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Children’s Institute, Project Fatherhood(tm), and Fatherhood Nonprofits that make you go “Huh?”

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(with respect to the late Dr. Hershel K. Swinger, I cannot respect using TANF and other funds to proselytize, and then cheating the California out of transparency and accountability).

(And I SURE as heck don’t respect anyone using the US Government to try to evangelize ANYone!)

This is a SHAMELESS transmigration from a long (project) I’ve been posting over at Scranton Political Times Kids for Cash thread.  ALthough it’s actually in response to Joe Pilchesky having posted a SAVING DAMON case (from Southern Cal / San Diego area, and with full panoply of Protective Mothers Rhetoric and groups) on there.  Totally out of character for him, but I then decided to look closer at the situation and open my big mouth.

(Better understood in the larger context) I feel sorry for mothers who are (like I was) led around by the nose to become activist before they activate common sense lookups of who they’re dealing with — both as advocates and as adversaries in the court system.  For example — get this — Cindy Dumas had somehow a declaration (on her behalf) on “William Eddy” complaint form, but signed by Erik Fox, Ph.D. (who runs sexual abuser treatment programs all over, and actually recommended “abuse inoculation” treatment for Damon, Mom & Dad.  I gather that hasn’t happened yet. [The Rest of This Comment on nonreporting [to California] $40million-budgetChildren’s Institute in Los Angeles, incl. its “Project Fatherhood(sm)”]: I’m trying to find out exactly what it is!

Outlaw_Wild_DoubleBill-KickbackCourts wrote:

Things that make you go “Huh?” In that chart below (TAGGS list of “fatherhood” grantees — at least a few of them) notice the one “Children’s Institute, Inc.” of Los Angeles?  Grant (for 2010) two different grants — $1,000,000 + $500,000 ???  That’s a hefty amount, right? I looked at this one before, and the pattern is just TO O o o o…. common: One has to usually check at least 3 to 4 sources AFTER seeing the HHS grant:

1. State Incorporation record (SOS),

2. State Charitable Record (if they’re a nonprofit or taking donations),

3. Sample check some IRS forms (I use “Foundationfinder” or “Nccsdataweb.urban.org”) — and actually look at a tax form (it gets easier with practice) . . . . and then

4.  what does their website say as well? 

Here we go: 1. California Corporation (Sec of State) registration — there are TWO with the exact same street address (which doesn’t match address on HHS grantee, either).

For Fiscal 2010 (year cited on Saving Damon fatherhood funds) they got: (“budget yr” = yr of that particular program:  1,2,3 etc.):

Progr Office Award Number Award Title Bud-get Year Action Issue Date CFDA # CFDA Name Award Action Type Principal Investigator Sum of Actions
CMHS  SM058241 CENTRAL LOS ANGELES CHILD TRAUMA COLLABORATIVE  02  10/21/2009  93243  Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services: Projects of Regional and National Significance  ADMINISTRATIVE SUPPLEMENT ( + OR – ) (DISCRETIONARY OR BLOCK AWARDS)  LESLIE A ROSS  $ 0 
CMHS  SM058241 CENTRAL LOS ANGELES CHILD TRAUMA COLLABORATIVE  04  06/25/2010  93243  Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services: Projects of Regional and National Significance  NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION  LESLIE A ROSS  $ 400,000 
HSB  09CH9080 EARLY HEAD START  07/26/2010  93600  Head Start  NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION  KATY KELLEY  $ 1,590,930 
HSB  09SA9080 EARLY HEAD START ARRA EXPANSION  11/18/2009  93709  ARRA – Early Head Start  NEW  KATY KELLEY  $ 1,098,417 
HSB  09YC0463 EARLY HEAD START  03/26/2010  93600  Head Start  OTHER REVISION  MANUEL CASTELLANOS, JR.  $- 9,269 
OFA  90FR0076 PROMOTING RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD  09/24/2010  93086  Healthy marriage Promotion and Responsible Fatherhood Grants  NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION  HERSHEL SWINGER  $ 500,000 
OFA  90FR0088 PROMOTING RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD, COMMUNITY ACCESS PROGRAM  09/27/2010  93086  Healthy marriage Promotion and Responsible Fatherhood Grants  NON-COMPETING CONTINUATION  HERSHEL SWINGER  $ 1,000,000 

(per IRS form) 2009 salaries of key officers (5 highest) were plenty high: Mary Emmons (see corp. registration) — $310K; Nena Revoyr, $136K, Jeff Catania, $161K, Hershel Swinger, $167K, Kendis Heffley, $131K. (plus retirement & other income from this or related orgs.)). These are the US Trademarks still “LIVE” with the word “Fatherhood” in them.  I didn’t find the one mentioned in the Children’s Institute  descriptions, “Project Fatherhood” But it’s interesting one of them is from a PA corporation.  You can see the details, including first use, whose idea it was and see that someone showed real forethought.  Keeping in mind that welfare reform and the loosening up of federal aid to states for diversions into fatherhood & marriage promotion, both was anticipated — and happened in 1996.

Serial Number Reg. Number Word Mark Check Status Live/Dead

Quite a few, eh? PROJECT FATHERHOOD // Dr. HERSHEL K. SWINGER was started in 1996:

July 8, 2011

Strengthening relationships between fathers and their at-risk children

Children’s Institute Hosts 4th Annual Fatherhood Solution Conference 

(very nice youtube tribute to him at the link…)

“Due to the recent passing of Dr. Hershel K. Swinger, CII Senior Vice President and Founder of Project Fatherhood, the morning plenary was a special tribute to his life’s work and accomplishments. Project Fatherhood is a nationally-recognized program for disadvantaged fathers to become more engaged and effective parents. 

“Speakers included Dr. Ken Canfield, president and founder of the<> National Center for Fathering; <> Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis, Director of Pepperdine University’s Culture and Trauma Research Lab, an expert on partner and child abuse and societal trauma due to racism, sexism and poverty; and <> Charles Lee-Johnson, MSWCEO of the National Family Life and Education Center,…”

In reverse order:

  • Charles-Lee Johnson’s Nonprofit, that his father incorporated in 1993:


Entity Number Date Filed Status Entity Name Agent for Service of Process

EIN# 95-4423621 ; their charity is marked “CURRENT” however they haven’t filed an IRS with the state since 2007, or an RRF (state report) since 2008.  Received a Deliquency warning 6/5/2008:

WARNING OF IMPENDING TAX ASSESSMENT FOR WHICH YOU MAY BE PERSONALLY LIABLE ..The Attorney General has not received your organization’s annual report(s) as follows:…IRS Form 990, 990-PF, or 990-EZ report(s) for the year(s) ending: 06/30/03, 06/30/04, 06/30/06, and 06/30/07



Fiscal Begin: 01-JUL-09
Fiscal End: 30-JUN-10
Total Assets: $113,732.00
Gross Annual Revenue: $312,375.00
RRF Received: 02-AUG-11
Returned Date:
990 Attached: Y
Status: Accepted
Related Documents
0034C251 Delinquency Letter
0034C25A Founding Documents
0034C25B RRF-1 2008
0034C25C RRF-1 2007
0034C25E IRS Form 990 2007

IRS inconsistent between two sites (State AG vs 990finder).  One year, the top 3 officers are receivng $65,73 & 95K; (is Joyce Johnson his wife?) another year, nothing, or something.  The 2006 tax return at 990finder was stamped received in 2011; etc. etc.  Very inconsistent.  The “2009” filing below is an empty form, basically… They have no direct HHS grants but some of the RRF forms show they did receive two or three sources of gov’t support, inl. DCFS (note:  they are dealing with foster care youth sometimes).  Assets — two chevy vans; — ??

