details may come out later…}}

He said police told him Zindell was found with something stuffed in her mouth. Authorities would not confirm that she was gagged.

Police are now trying to piece together what took place in the hours between Frisco’s release from jail and Zindell’s death.

Toms River Police Capt. Michael Dorrick is leading the investigation, assisted by members of the Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office and the county sheriff’s Criminalistics Investigative Unit.

Police are asking anyone with information to contact police at 732-349-0150.

Why don’t they instead try to piece together what was going on between the ears of the people who: 1. didn’t hold him in longer 2. did mental hospital instead of jail 3. allowed bail in such a situation 4. and anything so related. I am sorry, but how many more decades is this going to be the post-mortem “oh-well…. it just escalated, sometimes that happens?”

ARTICLE 3: ENTER THE MONEY MOTIVE AND CHILD SUPPORT ARREARS

Man at center of murder-suicide had years of money problems

BY MATTHEW MCGRATH • TOMS RIVER BUREAU • AUGUST 14, 2009

The muscle-bound man accused of throttling his ex-fiancee before hanging himself Thursday had a several-year history of money problems.

Frank Frisco Jr. was scheduled to appear in Superior Court in Toms River today for a hearing on his divorce from another woman, court officials confirmed.

Frisco, 36, of Lafayette Avenue, was having trouble paying his $500-per-week child support to his ex-wife, Melissa Acito, 35, of Beachwood. The couple had three young boys.

{{TO ME, THIS SEEMS HIGH, BUT I DON’T KNOW THE SITUATION. This man did not appear to lack health and vigor at the time}}

Frisco wrote two bad checks for child support this year, township police Chief Michael J. Mastronardy said. The first was for $5,000 on Jan. 23 and the second was for $30,881 on May 21. A civil complaint was filed with the Toms River police on June 17, Mastronardy said.

The loving father, involved with a new woman (and living with her) was fully $35,881 in arrears on his child support. Hmmm

Frisco was recently fired from his job, Mastronardy said. (but he was self-employed — ??)

Acito said she did not want to comment about her late ex-husband.

————-

I am going to post next on recommendations dating back to about 1990. I have not got the stomach to find out why this particular prosecutor could make such a statement as “it just spiraled out of control” when it already WAS when the man was allowed to post bail, and go kill his wife (and then himself).

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

August 16, 2009 at 12:32 PM

Posted in After She Speaks Up - Reporting Domestic Violence and/or Suicide Threats, Fatal Assumptions, Lethality Indicators - in News

Tagged with domestic violence, retaliation for reporting, stalking added Aug. 09

(2 more headlines) Distraught and Distracted? A Domestic Dispute (or, the economy) made them do it? These 2 men seemed Organized and Coherent (“Cool, calm & collected”) before, and after, 3 planned murders, apparently.

leave a comment »

Good afternoon, Plano, Texas and other visitors, I hope you are well today. I include a headline contest below for viewers of the 2nd article. Submit via comments.

Unfortunately, 2 (more) bleeding headlines.

(1) California, “not a hot-blooded event”

The day before the killing, he delivered flowers and candy to her, and said they could just be friends….after a 13-year relationship

Follow up to the “distraught by economy” “domestic dispute” version of a double-homicide this week: She was trying to end a co-habiting relationship, and, unfortunately, worked in a toll booth on a busy bridge. When jogged up and shot her to death, there wasn’t a ready exit. Yet the first article portrayed it as a “domestic dispute,” a real knee-jerk, inappropriate phrase. Before I could point this out in a post, Demian Bulwa of the SF Chronicle straightened us readers out in a follow-up article: This murdering man set up the situation, and the unidentified 2nd man murdered was a friend of the girlfriend, a kind male who had given the woman a ride to work (which, did the murderer have work? So, she goes to work, and is killed there…)

I did no follow-up research, but reading the first article, could’ve laid money, if I had some, that it was indeed a cold-blooded assassination. Even so, the article below uses the word “rampage.” No, the DC Sniper was a rampage. The Columbine shootings, maybe not. This one. He didn’t shoot bystanders, or motorists. He had two targets, and made them.

Folks, that’s ALSO typically how domestic violence goes. I hope someday we “get it” that having a nice chat with someone doesn’t mean a lot, even when it’s daily for years, in these matters. Do we just not KNOW each other, and know how to assess character any more? Or characterize an incident after character just showed up, with a loaded gun (and apparently — below, a knife too).

Bridge killer set up slayings, prosecutor says

Demian Bulwa, Chronicle Staff Writer

Thursday, August 13, 2009

08-13) 13:51 PDT RICHMOND— Nathaniel Burris, the man accused of killing his ex-girlfriend and her male friend at the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge toll plaza, set up the rampage {sic} by slashing a tire on the man’s pickup truck so he could blast {kill. the object was to kill. The decibel level was not the main point} him with a shotgun as the victim waited for a tow service, a prosecutor said today.

(selections from the article):

The pickup truck belonged to 58-year-old Ersie Everette III of San Leandro, but was driven to the toll plaza Tuesday afternoon by Burris’s ex-girlfriend, Deborah Ross, a toll taker, said Contra Costa County prosecutor Hal Jewett.

Everette arrived later, having been dropped off by a co-worker after getting off his shift as a Golden Gate Transit bus driver, his family said.

Jewett said Burris, 46, punctured a tire on the truck, apparently with a knife, before Everette showed up, then hid where he could watch Everette though a pair of binoculars.

When Everette arrived and saw the damage, he called AAA for help, Jewett said. He was still waiting at 5:30 p.m when Burris approached and shot him once from close range, the prosecutor said.

{{I am so sorry that this individual, it appears did not suspect that his truck might have been chosen for a reason, rather than say, random violence. Or that some other solution could’ve been had for fixing the tire. There are down-sides sometimes to NOT being on alert.}}

According to police, Burris then jogged across traffic lanes to Ross’ toll booth and shot her several times before fleeing in a van that belonged to his employer, an airport shuttle company. He was arrested early Wednesday after he was spotted in the van on Interstate 80 in Placer County.

{{Can we deduce this man, driving for an airport shuttle company, did not have a criminal record?}}

“Characterizing this crime as a tragedy is an understatement, particularly with the calculated and deliberate way he committed these crimes,” said Jewett, who heads his office’s homicide unit. “This was not a hot-blooded event but a cold-blooded series of killings, and we think the charges reflect that.”

Ross, 51, and Burris were in a relationship for 13 years before she broke up with him just before the killings, Ross’ relatives said. {{how much “just before”?}

The day before the shootings, Burris delivered flowers and candy to her in the Richmond townhouse a mile east of the toll plaza that they had shared, and said they could remain friends, Ross’ relatives said.

{{Just be friends after that long a relationship? In general, don’t you believe that, ladies! Well — are you SURE you know that guy? If you were so sure, how come after years, the answer is, separate?}}{{and I do NOT know if tying the knot would make a difference or not. At this point, I just do not.}}

{{Flowers and candy — if these aren’t normal, consider it a red flag?}}

Richmond police Sgt. Bisa French, a department spokeswoman, said it is not clear whether Ross was romantically involved with Everette.

{{Whether he was or not, he was probably perceived as such. As helping her. 1. He was male, and 2. he helped her.}}

Everette’s relatives said today that he and Ross had been engaged and had talked of marriage.

{{wait a minute — she broke up with him JUST before the killings, yet was ready to marry someone else, perhaps? Although the two that were living together did NOT get married. . . . That must’ve upset Burris….}}

Ross’ relatives, though, said the two had merely been friends from an Oakland church where Everette was a deacon.

{{Probably she shared about some of her troubles with Burris? Was Burris going there too? Was there a history of violence, or etc. Were there really no indicators, or were people just not alert?}}

One of Ross’ sisters, Jane Walker of Oakland, said she was shocked to hear of the new allegations involving Burris.

“Oh my God, that’s scary to think that you can know someone all these years, and that they would plot and plan something like that,” she said. “He deserves whatever they give him. He’s not the person I thought I knew, and I’ll never forgive him.”

{{If my own family had similar sentiments, after I filed a domestic violence restraining order with kickout, I would not be here writing this blog. We’d probably both — he, and me — have moved on in life without further escalations, child-stealing, fights around child support, and all that. PROBABLY. I tell you one thing that would probably be different. I’d still be working in my profession, and have the children here. But my own family, like MANY families, didn’t “get” the reality of the relationship}}{{Sorry, in their pain about their sister, but the thought comes to mind that NOW they are aware….}}{{What is the lesson here? All that glitters is not gold? People are not what they seem to be? Nice guys can turn violent — or have criminal thoughts and act on them?}}

Burris is expected to be arraigned in a Martinez courtroom as soon as Friday morning. He is being held without bail at Contra Costa County Jail, where he declined a request for an interview today. Richmond police brought Burris back from Placer County on Wednesday evening.

The shotgun used in the killings was found in bushes under a window at the home of Burris’ mother, authorities said. Ross’ relatives said the mother lives in Sacramento. Efforts to reach her have been unsuccessful.

(2) Pennsylvania, I think

I’m running a contest for the most appropriate,

subject line for this article. Submit in comments.

Non-sarcastic entries will be summarily dismissed

as utterly inappropriate:

Murder suspect wants to place kids

By Liz Zemba, For The Valley Independent Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A Fayette County man accused of running over over his wife with his car and killing her wants his parents to have legal custody of two of his children.

>>>YES, they did a good job raising this man, and would be great prospects for raising the children of the woman he murdered. There are no other decent, mature adults around with terrific track records of children they raised, who wouldn’t be tempted to backpedal (or have a conflict of interest) on the issue that, their Dad killed their Mom, but was really a nice guy at heart. Which is going to be something, an issue, those children will have to deal with.

>>>By the way one reason I didn’t post yesterday (other than aftershock off the tollbooth shooting, and other work) another case came up of a woman being recalled from iceland over a custody battle with a U.S. father. Hoping to find out more about that situation, I ran across a “cold case” (so to speak) from the 1990s, in which two Mormon parents snatched their daughters baby and took off to Iceland. (Hanes/Shelton/Zenith). This had uncomfortable reminders, as in my case, when family members get a certain opinion of a certain generation, and decide they’re better parents than others. Add to the mix, the poor Mormon grandmother was on her 6th husband couldn’t conceive, and tried to persuade her own daughter to donate some eggs. Maybe I’ll post that one — it has a runway snatch, shows how CHURCH folk often protect their own (case in point, when my kids were stolen, more than one church group appears to have helped try to sanitize the situation).<<

In addition, Ronald Lee Higinbotham wants the cousins of a third adopted child to have custody of that youngster.

Can we “just say no” when the guy has, allegedly, just killed a woman, intentionally, with a car??? How far does co-parenting (only she’s dead) and “Fathers, get involved with your children” GO? How about setting a little standard. I PERSONALLY think that if a man can’t stop hitting his wife, he should lose access to his kids, and stop sugarcoating it. I didn’t think this 7-8-9 years ago, but now in retrospect, it would save society a lot of grief (and grief counselor social services). Can we at least say: “IF YOU MURDER YOUR WIFE, YOU’RE OUT OF THE PICTURE, THIS IS JUST “OVER THE TOP, out in left field, WAY out of line: GOT IT?” You want to murder her, and then participate in some decision-making process about your kids? No!!! Not only will we not follow your suggestions, we are not interested in them. Someone who hasn’t murdered recently, or been accused of it, will make decisions regarding your children. I know we aren’t all perfectly insightful, but I suspect you likely aren’t at this point, OK?

Then maybe the next person who had a domestic dispute, or felt a sense of loss when she left, or it was the economy — (or maybe it was overentitled narcissism? ??? In action? Or, maybe misogyny, I mean we had a single man elsewhere just walk in a gym and start spraying bullets at women — not men — hitting some and killing them….. to assuage his feelings of rejection. Until he also killed himself…)

So, it’s – – – No, No — you kill your wife, you lose custody privileges. TIME OUT!!! It’s called a deterrent to the next asshole. (Am I allowed to call someone who (allegedly) ran over his wife and killed her with a car a bad name? If he’s innocent, then I retract the appellation. If not, then I don’t. )

Has this yet been tried, consistently, across the board, across the nation? YOu kill the woman, you lose visitation privileges AND any whiff of joint legal custody. What, is the man now suddenly (how suddenly?) repentant and “concerned” for his kids? Was killing the wife part of how he expressed concern for his kids?

Has anyone posed these questions at a conference of experts yet? I know Jack Straton of Nomas did in 1992 re Supervised Visitation. Was he not on the list in the ones deciding these things? He had a Ph.D., isn’t that an entrance requirement? (or, MFT, or being in law enforcement, or Esq., etc.)

This culture is expert at turning its backs on and shunning mothers trying to leave, particularly women from communities that base a lot of emphasis on families (as mine did, although I had a leg in the professional world, which I FOUGHT to keep in there). I mean, as I’ve pointed out before, the white house was real good at shunning the word “mother” and “motherhood” from its game plan (except in the context of home visitation nurses, or getting the kids back to Early Head Start and Mom back to school). LOOK: just TRY it, try turning the back on men that murder — at least for a LITTLE while. Give them some alone time to think about what just happened.

Higinbotham, 44, of Brownsville, is charged by state police with criminal homicide in the hit-and-run death of his wife, 30-year-old Carmen Higinbotham.

LADIES: I can be wrong, but I recommended (based on some headlines that keep popping up in this topic) sticking to men within 10 years of you. It’s not a guarantee, but it MIGHT be a deterrent to being used as a baby-maker. I know prime time is prime time (apparently she was 21 for the first daughter by him, and he? had previous children too). But, in the U.S., there should be other situations you can help develop yourself in, for the kids’ sakes.

In a criminal complaint, state police allege Higinbotham drove his 2000 Hyundai Tiburon over his wife shortly before midnight June 20 on Route 40 near 7235 National Pike, then left her to die.

Not just into, but over. Not his “estranged” wife, but his wife.

Yes, I think every one should trust this man’s judgment and follow his suggestions about the disposition of offspring. That way they won’t lose touch with the man who murdered their Mom, or at least people related to him. AND anyone, well, who put adopted children into his care.

Carmen Higinbotham was the mother of six children, including two of her own, two stepchildren and two who were adopted.

According to separate civil actions scheduled to be presented in Fayette County motions court today, Ron Higinbotham is the natural father of two of the children – a 9-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy. He is the adoptive father of a third child, identified as a 15-year-old boy.

The two younger children are staying in West Brownsville with Ron Higinbotham’s parents, Patricia Ann and Donald Lee Higinbotham Sr., according to one of the filings.

In a separate civil action, Higinbotham wants a judge to grant custody of the adopted 15-year-old boy to the boy’s cousins. The boy’s cousins, Eric W. and Maxine R. Rosie, of Smithfield, already are caring for the teen, according to the civil filing.

Attached to both filings are custody agreements, both of which have been agreed to and signed by Ron Higinbotham.

He sounds very coherent and organized for someone who did such a deed. I wonder if he got help from a “healthy marriage promoting responsible fatherhood” funding, or whether he will get help from “mentoring children of prisoners” programs either to encourage father/daughter/son contact in accord with our national policy that the TRUE social crisis of our time is “fatherlessness.”

Well, this is part of its face, and part of how SOME fatherlessness gets started.

He remains lodged in the Fayette County Prison without bond. {That’s reassuring, for now}. He faces a preliminary hearing scheduled for 9 a.m. Aug. 28 before South Union Township District Judge Joseph George Jr.

{{I’m just a little speechless on how to summarize this one…. Help, readers…Analyze, comment, suggest: how could that question even come up?}}{{well, he has a right to file whatever civil action he wants to. Just sounds real organized there, real together, or real, he got some help in that matter. So how come women can’t get help on child support enforcement against a former ex, under current policy, if he falls into the “Father’s Return” policy target audience, eh? 90% of the “help” evaporates once a case gets into family law, and believe me, the word is out on that one.

I would’ve been SO much better not looking for help, at all, and just enrolling immediately in some law courses, while working, with children in the household, rebuilding a business, trying to establish boundaries, newer, healthier relationships, advocate for my daughters’ educations, after they’d been forced back into inferior situations (by this same persion) and healing from all that prior abuse. I should’ve been sitting in a legal classroom rather than calling nonprofits, agencies, and so forth, the people assigned to take care of these situations. Of course I’d have to do this during school hours while I was working, because women that work when are looked down upon in this venue for not being a homemaker. They are also looked down upon for BEING homemakers, a situation that often puts them in need of child support, and vulnerable to secret bargaining with the access/visitation-mongers.

I made another serious mistake during a brief period of a single, evening job, duration about 2-3 hours, when both children were teens. I said to my daughter, go ahead, go with your friend to her youth group. BIG mistake. Churches might as well have a target on the outside for stalkers and as a source of great, submissive, and needy 2nd wives, or people that will help such people down the road apiece in their quests.