National Family Life and Education Center CA 2009 $0 990R 1 95-4423621
National Family Life and Education Center CA 2010 $113,732 990 19 95-4423621
National Family Life and Education Center CA 2009 $58,470 990 31 95-4423621
National Family Life and Education Center CA 2008 $48,791 990 25 95-4423621
National Family Life and Education Center CA 2007 $136,014 990 24 95-4423621
National Family Life and Education Center CA 2006 $265,681 990 22 95-4423621


  • the “Dr.” in “Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis” is licensed clinical psychologist:  Duke, Harvard, Princeton, Pepperdine (in Malibu, CA — this university puts out a lot of people who work in the courts also):


Dr. Bryant-Davis received her doctorate from Duke University in Clinical Psychology with a focus on the cultural context of trauma recovery, as well as the intersection of gender and racial identity. She completed her post-doctoral training at Harvard Medical Center’s Victims of Violence Program. From 2001-2004, she served as Senior Staff Psychologist and Coordinator of the Princeton University SHARE Program. Dr. Bryant-Davis is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University where she teaches on the topics of indivdiual and family development as well as intimate partner violence. She is a contributing author in the books The Psychology of Racism, The Complete Guide to Mental Health for Women, and Featuring Females: Feminist Analyses of the Media.

Dr. Bryant-Davis served for three years as an American Psychological Association representative to the United Nations where she advocated for mental health and human rights globally


Apparently also preaches at her brother’s Mega-Church also:

Dr. Thema Bryant-Davis is a licensed preacher in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. She preached her initial sermon at Empowerment Temple AME Church where the pastor is Rev. Jamal Harrison-Bryant.:

Wikipedia is a little less than neutral (top of page notes), however, after noting that he is a PK (Both Mom & Dad in Baltimore’s AME).  The reference page to where he got his MDiV has been removed as “Unambiguous advertisement, copyright infringement” — very unusual for Wikipedia” 


“He is the leader of a new breed of ministers who embrace the idea of capitalizing on the ever-increasing marketplace of Internet and technological innovations to spread the gospel. With more than 7,500 members attending weekly services at Empowerment Temple in Baltimore, Maryland, and approximately 35,000 followers on Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace, he believes that “God is not just in the church; He is also in technology.” His mission is to “empower people spiritually, develop them educationally, expose them culturally, activate them politically, and strengthen them economically.”


FAMILY:   Bryant has four daughters Topaz, Grace, and twins Angel and Adore. They reside in Baltimore. He is also the brother of Thema Simone Bryant Davis.

Mega church pastor Jamal Harrison Bryant and his wife Gizelle are headed to divorce court. After 5 and a half years of marriage Gizelle Bryant filed for a divorce in the Circuit Court for Montgomery County on January 9. The clergyman [i.e. Jamal] also filed divorce papers in Baltimore City Court on the same day, the Baltimore Sun reports.  . . . (then article launches into some more flattery….)

. . . Scandalous rumors of alleged affairs with several women have been rampant since the couple’s engagement. His supposed womanizing went overboard when he impregnated a church member said to be 17 at the time of the time of copulation. [“the time of copulation”deliberate    ]When accusations of this affair surfaced in the Summer of 2007, church leaders asked him to step down while they initiated an investigation and awaited paternity test results. Months after the investigation, Jamal Bryant remains the pastor of Empowerment Temple. Court records acquired from the Circuit Court of Maryland do indicate the pastor is the father of a least one other child who was born before he got married. The couple has a set of 1-year-old twins and a 3-year-old.

As Wikipedia shows, guess he had some of the “evangelizing” [Missionary Position?] (of other women while married) issues common to some in his field.  Baltimore Sun article, 2/16/08 by Samathi Reddy:

Bryant and his wife, a former model, are known for their flashy lifestyle, which includes a Bentley and a multimillion-dollar Canton waterfront property. Their lifestyle has attracted criticism from those who say the church is more about his business enterprises and building wealth than religion. Her original divorce complaint stated that he earned more than $350,000 a year.

He is seeking a “limited divorce,” while his wife has requested an “absolute divorce,” according to papers filed in Baltimore Circuit Court.  A limited divorce is a voluntary legal separation required in Maryland for a year before most absolute divorces. Absolute divorces, however, are allowed immediately under certain circumstances, such as adultery and cruelty. In Gizelle Bryant’s filing last month, she accuses her husband of adultery, cruel treatment and “excessively vicious conduct” that caused “reasonable apprehension of bodily suffering so as to render cohabitation unsafe.” [/spoiler]

One of MANY reasons I’m not too impressed with the concept of soliciting faith-based organizations to teach responsible fatherhood!  However, Dr. Thema Harrison-Bryant is not her brother . . . . More background on their parents’ involvement in civil rights, time in Africa, social justice concern, leadership over many churches

His efforts ( Back to Hershel K. Swinger of The Children’s Institute)  resulted in a major expansion of Project Fatherhood – through funding from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services – to 50 organizations located in various parts of Los Angeles County.”(Very nice obituary in the LA times notes what he did):

Hershel K. Swinger dies at 72; founded a program to aid urban fathers

The clinical psychologist who taught at Cal State L.A. created Project Fatherhood, which has provided therapy, support and training for more than 7,000 low-income urban fathers since 1996.

June 12, 2011|By Elaine Woo, Los Angeles Times

Swinger, a clinical psychologist, was a senior vice president of Children’s Institute who taught counselor education and directed a state-funded child abuse prevention center at Cal State L.A. for many years.

He was the founder and senior director of Project Fatherhood, a program that has provided therapy, support and training for more than 7,000 low-income urban fathers since its inception 15 years ago. Under Swinger’s leadership, it received a $7.5-million federal grant in 2006 to replicate the program in 50 agencies in Los Angeles County. It was recognized as a model program by the Obama administration last year.

Familiar with studies showing that children with absent fathers are far more likely to be poor, abuse drugs, drop out of school and enter the criminal justice system, Swinger believed that focusing on the fathers was a crucial part of the solution.

No mention of “present mothers” or of the fact that since 1996, one of the most dangerous places to be as a mother is attempting to leave violence with children and having a father contest custody — in other words, the climate towards women because of these programs, has become literally hostile.  If indeed those facts ARE so, who is to say or not say that the real cause was “father-absence” or not something else? Is that a universal truth, like gravity — or a social construction? It helps expand a grants program if you are on the advisory council to another foundation: Federal funding allowed Project Fatherhood SM to expand in 2006 across Los Angeles County. Now, through a community grants program*, small faith-based and community organizations have been empowered to replicate the Project Fatherhood SM model in their own neighborhoods. …*The Project Fatherhood SM Community Grants Program is part of the Responsible Fatherhood Initiative funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and the Administration for Children and Families, Office of Family Assistance.

**National Center for Fathering — another Nonprofit:








National Center for Fathering KS 2010 $414,597 990 28 48-1083848
National Center for Fathering KS 2009 $668,266 990 30 48-1083848
National Center for Fathering KS 2008 $541,246 990 29 48-1083848
National Center for Fathering KS 2007 $1,280,008 990 30 48-1083848
National Center for Fathering Inc. KS 2006 $573,780 990 45 48-1083848
National Center for Fathering Inc. KS 2005 $1,471,113 990 29 48-1083848
National Center for Fathering Inc. KS 2004 $719,773 990 23 48-1083848
National Center for Fathering Inc. KS 2003 $355,475 990 23 48-1083848
National Center for Fathering Inc. KS 2002 $241,183 990 22 48-1083848

Purpose of this group (KS location):


One employee listed got $62K — that turns out to be severance pay:



The National Center for Fathering seeks to improve the well-being of children by promoting responsible fatherhood and equipping men to be more engaged in the lives of children. Programmingissummarizedinfourareas: Research,Training,ProgramsandResources.

Training (notice how many are trademarked. (from 2007 tax return: of its budget, $914K that year was “government grants.” So this is what our gov’t is sponsoring:

. TheNationalCenterforFatheringconductslivetrainingseminarstoequipmen for their role as fathers using its research-based curricula. Specific curricula developed by the National Center include : The 7 Secrets of Effective FathersTM,[+ Book, $12.99] Connecting With Your KidsTM Quenching the Father ThirstTM,Dads ofDestinyTM and R.E.A.D. to KidsTM The Center ‘s father training courses all include a version of its Personal Fathering Profile TM, a self-scored assessment that allows dads to compare their fathering practices with a national database. The Center also conducts train-the-trainer workshops to equip locally-based father trainers who work independently in their communities through faith-based,social service and other organizations to equip men.

I guess if all those fathers need train-train-trainers, maybe they ain’t nuttin’ but a hound-dog, and never will be, according to HHS!Either that, or there’s another reason for all this obsession.

~~~This group is in the business of SALES:  Income from Training:  $205K / Honorarium::  $52K (plural); Gross profit from Sales of INVENTORY:  $403K, and “MISCELLANEOUS:  $17K.”
Five highest paid employees (that year) — doin’ all right: (the 2nd # for each is deferred comp/benefits)
RONALD NICHOLS _ _ _TRAINING DIR.:  $91,362. $15 ,043. SCOTT-HUSE ———————— $83 ,650. 11 ,765. STEVE WILSON ___________ DIR. OF FIN:  $82 ,267. 13 ,109. AMOS_JOHNSON_______URBAN FATHERING DIR.: $61 ,551. 11 ,254. BROCK GRIFFIN _ _ _ _PUBLICATIONS DIR.:  $57 ,088. 11 ,456 Key officers make a (total) of $355K + $40K, split between three men: Carey W. Casey, Peter Spokes & Brian Blomberg.. . I noticed also some borrowing, including a $100K loan for which security was “CD of Peter Spokes” etc.  . . . (??)   Carey w. Casey and Obama Whitehouse get along just fine:

Carey Casey honored as a “Champion of Change” – Watch Video

  As Father’s Day approaches there are so many reasons to be encouraged here at the Center … One big reason is an opportunity I had to visit the White House. I was one of ten people honored as “Champions of Change” in the field of fatherhood.  This is an effort by the White House Office of Public Engagement and Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships to promote positive fatherhood, and it’s my privilege to be there and talk about Championship Fathering … “from the White House to the outhouse,” as I always say. I am also humbled. I know that I … [Read More…]

(ET . . .CET. . . eRA). . . .  here’s USPTO.gov — wonder how many of those “tm” items really are “tm” ed! Colorado State marketing a booklet ‘Connecting with your Kids” http://www.courts.state.co.us/userfiles/file/Self_Help/CO_Parenting_Time_Book2004.pdf

Connecting With Your Kids

Copyright © Colorado Foundation for Families and Children

But it thanks Ken Sanders of (the) “Center on Fathering” and a “Colorado Fatherhood Connection”

Notice that in the MIDDLE of “fathers.com” top row of hyperlinks (to other pages) is “STORE” The store page kinda reminds me of the “cooperative parenting institute” store page (Termini & Boyan):

Championship Fathering Wristband

Championship Fathering Wristband 2 Models / Great for Father’s Day Give-Aways!

The 21-Day Dad's Challenge by Carey Casey and others

The 21-Day Dad’s Challengeby Carey Casey & 19 others

Championship Fathering by Carey Casey

Championship Fathering by Carey Casey

52 Things Kids Need from a Dad by Jay Payleitner

52 Things Kids Need from a Dadby Jay Payleitner

52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands by Jay Payleitner

52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands by Jay Payleitner

Some are even on discount!

Monthly Specials For July

Boys! by William Beausay II Boys! by William Beausay II $14.99  $7.49 Save: 50% off

My Grandpa Loves Me! Kids' T-shirts My Grandpa Loves Me! Kids’ T-shirts $11.99  $6.00 Save: 50% off
The Way of the Wild Heart by John Eldredge The Way of the Wild Heart by John Eldredge $22.99  $11.50 Save: 50% off


There now — that’s WAY better than actually helping custodial mothers and the children in their house DIRECTLy through, say, child support enforcement — or TANF (food stamps / cash aid) — or else, who knows what might happen? Mom might pick up a pair of extra underwear for her kids, and start feeling more, er independent than is appropriate for faith-based, er, churches… **Re: the woman’s version of abstinence education (for those who don’t know this already) is I guess the counterpart to “every man’s battle” which is aimed at men, and the most obvious of the 10 commandments (in sex realm), thou shalt not commit adultery & I guess thou shalt not covet . . .. http://everymansbattlevideo.com/ While I could care less about the original book, here’s what another Christian commentary says about it, which seems apt:  “Psychoheresies”: http://www.psychoheresy-aware.org/emb112.html [PAL Vol11N2 Apr-May ’03] EMB is loaded with unsubstantiated information…There is no reference to research to support what Arterburn says. When important and critical statements like that are made, the reader is entitled to some proof beyond Arterburn’s personal experiences…”  Faulting Fred’s father is repeated and amplified throughout the book. It is sinful to give such details because it violates the commandment to honor one’s father. Such details also give the impression that it wasn’t really Fred’s fault that he sinned in this way. One gets the distinct impression that Fred is painting a picture of personal victimhood. “the authors do not just refer to these sinful activities by name; they spell out these sinful activities and explicitly express details of “ogling,” sexual dreaming, “sexualized acts,” and “rampant masturbation,” biggrin eeketc. Such explicit details feed the flesh and work to build camaraderie among those men involved in lust. … Author Stephen Arterburn is the founder of the chain of New Life Clinics (p. 3). The clinics are advertised on a number of pages in the book with a full-page ad on page 230. An underlying idea here is that, if the reader just can’t make it on his own with this self-help book, he can find help at one of these clinics. As far as insurance coverage is concerned, New Life Clinics function like other secular psychological and psychiatric clinics that dispense psychotherapy and drugs.

Hot mike exposes how Hot Mike (Duvall) values (his own) family, not to mention women in general…

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Some of my fellow-bloggers know that my favorite part of blogging is picking a title.  Finding a sarcastic one is rarely hard, all I do is look at the headlines, then the policies, then the grants, then the headlines, and connect the dots.  This is where titles like “certifiably insane” or “restraining order suggestions,” (which they are;  they are orders that are in effect “suggestions”) come from.  I consider the situation.  i consider the relationship between the different elements, and names that describe surface.  

No wonder the family law field is where the mental health professionals congregate — it manufactures cognitive dissonance on a daily basis.


What IS it about overweight, Caucasian, white-haired politicians that causes attractive women to demean themselves?  I just don’t get it.  Yeech!  Charisma?  Money?  Publicity?  Come on, ladies!  This is NOT a step up in the world!  

Are you so desperate for attention, or the thrill of secret affairs, or an “in” with a man that’s “in.” Was this to spice up the life with your legitimate husband?  Or was it, that a system that wouldn’t let you walk in the door on your own talent, as a woman, and because of your character and track record (not your cronies), you’ll get “in” (or, apparently, vice versa) in some other “positions.”  Was this heading towards a blackmail situation for your company’s causes?  What gives?

What are you lobbying for in life?  THIS??  

But speaking of “can,” after hearing Family dude Michael Duvall’s public blunder (let alone hypocrisy), I was really like a kid in a candy store this morning, choosing between post titles.  Where does one begin?  Canning it?  Keeping it zipped?  Hot Mike didn’t know the mike was hot?

These are not really minor matters, they are serious discrepancies between politicians and the rest of us who voted for them.

There must just be too many boring marriages around Congress these days.  Maybe we should can the WHOLE deal;  Marriage Promotion, Responsible Fatherhood, AND of course Abstinence Education.  You can’t practice what you preach, no finances to preach it, then.  If you can’t keep your own pants zipped, CongressMEN, and anyone else in government, then let’s zip up those federal grants to preach to the rest of us.  

I’d rather SEE a sermon than hear one every day.  I put my life on the line to leave domestic violence, and lose my own daughters, in good part to the “designer family” mentality coming down from Washington, D.C. (female-headed households causing the social values erosion across the country?  Sure, right . . . . . . )


How’s this for not just one, but (2, count’ em, 2) two UN-Healthy Marriages and one IR-Responsible Father?


One hot (married) woman, one stocky white-haired (married) family guy, and one hot mike:


Michael Duvall is a conservative Republican state representative from Orange County, California. While waiting for the start of a legislative hearing in July, the 54-year-old married father of two and family values champion began describing, for the benefit of a colleague seated next to him, his ongoing affairs with two different women. In very graphic detail.

Male menopause? Or just more misogyny?  Bastard!!


For instance:

She wears little eye-patch underwear. So, the other day she came here with her underwear, Thursday. And
 so, we had made love Wednesday–a lot! And so she’ll, she’s all, ‘I am going 
up and down the stairs, and you’re dripping out of me!’ So messy!


Duvall’s sophomoric braggadocio, of course, was picked up by the microphone in front of him, and wound up on a tape for the legislature’s in-house TV station. From there it was sent to a local news station, KCAL, which ran this full report last night:


{“This Video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by CBS.”}