That was SUCH a brief time, and it quite backfired for my situation. God bless the churches in this matter – — they are real faithful to those who come through the front doors, and real watchful also, to safeguard their flock from within and without (like the churches I was in while being battered at home those years).

After the emotions surrounding the latest femicide, homicide, aghast, we didn’t know, surprise, shock, grief, etc. (if there’s still some lost in the public bloodstream/ psyche), THEN what. What action to take? What insight to gain. What policies to question. What prevsiou assumptions to question about who you know how well? Any – – – or none? What’s the bottom line.

Here’s what the Bible says. Of making many books there is no end, much study is weariness of the flesh. Hear the words from a wise masterbuilder:

Fear God, and keep his commandments: this is the whole (duty) of man.

Ecclesiastes 12, end of the book.

From the mouth of Solomon son of David, whose father set the way for him to build the temple, lived a lavish life, possibly leaving descendants (more than possibly) in Ethiopia, had no end of women (wive and concubines both), even with all that concluded “vanity of vanity, all is vanity” and in the end helped burden and take down his kingdom, in great part through burdensome debt.

He then had a son, Barack (EXCUSE me, Rehoboam), who when cautioned to ease up on the federal spending said, listened to his younger, progressive, utopia-minded advisors and retorted, “you ain’t seen nuttin’ yet, we will stimulate yet more economy” and under whose realm the kingdom split, possibly because of this. Or because (it’s said) of all the other gods all those wives, making allegiances with other kingdoms, brought in.

It’s possible I have the facts (and probably I have the quote) quite wrong: feel free to look them up, almost any version,or language, at

http://bible.cc.

“The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, given from one shepherd. And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books, there is no end; and much study [including blogging] is weariness of the flesh. Let us hear the conclusion of the matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments for this is the whole of man.

For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good, or whether evil.

I’ve been in the legal system now almost 10 years. One thing I have noticed — there are very, very few situations that don’t correlate to situations already described in the Bible, if you understand principle, the heart of the matter. Our culture is in many ways as polygamous as any other, and as sexist. There is still war, there is still poverty, there are still many gods, and there is still no utopia.

BUT – – – BUT – – — in looking at the 10 Commandments (Exodus or Deuteronomy), nearly every one of them has a correlative in some criminal law, except the sabbath. There is no law about adultery, that I know of, but men still kill when they feel cheated on, so I’d say that’s a caveat. This is not related to whether or not they themselves may or may not be cheating.

AND, moreover, a person who does not believe there is a God, or there will be a judgment and that their secret places are going to remain secret – — who really, really doesn’t think that someone will find out, or if through cleverness, deceit, immunity, or simply accumulating cronies, and power — criminal behavior won’t be caught — that person is dangerous.

Thou shalt not kill (any complaints with this one?)

Thou shalt not bear false witness (any complaints with that one?)

The two outside ones: Thou shalt have no other gods before me –and thou shalt not covet — are probably the hardest.

The Catholics get around the 2nd one, no graven images, by omitting it, and then patching up the 10th one to come up with 10 total. I saw this engraved in stone, and thought it was an anomaly, til I heard George Carlin’s version of the 10. (If anyone has a video link please SEND it!)

Honor thy father AND thy mother — well family law just shot that one to hell. …… in the name of “co-parenting” we will ignore the behavior of one parent and reward the other. . . . OK. . . . . . .

Is it really that complicated?

$2.4 million for designer families in California, and cut the shelter money (but not the money to the DV coalitions nationwide).

I found out yesterday that of that $2.4 million, it was taken from TANF funds. Go figure!

Oh, and that about $2 million was going to a Poverty Court for the homeless in SF, rather than, say housing. They have holding cells though (see “poormagazine.com”), for homeless people who are being a nuisance and committing crimes or misdemeanors. This should of course be a blog.

We are supposed to have as a nation a degree of self-discipline and self-control. To encourage that, we are so confused about religion in the public schools, we supposedly eliminate this. Then put back in Character Education to replace it. The 10 Commandments are thrown out of a courthouse (after a lot of arguing), but the faith-based groups have a welcome home when it comes to both making and enabling policies.

Whatever happened to inalienable rights, and let us figure the rest out, for example how to get up, sit down, go out, come back, and raise our kids? If we break a law, then punishment, if we don’t, then none.

Although I did vote, and did catch a good deal of the last Presidential Election, I have not had a reprieve from “family court matters” yet. I did, however, notice the Messianic promises of our current president (for whom, by the way, I voted. And by whom, presently, as a former single “female-headed, father-absent” household, I feel betrayed. I did not expect this person to confuse his background with the background of women who left because of violence and don’t feel like re-engaging.

For one, we also don’t, some of us, want to end up like the woman on the road above, or the woman in the tollbooth. We don’t want our children to be emotional OR literal orphans as to their mothers. WHAT is so hard to understand about that, National Fatherhood Initiative (and your nonprofit, governmental-agency offspring)? And why is the OVW (Office of Violence Against Women) curtsying towards this movement, as I last heard in an NCADV policy alert about funds to shelters being cut — a high-ranking woman in the office visited President Obama’s Town Hall on Fatherhood. Take a stand with the rest of us and stop giving an audience to doctrines that get women killed. Stop talking about “preventing” violence and do the right thing once it happens – – stop TALKING about accountability and let’s say that killing and beating and stalking and all this really IS wrong.

And let’s get that message into the family law system, or get the people running the place out of their offices and make them spend a few days in a shelter, or in a soup line, and ask women there how they got homeless. (The former was done, at least an overnight, once in NYS, I heard). OR, let’s get the homeless and others from the shelters (not just a single, sanitized spokesperson, or maybe two) and see what they look like, into these conferences — EVERY one of them — on what to do about all the poor folk. We will personally explain (without threats) what we think of all this, and about being threatened ty the system after we have been threatened by individuals for thinking that we can think, and THINKING that it would be better to totally separate the batterer — not the reporter — from minor children for a least a very significant season, and too bad if this is sad for him, he should’ve thought before lashing out with kids around. Or without them.

A recent joke (well, not that recent) going around a certain county, where they help people who lack food EAT, that the county was seeking volunteers to count the homeless. They felt that this count might be better done by a few of them (and for pay, too).

While I realize that there’s not an identified presence in any system for Burris, or that I know of for the other person here, I still say, let’s re-route some of those diverted funds that discuss “what to do” into “doing.” For example, a year ago, I would’ve been content with a SINGLE (let alone 3 in a row) unemployment checks. All I wanted then was phone and internet sufficient to keep going in a business I was already jumpstarted. Years of living so marginalized through this system (NOT “the economy, I guarantee you in this case”) and with total chaos in relationships made building anything much up (with weekly visitations, any one causing an incident?) a moot point.

To “solve” this I now have no access to either child and am expected to buck up and do it again, and forget that for the past many years, each successive time I did so, it escalated and was stopped. What was that, family entertainment?

(end of whine).

The question is not, is the topic getting national attention. It is. The question is, what use is being made of all the funds that follow the loudest, or best connected, speakers? A nation of non-investigating sheep is going to get sheared. Then complain about the cold. Complaining about the cold doesn’t make it much warmer. Find out who are the sheep-shearers, and take the scissors.

http://usaspending.gov

http://taggs.hhs.gov

And your local county business offices, etc.

Cross-check data between the two databases (which ain’t easy; yesterday I saw a missing $2.342 million in one state, marriage funding, from one database, different recipient names, one listing of programs is by program number, the other alphabetical by program name, but done inconsistently. The years covered are not the same. A program which receives MILLIONS in funding, and has for many, many years is not searchable in one. The other one, you can search awards by number, but not get a description, however it appears to have more spreadsheet type functions, the other alllows one to sort on many more fields, but not total reports, etc.

(that’s only a start)

etc.

Until you have talked to a law enforcement officer, with guns, holding the immediate future or your children in (his) authority, realized he knows who has custody, and watch him and his friends turn down your requests to honor this, and thereafter ask a district attorney to do th esame thing: Honor and existing custody order and file a report to get them back — it’s just something, that’s all.

And then just watch how aggressive and persistent the follow-up is when it’s serve and collect vs. serve and protect, same area. Who were all those laws for, exactly? ?? And why can’t our country do a little better than a single abusive family system did the prior decade? Or better than a few religious institutions, in this single matter, single case.

Ah well, of making many books . . . . . .

Don’t forget the headline contest, though….

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

August 13, 2009 at 4:46 PM

Posted in "Til Death Do Us Part" (literally), After She Speaks Up - Reporting Domestic Violence and/or Suicide Threats, Context of Custody Switch, Fatal Assumptions, Lethality Indicators - in News, Where's Mom?

Tagged with custody, domestic violence, fatherhood, Intimate partner violence, Manhood, men's rights, social commentary

Yes, we SHOULD call them “restraining order suggestions” (Certifiably Insane Protection Orders in MN; meanwhile, more “Fatherhood” in KS) [[Orig. Aug. 7, 2009]].

with 25 comments

[[Title & Shortlink added Dec. 1, 2023 to refer to this post]]

[Feb. 17, 2016 UPDATE NOTES:

This post originally published over five years ago — on August 7, 2009. For more recent focus of this blog, see more recent posts (2016, 2014) which focus on systems operations, and consolidation of economic power from outside state lines (divorce and custody remaining under state jurisdiction, as well as domestic violence prevention orders).

I am currently working on posts regarding the Greenbook Initiative (2000-2008) and involved parties, on the NCJFCJ, on IDVAAC, and the “DV cartel” as identified by its participants (centralized, coordinated, and stuck in a policy rut) on the HHS and USDOJ grants stream.

I look up nonprofit organizations functioning as social policy conduits for a small group of inter-related professionals who cut deals with each other on what to minimize, what to focus on. These represent a much larger pattern throughout government, not just relating to domestic violence itself.

Many times by the time individuals find out about the policy deals that were cut, their lives, or kids are “gone.” If not physically, often in all the other critical aspects of life which people NOT entrenched in some of these systems may still take for granted. For example, the ability to get to and from, and hold a job once one has been hired, or completing projects for clients inbetween police events, court hearings, and ongoing threats to one’s personal safety and particularly, financial survival (i.e., ability to sustain food, housing, transportation, etc.). This comment added 2/17/2016 //LGH]

THIS POST IS: Yes, we SHOULD call them “restraining order suggestions” (Certifiably Insane Protection Orders in MN; meanwhile, more “Fatherhood” in KS) [[Orig. Aug. 7, 2009]].

(Short-link ends “-ez” and post is about 10,600 words. Including many quotes…and the text of a Kansas Senate Bill starting a “Fatherhood Initiative” — and the entire text of the U.S. Declaration of Independence (trying to see if there’s a disconnect somewhere between those two?)

I also respond to some news articles at length on the timeline in the first article shown below.) (Parts of this post also refer to the Inter-American Council on Human Rights (IACHR) for a domestic violence (“DV”) case from Kansas (Claudine Dombrowski) which appealed that high up for justice…) //LGH 12/1/23.

Today’s [Aug. 2009] headlines are right on topic with yesterday’s post. . . and the one referenced above….

Mr & Mrs. OUELETTEs, MINNESOTA, 2 accounts of 2,100 on the web, from Kare11News.

(1) Wife had order of protection against husband prior to murder-suicide

(2) Harris man gave up guns before strangling wife, hanging himself

Well, I swore I was NOT going to blog on this today, but I fear that these are indeed possibly copy-cat murder/suicides. It is now “out there” in the news as a possible way out of an emotionally embarrassing and humiliating situation.

Read THIS one, and then see if you can tell which parts were certifiably insane public policy, and how many warning signs people ignored.

And I’ll tell you why this one chills me, and makes me glad to be alive today.

(TOP of post — Minnesota. BOTTOM — Kansas.

They relate.)

Blogger’s Preface

At this point, it seems to be “certifiably insane public policy” to expect women to trust, or men to respect, such restraining orders, when clearly they don’t — I already blogged on this re: the woman in Pennsylvania who fought back.

Recently, I wrote about a father accused of molesting his (teenaged) daughter who, seeing as she was only moved 2 doors down, and into the home of a man that used to be the same father’s employee (say, what???!?). Within one week, Dad had killed: daughter, foster father and himself, and almost killed foster mother, too. So THAT helpful ruling got 3 people dead and one injury.

Great going, child protective services in that region of Tennessee.

Here’s another one that slipped through the cracks somehow, and at several different points. What “gets” me about this one is realizing several domestic violence prevention groups, nonprofits, that have been getting millions upon millions of federal dollars, over at least a decade in grants to provent violence locally, rurally, and in Indian tribes, as well as technical assistance grants to, I guess, “get the word out.”

So far, I can see they are doing a great job with putting together literature that’s already on the web somewhere, positioning themselves as the experts, consulting in private with other professionals about what to do, and keeping a body count. Which hasn’t substantially changed (per these counts) statewide in Minnesota within a decade.

So either the state is raising more suicidal or unable-to-handle-stress people, or immature young adults who then continue the immaturity into adulthood and parenthood (referring to the fathers in this case), or something. . . . . . Or so many people are being born each day that they STILL don’t know the warning signs of danger, and are talked into minimizing them.

Let’s maybe add ONE more “lethality risk” — trusting in protection orders to start with.

That’s for the courts and for the women alike. And encouraging a woman to do so (or continuing to present them as viable alternatives — when in fact they are panaceas too often) also places her in risk, given the facts. Ignorance of them is NOT bliss. . . .

When police DO respond in time, they run the risk of death themselves. When they do NOT respond in time, typically Mom, and sometimes Dad, are killed, and sometimes more. Or otherwise traumatized. SO . . . . . what else is available?

CONSIDER THIS ONE:

State: Minnesota
Body Count: 2, no responding officers or bystanders killed this time.
Orphans: 3, ages 10 (boy), 8 & 8 (twin girls)
Who are they now living with? Relatives.
Did they witness the murder – – of their mother by their father, YES, the girls
Did they try to intervene and fail? – — YES, an 8 year old girl tried to save her mother.
Was 911 called? – — YES, by an 8 year old daughter?

Was the call heeded (it seems No), or interfered with (yes, by the father)? – – – read below.
Was that restraining order as written certifiably insane? – — ABSOLUTELY. (And it seems identical to the one I got many years ago.)
Does making a restrained person turn in his or her guns always save a life? – — NO. Other weapons also can kill (apparently here, hands).
Or, a person not allowed to get a gun could get a friend’s (or in a recent case girlfriend’s gun).

Are risk assessments going to redeem lives from living in fear (or being lost)? – – – I’m not sure. I’m of the current opinion, NO, unless the woman herself takes them seriously and takes serious actions not reliant on 911 to ensure safety.

So, let’s talk about the body counts vis-a-vis the legal terminology:

When you think about it, and read the results, even calling these things “protection orders” makes zero sense. They are restraint requests. A man without restraint is ordered in public by a judge to show restraint.

WHO is to protect, in “protection order”? The power of the state? Does the state, like God, declare “protection” exists because it ordered this? And is the state, in so doing, lying to the protected parties?

I think so, basically.

Here’s a perhaps (I ALWAYS say “perhaps,” or try to) more viable protection order:

A trained, armed mother with an attitude to match, telling the man who just received the judicial order, that she is going to take the boundaries of the property seriously, and understands all laws regarding the 2nd amendment, and any contingencies. IN other words, she needs to be more determined and more aggressive than the person who formerly attacked or threatened her.

So do the people surrounding or dealing with her on this issue.

Alternately, a “not in the same state” “county” “500 mile radius” mother, and kids. And the kids could be told the truth about why this is happening, in age-appropriate terms but without name-calling or derogatory treatment of their father.

But of course that would screw up “access visitation” and “National Fathers Return Days” somewhat….

NOW, this mindset is not typically the state of a woman who has gotten to the point of requesting such an order from her husband, right? The request for an order represents to an abuser an ESCALATION in OPPOSITION to SUBMISSION. How’s he likely to respond?

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

August 7, 2009 at 12:38 PM

How can we analyze policy inbetween these leading, bleeding headlines?

with one comment

Maybe if I intersperse headlines, policy talk, and commentary I can get through another day without mourning evidence of national return to stupidity day.

Man, then about 19, begets child; mother (now in other state) age not mentioned

Separation happens; Dad gets custody, Dad remarries (in which order?)

Dad has two more children and, now 34 himself, is accused of molesting his first one, now 15.

DCFS removes daughter he is allegedly molesting from his custody — SORT of, not quite!

Pissed off, or coldly determined, Dad obtains gun — or grabs one he already owns.

Before much of anything is discovered (LEST it be discovered?)

He simply heads two doors down, kills foster Dad, attempts to kill foster mother, DOES kill his own daughter,

What a life she led with her FATHER, a STEPMOTHER, two stepsiblings, and being molested, ALLEGEDLY.

SOMEONE TALKS. She gets out, but not safe. Now she’s dead.