According to both KCAL and the OC Weekly, an alternative weekly in Orange County, the woman who wears the “eye-patch underwear” is Heidi DeJong Barsuglia, a lobbyist for an energy company, Sempra Energy. Duvall is vice chair of the Committee on Utilities & Commerce.

In the tape, Duvall also says of Barsuglia:

So, I am getting into spanking her. Yeah, I like it. I like spanking her. She goes, ‘I know you like spanking me.’ I said, ‘Yeah! Because you’re such a bad girl!’


The OC Weekly explains that it identified Barsuglia as the woman Duvall was talking about because Duvall also said:

And so her birthday was Monday. I was 54 on June 14, so for a month, she was 19 years younger than 
me. I said, ‘Now, you’re getting old. I am going to have to trade you in.’ And she goes, ‘[I’m] 36.’ She is 18 years younger than me. And so I keep
 teasing her, and she goes, ‘I know you French men. You divide your age by 
two and add seven, and if you’re older than that, you dump us.

The hearing took place on July 8th. OC Weekly looked at voter registration records and confirmed that Barsuglia turned 36 on Monday July 6.

Separately, KCAL named Barsuglia, citing sources.

According to the OC Weekly, Duvall and Barsuglia have been seen “arm-in-arm” at fund-raising events, and even shopping for groceries together near the Capitol.

One Sacramento staffer told the paper: 

Their relationship is the worst-kept secret in Sacramento. He’s old and fat. She’s hot, blonde and about 20
 years younger. He could have never gotten a woman like that before he got
 this job.


She’s a social climber.  I wonder what school system or faith system she came out of.  This is our culture that devalues women.  They just don’t know what to do with us.  We’re either hot tarts, or the scapegoat for society’s ills, or need to be beaten into submission in our homes.  We don’t have equal legal rights, really, and were last to get the vote.  Nevertheless, this is the atmosphere, rest assured, in which the laws of our nation are discussed and passed.


As for the second woman, whose identity remains unconfirmed, Duvall said in the recorded conversation:

Oh, yeah, Sher, Shar, Shar. Oh, she is hot! I talked to her yesterday. She goes, ‘So are we finished?’ I go, ‘No, we’re not finished.’ I go, ‘You know about the other one [Barsuglia], but she doesn’t know about you!’


So, he was cheating on not one woman, but two? One for the money, two for the show, and three to keep them all at bay.  This is giving fundamentalist polygamous religions an excuse  Good _____ ing grief!


This story, of course, just wouldn’t be the same if Duvall — a former mayor of Yorba Linda and the owner of an insurance company — weren’t known as a strict conservative and a staunch defender of family values. But alas, he is.


YES IT WOULD BE THE SAME.  DEVALUING WOMEN MAKES NO SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE NO MATTER WHO IT’S COMING FROM, AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED.  Including women themselves, who buy into this.  IT HURTS ALL OF US. men and women both.  SOMEONE WANT TO PROPOSE THE PROGRESSIVES OR LIBERALS ARE HISTORICALLY MORE FAITHFUL TO THEIR WIVES?  WHEN IT COMES TO CONGRESSMEN AND POLITICIANS OR PRESIDENTS (I’m thinking any man would be NUTS to not value Michelle Obama, and I’m betting that our current President is a cut above in this category.  But he’s NOT when it comes to policies that demean mothers . . . . .  )

As the OC Weekly reports, 
Duvall has “blasted” efforts to promote gay marriage, and got a 100 percent score from the Capitol Resource Institute, which describes its mission as to “educate, advocate, protect, and defend family-friendly policies in the California state legislature”. In March, a spokeswoman for the group called Duvall “a consistent trooper for the conservative causes,” adding that “for the last two years, he has voted time and time again to protect and preserve family values in California.”


Here’s a glance at “Capitol Resource Institute.”  (everything is an institute, a coalition, a council, an initiative around here, when it comes to noble causes)  What three great words:  Capitol.  Resource.  Instititute.  Maybe calling it something like this will make it happen:

OK, everyone, your marriages should look like this (and make sure you marry, too.  And abstain until you do):


White, 40-something, and one cute little blond boy between, everyone happy, strong, strong strong family bonds:


Capitol Resource Institute

CRI’s mission is to educate and strengthen families and we do that by working to influence public policy**. It’s imperative that citizens join with us in staying up to speed on current legislation affecting family values!

As your watchdog for family values here in Sacramento, CRI is committed to keeping you informed about important legislation. So, stay tuned!


 **For the uninitiated, this is not a “Christian” value, it is not the job of the government to educate families.  It is the individual family’s job. 

The “theocracy” was tried and failed in the nation of Israel.  They tried judges.  Many of the judges were corrupt.  They then wanted a king, and got Saul, and it appears to me that our nation [Specifically, the Executive Branch of the Federal Government, not just present administration] still has Saul’s problem, he confused himself with a prophet, offered sacrifices, broke the laws of the kingdom, and he and his son ended up consulting a foreign spirit (in the form of a medium), and died in father/son suicide when a battle was lost.  Before this, another notable metaphor in the book was of the “Tower of Babel.”  Men tried to reach heaven:  one language, one tower, one global seamless enterprise and world government about to happen.  The account says, God confused their language and knocked the whole thing down.  

We’re trying it again.  It makes me sick.

Moreover, it is not “American” to promote the idea that it’s the government’s job to educate families.  The “American” idea is embodied in the U.S. Constitution (and Bill of Rights, AND Declaration of Independence).  Any President that is sworn in is to uphold this, he takes an oath.  Incidentally, the Chief Justice administering this oath to Obama (not Obama, but the Chief Justice), flubbed it, putting president-elect Barack Obama off-guard, but he handled it OK.   A clip of this was on the Internet recently; it’s searchable.  I’m curious why a Chief Justice couldn’t get the short statement by memory, straight. . . . . 

While it’s entertaining and good press to know every detail of our public figures personal sexual lives (well, thank God, not every detail) and adventures, and to throw mud at them when they’re caught with their, er, pants down, it’s BETTER entertainment to see what’s happening with that Constitution, these “Charters of Liberty” and our tax dollars.  That’s why in this blog I try to alternate between the “headlines” (illustrating, Houston, we have a problem) and the social policies, and the charts showing the money flowing to promote a particular social policy.  One has to look at all three.

A look at our government in practice will show that there’s nothing family about it, it’s as corporate as any business model anywhere.   A close look at the leaders in our government will also show that many of them do not have their own families or marriages together.  


Policies that are CONSTITUTION-FRIENDLY are “FAMILY-FRIENDLY.”  I’ll take them any day over Designer families and you should too.  Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and keep your government policies out of my personal pants (or skirts) and Congress (congress is LARGELY male still) start leading with the big head, not the little one  between your legs, please, and I’ll bet it IS little, if you need three women to feel masculine and powerful.

 Sorry to be crude, but I’m trying to communicate down on, apparently, the language some of you speak.  If you ran into enough real women, that can tell an honest man from a cheater, you’d probably turn tail.  

The main problem the Libertarians and Conservatives, that say they want to get back to basics in the matters of the Constitution (vs. UN and globalism) is that they continue to think it doesn’t apply to all citizens, specifically, less so to women, and less so to people of color.  All animals are theoretically equal, but in these groups’ practice (and promotions) some animals are more equal than others.  I’m saying this from the horse’s mouth; I’m female, and when I appealed to both faith institutions and courts of law for due process and enforcement, I found that the bottom line was, I had children and I was female, not male, and this discrepancy applied at every level.

Until we start moving away from an economy that requires a form of slave labor, or close to it, which requires a substrata to get the good things of life, we’re not going to move that close back to the Constitution and Bill of Rights.  FYI, the job of the public school system (and our current President’s move, along with the courts, to get those kids away from their Mamas and a “Head Start” in life) is to indoctrinate the masses into not getting to uppity, too literate, or too “onto” what the rest of the leadership is doing in private conferences, and I’m not referring primarily to the sexual escapades of family guys.

(More on that in other posts).

MEANWHILE . . . . on Mr. Duvall

There are still countries that stone INNOCENT young women for being gang-raped.  What if it were the other way around, men, would you put a lid on it?

There are two ways to control people:  indoctrination (brainwashing) or force, or a combination of both.