Oh yeah, and not one to go to prison, her father also shoots himself, fatally.

Her MOM was in another state — WHY?

Just another small, friendly, Tennessee Town.

Does anyone know her brief life well enough to tell its brief story? Because when these things happen

at home, the theme is NOT telling anyone outside the family; collusion is the order of the day.

THIS ARTICLE IS FROM TODAY — August 4, 2009

QUIZ — from what YEAR are the orange quotes mid-article?

ANSWER BELOW.

Color Code:

light blue — quotes the article
black — my comments
orange — quotes from a different article (speech, to be precise).

Police: Dad fatally shoots daughter, foster dad

By TRAVIS LOLLER, Associated Press Writer – 31 mins ago

(AND, SELF) (AND TRIES TO KILL FOSTER MOTHER, too)

DYERSBURG, Tenn. – Neighbors in Tennessee are asking why a teenage girl

fatally shot by her father was placed with a foster family just two doors down

after he was accused of abusing her.

Omitted from this lead sentence — ONE WEEK after . . . . .

I believe one of the tags on this one might be “AFTER SHE SPEAKS UP” (if it was the daughter, or her mother, or her stepmother)

This puts a CHILL on reporting abuse…

As dads disappear, the American family is becoming significantly weaker and less capable of fulfilling

its fundamental responsibility

of nurturing and socializing children and conveying values to them.

In turn, the risks to the health and well-being of America’s children

are becoming significantly higher.

Christopher Milburn, 34, killed the 15-year-old and her foster father and

wounded her foster mother before taking his own life Sunday, authorities said.

Sounds like a virtual honor-killing of some sort..

Children growing up without fathers, research shows, are far more likely to live in poverty,

to fail in school, to experience behavioral and emotional problems,

to develop drug and alcohol problems,

to be victims of physical abuse and neglect and, tragically, to commit suicide.

{{THis being a case in point, I suppose?}}

{{The order of events is reversed. Victims of physical (and sexual) abuse are often

turning to drugs, alcohol, and other risky behaviors as a result, per a decade-long

(and basically ignored by the fatherhood movement) Kaiser/CDC study (see blogroll to right), completed the

year before THIS quote I am inserting to this recent Tennessee tragedy.}}

Neighbor Frank Hipps said Milburn was good friends with Todd Randolph, the 46-year-old foster father,

and had worked for him in the past. Hipps, who had known both men for about eight years, said he didn’t know

the details of the abuse allegations but questioned why the girl had been placed so close.

Maybe he didn’t know them so well as he thought.

Who paid WHOM to get this daughter switched only 2 doors down, instead of the Dad switched out of the neighborhood?

Dad used to work for the foster father? Just HOW inbred was this town, exactly?

A mature 46 year old man, foster father, married, and a daughter in the home.

Let’s do the Father/Daughter math: 34 – 15 is HOW old was he when he got a woman pregnant?

Legally old enough: 19. Probably just out of high school.

“That kid shouldn’t have been in that house,” he said.

I agree. I think she should’ve been with her mother.

“This might have been preventable if she had been placed with foster parents out of the community.”

MIGHT is true, especially if he still knew where she was ….

OR for SURE if the man had been in jail for molesting his daughters, which is where child-molesters belong, at least to start.

Neither police in Dyersburg, in northwestern Tennessee, nor child services agency spokesman Rob Johnson

would elaborate on the abuse allegations other than to say the investigation began last week.

The girl, whose name was not released, had been staying with Todd and Susan Randolph

while the state Department of Children’s Services investigated, Dyersburg Police Capt. Steve Isbell said.

WHo paid WHOM to put her there? Come’ ON! !!! Give the girl a fresh start!

Susan Randolph, the girl’s foster mother, was released from a Memphis hospital Monday.

Frank Hipps’ wife, Tammy, said the 15-year-old was Milburn’s daughter by a previous relationship.

He was married and the couple had two younger daughters.

The court probably saw a stable TWO-parent family, it probably had at least HEARD about

the great crisis of fatherlessness we’ve been plagued with as a nation for the past about 15 years

(This girl was born right around the time this doctrine took nationalized, Congressionally recognized wings..

She must’ve been born around 1994. See below. Gee, by then, my In-the-home husband had already

started assaulting me, between babies. WHat a coincidence that, unbeknownst to me, my government

was aware of the crisis and addressing it. . . . . Oh, excuse me, not the crisis of child molestation or

domestic violence, but of FATHERLESSNESS.

The girl’s mother was living out of state

and police were waiting for her to arrive before releasing the girl’s name, Isbell said.

Police found the teenager and Todd Randolph dead at the Randolph home and Milburn about a block away,

dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

One less child molester, allegedly, OR man who didn’t trust the legal system to get the truth out of his innocence.

Guess they must do things different in Family Court in Tennessee; he’d have been FINE if he could just connect

with some PAS-theory court professional and discredit whoever was alleging the abuse. Unless it was the girl…

Charles Wootton, 71, who lives across the street from the Randolphs, said he heard five pops. He looked out the window

and saw Randolph on the ground near the mailbox.

“My wife opened the door and walked out and seen the blood. That’s when I called 911,” he said.

Wootton said neighbors started to gather at the Randolphs’ house and a nurse performed CPR on Todd Randolph,

who had been shot through the neck. {{FOR THE CRIME OF . . . . . . . ??}}

Wootton said when he first looked at Susan Randolph, he thought she was dead, too.

“She told me who did it,” Wootton said.

The Randolphs have two young children who were at their grandparents’ house during the shootings, Wootton said.

Wootton had moved to the neighborhood about two weeks ago, and Todd Randolph had mowed his yard several times.

“The people around here are just about the friendliest you’ve ever met,” said Wootton. “I don’t know what happened to that guy.”

MORAL OF THE STORY: FRIENDLY PEOPLE CAN STILL MOLEST THEIR CHILDREN. WHO REPORTED? THE DAUGHTER?

THE NEW WOMAN? ONE OF HER MANDATED REPORTERS.

Isbell said Milburn had no criminal record in Dyersburg, a city of approximately 18,000 people about 70 miles northeast of Memphis.

Tammy Hipps said Milburn worked as a counselor at the McDowell Center for Children,

which helps at-risk and troubled children.

Well, was he falsely accused or properly accused?

If properly, then again, let’s note here: PERPS like places that give them access to CHILDREN, esp. troubled ones.

The shootings came just over two weeks after Jacob Levi Shaffer of Fayetteville, a small Tennessee town

near the Alabama border about.

70 miles west of Chattanooga, was accused of fatally stabbing his estranged wife,

three members of her family and a neighbor boy to death on July 18.

He also is accused of beating an acquaintance to death in nearby Huntsville, Ala.

BEFORE or AFTER she became “inexplicably” “estranged”??

Perhaps stories like these are why the word “RESPONSIBLE” was added to things like, “National Fathers Return Day?”

One Congressional discussion of which I give, below:

FROM THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD:

Lieberman, Joseph[D-CT]
Begin	1999-06-17	10:13:34
End		10:21:48
Length	00:08:14

Leading off with African Americans and teen pregnancies, he relates:

Mr. LIEBERMAN.

Mr. President, I want to say just a few words on the jarring statistics from that report and column for my colleagues.

Of African American children born in 1996, 70 percent were born to unmarried mothers. At least 80 percent, according to the report,

can expect to spend a significant part of their childhood apart from their fathers.

We can take some comfort and encouragement from the fact that the teen pregnancy rate has dropped in the last few years. But the numbers cited in Mr. Kelly’s column and in the report are nonetheless profoundly unsettling, especially given what we know about the impact of fatherlessness, and indicate we are in the midst of what Kelly aptly terms a “national calamity.”

It is a calamity. Of course, it is not limited to the African American community. On any given night, 4 out of 10 children in
this country are sleeping in homes without fathers.

COMMENTARY:

(THis mental image appears to be far less vivid than the ones of SOME fathers doing horrible things when they DID or DO live

with their children..

Like beating them. Or having sex with them. Or beating their mothers. Or simply refusing to work OR help around the home. Or,

engaging in multiple sexual relationships with other women while married. Or verbally berating a mother in front of the children.

SOME Dads are great Dads and SOME Dads are a terror. Likewise, SOME Moms are great Moms, and SOME Moms are negligent

or bad Moms. It is also harder for a mother to care properly for her children, or in the best manner, which she is afraid of being assaulted

over a minor issue by the Dad when he comes home. If he does that day. Are these senators thinking about these images when they

shudder and are aghast at a home without a Dad).

Many homes were without Dads during the World Wars I, II, Korean War, Viet Nam War, in Iraq, Afghanistan, and many other places

men (and women) have been sent because men decided to make war with each other, in the name of peace and democracy and self-protection.

Some homes of law enforcement officers are now without Dads in them because their Dad responded to a domestic violence dispute, and

caught a bullet, generally also taking out the attacking father as well.

MY Dad’s home, growing up between two of the abovementioned wars was without a Dad in it because, guess what: His Dad (a fireman),

got tired of beating his German immigrant wife and abandoned her with three children. He witnessed this growing up.

He went on to become a successful scientist, raise children he did NOT beat (at least I wasn’t and I never saw my siblings taking this),

studied hard, worked hard, sent ALL children not just to, but also through college also, and left an inheritance. And provide for, from what

I am told/understand, not only his own mother, but also a younger brother who never quite got it together, possibly related to something that

happened when he WAS with that abusive Dad, or what, I was never told. That brother also served his country as a soldier, and died before his time,

never having married or had children.

My Dad NEVER put his children (all daughters) in contact with the abusing/beating/abandoning father, ever, in his lifetime.

I never regretted this, that I can recall. How can you regret something you never saw, where the only thing you knew about him was,

he beat the grandmother that I DID know (a little bit).

However, while Sen. Lieberman was making this speech, about a decade ago, I was for the first time in a full decade of substantial

domestic violence in MY daughters’ lives, with them at an overnight, stay-away camp, a music camp, which we had managed to get

to no thinks from the father who never left. For two weeks, I was not going to be abused at night and was around people who actually

treated me respectfully, and I worked along side them in my profession. We had had a real push getting up there, and were punished

soundly for having left, but during that week and seeing the response to us getting free from abuse for only (and not entirely; there was

a dour-faced, rules-of-camp breaking midweek visit, where $20 was casually tossed at me so I might have enough gas to get back home)

I MADE UP MY MIND that this domestic violence restraining order was GOING to be filed, and I’m “out of here.”

How ironic that i didn’t know what was being prated and pronounced in Washington, D.C. at this time.

Here’s the rest of this little 8 minute speech, in case you WOULD like the names of some of the prominent thinkers behind this

June 1999 presentation to the President of the United States, and get a glimpse inside the working of great, Constitution-respecting, minds

when left unsupervised in the Capital of our beloved country:

We can take some comfort and encouragement from the fact that the teen pregnancy rate has dropped

in the last few years. But the numbers cited in Mr. Kelly’s column and in the report are nonetheless

profoundly unsettling, especially given what we know about the impact of fatherlessness,

{{Gee, that must have been a grass-roots appeal from the teen mothers for help, or their mothers, or

theirs sisters. WHERE did this knowledge about the impact of fatherless come from, given the

establishment in 1994 of: (A) The Violence Against Women Act (help some women leave, rather than

stay, in abusive, dangerous relationships) and (B) Also in 1994, the National Fatherhood Initiative.
(Should I compare months of incorporation as nonprofit with the passage of the law?)}}

and indicate we are

in the midst of what Kelly aptly terms a “national calamity.” It is a calamity. Of course, it is not limited to

the African American community. On any given night, 4 out of 10 children in this country are sleeping in homes without fathers.

(CONTINUED QUOTE, in different format..):

At the end of this column, Michael Kelly asks: How could this happen

in a Nation like ours? And he wonders if anyone is paying attention.

Well, the fact is that people are beginning to pay attention, although

it tends to be more people at the grassroots level who are actively

seeking solutions neighborhood by neighborhood.

{{Evidence being….. WHO?? Time frame? Organizations? Written declarations by any of these?}}

The best known of these groups {{in fact the ONLY one named here..}}

is called the National Fatherhood Initiative.

{{Possibly because of its funding? and prominence of who’s in it?}}

I think it has made tremendous progress in recent years {{CONTEXT 1994-1999}}

in raising awareness of father absence and its impact on our society and in mobilizing a

national effort to promote responsible fatherhood.

Per the HHS TAGGS search on its name:

Fiscal Year	Grantee Name	State	Award Number	Award Title	CFDA Number	Sum of Actions
2008	NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE	MD	90FB0001	NATIONAL FATERHOOD CAPACITY BUILDING INITIATIVE	93086	$ 999,534
2007	NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE	MD	90FB0001	NATIONAL FATERHOOD CAPACITY BUILDING INITIATIVE	93086	$ 999,534
2006	NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE	MD	90FB0001	NATIONAL FATERHOOD CAPACITY BUILDING INITIATIVE	93086	$ 999,534
2001	NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE	MD	90XP0023	THE RESPONSIBILE FATHERHOOD PUABLIC EDUCATION PROGRAM	93647	$ 500,000

And for column width, same search (common field: Award# / CFDA Code)

Fiscal Year	Award Number	Action Issue Date	CFDA Number	CFDA Program Name	Award Activity Type	Award Action Type	Principal Investigator	Sum of Actions
2008	90FB0001	09/25/2008	93086	Healthy marriage Promotion and Responsible Fatherhood Grants	DEMONSTRATION	NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION	CHRISTHOPHER BEARD	$ 999,534
2007	90FB0001	09/21/2007	93086	Healthy marriage Promotion and Responsible Fatherhood Grants	DEMONSTRATION	NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION	CHRISTHOPHER BROWN	$ 999,534
2006	90FB0001	09/25/2006	93086	Healthy marriage Promotion and Responsible Fatherhood Grants	DEMONSTRATION	NEW	CHRISTHOPHER BROWN	$ 999,534
2001	90XP0023	04/09/2001	93647	Social Services Research and Demonstration	SOCIAL SERVICES	NEW	HEATHER THURMAN	$ 500,000

I’d DONE data entry before, and typing. Do you know what the odds of someone even on no sleep, and having a sugar buzz, making THAT many

mistakes in 4 entries (fatherhood, responsible, and public, plus “Christopher” spelled wrong. Same grant, 3rd year, “Christhopher Brown” entered a

samesex marriage, apparently and changed last name “Brown” to his partner’s name “Beard”?

This database exists so the public can search on it. Hmmm…… I wonder if they know to search for misspelled names…. and key terms.

AND SINCE 2000– seen below:

Funding for the “Father Organization” in this “national effort”

Bar chart: info duplicated below as table

93.086: Healthy Marriage Promotion and Responsible Fatherhood Grants

$1,999,068

However the funding for the wild oats it sowed, under this # 93.086:

(I JUST LEARNED) I believe that this code only arose (emerged naturally of course) in about 2006. However, as of 2009,

it is still not a searchable agency code on the USASPENDING.gov. Either in listing “all” programs, or under the agency it belongs under

Hmmm — $2 million less in California for our shelters? (yes, yes, I realize this is federal, not state, spending).

2000-2009 NFI Funding: (See bar chart): Well, I guessed this may not be responsible “Spelling” on whoever entered the data,

but . . . .

When we simply search only the word

“fatherhood” under “recipient” for FY2000-2009,

we get an entirely different picture (also diff’t database):

Top 5 Known Congressional Districts where Recipients are Located

District of Columbia nonvoting (Eleanor Holmes Norton)	$6,942,352
Maryland 08 (Constance A. Morella / Chris Van Hollen)	$2,625,112

Yes this is definitely an “up from the people” grassroots movement,

and not a DC.-down

initiative, surely. They are just responding to (a certain sector) of their constitutents, and from Washington, acting on it. I know straight out of

getting out of my house safe, the FIRST thing on my mind was telling Washington, I needed (well, another) father in the home, since now

I was a “female-headed” household and my children, while this Domestic Violence Restraining order was in effect, were sleeping in a fatherless

home and in danger of (NOT) learning the rights values. They were learning that that stuff they witnessed growing up was illegal. And how to

leave a dangerous relationship and start to recover.

Of course, family court was there waiting for them to go UNlearn those values, fast, and that the 14th Amendment is just a theory.

Top 10 Recipients

NATIONAL FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE	$11,067,190
FATHERHOOD INITIATIVE	$8,673,900
INSTITUTE RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD	$6,557,520
INST FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD & FAM RE	$1,500,000
INST FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD & FAM. REVITA	$300,000
INST FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD & FAM. RE	$99,350
INST FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD & FAMILY REVI	$-14,518 **

93647 word “fatherhood”

Was that misspelling intentional? I mean, it WOULD complicate a search by Award Title

Searching, CFDA 93647 (Not the CFDA actually assigned the word “fatherhood” in its description) & word “fatherhood” (“keyword in award title”):

I”ll split in 2, so it displays better:

Exact same search, different fields, so you can see grantee, principal investigators….

i.e.,

“It did this ALL on its own altruistic self, and I’m just reporting on it here.”

The President (is this the same one that signed that 1995 proclamation? about fatherhood?)

SEARCH ON ALL grants, with only the word “fatherhood” in the grant (not grantee) title, produced

358 records, of which here are the 1995-1999 ones:

1999	INST FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD & FAM. REVITALIZATION	WASHINGTON	DC	Non-Profit Private Non-Government Organizations	90XA0005	REPLICATION & REVITALIZATION FATHERHOOD MODEL	93670	OTHER	NEW	$ 300,000
1999	INST FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD & FAM. REVITALIZATION	WASHINGTON	DC	Non-Profit Private Non-Government Organizations	90XP0014	EVALUATION OF THE INSTITUTE FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD	93647	SOCIAL SCIENCE RESEARCH (INCLUDES SURVEYS)	NEW	$ 180,000
1999	OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY, RESEARCH FOUNDATION	COLUMBUS	OH	State Government	R01HD035702	IMPROVING AND EVALUATING NLSY FATHERHOOD DATA	93864	SCIENTIFIC/HEALTH RESEARCH (INCLUDES SURVEYS)	NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION	$ 139,665
1999	UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA, SCHOOL OF PUBLIC HEALTH	MINNEAPOLIS	MN	State Government	R40MC00141	AN INTERVENTION FOR THE TRANSITION TO FATHERHOOD	93110	SCIENTIFIC/HEALTH RESEARCH (INCLUDES SURVEYS)	NEW	$ 344,470
1999	UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA NORMAN CAMPUS	NORMAN	OK	State Government	R40MC00110	AMERICAN INDIAN FATHERHOOD IN TWO OKLAHOMA COMMUNITIES	93110	SCIENTIFIC/HEALTH RESEARCH (INCLUDES SURVEYS)	NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION	$ 149,507
1998	OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY, RESEARCH FOUNDATION	COLUMBUS	OH	State Government	R01HD035702	IMPROVING AND EVALUATING NLSY FATHERHOOD DATA	93864	SCIENTIFIC/HEALTH RESEARCH (INCLUDES SURVEYS)	NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION	$ 104,927
1998	UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA NORMAN CAMPUS	NORMAN	OK	State Government	1R40MC0011001	AMERICAN INDIAN FATHERHOOD IN TWO OKLAHOMA COMMUNITIES	93110	SCIENTIFIC/HEALTH RESEARCH (INCLUDES SURVEYS)	NEW	$ 154,395
1997	OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY	COLUMBUS	OH	State Government	R01HD35702	IMPROVING AND EVALUATING NLSY FATHERHOOD DATA	93864	SCIENTIFIC/HEALTH RESEARCH (INCLUDES SURVEYS)	NEW	$ 119,899
1995	ADDISON COUNTY PARENT & CHILD CENTER	MIDDLEBURY	VT	County Government	90PR0005	RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD PROJECTS	93647	DEMONSTRATION	NEW	$ 85,000
1995	INST FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD & FAM. REVITALIZATION	WASHINGTON	DC	Non-Profit Private Non-Government Organizations	90PR0003	RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD PROJECTS	93647	DEMONSTRATION	NEW	$ 85,000
1995	INST FOR RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD & FAM. REVITALIZATION	WASHINGTON	DC	Non-Profit Private Non-Government Organizations	90PR0004	RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD PROJECTS	93647	DEMONSTRATION	NEW	$ 85,000
1995	ST. BERNANDINE’S HEAD START	BALTIMORE	MD	Non-Profit Public Non-Government Organizations	90PR0002	RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD PROJECTS	93647	DEMONSTRATION	NEW	$ 85,000
1995	WISHARD MEMORIAL HOSPITAL	INDIANAPOLIS	IN	County Government	90PR0001	RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD PROJECTS	93647	DEMONSTRATION	NEW	$ 85,000

Notice the variety of recipients, including Universities (this will be useful for later “evidence-based data” resulting from grants to study the topic.

Notice that the TYPE of grants appears to be either “new” or “noncompeting.” Hmmm.

AND NOW Sen Lieberman is reporting on this grassroots movement.

Along with a group of allies, the National Fatherhood Initiative has

been establishing educational programs in hundreds of cities and

towns across America.

It has pulled together bipartisan task forces in

the Senate, the House, and among the Nation’s Governors and

mayors.

YES< there’s ONE thing that a bipartisan majority male Congress and the Nation’s (also primarily male,

if I’m not mistaken??) can unite on, and that the problem with the nation

relates to a lack of male (father) influence on young children throughout the land.

Presumably, these children that are spending, probably, the majority of their waking hours

in school, are not connecting with any decent father figures or adult males and learning from them

good values.

I wonder what the male/female ratio of teachers is in the nation’s elementary and high schools….

It has worked with us to explore public policies that

encourage and support the efforts of fathers to become more involved

in the lives of their children.

Last Monday, the National Fatherhood Initiative held its annual

(FIFTH?) national fatherhood summit here in Washington. At that summit, Gen.

Colin Powell, and an impressive and wide-ranging group of experts

and advocates, talked in depth about the father absence crisis in our

cities and towns and brainstormed about what we can do to turn this

troubling situation around.

And Last June, 2009 President OBAMA, had a “town hall on fatherhood”

which was visited by a major representative in the Violence Against Women movement

(see last post). 15 years later, these articles are still leading, suicides (NOT by the troubled

teens, bu tby at times the fathers who troubled them….) are still happening. Well, the

doctrine’s NOT about to change, it must because THAT murderous, suicide-committing father

HIMSELF had no father model in his life.

There are limits to what we in Government can do to meet this

challenge and advance the cause of responsible fatherhood because,

Because — Because — Because, “regretfully” I supposed according to this point of view,

the FOUNDING Fathers put LIMITS to government into the U.S. Constitution,** and a few

MORE also made their way into the Bill of Rights as Amendments.

(**To appreciate the link — or be tempted to read it, hover cursor over it)

I can’t WAIT til the “Equal Rights” Amendment makes it in, if it ever will.

Of course I would settle for an enforced and respected 14th Amendment:

after all, it is hard to change people’s attitudes and behaviors and

values through legislation.

Possibly because the purpose of legislation is to express THEIR attitudes, by laws they voted on,

or their elected representatives did. Possibly because the purpose of government is to PROTECT

the inalienable rights of citizens….

But that doesn’t mean we are powerless,

Yes, time has shown that the federal grants systems, and initiatives, and private deliberations IS a

way to get around the danged legislation that has made “us” (Who all agree about this fatherhood crisis)

so “powerless.”

nor does it mean we can afford not to try to lessen the impact of a

problem that is literally eating away at our country.

How do you know it’s a PROBLEM and not a SYMPTOM of another problem?

In recent times, we have had a great commonality of concern

expressed in the ideological breadth of the fatherhood promotion

effort both here in the Senate and our task force, but underscored by

statements that the President, the Vice President, and the Secretary

of Health and Human Services have made on this subject in recent

years. Indeed, I think President Clinton most succinctly expressed the

importance of this problem when he said: {{in 1995….?}}}

The single biggest social problem in our society may be the growing

absence of fathers from their children’s homes because it contributes

to so many other social problems.

Again, in your opinion, supported by government-funded research with the premise already supposed.

AS WE CAN SEE BY THE ABOVE NEWS ARTICLE. THE REAL PROBLEM WITH THE SITUATION, AND

WHAT CAUSED THE MAN TO KILL 2 (NOT INCLUDING HIMSELF, AND THE FOSTER MOTHER HE TRIED TO KILL)

was HIS INDIGNANT FEELINGS ABOUT, WELL THE FATHER-ABSENCE IN HIS ADOLESCENT DAUGHTER’S LIFE.

IT WAS, REALLY, LOVE IN ACTION.

(FOR REFERENCE: This was the Monica Lewinsky president, right?

Well, I guess we can overlook that because he has just flown to North Korea,

with a shock of white hair and looking dignified (and leaner) to attempt to retrieve

two FEMALE journalists sentenced to 12 years of hard labor. I hope he succeeds.

However, his signing of that 1995 Memo sentenced women here locally to some unbelievable

long-term trauma, because of its chilling effect on the 14th Amendment (and others)

and the placement of daughters and sons in the household of men who abused (or are

abusing) either them, OR previously their mothers) (case in point).

So there are some things we can and should be trying to do. I am

pleased to note our colleagues, Senators BAYH, DOMENICI, and

others have been working to develop a legislative proposal, which I

think contains some very constructive and creative approaches

Yup, parTICULARLY creative with the laws, due process, and the titling of the

various grants involved. Let alone the use of them, or the monitoring of their use

if any indeed actually takes place.

in which the Federal Government would support financially, with

resources, some of these very promising grassroots father-promotion

efforts,

WOULD support? WOULD support?

Check HHS’s CFDA# 93.086, “promoting responsible fatherhood and healthy marriage” for yourself on THIS site:

http://usaspending.gov (under “SPENDING” “GRANTS”)

and also encourage and enact the removal of some of the

legal and policy barriers that deter men from an active presence in their children’s lives.

A “LEGAL BARRIER” MUST REFER TO A LAW, RIGHT?

Another thing I think we can do to help is to use the platform we

have on the Senate floor–this people’s forum –to elevate this

problem on the national agenda. That is why Senator GREGG and I

have come to the floor today. I am particularly grateful for the

cosponsorship of the Senator from New Hampshire, because he is the

chairman of the Senate Subcommittee on Children and Families.

YES, I AM SURE WE ARE REALLY, REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT CHILDREN AND FAMILIES

MORE THAN CHARACTER, OR LEGAL RIGHTS OF MEN AND WOMEN BOTH….

We are joined by a very broad and bipartisan group of cosponsors which

includes Senators BAYH,

BROWNBACK, MACK, DODD, DOMENICI, JEFFORDS, ALLARD,

COCHRAN, LANDRIEU, BUNNING, ROBB, DORGAN, DASCHLE, and

AKAKA. I thank them all for joining in the introduction of this special

resolution this morning, which is to honor Father’s Day coming this

Sunday,

but also to raise our discussion of the problem of absent fathers in

our hopes for the promotion of responsible fatherhood.

Senator GREGG indicated this resolution would declare this Sunday’s

holiday as National Fathers Return Day and call on dads around the

country to use this day, particularly if they are absent, to reconnect

and rededicate themselves to their children’s lives, to understand and

have the self-confidence to appreciate how powerful a contribution

they can make to the well-being of the children that they have helped

to create, and to start by spending this Fathers’ Day returning for

part of

the day to their children and expressing to their children the love they

have for them and their willingness to support them. [Page: S7164]

The statement we hope to make this morning in this resolution

obviously will not change the hearts and minds of distant or

disengaged fathers, but those of us who are sponsoring the resolution

hope it will help to spur a larger national conversation about the

importance of fatherhood and help remind those absent fathers of

their responsibilities, yes, but also of the opportunity they have to

change the life of their child, about the importance of their

fatherhood, and also help remind these absent

fathers of the value of their involvement.

We ask our colleagues to join us in supporting this resolution, and

adopting it perhaps today but certainly before this week is out to

make as strong a statement as possible and to move us one step

closer to the day when every American child has the opportunity to

have a truly happy Father’s Day because he or she will be spending it

with their father.

I thank the Chair. I yield the floor.

Just for a reminder:

– Slavery Abolished. Ratified 12/6/1865. History

1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted,

shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.

– Citizenship Rights. Ratified 7/9/1868. Note History

1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States

and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens

of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law;

nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

WELL, wordcount 5216, enough for today.

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

August 4, 2009 at 5:20 PM

Golden State $$ Deficits: What doesn’t trickle down from DV Coalitions (to victims), bubbles up instead to supporting “Father Involvement”

with 5 comments

We all know our state (California) is bottomed out.

Supposedly.

“June 19 NYT: Mr. Schwarzenegger, whose manly posturing either charms or repels, . . sent an oblong, melon-size sculpture of bull testicles to Darrell Steinberg, president pro tem of the Democratic-controlled State Senate.

The gift was apparently meant as a barbed joke, symbolizing the Republican governor’s hope that California legislators would display fortitude in deciding how to close a $24 billion budget deficit.

Mr. Schwarzenegger’s press office said the gag was a retort to a lighthearted present that Mr. Steinberg had sent the governor. That gift, a basket of mushrooms, followed Mr. Schwarzenegger’s description of Democratic budget proposals as “hallucinatory.”

I have not been hallucinating and I will display fortitude in reminding us that both government and nonprofits or both of them hand in hand (with foundations), have not opened their books and given an “evidence-based” (versus, walked through our doors-based) account of whether, to what extent, and HOW are they addressing hard social issues (including domestic violence, and the poverty that comes in it train

(NB: poverty does NOT cause abuse; abuse is a CHOICE, and there is no excuse for it. I have been poor in many ways during my years with this person, and I have not stalked, attacked, slapped, pushed, threatened with a weapon, attempted to cut off his relationship with his family (as he has — and has succeeded — with mine, including my own daughters — or any of those.).

Instead, they have run us around the block 15 times promising “help” and selling grandiose intentions until, wisely observing we’re exhausted, no evidence of help is even on the horizon yet and we just PAID someone with our time in expectation, or false hope.

THANK THEM! For boot camp in self-awareness — we just learned we’re gullible.

THANK THEM! For boot camp in self-sufficiency — we just learned how important free time and a purpose for it are.

And the entire structure of the U.S. economy is that those who, for one reason or another, DO have time to spare will (generally speaking) spend it on either themselves, or some noble cause to inflict on those who do NOT have time to spare. Though I’m pretty well educated, it took me the school of hard knocks knocking on nonprofit (and government agency) doors for simple, basic HELP, to figure out WHY this problem of making excuses for abuse.

For those of you who do refer to scripture (Bible), here’s the relevant parallel. A woman went to the doctors, and having spent all, was still bleeding, and as a result (in her society) considered in a continual state of “uncleanness,” she was an outcast socially.

(Mark 5):