I’m thinking we ought to start setting an age limit on who gets to be a Congressperson, and if you’re Caucasian & male, you’re put out to pasture when you hit 45.  Or, Affirmative Action Congress.  That means half women.  In every state.  That’d be a new day!

Perhaps then we wouldn’t have so many groupies around Congress distracting legislators from some very real problems that still exist in the world outside Southern California, as well as outside the executive offices and marble stairways that represent what a bunch of colonists pledged their lives for 200+ years ago, and gave them, too.

If you cannot control your sexual urges, and confine them to one woman, the one that you vowed to marry (for those who are married in Congress and are male, obviously) then it’s quite unlikely you can be faithful to any oath you took to uphold the U.S. Constitution or the laws of this state.  Let alone show some fiscal restraint.

This was ostensibly the standard in a fledging religion long ago:


“If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.”  Titus 1:6.


Well, I’d guess that’s just a bit “unruly,” eh?  On Dad’s part at least.  The principle being, start small,

and if you’re competent to handle smaller groups of people — like your family! honestly then you get larger ones….


So, let’s say (this IS familycourtmatters.wordpress.com, right?) Mrs. Duvall decides NOT to “stand by her man” like Ms. Clinton did, and help him through this, and they divorce.

Then they can go through mediation, custody and if there’s a discrepancy, the courts can tell Mrs. Duvall how, they KNOW he’s a womanizer and charmingly unable to handle the marital relationship, he just has a healthy appetite for women, but a boy needs his father (do they have boys), so should see him regularly.  After all, there is a crisis in father absence, which is a greater crisis than a crisis in, say, morality or ethics, and boys will be boys, and must learn about how to cheat on their futures wives with impunity from somewhere, that a rich old man can have a woman half his age if he wants one, or two; just as children leaving domestic violence, or abuse by a parent, need to learn that there is a double standard around, one for males and one for females.

Well, at least he resigned.

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

September 10, 2009 at 8:28 pm

(2 more headlines) Distraught and Distracted? A Domestic Dispute (or, the economy) made them do it? These 2 men seemed Organized and Coherent (“Cool, calm & collected”) before, and after, 3 planned murders, apparently.

leave a comment »


Good afternoon, Plano, Texas and other visitors, I hope you are well today.  I include a headline contest below for viewers of the 2nd article.  Submit via comments.

Unfortunately, 2 (more) bleeding headlines.


(1)  California, “not a hot-blooded event”


The day before the killing, he delivered flowers and candy to her, and said they could just be friends….after a 13-year relationship

Follow up to the “distraught by economy” “domestic dispute” version of a double-homicide this week:  She was trying to end a co-habiting relationship, and, unfortunately, worked in a toll booth on a busy bridge.  When jogged up and shot her to death, there wasn’t a ready exit. Yet the first article portrayed it as a “domestic dispute,” a real knee-jerk, inappropriate phrase.  Before I could point this out in a post, Demian Bulwa of the SF Chronicle straightened us readers out in a follow-up article:  This murdering man set up the situation, and the unidentified 2nd man murdered was a friend of the girlfriend, a kind male who had given the woman a ride to work (which, did the murderer have work?  So, she goes to work, and is killed there…)

I did no follow-up research, but reading the first article, could’ve laid money, if I had some, that it was indeed a cold-blooded assassination.  Even so, the article below uses the word “rampage.”  No, the DC Sniper was a rampage.  The Columbine shootings, maybe not.  This one.  He didn’t shoot bystanders, or motorists.  He had two targets, and made them.

Folks, that’s ALSO typically how domestic violence goes.  I hope someday we “get it” that having a nice chat with someone doesn’t mean a lot, even when it’s daily for years, in these matters.  Do we just not KNOW each other, and know how to assess character any more?  Or characterize an incident after character just showed up, with a loaded gun (and apparently — below, a knife too).  


Bridge killer set up slayings, prosecutor says

Demian Bulwa, Chronicle Staff Writer

Thursday, August 13, 2009

08-13) 13:51 PDT RICHMOND— Nathaniel Burris, the man accused of killing his ex-girlfriend and her male friend at the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge toll plaza, set up the rampage {sic} by slashing a tire on the man’s pickup truck so he could blast {kill.  the object was to kill.  The decibel level was not the main point} him with a shotgun as the victim waited for a tow service, a prosecutor said today.

(selections from the article):

The pickup truck belonged to 58-year-old Ersie Everette III of San Leandro, but was driven to the toll plaza Tuesday afternoon by Burris’s ex-girlfriend, Deborah Ross, a toll taker, said Contra Costa County prosecutor Hal Jewett.

Everette arrived later, having been dropped off by a co-worker after getting off his shift as a Golden Gate Transit bus driver, his family said.

Jewett said Burris, 46, punctured a tire on the truck, apparently with a knife, before Everette showed up, then hid where he could watch Everette though a pair of binoculars.

When Everette arrived and saw the damage, he called AAA for help, Jewett said. He was still waiting at 5:30 p.m when Burris approached and shot him once from close range, the prosecutor said.

{{I am so sorry that this individual, it appears did not suspect that his truck might have been chosen for a reason, rather than say, random violence.  Or that some other solution could’ve been had for fixing the tire.  There are down-sides sometimes to NOT being on alert.}}

According to police, Burris then jogged across traffic lanes to Ross’ toll booth and shot her several times before fleeing in a van that belonged to his employer, an airport shuttle company. He was arrested early Wednesday after he was spotted in the van on Interstate 80 in Placer County.

{{Can we deduce this man, driving for an airport shuttle company, did not have a criminal record?}}

Characterizing this crime as a tragedy is an understatement, particularly with the calculated and deliberate way he committed these crimes,” said Jewett, who heads his office’s homicide unit. “This was not a hot-blooded event but a cold-blooded series of killings, and we think the charges reflect that.

Ross, 51, and Burris were in a relationship for 13 years before she broke up with him just before the killings, Ross’ relatives said.  {{how much “just before”?}

The day before the shootings, Burris delivered flowers and candy to her in the Richmond townhouse a mile east of the toll plaza that they had shared, and said they could remain friends, Ross’ relatives said.

{{Just be friends after that long a relationship?  In general, don’t you believe that, ladies!  Well — are you SURE you know that guy?  If you were so sure, how come after years, the answer is, separate?}}{{and I do NOT know if tying the knot would make a difference or not.  At this point, I just do not.}}

{{Flowers and candy — if these aren’t normal, consider it a red flag?}}

Richmond police Sgt. Bisa French, a department spokeswoman, said it is not clear whether Ross was romantically involved with Everette.

{{Whether he was or not, he was probably perceived as such.  As helping her.  1. He was male, and 2.  he helped her.}}

Everette’s relatives said today that he and Ross had been engaged and had talked of marriage.

{{wait a minute — she broke up with him JUST before the killings, yet was ready to marry someone else, perhaps?  Although the two that were living together did NOT get married. . . .  That must’ve upset Burris….}}

Ross’ relatives, though, said the two had merely been friends from an Oakland church where Everette was a deacon.

{{Probably she shared about some of her troubles with Burris?  Was Burris going there too?  Was there a history of violence, or etc.  Were there really no indicators, or were people just not alert?}}

One of Ross’ sisters, Jane Walker of Oakland, said she was shocked to hear of the new allegations involving Burris.

“Oh my God, that’s scary to think that you can know someone all these years, and that they would plot and plan something like that,” she said. “He deserves whatever they give him. He’s not the person I thought I knew, and I’ll never forgive him.”

{{If my own family had similar sentiments, after I filed a domestic violence restraining order with kickout, I would not be here writing this blog.  We’d probably both — he, and me — have moved on in life without further escalations, child-stealing, fights around child support, and all that.  PROBABLY.  I tell you one thing that would probably be different.  I’d still be working in my profession, and have the children here.  But my own family, like MANY families, didn’t “get” the reality of the relationship}}{{Sorry, in their pain about their sister, but the thought comes to mind that NOW they are aware….}}{{What is the lesson here?  All that glitters is not gold?  People are not what they seem to be?  Nice guys can turn violent — or have criminal thoughts and act on them?}}