25 And a woman, which had an issue of blood twelve years, 26 and had suffered many things of many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse, 27 having heard the things concerning Jesus, came in the crowd behind, and touched his garment. 28 For she said, If I touch but his garments, I shall be made whole.

~~~~~~~~~~

In addition to (with DV) these people not only bleeding, they are hemorrhaging jobs and relationships, and sometimes HOPE, as well. Whether or not you believe the situation or the miracles, this IS how it feels not to be able to get free from domestic violence (it’s hard, with children involved; it’s near-impossible, once one sets foot in family law arena, which typically doesn’t like to ACKNOWLEDGE that abuse is a choice, domestic violence is dangerous to those kids, but instead holds conference about how to put them back with their abusers — 100%, or at a minimum weekly. And bill the public (or the nonbattering parent) for this. Don’t believe me? read my blog! Access Visitation Grants funding.

What that woman needed was NOT another coalition of doctors discussing blood flow, she needed it STOPPED while she had some strength left, and as the account says, she already had no money left! . . . . . . I have actually been in this situation, literally as well as figuratively, during a highly stressful time in my life (in fact, it was actually that season I was in a full-blown custody suit, as well as possibly that “season” of my life). I needed to take a long, long car-drive and was not going to be able to do so in this condition — or at least I’m sure the driver wouldn’t have approved the multiple stops. You know what? The solution was SIMPLE — an herb costing about $11.00 called “shepherd’s purse.” For a little 2-oz. bottle. I was able to get it, and make the trip. If I’d actually HAD health insurance coverage at the time, I’m sure I’d have been put through an appointment, and on a prescription. Butt I didn’t, so a simpler way had to be found.

I believe if we as a society really WANTED domestic violence to stop as much as we wanted not to change our ways (or institutions — can anyone say “faith institutions” ??) or beliefs that someone else is handling this, when they aren’t, or give up our mythic continual trust in Big Brother to come and rescue us — it would be stopped. I’m SURE of it. How hard is it to really shun an abuser, the way a person reporting it gets shunned and outcast and stripped of her funds, and eventually (and partly because of this) children? – – but not of the abuser’s ongoing access to her.

SERIOUSLY NOW, we are hearing daily on the news how broke we are. Take for example, BUSES have been cut back one day a week, and routes re-routed, and shortened. Things and tempers are tight at times.

Across the nation this week, funding for domestic violence programs is being cut, incoming emails proclaim:

In California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger “terminated” the budget for domestic violence programs. Although cuts were anticipated, the elimination of all programs was not. Learn more.

The City Council in Washington, DC voted to cut an already underfunded victim services budget by 10%. Read more.

If your state is facing similar cuts, let us know atpublicpolicy@ncadv.org. We’re here to help!

From the “National Coalition on Domestic Violence” website and update:

California News (KFSN) — California’s recently adopted budget has dealt a severe blow to the state’s victims of domestic violence. Governor Schwarzenegger cut 20-point-4 million dollars to 94 shelters and centers statewide. As a result, many centers will have to make drastic cuts to their programs. Some will have to close their shelters altogether.

Now many of us going through this “where are your kids” routine (see blog buttons to right)” know, as you will if you visit some sites, that a key issue in the violence against women movement is the decade-plus backlash to it, which is the fatherhood movement. [[just a little heads-up on this matter for the uninitiated]]. They know it, we know it, and there’s a lively (and caustic) ongoing debate and blogging counter-blogging “thang” going on. However, it’s not a laughing matter, either financially or otherwise, although one CAN get some good satire out of many of the claims. As I do below today.

But please tell me, why on this same email about Governor Schwarzenegger’s outrageous fund-slashing, is THIS:

In This Issue

National Call with White House Advisor on Violence Against Women

Domestic Violence Budgets Take a Beating

Help Protect the VOCA Fund

Vice President Announces New White House Advisor on Violence Against Women

President Holds Town Hall on Fatherhood

Ex-CUUUUUSE me ??? ???? This is talking to the 6/19/09 Town Hall, i.e., Father’s Day…..

Executive Director, Rita Smith, attended President Barack Obama’s Town Hall meeting on Fatherhood held on Friday, June 19, 2009. {{IN WHAT CAPACITY? TO ENDORSE THIS, AS IF THE MOVEMENT WAS LACKING ENDORSEMENT? OR TO REPRESENT THE VOICES OF WOMEN WHO COULDN’T BE THERE– BECAUSE THEY’RE DEAD, IN A SHELTER, IN HIDING, OR DESTITUTE FROM THIS EXACT TYPE OF FATHERHOOD PROMOTION FROM “ON HIGH” THAT HAS DILUTED THE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN MOVEMENT AND CHANGED ITS CHARACTER ENTIRELY, WHILE KEEPING SIMILAR LABELS ON THE ORGANIZATIONS?)) President Obama discussed the importance of balancing work and family responsibilities, meeting obligations to children and serving as a role model to them, even if one’s own father could not do so. The President also encouraged fathers to break their fathers’ cycles, learn from their mistakes and “rise up where [their] own fathers fell short.” Watch here and read more.

Is this a test to see which women leaving violence are actually AWAKE, and which are drunk on their own professional level within an office. Is this a gullibility sensitivity test?

However SOME of us, because we look!, know where some of that money goes. (if not — yet — what’s done with it once it gets there). For example, although social services are going to be cut, judges’ supplemental pay apparent is not going to be. Nor can we sue judges retroactively who took bribes, apparently (Richard Fine is still in jail for confronting THAT, Senate passed a law prohibiting it).

I’m sure our Governor and Legislature will work SOMETHING out that won’t leave them, at least, out in the cold:

Here’s another Schwarzenneger ‘reassuring’ budget cut idea for women leaving abuse — release 27,000 prisoners, early. They’ll use GPS on them, or something…

Then ONE organization I thought was on the same page (understanding relationship between “family court matters” and “domestic violence” and “feminists v. anti-feminists (a.k.a. “Father’s rights’ promoters) ” and the general funding war, sent out another panicked alert that the Guv (Governor Schwarzenegger, i.e., the social services “terminator”) was cutting funds to domestic violence shelters, and this alert bore the name of some group I’d not run across, although for the past 10 years I sure have been RUNNING (and driving, calling, web-surfing, networking, asking, etc.) for HELP, etc. The name, being “California Partnership to End Domestic Violence.” Then the “Family Violence Prevention Fund” sent out another.

I’d recently turned from tracking HHS funds to finding out what’s up with all these DV Coalitions across the country…

I said, “say, WHO?” and then ran across THIS:

I’m not the only person that noticed this ? ? ? ?

Governor Schwarzeneger is right about cutting DV funding

Okay, with all the chaos floating around about how wrong Governor Schwarzenegger is for cutting or vetoing Domestic Violence funding all together I have to say he is right on point. I never thought I would agree, however, I am coming from the victim point of view.

I reached out to get help from dv coalitions, who refused to help me. For what I am about to say isn’t going to sit well with people, but I am sorry, I didn’t get help,

Heather Thompson didn’t get help and was basically battered by her local coalition to stay away and was told if she didn’t they would file a restraining order against her.Yes, that’s right, a restraining order against a victim of domestic violence begging for help.

Maria Phelps, a victim who resides in New York, has been following protocol and filling out forms that are required to receive help and the folks in New York, pull her chain on daily basis. What kind of hoops does one have to jump through to get their needs met from those who claim to help.

Claudia Valenciana, a former Ventura County Sheriffs Deputy was turned away from the Coalition to End FamilyViolence in Oxnard.

Alexis A. Moore was refused help simply because of the profession her abuser was in and she ended up living in her car, is this what the states money is funding? Survivors In Action has started a petition for Domestic Violence Reform, we are calling you out and believe us when we say, this is serious.

Thousands of victims of domestic violence have been refused help. In California alone, there are many, most are afraid to speak up. This what I feel is the threat of Governor Schwarzenegger’s veto, this means the salaries of the big wigs who work at these coalitions are going to be cut. They won’t be able to drive around in their nice cars or buy their fancy clothes to wear to State Capital hearings.

Commentary Cars and clothing don’t bother me. What bothers me, personally, is all the conferencing, policy-making conferences, forgetting that the REAL stakeholders are those whose very lives are most directly at stake, literally. And that among the stakes that these nonprofit participants hold, when those funds come FROM government, the recipients have a duty to actually serve the PUBLIC. Not themselves, their ideas, and their careers. When the nonprofit funding comes from individuals, or foundations, it’s a bit different, BUT, the jobs done SHOULD relate to the title on the funds collected. “Are we done yet?” in some of these issues? And if not, WHY not? (Just to distinguish my point of view from what I’m quoting here).

I understand that Tara Shabbaz of the California Partnership To End Domestic Violence spoke out about what a travesty this would be. I didn’t see anything on their website. Perhaps Tara, your salary is in jeopardy of being cut, are you getting a little worried that you and other executives will be hurting and that you may not be able to pay your rent, make a car payment or a utility payment, well maybe this is a sign that you may have to suffer like the rest of us? I think this is exactly what should happen. While you sit in your cushy office, victims ARE SUFFERING.

WHILE I’m here, there’s a “CFDA” (federal grant program code) called 93.591, and according to this database, the “California Alliance Against Domestic Violence” got funding in 2008 & 2009. Is this a new code? I DNK:

Fiscal Year Program Office Grantee Name City State Grantee Class Grantee Type Award Number Award Title Action Issue Date CFDA Number CFDA Program Name Award Activity Type Award Action Type Principal Investigator Sum of Actions

2009 FYSB CALIFORNIA ALLIANCE AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MODESTO CA Non-Profit Private Non-Government Organizations Other Special Interest Organization 0901CASDVC 2009 SDVC 06/11/2009 93591 Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Grant to State Domestic Violence Coalitions SOCIAL SERVICES NEW $ 241,086

2008 FYSB CALIFORNIA ALLIANCE AGAINST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MODESTO CA Non-Profit Private Non-Government Organizations Other Special Interest Organization 0801CASDVC 2008 SDVC 04/18/2008 93591 Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Grant to State Domestic Violence Coalitions SOCIAL SERVICES NEW $ 231,230

AND, ANOTHER SOURCE< RELATED:

Domestic Violence Coalitions need to be held accountable

Author: Randi Rosen

Domestic violence victims are not getting the help and services they need when reaching out to their local DV coalitions. More and more women are coming forward and expressing their frustrations which needs to be addressed.

Domestic violence coalitions receive federal funding for the victims of domestic violence, so if the victims aren’t getting services they need, where is the money going? This is a personal issue for me. Many years ago, I reached out to the National Coalition to End Domestic Violence in Ventura county. No ever called me back. I shared this with my mother and she couldn’t believe that I was ignored and a victim of domestic violence, she called the coalition herself and received the same response, nothing.

(I presume you called more than once, right? As I see below, obviously. I know how often I called agency after agency– ran up that cell phone bill….NONE of them were prepared to deal with chronic, long-term, family abuse through family court AFTER the restraining order expired, by which time you were supposed to be, I guess just hunky-dory fine…)

In January 2008, Assembly member Fiona Ma introduced AB 1771 Nadga’s Law. Assembly member Ma stated, “California can do more to curb the dangerously high number of domestic violence incidents through prevention.” That meant providing online information about prior convictions and providing potential victims with useful tools to avoid violence or a potentially violent partner, thus reducing the number of domestic violence incidents.

(Here is the blurb on “Nagda’s Law”:

Assemblywoman Ma Announces Groundbreaking Legislation

to Create Online Database of Domestic Violence Offenders

Assemblywoman Fiona Ma (D-San Francisco) and former San Francisco prosecutor Jim Hammer will unveil a landmark bill to create a state-wide database of domestic violence offenders. The legislation, AB 1771-The Domestic Violence Prevention and Right-to Know Act of 2008, would require the Attorney General to develop an online database that would report the name, date of birth, county and date of conviction for individuals convicted of felony domestic violence or multiple counts of misdemeanor domestic violence. The database would keep updated information available for 10 years. It is believed that this would be a first in the nation law and would go into effect on January 1, 2009.

Assemblywoman Ma, who is the Chair of the Assembly Select Committee on Domestic Violence, introduced the bill in response to the case of Nadga Schexnayder and her mother who were shot to death in 1995 by Ronnie Earl Seymour, a former boyfriend of Nadga’s who had a 20-year history of violence against women. Hammer secured a life in prison conviction as the lead prosecutor in the case.

WHEN:

Wednesday, January 16, 2008
10:00 a.m

Alexis A. Moore, President of Survivors in Action who sp0nsored the bill, stated, “This bill will reduce the numbers of domestic violence incidents by providing prior conviction records on line. Equally important, the bill will be a valuable preventative measure to help potential victims and their family members protect themselves from violence.”

The California Partnership to End Domestic Violence (CPEDV), California District Attorney Association and Interface California Family Services opposed the bill claiming an infringement on the perpetrator’s privacy. Interface is an organization that is contracted with the court system to provide batterers with anger management classes.

The bill was introduced to protect victims and potential victims of violence and these organizations are worried about the privacy of the perpetrators and their personal information. There is something really wrong with how domestic violence legislation is voted on, especially the very coalitions who claim to protect the victim. The laws that are in place today, are not working and they need to be changed, no longer are the victims willing to be the status quo.

Now, the coalitions want to spend a great deal of money to change Domestic Violence Awareness month which is October and shared with Breast Cancer Awareness, to another month. The intent is to separate the two different causes so Domestic Violence gets all the attention. What for? Why spend all that money on advertising and printing, when it should be used to help the victims. Domestic Violence is still in the closet as far as being taken seriously with Law Enforcement and the Judicial System. Look at how many women are being murdered as result of DV**. These coalitions need to be held accountable for their programs and services. When a victim of DV reaches out for help, those services have to be provided to them. If victims are turned away, then the coalitions should prepare to show where the money is being spent.

About the Author:

I founded Women’s Legal Resource in 2006 to help women who face the brutal challenges of the legal system. After going through my own experience in the Family Law Court without the financial resources to obtain proper counsel, I was faced having to represent myself. I attended Los Angeles Valley college in the paralegal studies program which helped in legal research and document preparation. All though I faced many legal hurdles, I felt the need to help other women, especially those who are Domestic Violence victims in document preparation and as a advocate.

The present laws as they are written is flawed and not honoring the safety of victims of violence in the United States. The manner in which police officials and the courts enforce protection orders, custody orders, child visitation and confidentiality escalates violence which leads to murder. Women’s Legal Resource is a nonpartisan organization to support the effort and petition congress for the revision of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault laws. Women and children are being murdered at the hand of their abuser’s, accountability; intervention and prevention are the crucial elements for change.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com – Domestic Violence Coalitions need to be held accountable

I realize (really I do!) this chart will not display well (any more than the others throughout my blog):

However, the CFDA code “93.592” under this http://www.taggs.hhs.gov website, is labeled officially:

“Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary”

This is a single California Entity (high-profile) that knows about this funding, obviously. I do not know whether they work also with

battered women’s shelters, or more on the “discretionary” part. I do also know that this group seems to have undergone a recent (to me) “sea-change” in the focus of its work. It has recently become intensely interested in “Fathers” work. I guess this is to help more with the prevention aspect.

Year

Program Office

Grantee Name

City

Award Number

Award Title

Award Code

Action Issue Date

CFDA Number

Award Class

Award Activity Type

Award Action Type

Principal Investigator

Sum of Actions

2008

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0377

SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE

07/28/2008

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

DEBBIE LEE

$ 1,178,812

2008

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0377

SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE

09/27/2008

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPLEMENT ( + OR – ) (DISCRETIONARY OR BLOCK AWARDS)

DEBBIE LEE

$ 145,000

2007

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0377

SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE

08/13/2007

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

DEBBIE LEE

$ 1,178,812

2007

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0377

SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE

01/26/2007

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPLEMENT ( + OR – ) (DISCRETIONARY OR BLOCK AWARDS)

DEBBIE LEE

$ 32,940

2007

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0377

SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE

09/20/2007

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPLEMENT ( + OR – ) (DISCRETIONARY OR BLOCK AWARDS)

DEBBIE LEE

$ 182,375

2006

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0377

SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE

09/19/2006

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NEW

DEBBIE LEE

$ 1,145,872

2005

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0246

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES

08/29/2005

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

ESTA SOLER

$ 1,125,689

2005

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0246

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES

09/14/2005

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPLEMENT ( + OR – ) (DISCRETIONARY OR BLOCK AWARDS)

ESTA SOLER

$ 115,000

2004

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0246

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES

09/14/2004

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

ESTA SOLER

$ 1,125,689

2004

FYSB

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0246

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES

09/27/2004

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPLEMENT ( + OR – ) (DISCRETIONARY OR BLOCK AWARDS)

ESTA SOLER

$ 90,000

2003

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0246

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES

08/07/2003

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

ESTA SOLER

$ 1,133,236

2002

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0246

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES

09/04/2002

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

ESTA SOLER

$ 1,113,796

2001

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0246

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES

09/13/2001

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NEW

ESTA SOLER

$ 958,542

2000

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0105

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER

07/10/2000

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

ESTA SOLER

$ 804,542

1999

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0105

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER

08/19/1999

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

ESTA SOLER

$ 698,710

1998

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0105

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER

09/19/1998

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

ESTA SOLER

$ 678,710

1998

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0153

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES

09/30/1997

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NEW

ESTA SOLER

$ 50,000

1998

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0157

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION SERVICES

09/19/1998

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NEW

LRNI MARIN

$ 50,000

1997

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0012

P.A. FV-03-93 – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: HEALTH CARE & ACCESS: SIRC

07/11/1997

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

OTHER REVISION

JANET NUDELMAN

$- 9,549

1997

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0105

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER

07/17/1997

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION

ESTA SOLER

$ 600,000

1997

OCS

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND

SAN FRANCISCO

90EV0105

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER

06/13/1997

93592

DISCRETIONARY

SOCIAL SERVICES

ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPLEMENT ( + OR – ) (DISCRETIONARY OR BLOCK AWARDS)

ESTA SOLER

$ 37,604

Summary report on these 3 categories:

93.591

93.592

93.671

(All, basically “Family Violence Prevention” funding, and ALL have the word ”

Let’s Get Honest COMMENTARY: – which became a discovery — which became the remainder of this post —

RE: “Interface California Family Services opposed the bill ”

I thought I’d look to see WHO would oppose a bill letting people in our very mobile society know who has had a conviction record on-line (for those, like me, who aren’t expert at running down to the court, or cannot afford background checks…). While I don’t know about this bill, I was curious about “Interface California Family Services.” What I found there stopped me in my tracks.

So, I’ll detail what happened to those “DV Coalition $$” in an ensuing post….. I know y’all (even Plano Texas) probably don’t get through posts more than 4,000 words, and that data is too important to leave at the bottom of a post …..I DO have some rarely published (I think) observations……

After I started studying these DV coalitions (the ones that didn’t help me once I set foot in family court — it wasn’t their “venue”) are actually doing. Not in detail, but in the broad sweep of the market (niche) — I mean, it’s clean, it’s antiseptic, for the most part, and it’s colorfully logo’d internet-based, replicatable ideas that have LITTLE to do with the legal infrastructure of this nation, INDIVIDUAL LEGAL RIGHTS, but only “units,” of which a man MUST be a part, or it ain’t a family.

I’ m beginning to see the name of the organizational game>>>>>> that basically leaves actual suffering victims OUT of it, including kids, moms, and road kill…. and policies that do nothing to make a dent in those statistics. But are a GREAT market niche. Maybe we should just skip welfare, child support, and all that, and teach women leaving abuse how to start a nonprofit, and some internet skills, catch the surf of federal funding foundations (figure out first what the foundations actuallly really want — and here’s a headups. MOST of them are old money and DON’T want women to leave a marriage just because he’s a batterer. They also want no kids out of wedlock, hopefully, because people in trauma don’t make good employees. Just hang in there and take it a few more years……If you can’t, you’re on your own, because these days, it’s not about individual rights, or legal rights, it’s about “FAMILIES.” )

OK, so below here is my guided exploration to where your $$ went and what social policy is, apparently, these days. This may explain why the headlines haven’t changed much in a decade. People still throwing up their hands, “why??” did he suddenly “go off” and “off” his family, a police officer, a bystander or too, and/or his kids?

(I get more and more sarcastic as I go, so you might want to quit before the end of the post. )

Interface Children Family Services

These days, almost any organization that says “family” “healthy” “children” (“parenting”) basically is NOT sticking up for violence against women. It’s just a little linguistic thing. So I just looked . . . . I’m not saying they aren’t doing great things. But, I do know what help I just couldn’t seem to access, though having gotten it on time MIGHT have meant (1) solvency (for which safety was a component) and (2) neither my daughters, nor I, nor the several organizations I was working for at the time, nor the closer friends I leaned on (reeling from this event) might have had to experience an overnight, traumatic custody switch in the context of increasing child support arrearages, escalations outside of court and increasing denial INSIDE it, that domestic violence ever happened to start with, OR, that this was indeed the real thing.

On this site, we find, under “PROGRAMS (i.e., what they do, right?) ” . . . .

Child Abuse Prevention
Youth Services
Domestic Violence
Mental Health Services
Strategies Family Support Program

OK . . ..

Domestic Violence Prevention

Batterer’s Intervention Program
Court Recommended
A 52-session program to help individuals change their violent behavior patterns.
The program provides the knowledge and tools to make new choices.

I’m not impressed . . . ..

HEY! — there’s no EXCUSE for abuse. It constitutes choices. Suppose that guy doesn’t WANT to make new choices, but fakes it well?

(This has been documented in later DV murders). WHY is this still going on, and at whose expense? Who is documenting behavior change and later safety of the partners?

(AND information showing the difference between violence/nonviolence, warning signs, and encouraging us to make a safety plan. Been there, done that. . . . . . . ). And the wheel of violence (old as the hills, and from Duluth). And what DV is, and so forth. How much funding is going towards maintaining THAT page? Let’s move on to another category of “Interface California Family Services.” What are they serving up?

Strategies Family Support Program

AHA, now we are learning something . . . .

Strengthening ORGANIZATIONS to Support Families and Communities. (Probably training..–what kind of training?..)

Strategies is funded by the

State of California, Department of Social Services, Office of Child Abuse Prevention and the S.H. Cowell Foundation

A comprehensive training and technical assistance project for Family Resource Centers ???) and more.

Strategies provides practical and highly interactive training, as well as organizational needs assessments and individualized technical assistance to professionals in the field of family support.

I GET IT: “Technical assistance and Training” is a great way to access federal funds. It’s not so messy as dealing directly with victims, (and their PTSD, fears, and/or injuries) perpetrators (and their attitude), or PPIT (“poor people in trouble.”) It’s easily replicatable, and a lot of information-based (websitek printouts, powerpoints, seminars, etc.) I GET IT !!! The key word is, they are going to help the PROFESSIONALS.

Also, what is this vague, wide field of “FAMILY SUPPORT” (I somehow don’t think it’s the $$ counterpoint to “child support,” meaning funding that goes to children (supposedly)…)? What is meant by “families” and what kind of support? Pro bono legal to get (or defend from) a restraining order? Child support enforcement? Helping that dude get a job?

Strategies’ capacity building activities focus on using a strengths-based perspective, promoting evidence-based practice,** sustainability planning and developing effective public/private partnerships.

**flag — that “evidence-based” terms is often a fatherhood indicator.

This is the history. In 1994, some “prominent thinkers” (Per National Fatherhood Initiative) decided there is a crisis of father-absence throughout the nation. Helpfully, one of the NFI guys also had this post, or got it, in the Health and Human Services department, THE largest US Dept. He was the Secretary, or HEAD of it. He had some pull.

IN 1995, “coincidentally” a Democrat President endorsed this supposedly Republican conservative viewpoint, in a famous, short, memo (link on my blogroll) endorsing this point of view and telling all HIS departments and agencies to quickly “hop to” (into line with the above-mentioned prominent thinkers. No, I do NOT have their names, it’s not on the website, but we are told to take it on faith, this is THE major social ill around. Well, as to moving the huge wheels of state to point in a different direction, there ought to be SOME evidence to base it on. RIGHT? I mean, we have SOME progressives and radicals around the country (meaning, women that sometimes make a hard choice between staying, and being hit, and leaving and being criticized for being single; as well as men and women BOTH that simply didn’t do the marriage thing.

Note: I CANNOT criticize these people, because I DID the marriage thing, and it almost killed me, literally, and apart from some fantastic children (that I can’t see any more, thanks to programs like these spawned, and what they did to the process of divorce), I really am not in a place to look down on some who didn’t opt in the wedding band “thang”. . . . . In THEORY, yes. I think it’s better to figure out a serious commitment before pregnancy, than, say pick up the Son of the Porn King in a bar, as a women did recently, and ended up dead on her daughter’s 1st birthday. There are definitely some kinks also in marriage to be worked out in practice, and many of which this overentitled “fatherhood” (really, male supremacy) theology put in there to start with. It kind of meant, for me, I had to leave the “human” parts at the door (or they’d be kicked out), and when in the home, pretty much just only do things that looked REALLY “wifely.”

LIke scrubbing laundering, listening, giving birth and nursing (unless he wanted sex, or to engage in a lecture of some sort), oh yes, bringing home the bacon, but also handing it over once I did (Because after all who’s the head? It’s divinely, genetically ordained), smile when people were over, and shut up when they weren’t (well, I could talk, just not talk back to abuse…), and not complaining when the (US, incidentally) mail was opened, to make sure I wasn’t engaging in any NON-wifely, NON-womanly activities without permission — like

singing, playing the piano, and spending money I’d earned without clearance from the head. Or even saving it (possibly for an exit).

Eventually I did get a PO Box (after 3 warnings to stop this), there was a good deal of resistance (which was of course punished), but then he just assumed I was squirreling away money (when I wasn’t) and withheld contributing to the household even more. At this time it had been my assigned job to pay rent, and utilities, and my own way (and the kids’, too).

That I did this while in full possession of two college degrees, a professional background, and, I thought, my senses, is something of a real marvel, in retrospect. What I DIDn’T have from nearly the beginning was consistent access to: (1) Finances, or even a bank account, and (2) transportation. So I kinda sorta try not to blame myself for this. I also didn’t have ANYONE confronting this joker in front of me and saying “STOP” to back up my (frequent) STOPs! And I DID tell (not cover up), but was not fully informed on WHO to tell (Or, they just didn’t respond). Now, to hear women in 2006, 10 years later, say the same things, is very sad to me.

Well, back to the “evidence-based” phrase. Grants are grants, and they go to universities and researchers, and when it comes to the social sciences, well, it’s a little unclear whether the chicken (policy) came before the egg (studies, institutes, etc.) or vice versa. I guess I should’ve used the word “sperm” instead because after all this is regarding fatherhood, but then I couldn’t really in public complete the analogy. ANYHOW, in 1998 and 1999 the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives kind of went along the same “fatherhood rules, father-absence is a social plague” line of thinking and voted in some resolutions, just in case Clinton’s revamping all departments and programs to accommodate fathers better didn’t really work. This is the short version; in short, major universities got in on the grants also, and so everyone is stroking everyone’s policy/procedures/evidence back. The federal grant #, should you care to check, is 93.086, “Promoting Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Marriages”, which is only part of the mountain, and which if you’ve been paying attention here, is clearly, well, a going concern in California.

Now about those “evidence-based practices.” in a little nonprofit with the word “family” in it….

So, let’s see how this:

(NOTE: at bottom of page:

New for agencies and practitioners: Supporting Father Involvement.
For information visit the Supporting Father Involvement website.

Strategies is funded by the State of California, Department of Social Services,
Office of Child Abuse Prevention and the Stuart Foundation. (what happened to the “S.H. Cowell Foundation,” above? How many foundations are in on this thing??)

© 2009

Let’s see how it develops the theme of “Strategies to Support Families & Communities”:

Increasingly, the social service sector is being challenged to provide evidence that their work is making a real difference for the people and communities they serve.

That’s for damn sure.! IN part, because the same domestic violence fatalities, child-kidnappings, and difficulties with “access/visitation” still happen. People are still poor, of course, and women are still jailed when they try to protect a kid that the courts won’t protect, but Dads are NOT jailed for harrassing our asses through family court allegations, hearsay or frivolous in nature, rather than, (say), working, and moving on in life. And for denying past, present, and risk of future abuse and extreme psychological difficulties for kids. . . . That’s not ALL Dads, I am talking about abusive ones, who are having a heyday in the family courts, and through this managing to trash attempts to get free from the relationship, share visitaiton, but NOT being part of a tyrannical dynamic. . . .. This was my issue, I know. I don’t see that it particularly phased ANY of the court-related OR the nonprofit-related organizations I was dealing with in the past several years.

You know what I recommend? ASK US!! READ THE NEWSPAPERS !!! TALK TO LITIGANTS!

No, that’s too messy. Can’t be data-justified; no reports can really be sold from anecdotal evidence, and in short, we’d just rather not. Here’s a BETTER idea (and use of short-in-stock social services funding….):

A powerful and user-friendly evaluation tool to help programs answer these questions is the Family Development Matrix.

That’s the better idea — a BUSINESS NICHE. There you go. THAT will help families experiencing stress from repeated interferences with work and relationships coming out of these situations . . . .

In a unique partnership the Strategies and the Institute for Community Collaborative Studies at California State University Monterey Bay provide training and technical assistance to organizations interested in learning how to use the Family Development Matrix in their programs.

The Strategies web page lists all upcoming trainings, includes a virtual tour of a Family Resource Center, provides links to relevant resources, and hosts a library of sample policies and procedures.

Community Training
Strategies draws from the broad range of expertise of Interface’s staff and consultants to provide community trainings in the areas of family support, child abuse prevention, cultural competency, domestic violence, mentoring programs, mental health issues and non-profit management.

Upon request, Strategies also provides meeting facilitation, strategic planning assistance, and individualized coaching services.

My idea of a “Family Resource Center,” before I was in the social science sphere of family court, was my FAMILY. And a little privacy within it too: Home, meals, schedules, activities, associates, children and their friends and their firend’s parents, work, school, transportation, shopping, playing, time outside when possible, facing challenges together. AND seeing their Dad regularly on the weekend (my particular idea didn’t include the stalking and trauma part, but without that, I think you could definitely call it a “resource center,” our home. It had musical instruments, books, food, clothes, bedding, pictures on the wall, play gear, usually some pets, and sunlight. It had sleep walk, jump, talk, eat, drink, inside and outside, plan, and play. It was VERY resourceful and inspiring to combine these activities in the best way for the most richly rewarding use of our limited RESOURCES to get education, work, relationships and growth to happen.

The only problem for too many people — we weren’t in a properly approved PROGRAM, on the government radar, or asking permission from Dad to breathe or not breathe, come or go, sleep or not sleep as the case may be. Now THAT was a resource issue.

My idea of a resourceful family lifestyle did NOT include being analyzed every moment from waking up to going back to sleep too late and worried about the next exterior “analysis” of what we were doing from a persons or institutions who didn’t care if we were threatened or not, prospering or not, and safe or not.

Well, if can’t beat’em, might just as well join ’em. Here are some of those trainings:

Sho ’nuff, here’s one for “Fatherhood.” We want us all to be on the same page about THAT doctrine now, eh?

» Supporting Father Involvement – Redding September 16, 2009

(REMEMBER, this is supported, I believe, by Calif. Dept. of Social Services, Office of Child Abuse Prevention….)

HOW / / / did I know? (been around the block a few times). Here’s one clue: the word: “FAMILY” is code now for FATHERS FIRST.

http://www.familyresourcecenters.net/initiatives/index.php

“Announcing: Journal of Marriage and the Family Article Published August 1, 2009

Press Release:
NEW STUDY MEASURES BENEFITS OF MORE INVOLVED FATHERS

Children face greater risk when agencies focus only on moms, overlook dads

Family service agencies are missing huge opportunities to help children by focusing only on mothers and ignoring fathers, according to a groundbreaking study by some of the nation’s top family and child development researchers..”

We ARE??? Where’s “motherhood.gov” or “hhs.motherhood.gov” — ever looked?

OH YEAH, it’s GROUNDBREAKING AND NEW — As new as the 1995 letter from President Clinton, as new as the 1994 National Fatherhood Initiative, and many other “Social Research Demonstration Projects.” It’s as “new” as “fatherhood.gov” and “hhs.fatherhood.gov.” To promote schlock like this:

A growing body of research has concluded that fathers are important to their child’s development, and yet the vast majority of programs that serve families with young children, especially low-income families, tend to focus almost exclusively on mothers.

It’s “growing” because it pays to study this field! Get a logo, write something, set up a website, and start marketing — you got a federal grant coming your way SOON! Get on the bandwagon, there’s room for plenty-a-more!

(Basically the page exactly mirrors Obama’s “Families” page propaganda in every point).

Perhaps this is why the women above couldn’t get help from the Coalitions they sought help from??? Social Services funding — and this IS funded by social services –a re going to father propaganda, spread by basic internet marketing practices through government agencies and other community organizations. We’re in the internet age, after all…..

the logo has two adults, right — nurturing a (single) child:

HEY — in this photo (a trick question) – –

s

WHERE’S MOM? DID HE GIVE BIRTH TO THOSE BABIES?

“As a community of Supporting Father Involvement organizations we will be relying on each other to submit and share our recipes for father friendliness practice, resources, and networking. If you have ideas, please submit these to benefit us all!”

and . . . .