Burris is expected to be arraigned in a Martinez courtroom as soon as Friday morning. He is being held without bail at Contra Costa County Jail, where he declined a request for an interview today. Richmond police brought Burris back from Placer County on Wednesday evening.

The shotgun used in the killings was found in bushes under a window at the home of Burris’ mother, authorities said. Ross’ relatives said the mother lives in Sacramento. Efforts to reach her have been unsuccessful.


Read more:http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/08/13/BAHO1982PG.DTL&tsp=1#ixzz0O6stJgMK

(2) Pennsylvania, I think

I’m running a contest for the most appropriate,

subject line for this article.  Submit in comments.

Non-sarcastic entries will be summarily dismissed

as utterly inappropriate:

Murder suspect wants to place kids

By Liz Zemba, For The Valley Independent Wednesday, August 12, 2009


A Fayette County man accused of running over over his wife with his car and killing her wants his parents to have legal custody of two of his children.


>>>YES, they did a good job raising this man, and would be great prospects for raising the children of the woman he murdered.  There are no other decent, mature adults around with terrific track records of children they raised, who wouldn’t be tempted to backpedal (or have a conflict of interest) on the issue that, their Dad killed their Mom, but was really a nice guy at heart. Which is going to be something, an issue, those children will have to deal with.  

>>>By the way one reason I didn’t post yesterday (other than aftershock off the tollbooth shooting, and other work) another case came up of a woman being recalled from iceland over a custody battle with a U.S. father.  Hoping to find out more about that situation, I ran across a “cold case” (so to speak) from the 1990s, in which two Mormon parents snatched their daughters baby and took off to Iceland.  (Hanes/Shelton/Zenith). This had uncomfortable reminders, as in my case, when family members get a certain opinion of a certain generation, and decide they’re better parents than others.  Add to the mix, the poor Mormon grandmother was on her 6th husband couldn’t conceive, and tried to persuade her own daughter to donate some eggs.  Maybe I’ll post that one — it has a runway snatch, shows how CHURCH folk often protect their own (case in point, when my kids were stolen, more than one church group appears to have helped try to sanitize the situation).<<

In addition, Ronald Lee Higinbotham wants the cousins of a third adopted child to have custody of that youngster.


Can we “just say no” when the guy has, allegedly, just killed a woman, intentionally, with a car???  How far does co-parenting (only she’s dead) and “Fathers, get involved with your children” GO?  How about setting a little standard.  I PERSONALLY think that if a man can’t stop hitting his wife, he should lose access to his kids, and stop sugarcoating it.  I didn’t think this 7-8-9 years ago, but now in retrospect, it would save society a lot of grief (and grief counselor social services).  Can we at least say:  “IF YOU MURDER YOUR WIFE, YOU’RE OUT OF THE PICTURE, THIS IS JUST “OVER THE TOP, out in left field, WAY out of line:  GOT IT?”  You want to murder her, and then participate in some decision-making process about your kids?  No!!!  Not only will we not follow your suggestions, we are not interested in them.  Someone who hasn’t murdered recently, or been accused of it, will make decisions regarding your children.  I know we aren’t all perfectly insightful, but I suspect you likely aren’t at this point, OK?

Then maybe the next person who had a domestic dispute, or felt a sense of loss when she left, or it was the economy — (or maybe it was overentitled narcissism? ???  In action?  Or, maybe misogyny, I mean we had a single man elsewhere just walk in a gym and start spraying bullets at women — not men —  hitting some and killing them….. to assuage his feelings of rejection.  Until he also killed himself…)

So, it’s  – – – No, No — you kill your wife, you lose custody privileges.  TIME OUT!!!   It’s called a deterrent to the next asshole.  (Am I allowed to call someone who (allegedly) ran over his wife and killed her with a car a bad name?  If he’s innocent, then I retract the appellation.  If not, then I don’t. ) 

Has this yet been tried, consistently, across the board, across the nation?  YOu kill the woman, you lose visitation privileges AND any whiff of joint legal custody.  What, is the man now suddenly (how suddenly?) repentant and “concerned” for his kids?  Was killing the wife part of how he expressed concern for his kids?

Has anyone posed these questions at a conference of experts yet?  I know Jack Straton of Nomas did in 1992 re Supervised Visitation.  Was he not on the list in the ones deciding these things?  He had a Ph.D., isn’t that an entrance requirement? (or, MFT, or being in law enforcement, or Esq., etc.)  

This culture is expert at turning its backs on and shunning mothers trying to leave, particularly women from communities that base a lot of emphasis on families (as mine did, although I had a leg in the professional world, which I FOUGHT to keep in there).  I mean, as I’ve pointed out before, the white house was real good at shunning the word “mother” and “motherhood” from its game plan (except in the context of home visitation nurses, or getting the kids back to Early Head Start and Mom back to school).  LOOK:  just TRY it, try turning the  back on men that murder — at least for a LITTLE while.  Give them some alone time to think about what just happened.

Higinbotham, 44, of Brownsville, is charged by state police with criminal homicide in the hit-and-run death of his wife, 30-year-old Carmen Higinbotham.


LADIES:  I can be wrong, but I recommended (based on some headlines that keep popping up in this topic) sticking to men within 10 years of you.  It’s not a guarantee, but it MIGHT be a deterrent to being used as a baby-maker. I know prime time is prime time (apparently she was 21 for the first daughter by him, and he? had previous children too).  But, in the U.S., there should be other situations you can help develop yourself in, for the kids’ sakes.

In a criminal complaint, state police allege Higinbotham drove his 2000 Hyundai Tiburon over his wife shortly before midnight June 20 on Route 40 near 7235 National Pike, then left her to die.


Not just into, but over.  Not his “estranged” wife, but his wife.

Yes, I think every one should trust this man’s judgment and follow his suggestions about the disposition of offspring. That way they won’t lose touch with the man who murdered their Mom, or at least people related to him.  AND anyone, well, who put adopted children into his care.

Carmen Higinbotham was the mother of six children, including two of her own, two stepchildren and two who were adopted.

According to separate civil actions scheduled to be presented in Fayette County motions court today, Ron Higinbotham is the natural father of two of the children – a 9-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy. He is the adoptive father of a third child, identified as a 15-year-old boy.

The two younger children are staying in West Brownsville with Ron Higinbotham’s parents, Patricia Ann and Donald Lee Higinbotham Sr., according to one of the filings.

In a separate civil action, Higinbotham wants a judge to grant custody of the adopted 15-year-old boy to the boy’s cousins. The boy’s cousins, Eric W. and Maxine R. Rosie, of Smithfield, already are caring for the teen, according to the civil filing.

Attached to both filings are custody agreements, both of which have been agreed to and signed by Ron Higinbotham.


He sounds very coherent and organized for someone who did such a deed.  I wonder if he got help from a “healthy marriage promoting responsible fatherhood” funding, or whether he will get help from “mentoring children of prisoners” programs either to encourage father/daughter/son contact in accord with our national policy that the TRUE social crisis of our time is “fatherlessness.”


Well, this is part of its face, and part of how SOME fatherlessness gets started.

He remains lodged in the Fayette County Prison without bond. {That’s reassuring, for now}.  He faces a preliminary hearing scheduled for 9 a.m. Aug. 28 before South Union Township District Judge Joseph George Jr.


{{I’m just a little speechless on how to summarize this one…. Help, readers…Analyze, comment, suggest: how could that question even come up?}}{{well, he has a right to file whatever civil action he wants to.  Just sounds real organized there, real together, or real, he got some help in that matter.  So how come women can’t get help on child support enforcement against a former ex, under current policy, if he falls into the “Father’s Return” policy target audience, eh?  90% of the “help” evaporates once a case gets into family law, and believe me, the word is out on that one.

I would’ve been SO much better not looking for help, at all, and just enrolling immediately in some law courses, while working, with children in the household, rebuilding a business, trying to establish boundaries, newer, healthier relationships, advocate for my daughters’ educations, after they’d been forced back into inferior situations (by this same persion) and healing from all that prior abuse.  I should’ve been sitting in a legal classroom rather than calling nonprofits, agencies, and so forth, the people assigned to take care of these situations.  Of course I’d have to do this during school hours while I was working, because women that work when are looked down upon in this venue for not being a homemaker.  They are also looked down upon for BEING homemakers, a situation that often puts them in need of child support, and vulnerable to secret bargaining with the access/visitation-mongers.