The Supporting Father Involvement (SFI) intervention is entering its 5th year of implementation. From its inception, SFI has been a collaborative effort in funding and implementation representing a strong private-public partnership. The project is funded primarily by the CA Department of Social Services (DSS), Office of Child Abuse Prevention (OCAP). Its partners have included the University of CA at Berkeley, Yale University, and Smith College School for Social Work. The state social services provided the impetus for SFI through its need and vision, funding, and administrative oversight. The college and universities have provided faculty leadership for design, implementation, and research.

The project has been implemented in a robust and supportive way {{OH!! That sounds so ‘masculine ‘ it sends shivers down my spine. WHERE IS HE??}}{{Unless they were talking about a coffee flavor — robust and supportive}}{{Oh, dang, it was just a “project.” But at least it was implemented robustly and supportively…}} by five able

{{oh mi God, able-bodied too? Where IS this?}}

Family Resource Centers

{{Translation??: Spiffy websites with downloadable information, telephone numbers and a few trainers, and occasionally we’ll rent a hotel room, pull in some speakers (like us) and promote more fatherhood doctrine, and keep “mum” about the fact that domestic violence can suddenly turn lethal, batterers are NOT good role models, the cruelty of kidnapping to punish an ex-partner, the deaf ear the family courts turn when child sexual abuse is actually reported, and the fact that the custody evaluators (et al) are making a killing, financially, while the women adn children aren’t. And sometimes are killed, or Dad does himself in too. I bet these conferences don’t talk about THAT hard truth……??}}}

in Contra Costa, San Luis Obispo, Santa Cruz, Tulare (Lindsay), and Yuba counties.

{{Well perhaps this explains a few court cases I’m familiar with throughout the state….}}

Strategies, the technical Assistance arm of OCAP, is helping to disseminate the program to organizations throughout CA.

{{Why don’t they, instead, disseminate the laws against these crimes, and things such as the flow of a lawsuit in the criminal, vs. civil, vs. family court? Why don’t they disseminate how to financially plan to leave an inheritance to your grandchildren by starting businesses, running them, or investing? Why not try something like, with that MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE/LICENSE, a copy of the laws against DV? Why don’t they disseminate to faith institutions that, fatherhood dominance or no fatherhood dominance, they are still mandated reporters, and next time they WILL be reported on if they fail to follow through? And give them some helpful books on the topic. And mention that economic abuse and verbal abuse is STILl abuse . . . . . . Why don’t they disseminate some thing that would help in REALITY, not in THEORY?}}

Additional funding for dissemination and public policy initiatives, as well as cost-benefit evaluation, has come from the Stuart Foundation and a grant is under consideration at the CAL Endowment.

“Given the widespread significance of the indications of SFI program success in terms of father-engagement and family well-being for California’s families and the agencies that serve them,. . .

1. Don’t break your back patting yourself on the back. The message is clear: you wouldn’t be looking for MORE funding were not the program so widely signficantly indicating that it’s engaging fathers, which is, (FYI), our definition of “family well being” and our version of child abuse prevention (it is funded in part by that office of child abuse prevention still, right, or advertised on a site that is….)

2. Suppose they don’t WANT a particular Dad engaged, because he’s dangerous and abusing a child? Does that still qualify as ‘family”? Would you lose some funding? SUPPOSE, in a situation like that you went ahead and engaged the Dad anyhow (the ones that the “access visitation funding to the states — all millions of it” didn’t already haul further into their lives, including sometimes out from a jail cell, or unemployment intentional to punishing an ex by not paying child support), and the situation “went south.” Would you re-evaluate the SFI program success a little DIFFERENTLY?

SFI is actively disseminating the rationale and results of the study. {{We got it already, OK. It’s straight out of Whitehouse.gov/issues/families page — the one with the word “mother” barely in there, remember?}}

We are open to and seeking support for expanded public-private partnerships to publicize the compelling results of these evidence-based best practices to increase awareness of service providers, practitioners, and policy makers with the goal of

fostering substantive organizational change within public and private organizations to think of fathers as caretakers of California’s and the world’s children.

WOW, so much for custodial mothers. I guess we’re out the door then?

and Wow, that “target market” is not even just CALIFORNIA’s children, but the World’s. That even tops the “California Healthy Marriage Coalition’s” target audience of everyone — literally, married, or unmarried, parent or not — 15 years or older in the entire state. (Guess that includes me….) Not content, “Strategies for Families” is going for the world’s children.

And it’s only our broke state of California helping FUND the organization…..

Does anyone in these programs (or the brunt of them) actually READ this shlock? First of all, it appears as though the prime EVIDENCE is if a warm-bodied father (whether or not robust and supportive, let alone ABLE to fulfil his responsibilities — and did we talk about INTERESTED in doing so?).

Second, it appears that the noble esoteric business GOAL is to “foster substantive organizational change . . . (blah blah blah) TO THINK OF FATHERS AS CARETAKERS.

In short, to change the way organizations “think.”

First of all, this organizational change within public and private organizations has ALREADY taken place. TRUST me, I stood in front of a mediator three times, at least, in the past 10 years, and the “fatherhood thing,” well, he “got” it.

There are few places a single mother can hold her head up, when it comes to agencies. There are few policy making places I’ve seen in the past several years — I DID find one in Australia several posts ago — that accept the concept of a single mother living with her children and NOT in frequent contact with Dad as even acceptable, let alone legitimate. I live in a “blue” (Democrat / progressive for internationals) state, and the moment I went single, I had government folk down my pants almost, and saying, essentially, put back on a skirt and take orders from us, or we take your kids. This began with a certain male in my family (not himself a father, perhaps he had regrets in that matter and was looking for someone new to dominate, as his wife, well, they’d been married a long time and living together a few decades….I’m not sure how submissive she was either, in private life. OR, they needed a reason to live — which FYI, kids really make a difference in, folks. LIving for someone else in relationship with you. Women need this too, at times….)

Now this person had absolutely no legal standing, no jurisdiction (and no legitimate reason) to start bossing me around, or my kids. I wouldn’t have mind, except he was herding us back in a direction I’d already adequately explored, and knew where it went — back towards poverty and dumbed-down education, with more stress and less success. We are not exactly in the top performing public education system in the nation — in fact Arne Duncan came out here several months ago and started scolding California like it was a bad little boy. And I took my kids OUT after this man had forced us in, and in a covert, dishonest, and pressured way when I didn’t have a valid choice not to obey.

At THAT point (or very shortly thereafter), I went to my government structures to put down a righteous foot, legally. But all I can figure out is, they’d already seen my girls, and they were (by and large) pulling the API (grade point averages) up, plus if I could be made to actually need SOCIAL SERVICES again, then at least something could be gotten out of this domestic violence survivor actually making it almost to the shore of solvency and safety — WITHOUT THEIR GUIDANCE AND SUPPORT!

And this is where the anti-feminism thing, through the courts, really kicked in.

AND I am really off base here. I hope the post was informative. The next one contains the data I had in THIS one, til I saw this fatherhood shlock again, hiding in a federally supported program purporting to stop child abuse and reduce domestic violence. ACTUALLY it doesn’t claim anything of the sort, just has drop-down menus with those titles on them. However, the real “thrust” of the overall website and “family resource centers” is obviously leading one to “Support Fathers Involvement.” The other pages barely have sublinks and downloadable information — just a phone number for a batterer’s program, not a lot more. And a few flyers about some upcoming trainings.

(Ah well. . . .. )

“Supporting Father Involvement (SFI) is a family focused, evidenced-based intervention aimed at effectively engaging fathers as a key participant in family support and strengthening. It is also a method of fostering organizational development and growth for agencies and professionals serving at-risk families.

SUCH DOUBLE-TALK: INTERVENTION IN WHAT / / / in the way these organizations, often protecting children (and one way to protect children is to support the parent they’re with, emotionally or financially, i.e., that bond. When it comes to VIOLENCE< the bond with the NONbattering parent is the one that, if supported, will help and allow that child to heal. This is NOT, currently, public policy in the United States. But in case some “old-school” folk are still around, this workshop is here to “intervene.”

Notice the word “fostering,” a loaded word in the social science field. Good choice . . .. . ANd they’re talking about agencies and professionals as if they were living, animate beings, growing and developing (like kids, right?). While this has an element of truth in it, why isn’t the focus on the actually living animate beings IN those families? ANd their immediate safety and welfare, and then setting them free from program after program??

SFI offers multiple levels of participation in building effective strategies and methods to recruit, engage, and support the involvement of fathers in the lives of their families and the services provided, which includes access to web based materials, other resources, and networking. Agencies can assess their current Father Friendliness {{gag!!!}} and measure growth and improvement over time, using the SFI Organizational Self Assessment.

NOTE: there are so many millions $$ of funding going to from the Feds to the States ALREADY, which I have blogged about and which you can look up under 93.597 CFDA on the TAGGS database (going back to 1995), or if you want cool graphic summaries with lots of breakdowns and bar charts, you can get 2000-2009 on usaspending.gov under “grants.” These are the “Access visitation” grants ALREADY corrupting due process in the family law, so that results have required out come of more noncustodial “parent” (father) time by mandatory mediation, etc. MOREOVER, CFDA 93.086 {“Promoting Responsible Fatherhood. . “}has been up and running STRONG and FULL THROTTLE through the same department since about 1995, as I have blogged and you can search. Yet the materials always make it sound as if this was some radical NEW idea.

OR some grassroots, bottom UP movement, when it was nothing of the sort — not when a President, without legislation, issues a memo like that which revamps a federal agency.

DECEPTIVELY (very), “USASPENDING.GOV” does NOT have a searchable subcategory 93.086 along with all the others, but you CAN and WILL find plenty of funding by searching on other fields as to this. For example, one time I searched on “Noncustodial Fathers” and found millions of $$, and one of the 10 largest recipients across the entire country was, surprisingly, “Family Violence Prevention Center” in SF. The light bulb went off in my brain as to why the word “mother” was disappearing from this major nonprofit’s publications, agenda, and website.

For a noncustodial mother who’s had now almost 20 years of her prime work life, adult life, badly interrupted (you can call THAT an “intervention”) by domestic violence, first living with it, and then trying to leave it, after several years of which, setting proper limits and boundaries and doing what I would call incredibly heroic efforts to rebuild things AND send a clear message, AND when it was ignored, seek outside help for enforcement, AND when that really didn’t come through just about learning law, the courts, a whole field of study (domestic violence) and amazing number of related communities — WHILE also taking care of my kids, and trying to keep DAD off my front step, library steps, friends telephones, MY telephone, and other related areas — I cannot tell you how discouraging it is to see the direction of public policy and initiatives in these matters. It’s as though the entire structure just lost its mind and forgot the Constitution and what this country was ‘about,” which was independence from oppression and colonization.

GOVERNMENT WAS ESTABLISHED IN THIS COUNTRY TO PROTECT INDIVIDUAL UNALIENABLE RIGHTS, AND NOT TO RESHAPE HUMANITY. ALL PRESIDENTS, SWORN IN, are SWORN TO PRESERVE, PROTECT AND DEFEND THIS CONSTITUTION, AND FULFIL THE OFFICE OF PRESIDENT (IN REVERSE ORDER). THE OFFICE OF PRESIDENT WAS NEVER INTENDED TO REPLACE THE CONSTITUTION OR THE LAWS OF THE COUNTRY, THROUGH A FEDERAL GRANTS SYSTEM, MANDATES, AND BASICALLY BRIBING THE OTHER BRANCHES OF GOVERNMENT TO INVOLVE FATHERS AT ALL COSTS. OR FOR THAT MATTER TO HAVE AN EDUCATIONAL STRUCTURE THAT IS SUCH A FAILURE, WE’VE FORGOTTEN THESE THINGS.

Look at this: remembering that this “Strategies” is part of “interface California Family Services” and is state-funded. And our state’s BROKE, supposedly:

Strategies embraces an approach that acknowledges that no child, family, or organization stands alone

WHAT THE HECK DOES “EMBRACES AN APPROACH” HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

So much for the Declaration of Independence

Rather, they {{THE SUBJECT OF THE PRECEDING SENTENCE IS SINGULAR, NOT PLURAL}} must navigate complex systems in order to thrive.

Personally, I have tried to keep my life fairly simple and its processes too. But my thinking is a lot more complex than the tripe I’m reading on this website. Bureaucratese that simply loosens up $$ to get more professionals together to push propaganda that doesn’t, it appears, help them THINK better, and how can one operate better without thinking straight? It’d be better to haul out some classic literature and assign it. A man working with Viet Nam vets with severe PTSD did just that — he used the Odyssey! (apparently it helped too — last name “Shay.” You can look it up). I’m sure some personal relationships were involved in the process — not pdfs and websites and one-day or three-day trainings designed to infiltrate (sorry, “intervene” in how an organization operates….

Strategies’ initiatives provide an opportunity for organizations to participate in comprehensive, in-depth, evidence-based projects that address complex systems change. Each initiative involves multiple sites that work together over time to achieve common outcomes designed to strengthen children, families, and communities.

This Day Will Include:

Introduction and Orientation to SFI (WHICH WE SHOULD CARE ABOUT BECAUSE . . . . . ?)

Interactive Tutorial of SFI Web Based Resources

A Discussion of Barriers and Bridges to Involving Fathers

(just tell them to go to family court, or head down ot the local child support office, where they will be recruited into a program).

Resources Available Right Now To Strengthen Efforts to Serve Families

(guess you have to “be there” to understand. But of course serving families, well, that’s a great goal. I deduce it mostly means, putting Dad back in.

A Luncheon Discussion Focusing on Next Steps of SFI Participation and Implementation

Basically, sounds like a cult. . . . . .

(OK, I get the picture — that’s enough. ALL THIS on just one little company, “InterfaceCalifornia Family Services”

We encourage you to integrate the resources of this site into your work with
families and your community.

As a community of Supporting Father Involvement organizations we will be
relying on each other to submit and share our recipes for father friendliness
practice, resources, and networking. If you have ideas, please submit these
to benefit us all!

OK, I’ve had enough for now.

But what you see here is going to be in nearly every service organization, and branch of government. This will help explain that kind of “glazed look” you get in certain quarters when speaking of things like laws, rights, and enforcement.

No woman, or man (although men, if fathers, are being “recruited” remember? to be more “engaged” in their families. . . and getting help making this happen through the courts, help women do NOT get in retaining custody of their kids IF a local man wants them…..) could possibly go throughout the internet and figure out this was going on to such an extent.

the only reason I took time to was after running the gauntlet of expecting a court order — ANY court order — to be taken seriously in court — EVER, when it favored my rights, and not his whims.

forget it.

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

July 31, 2009 at 8:15 PM

Posted in Cast, Script, Characters, Scenery, Stage Directions, Domestic Violence vs Family Law, Fatal Assumptions, in Studies, Lethality Indicators - in News, Organizations, Foundations, Associations NGO Hybrids

Tagged with custody, domestic violence, mediation, men's rights, obfuscation, U.S. Govt $$ hard @ work..

What kind of choices are THESE for women!?! 1. Marry, legally WIN custody of child from former partner, and possibly die, possibly with others. 2. Due to “unhealthy alliance (marriage?),” Get a domestic violence restraining order and possibly die. 3. DON’T seek a domestic violence restraining order, and possibly die.

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Or, 4. like I did

a. Obtain a domestic violence restraining order, in hopes NOT to die.

b. See ex given almost immediately (Search this blog for “Access Visitation Grants” or “SAVP”) liberal, unsupervised overnight visitation.

c. Comply with it, consistently, and try to insist he does also

d. After warning authorities and all involved of one’s concern about abduction, (and seeking child support enforcement), have them abducted an overnight unsupervised visitation to nearly permanently (or permanently) lose contact with them.

That at least beats some of the ALTERNATE version of Choice 4 (Obtain a Restraining Order)

4.d.1 REISER: YOU go “MIA” on an unsupervised visitation exchange of the children, and show up years later (as part of a plea bargain of DA’s with husband who murdered you, with kids present), a few (less than 6) feet under — Google “Hans Reiser,” only a moderate tweak of too many others to categorize, where MOM was either murdered, or an attempt was made to murder her, during an exchange.

4.d.2. CASTILLO, GONZALES, CONNOLLY, OTHERS, SOME OF THEM NOW BEFORE AN INTERNATIONAL COURT: After warning the courts and others that you feel visitation is unwise (or he just failed to return them at the appointed time), have your children drowned, shot, hung, or gassed to death – on an overnight visitation. Note, like some of the driving theories behind families, this is now international in scope.

4.d.2.a. Possibly go homeless from inability to retain work after so many years in the system, and so much prolonged exposure to stress and trauma that chronic PTSD, plus the unstable job history renders one unemployable.

(I know currently two women who became homeless after the custody switch following domestic violence, and many more who are impoverished and unemployed, but thankfully not yet homeless).

There are endless varieties of option 4, and sequential consequences to it, none of them, for the most part, helpful for the children, or society at large, so long as the current AFCC-run, Mediation-focused, due-process eradicating family law system continues to be the next step after domestic violence restraining orders. The venue, players, and stakes just get higher, if this be possible, than when they were originally. And are likely to remain so until one of these 3 possible consequences follows, at which point, there simply is no more money, or press, or government program to be squeezed out of the situation, just possibly a few press headlines for the first one below:

1. Someone is killed.

2. Someone, or both parents — and their allies — are destitute.

3. All children have turned 18.

NOW ABOUT THE PAST 2 SUNDAY/MONDAYS IN THE GOLDEN STATE, THE STATE OF THE +/- $1 MILLION/YEAR OF ACCESS VISITATION GRANTS FUNDING (AND I HAVEN’T EVEN POSTED THE HEALTHY MARRIAGE DEMONSTRATION GRANT INFO YET) . . . . WHICH HAS (FYI) BEEN GOING ON AT LEAST SINCE 1998. . . . . (which for all I know simply represents when the on-line database geared up)

Some readers may wonder why the motto (top right, button) on this blog reads:

Not a private matter —

why “family” “law” hurts us all

Just another two sunny Mondays in Sunny California

illustrate the under-publicized dangers of actually

WINNING in court:

1. Under, “win custody and possibly die”:

Monday, 07/06/09 San Jose

No independence week for her:

Bitter Ex Loses Custody, so “Wins” with a Gun.

THEIR Daughter, Her StepDad, the Neighborhood, and everyone else involved, LOSES.

Two reported dead at San Jose townhome after shooting and hostage situation

By Mark Gomez and Lisa Fernandez

Mercury News

Shortly after 8 a.m. Monday, a neighbor bleeding from a gunshot wound ran by Anthony Gallardo’s San Jose townhouse shouting that a man had shot his wife in the arm and taken her hostage.
A relative who asked not to be identified said Coffman was wounded in the earlobe by a gunman who had entered his home and taken his wife hostage. Gallardo let the neighbor and a hysterical 9-year-old girl into his garage to call police.
The woman had recently won a drawn-out and bitter custody battle with her ex-boyfriend over the 9-year-old girl, the relative said.
That was how a 5 1/2-hour standoff started in the upscale Montecito Vista townhouse development Monday. It ended when San Jose police, failing to make contact with the gunman, entered the townhouse and found the bodies of a man and woman.
Police declined to identify the victims but said the shooting appeared to have stemmed from “a family dispute.
Damon Cookson, manager of an evacuated mobile home park near the townhouse, said mobile home park residents were let back into their homes at 2:45 p.m.
Police had evacuated homes in the townhouse complex and a mobile home park located next door so quickly that some left their homes shoeless, without money or cell phones. Other residents were picked up by friends or relatives so they didn’t have to stand outside in the sun.

According to the “Healthy Marriages and Responsible Fatherhood” advocates, she did the right thing. She had a man in the home and was married to her; possibly she ran across one of their ubiquitous classes and, or had a religious conversion, and realized that having children with boyfriends (as opposed to committed and financially self-supporting, faithful spouses — like, say, Steve McNair?) was not the upright thing to do for herself, health, or her daughter. Perhaps there was even a child support order in place on the Dad, which may or may not have contributed to the bitterness of the divorce. THAT 9 YEAR OLD GIRL WAS IN A HETEROSEXUAL 2-PARENTS, MARRIED HOUSEHOLD. HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES WOULD’VE HAD NO ISSUES OR INTERVENTIONS IN PLACE FOR THIS HOUSEHOLD.

Perhaps the man who married her (let’s hope) really loved her, and vice versa, enough to take public vows and make it legal. ACCORDING TO THE DESIGNER FAMILY MENTALITY, THIS ONE SHOULD’VE WORKED. SHOULD THEY TAKE IT BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD AND PUT A FEW $$MILLION ON HOLD BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE GETS KILLED AND SOME OTHER KIDS ARE ORPHANED? WAS THIS HOSTAGE/SUICIDE/FEMICIDE SITUATION PREDICTABLE?)

History of domestic violence, stalking, or other criminal activity, or NO history of domestic violence, stalking or other criminal activity, her attempt to pursue child support on behalf of the child, the answer is: YES. Being stuck in family court is rough on everyone. Rules of evidence are weakened in this venue (See link in my last post), making hearsay accusations easier. Psychology reigns, and there are people who profit from this. Money trades hands for sure.

YES, in the fathers rights vs. feminists (supposedly this is the war) climate overall, it was probably predictable, though maybe not perhaps not the timing of it.

Will people sit up and take notice, and change policies because of this death?

I doubt it.

She was married to Coffman, who texted the relative short updates all day long. The woman was a respiratory therapist at a local hospital.

(More detailed background story, and link, on this case at bottom of today’s post)

This case was not a week old before another one in Northern California hit the press, and the late-night TV stations:

2. Monday, 07/13/09, Novato (not including multi-county Amber alert)

File Under, “Win a temporary domestic violence restraining order, and possibly die, leaving your infant with Child Protective Services,

after she experiences a nice little kidnapping.”

(Did the infant witness her mother being beat to death with a baseball bat also?)

Actually this was a SUNDAY, and the father was caught, apparently on Monday. Good thing, being as he was a murderer, son of a murderer, a child-stealer, his brother had a drug habit and he himself was in the family porn industry (makes one question the advisability of the match, for sure). I wonder if Access Visitation Grants funding would’ve come into play under THIS one. Maybe when he’s been in prison long enough, they will come after him to make contact with his daughter, after all, there IS a plague of fatherlessness, and he WAS (apparently) his little girl’s father.

Which is likely what he was thinking when he killed the Mom and kidnapped her, too. How DARE that woman separate me from my kid and accuse me of violence! I’ll show her what violence is!

I cannot stand to read every report on this one…

Porn King’s Son held in Baseball-Bat Beating Death

NOVATO, Calif. — A 1-year-old girl was safely recovered early Monday and her 27-year-old father in custody after he allegedly brutally beat the girl’s mother to death with a baseball bat, authorities said.

He was suspected of beating Danielle Keller several times with a baseball bat before fleeing with the girl — who was celebrating her first birthday — and threatening to kill any law enforcement agents who came into contact with him, according to police.

The baby has an age. The murderer kidnapper father has an age. Is there any particular reason why the Mom in this story doesn’t merit one?

Family members told KTVU that there was a history of domestic abuse and restraining order had been issued against Mitchell in both San Francisco and Marin. Keeler’s mother, Claudia Stevens, said Mitchell had stormed into her Novato home three weeks ago and threatened violence. He also had been making threatening phone calls, she added.

…And this did not result in his IMMEDIATE arrest and incarceration for violation of restraining order WHY?

Mom didn’t know? Courts didn’t function? Mother still traumatized, didn’t register the importance of this? Police were called on the violation, but didn’t do anything? Police weren’t called? Police reported, but no one prosecuted? No precedent that this was a danger sign existed?

3 weeks. Hmmm. Was the case was in family court? Had they been to the mediator yet? Did the mediator say to them, as the mediator did to ME (shortly after I filed domestic violence restraining order with kickout, AFTER the violence had escalated to the guns, knives, serious injury phase,putting this “family matter” at a clear domestic violence, felony, not misdemeanor) “just peaceful communications about the (children)” — and totally failed to specify: Place of exchange. TIME of exchanges around holidays. Or child support, resulting in the soon thereafter need to resort to welfare, until I could rebuild some income.)

Excuse me. File under,

“Another needless death, another burden on California taxpayers, another traumatized little girl,

family, and neighborhood”

(I imagine it also might be filed under, don’t hook up with men involved in the porn business. What are women, desperate these days? Was she attracted to his testosterone? There are down sides of too much of that, I suppose….)

This is a cruel thing to say, but I am searching about for WHY this bloodshed just doesn’t stop, no matter how many policies or laws are in place. There HAVE to be a few consistent reasons. Added to my concerns are, why is that our nation is raising — or inhabited by — so many dysfunctional adults of criminal nature.

Perhaps the problem is with the concept of the Nation (as opposed to individual families) raising them. But, as I say sometimes, this is a family law blog, not an education blog. Perhaps the problem is religion, as I KNOW this is a factor in many domestic violence cases. Perhaps the problem is LACK of religion (morality / common sense // ethical behavior). Perhaps the problem is an alienated populace — from each other as well, except within the various cliques. Perhaps the problem is fatherhood vigilanteeism (actually, I think this is VERY close to the truth, and filed, at least in part, under religion). Perhaps the problem is that reaction against feminism, AND against the perceived lack of religion nationwide, breeding neo-con and worse versions of what went before.

OH — PERHAPS it’s that we don’t teach women how to defend themselves, or that this is a feminine and desireable life skill.

PERHAPS it’s that we don’t teach women boundaries, and how to defend themselves.

PERHAPS it’s that WE think someone else is teaching or doing something else that, in former centuries, “we” had to do ourselves. Like, raise and prepare food, learn to read, teach our kids to read, and so forth.

LAST ONE, MORE RESULTS. . . .

Amber Alert Novato, Search Results 48,000

Perhaps some of these will telll how she ended up with the dude…., that, for a first birthday celebration, clubbed Mama, to death with a baseball bat.

Last week’s femicide/suicide?

Old news: Only 600 results

Brewer, Victoria E. & Derek Paulsen (1993, November). A Comparison of U.S. and Canadian Findings on Uxoricide Risk for Women with Children Sired by Previous Partners. Homicide Studies, 3(4), 317-332.

Bunting, Helen. (2008, February 19). Women and Daughter Killed in Chile’s Latest Femicide. The Santiago Times, http://www.santiagotimes.cl/santiagotimes/news/feature-news/woman-and-daughter-killed-in-chile-s-latest-femicide.html

Bunting, Helen. (2008, February 6). Femicides in Chile: 10 So Far This Year; Three in 24 Hours. Santiago Times, http://www.santiagotimes.cl/santiagotimes/news/feature-news/femicide-chile-10.html

Bunting, Helen. (2008, January 24). Three Femicides Recorded So Far in 2008. http://www.valparaisotimes.cl/content/view/296/1/

And the well-known, and still not part of policy in family court matters, studies by Jacquelyn Campbell:

Campbell, Jacquelyn C. (2004, December). Helping Women Understand Their Risk in Situations of Intimate Partner Violence. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 19(12), 1464-1477.
Campbell, Jacquelyn, Carolyn Block, & Robin Thompson. (1999). Femicide and Fatality Review. Next Millennium Conference: Ending Domestic Violence. http://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/184570.pdf
Campbell, Jacquelyn, Nancy Glass, Phyllis W. Sharps, Kathryn Laughton & Tina Bloom. (2007, July). Intimate Partner Homicide: Review and Implications of Research and Policy. Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 8(3), 246-269.

Oh, Mea Culpa. The word “femicide” is for a specialized field of study. Maybe it’s under “homicide/suicide.” Better also be more specific, since “homicide/suicide” would jam my software again, too large.

San Jose homicide/suicide— Google results

Was THIS one avoidable? Answer: YES!

“San Jose man recounts murder-suicide that left wife dead.”

Mercury News, 07-10-09 8:49am updated

The couple had long been leery of Liang and worried he could be capable of violence. A 2003 stalking charge was dismissed against Liang for threatening to kill the two of them, even though Coffman said neither he nor his wife were called as witnesses.

Ying He and Liang came to the United States from China in 1999, Coffman said. They had a baby girl in the Bay Area on June 14, 2000. Liang sent the girl to live with his wealthy parents in Guangzhou, and because Ying He had pending immigration status, she couldn’t freely travel between the countries.

In 2006, Ying He discovered her daughter and Liang were living in Southern California. She also discovered, Coffman said, that her ex-boyfriend, a gambler, was short on cash.

“They made a deal,” Coffman said. “Brandi said she’d give Nelson some money and he said he’d give her their daughter.” {{NO CONTACT WITH MOM FOR SIX YEARS…..}}

But Liang reneged on his part of the deal, Coffman said, and disappeared with the girl. Coffman and his wife hired an attorney to find Liang and fight for full custody. After about two years, Liang and the girl surfaced again in Southern California. In March, Liang didn’t pick his daughter up from school one day, and police reports show Liang told school officials in Arcadia that he no longer wanted to care for his child. He was soon arrested and pleaded no contest to child endangerment. The girl was put in state care

Let’s get that timeline again:

2000 — baby born

Shortly thereafter — Dad sends baby away, no contact with mother.

2003 Dad found stalking and threatening to kill Mother AND her new husband. (SOUND FAMILIAR?) Doesn’t apparently even make the DA’s radar, although there are anti-stalking laws in California, and stalking has been listed for many years among lethality indicators. Perhaps he also had some concept of maybe extorting the new couple (in re: gambling habit?).

Also (sounds like my own case in this regard), stalking as seen as irrelevant to child’s welfare. Dad retains custody, and this couple is not really on the map, or the child, legally speaking??

Unclear (here) whether they still thought daughter was in China (no mail or phone contact?)

2006 – child is located, and mother and new husband invest money and time attempting to get her in their household.

Father receives money in exchange for daughter, obviously they were trying to settle out of court. Father agrees, takes money, and doesn’t turn over daughter. Possibly the FBI should’ve been involved here?

2008?– Father, changing his mind again, abandons daughter (note: that he sent his daughter back to China MIGHT be an indicator he didn’t want custody, right?) and the state picks her up. It MIGHT be deduced from the court records, by “the state” that a parent who wants the daughter, and is in a stable situation, exists. However, that parent was a mother….

2009 – April. State figures it out, and gives child back to mother. Child-endangering, stalking Dad still has visitation rights:

Liang still had visitation rights and weekly phone calls.

Why doesn’t that surprise me? You still in favor of shared parenting, frequent visitation, fathers — ANY fathers — return day? If not, find out which Congressmen (and if any women) voted for this in 1998 and 1999 in the U.S., and write them why they should re-think the resolution — what WAS that about, opting for population control by homicide/suicide??

Which tells you about family court in California: Far be it from Family Law Judges to notice that trivialities such as sending kid back to China, where her own mother couldn’t nurture or see her for YEARS, while staying here and racking up a gambling debt, stalking and threatening to kill the mother and her new partner, and child endangerment by abandonment, should be taken into account in designing a custody/visitation order!

On Sunday, the day before the shooting, Liang called to speak with his daughter, asking her strangely specific questions about her schedule. Coffman believes Liang was casing the family for the attack.

My question: WHEN did Coffman or his wife hear of those strangely specific questions? Was the daughter alarmed? DId no one catch the anomaly. That instinct of “this is strange, isn’t it?” can save lives — in a family, even if the state misses the boat… I suspect they hadn’t processed that information yet, and didn’t think that Liang would act so quickly.

ALWAYS play it safe!

I see we bloggers are going to have to work harder at getting the news out: Before entering family court situations with difficult custody battles, get martial arts training — and exerrcise your second amendment rights.

QUESTION OPEN: WHY DID THE COUPLE COME TO THE U.S. TO HAVE THE BABY?

ENDNOTE: China is known for not valuing girl babies as much as boy babies.

But the U.S. ought to have understood when children are viewed as poker chips in a high-stakes custody battle.

I think this one might be more gambling debt as much as jealousy contributing to the problems

IT TAKES MORE THAN MONEY TO BE A GOOD SECOND DAD WHEN THE FIRST ONE WAS A NUT CASE.

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

July 13, 2009 at 4:04 PM

Posted in "Til Death Do Us Part" (literally), Context of Custody Switch, Designer Families, Domestic Violence vs Family Law, Fatal Assumptions, History of Family Court, Lethality Indicators - in News, Split Personality Court Orders

Tagged with 2nd Amendment, custody, family annihilation, murder-suicides, parental kidnapping

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Archive for the ‘Fatal Assumptions’ Category

Our Mission

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THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CONFERENCE OF THE DECADE!

From Ideology to Inclusion 2009:

Mail or fax in your order today!

But, who are the real stakeholders?

Why not instead just raise funds for subscriptions for women leaving abuse to some of the publications talking about us, and our children, and our batterers, and our stalkers, and our children’s abductors, and our options, and how to intervene.

Benefits (from OUR point of view, at least):

Detriments (possibly from publishers, conferrers, model code designers, and a WHOLE lot more):

I think those would be the primary differences. The question is, HOW would America Survive without the economy of pathology? And the paradigm of the us/them; subject/object expertise heirarchy?

What year do you think this was written?

National Institute of Justice Project to Develop Model Anti-Stalking Code for States

Limitations of Report from Domestic Violence Perspective

Analysis of utility of model code proposed by NIJ for battered women

Benefits of Model Code

Flaws of Model Code

Effectiveness of anti-stalking codes in general for battered women

WHEN WAS THE EXCERPT WRITTEN?

Domestic Violence & Stalking: A Comment on the Model Anti-Stalking Code Proposed by the National Institute of Justice

Publication Date: December 1994

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June 1992

S U R V I V A L

Back to my regularly scheduled post. . . .

Which goes to show, prosecution can happen, and crime often requires some enablement, somewhere along the line.

The top court agrees to assess a law that lets the US government indefinitely detain sex offenders even after they have served their sentences.

[Same murder/suicide, Toms River, editorial]: Tighter Restraints Needed on Domestic Violence: app.com editorial

Even so, Ocean County screwed up, and doesn’t seem very apologetic about it. Judge accordingly, if this is a situation of someone you care about, or yourself. Assumptions are not bliss, facts are.

Now, about that NJ $86 million for public safety and law . . . . .

Top 5 Known Congressional Districts where Recipients are Located

Top 10 Recipients

Recipient Type

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NOW REGARDING TOMS RIVER 2009:

New Jersey Domestic Violence Defense Attorneys

Constitutional Protections for the Criminal Defendant

Published on: 6/8/2001 Last Visited: 2/2/2002

Looking for volunteers for domestic violence response teams September 23, 3008

Providence House thanks awareness month supporters November 14, 2007

From Violence to Compassion February 14, 2008

(Where government programs meet market niches; we’re in it.)

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(3) NEW JERSEY,

Two found dead in South Jersey murder-suicide

Restraining Orders (AND CHILD SUPPORT CHECKS….)

Details Withheld

Man at center of murder-suicide had years of money problems

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(1) California, “not a hot-blooded event”

(selections from the article):

(2) Pennsylvania, I think

subject line for this article. Submit in comments.

Non-sarcastic entries will be summarily dismissed

as utterly inappropriate:

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(1) Wife had order of protection against husband prior to murder-suicide

(2) Harris man gave up guns before strangling wife, hanging himself

(TOP of post — Minnesota. BOTTOM — Kansas.

They relate.)

So, let’s talk about the body counts vis-a-vis the legal terminology:

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Maybe if I intersperse headlines, policy talk, and commentary I can get through another day without mourning evidence of national return to stupidity day.

When we simply search only the word

“fatherhood” under “recipient” for FY2000-2009,

we get an entirely different picture (also diff’t database):

Top 5 Known Congressional Districts where Recipients are Located

Yes this is definitely an “up from the people” grassroots movement,

and not a DC.-down

Top 10 Recipients

93647 word “fatherhood”

How do you know it’s a PROBLEM and not a SYMPTOM of another problem?

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We all know our state (California) is bottomed out.

Supposedly.

“Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary”

Strategies is funded by the

WHERE’S MOM? DID HE GIVE BIRTH TO THOSE BABIES?

OK, I’ve had enough for now.

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Looking for volunteers for domestic violence response teams
September 23, 3008

Providence House thanks awareness month supporters
November 14, 2007

From Violence to Compassion
February 14, 2008