I made another serious mistake during a brief period of a single, evening job, duration about 2-3 hours, when both children were teens.  I said to my daughter, go ahead, go with your friend to her youth group.  BIG mistake.  Churches might as well have a target on the outside for stalkers and as a source of great, submissive, and needy 2nd wives, or people that will help such people down the road apiece in their quests.

That was SUCH a brief time, and it quite backfired for my situation. God bless the churches in this matter – — they are real faithful to those who come through the front doors, and real watchful also, to safeguard their flock from within and without (like the churches I was in while being battered at home those years).


After the emotions surrounding the latest femicide, homicide, aghast, we didn’t know, surprise, shock, grief, etc. (if there’s still some lost in the public bloodstream/ psyche), THEN what.  What action to take?  What insight to gain.  What policies to question.  What prevsiou assumptions to question about who you know how well?  Any – – – or none?  What’s the bottom line.


Here’s what the Bible says.  Of making many books there is no end, much study is weariness of the flesh.  Hear the words from a wise masterbuilder:  

Fear God, and keep his commandments:  this is the whole (duty) of man.

Ecclesiastes 12, end of the book.


From the mouth of Solomon son of David, whose father set the way for him to build the temple, lived a lavish life, possibly leaving descendants (more than possibly) in Ethiopia, had no end of women (wive and concubines both), even with all that concluded “vanity of vanity, all is vanity” and in the end helped burden and take down his kingdom, in great part through burdensome debt.  

He then had a son, Barack (EXCUSE me, Rehoboam), who when cautioned to ease up on the federal spending said, listened to his younger, progressive, utopia-minded advisors and retorted, “you ain’t seen nuttin’ yet, we will stimulate yet more economy” and under whose realm the kingdom split, possibly because of this.  Or because (it’s said) of all the other gods all those wives, making allegiances with other kingdoms, brought in.

It’s possible I have the facts (and probably I have the quote) quite wrong:  feel free to look them up, almost any version,or language, at 



“The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, given from one shepherd.  And further, by these, my son, be admonished:  of making many books, there is no end; and much study [including blogging] is weariness of the flesh.  Let us hear the conclusion of the matter:  Fear God, and keep his commandments for this is the whole of man.

For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good, or whether evil.


I’ve been in the legal system now almost 10 years.  One  thing I have noticed — there are very, very few situations that don’t correlate to situations already described in the Bible, if you understand principle, the heart of the matter.  Our culture is in many ways as polygamous as any other, and as sexist.  There is still war, there is still poverty, there are still many gods, and there is still no utopia.  

BUT – – –  BUT – – — in looking at the 10 Commandments (Exodus or Deuteronomy), nearly every one of them has a correlative in some criminal law, except the sabbath.  There is no law about adultery, that I know of, but men still kill when they feel cheated on, so I’d say that’s a caveat.  This is not related to whether or not they themselves may or may not be cheating.

AND, moreover, a person who does not believe there is a God, or there will be a judgment and that their secret places are going to remain secret – — who really, really doesn’t think that someone will find out, or if through cleverness, deceit, immunity, or simply accumulating cronies, and power — criminal behavior won’t be caught — that person is dangerous.  

Thou shalt not kill (any complaints with this one?)

Thou shalt not bear false witness (any complaints with that one?)

The two outside ones:  Thou shalt have no other gods before me –and thou shalt not covet — are probably the hardest.  

The Catholics get around the 2nd one, no graven images, by omitting it, and then patching up the 10th one to come up with 10 total.  I saw this engraved in stone, and thought it was an anomaly, til I heard George Carlin’s version of the 10.  (If anyone has a video link please SEND it!) 

Honor thy father AND thy mother — well family law just shot that one to hell.  …… in the name of “co-parenting” we will ignore the behavior of one parent and reward the other.  . . . OK. . . . . . .  


Is it really that complicated?

$2.4 million for designer families in California, and cut the shelter money (but not the money to the DV coalitions nationwide).

I found out yesterday that of that $2.4 million, it was taken from TANF funds.  Go figure!

Oh, and that about $2 million was going to a Poverty Court for the homeless in SF, rather than, say housing.  They have holding cells though (see “poormagazine.com”), for homeless people who are being a nuisance and committing crimes or misdemeanors.  This should of course be a blog.

We are supposed to have as a nation a degree of self-discipline and self-control.  To encourage that, we are so confused about religion in the public schools, we supposedly eliminate this.  Then put back in Character Education to replace it.  The 10 Commandments are thrown out of a courthouse (after a lot of arguing), but the faith-based groups have a welcome home when it comes to both making and enabling policies.

Whatever happened to inalienable rights, and let us figure the rest out, for example how to get up, sit down, go out, come back, and raise our kids?  If we break a law, then punishment, if we don’t, then none.  

Although I did vote, and did catch a good deal of the last Presidential Election, I have not had a reprieve from “family court matters” yet.  I did, however, notice the Messianic promises of our current president (for whom, by the way, I voted.  And by whom, presently, as a former single “female-headed, father-absent” household, I feel betrayed.  I did not expect this person to confuse his background with the background of women who left because of violence and don’t feel like re-engaging.

For one, we also don’t, some of us, want to end up like the woman on the road above, or the woman in the tollbooth.  We don’t want our children to be emotional OR literal orphans as to their mothers.  WHAT is so hard to understand about that, National Fatherhood Initiative (and your nonprofit, governmental-agency offspring)? And why is the OVW (Office of Violence Against Women) curtsying towards this movement, as I last heard in an NCADV policy alert about funds to shelters being cut — a high-ranking woman in the office visited President Obama’s Town Hall on Fatherhood.  Take a stand with the rest of us and stop giving an audience to doctrines that get women killed.  Stop talking about “preventing” violence and do the right thing once it happens – – stop TALKING about accountability and let’s say that killing and beating and stalking and all this really IS wrong.


And let’s get that message into the family law system, or get the people running the place out of their offices and make them spend a few days in a shelter, or in a soup line, and ask women there how they got homeless. (The former was done, at least an overnight, once in NYS, I heard). OR, let’s get the homeless and others from the shelters (not just a single, sanitized spokesperson, or maybe two) and see what they look like, into these conferences — EVERY one of them — on what to do about all the poor folk.  We will personally explain (without threats) what we think of all this, and about being threatened ty the system after we have been threatened by individuals for thinking that we can think, and THINKING that it would be better to totally separate the batterer — not the reporter — from minor children for a least a very significant season, and too bad if this is sad for him, he should’ve thought before lashing out with kids around.  Or without them.

A recent joke (well, not that recent) going around a certain county, where they help people who lack food EAT, that the county was seeking volunteers to count the homeless.  They felt that this count might be better done by a few of them (and for pay, too).  

While I realize that there’s not an identified presence in any system for Burris, or that I know of for the other person here, I still say, let’s re-route some of those diverted funds that discuss “what to do” into “doing.”  For example, a year ago, I would’ve been content with a SINGLE (let alone 3 in a row) unemployment checks.  All I wanted then was phone and internet sufficient to keep going in a business I was already jumpstarted.  Years of living so marginalized through this system (NOT “the economy, I guarantee you in this case”) and with total chaos in relationships made building anything much up (with weekly visitations, any one causing an incident?) a moot point.

To “solve” this I now have no access to either child and am expected to buck up and do it again, and forget that for the past many years, each successive time I did so, it escalated and was stopped.  What was that, family entertainment?  

(end of whine).

The question is not, is the topic getting national attention.  It is.  The question is, what use is being made of all the funds that follow the loudest, or best connected, speakers?  A nation of non-investigating sheep is going to get sheared.  Then complain about the cold.  Complaining about the cold doesn’t make it much warmer.  Find out who are the sheep-shearers, and take the scissors.



And your local county business offices, etc.

Cross-check data between the two databases (which ain’t easy; yesterday I saw a missing $2.342 million in one state, marriage funding, from one database, different recipient names, one listing of programs is by program number, the other alphabetical by program name, but done inconsistently.  The years covered are not the same.  A program which receives MILLIONS in funding, and has for many, many years is not searchable in one.  The other one, you can search awards by number, but not get a description, however it appears to have more spreadsheet type functions, the other alllows one to sort on many more fields, but not total reports, etc.

(that’s only a start)





Until you have talked to a law enforcement officer, with guns, holding the immediate future or your children in (his) authority, realized he knows who has custody, and watch him and his friends turn down your requests to honor this, and thereafter ask a district attorney to do th esame thing:  Honor and existing custody order and file a report to get them back — it’s just something, that’s all.


And then just watch how aggressive and persistent the follow-up is when it’s serve and collect vs. serve and protect, same area.  Who were all those laws for, exactly?  ??  And why can’t our country do a little better than a single abusive family system did the prior decade?  Or better than a few religious institutions, in this single matter, single case.


Ah well, of making many books . . . . . . 

Don’t forget the headline contest, though….




Can we call it a day on these “Days” ?? What are they worth, to you?

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Hey, people – – can we talk?  

You can see from the gadgets to the right (Feedjit, Statcounter, etc.)

some people are at least zipping through the site.  Let’s talk, or load page-views and just snatch data from each other

June 21st was Father’s Day.  In May was Mothers’ day.  In April, it was the next two holidays, and the other ones below

are of older origins.


  • Father’s Day,
  • Mother’s Day,
  • Domestic Violence Awareness Month,
  • Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month, 
  • Ramadan,
  • Yom Kippur,
  • Christmas,
  • New Year’s,
  • Easter
  • “9/11”
  • If it saved even TWO lives, would you give up the “Days”?

    Even if you worked at Hallmark cards, a flower shop, or a newspaper?

    Now, I realize that all religions require sacrifice, sometimes (often?) entailing blood, sometimes human, often children.

    But perhaps we could simplify, and get it down, nationally at least (or internationally?) to the long-standing world religions, and for good measure, “Bill of Rights” Day in the U.S., with particular emphasis on Amendments I and II, which entails that the Government shall protect our right not to believe in any god, or as a nation worship one, or have our money  — our offspring– poured out at its altar.

    Bill of Rights

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

    A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

    I am beginning to think that part of every young person’s education should be memorization, by rote, of these amendments, and training in self-defense, by arms, not just karate.  A karate kick doesn’t stop a bullet.  

    (RECOMMENDED:  Intercollegiate Studies Institute //American Civic Literacy Program)

    Discussion continued, AFTER you take a good look at two children murdered by their father (along with himself, a.k.a. suicide) last year for this reason:  His (younger) wife dared to leave him, in May, and he wasn’t going to have them on Father’s Day, in June:


    Gallery image 2



    Twisted dad Brian Philcox – who murdered his two young children because he couldn’t see them on Father’s Day – planned a “spectacular few days of destruction” from beyond the grave.

    He drove Amy, seven, and three-year-old Owen to a country lane, attached a hosepipe to the exhaust, fed it through the window and left the engine on.

    All three died huddled in the back of his Land Rover at a North Wales beauty spot last June. 

    It was just the start of a day of horror that evil 52-year-old Philcox had carefully planned.

    He had booby-trapped his home in Runcorn, Cheshire, in an attempt to kill his estranged wife Lyn McAuliffe.

    And he sent a parcel bomb to her son Ryan, 18. Fortunately, none of the devices exploded.

    Speaking for the first time since the tragedy, Lyn, 37, said: “He had planned the whole thing for a spectacular few days of destruction. He wanted to blow me up in his house  before murdering his own children.

    “He also sent a bomb in the post to my son Ryan. He planned for it to arrive the day after Father’s Day, when me, the kids and Brian should already have been dead.

    And in another article:

    Gassed children unlawfully killed

    Those are the children above.  I’m a little unclear on when it might be “lawful” to kill children — on what grounds, self-defense?


     Mr Philcox had collected the children from their home in Runcorn, Cheshire in an arranged access visit last June {{2008}} the inquest heard.  // But after drugging them with chloroform from a padded envelope, he attached a vacuum cleaner pipe to the exhaust of his Land Rover in an isolated spot near Llanrwst in north Wale. // 
    The trio were found dead, poisoned by carbon monoxide fumes, sitting next to each other on the back seat of Mr Philcox’s car on Father’s Day.

    The 52-year-old karate expert had separated from his wife in May 2008 after eight years of marriage.

    The children’s mother, Lyn McAuliffe, 38, from Runcorn, Cheshire, wept as details of the deaths were read.

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~




    A typical court order, at least over here (US), will say:  Children to be with their Father on Father’s Day, Mother on Mother’s Day, and then will specify the usual holidays — geared typically to the school year, which itself is generally arranged around (oddly enough) major Christian holidays, although Christianity, if not talk of “God” (as if real)  is out of favor in many educational systems these days.

    In my case, zero of these were enforced for the past almost 3 full years.  The last time I attempted to stick up for this, there was retaliation.  NONE of the “Shared Parenting” advocates seem too bothered when mothers, as opposed to fathers, are not seeing their children — sometimes removed on grounds of “Parental Alienation” (a.k.a., reporting child sexual abuse, or some other criminal behavior.  In my case the criminal offence, I gather, was expecting, and saying openly, to everyone involved (including agencies) that I expected my ex- to be held accountable to obey all court orders, like I was.  And to work, like I was…..”



    For one, grief.  This news article came across my inbox, and others.

    I am a mother.  I was unable to see my own daughters on Mother’s Day in:  2005, 2006, and 2007.  I did not make plans to blow anyone up or get vengeance.  I had a hard time, I’ll admit this Father’s Day  — especially that now I’ve done some research on the state of “Der Vaterland” religion in my country here — and did not post.  It was a hard day for many noncustodial mothers worldwide, which I know because we talk with each other sometimes.

     I also received another no-answer call, from a cell phone, from the same geographic vicinity as my ex, who has recently (though having won in court and happily ensconced with a new woman, and who would think in need of yet another “victory” or some sort) been both texting, calling, and at least once, showing up at my doorstep unannounced and unwanted.  This, in this context, is called Stalking. If it was not him, still, the fact that I should have to do a reverse phone lookup, because it was so disturbing and part of an unbroken pattern is significant.

    Here’s what the holidays meant for our family  — and I know many others who have divorced, not amicably — occasions for incidents.

    The national religion is, we are supposed to be happy, rejoicing, and ensconced in a family or extended family setting at these times.  Or in a soup line for the homeless, being charitable (or, eating).  

    Add to this, I’m a musician, and major music events occurred around them, they were also financial fiascos.  What should then, have been a joyful occasion became for me, a cause for anxiety and trigger to post-traumatic stress.   With good cause, too.  This was true BEFORE we separated, as well.  We  had to perform as a family.  My ex apparently had performance stress, and one of my most major, earliest (though not THE earliest) memories of an outrageous physical (assault & battery, now that I know the proper term) of me, while pregnant, happened seconds after a nice family dinner event around Christmas, with my relatives.  He had been embarrassed, somehow, and I was going to pay.  One kid was dashed into the bedroom and dumped into a crib so two hands would be free to punish me properly.  The other one had no choice, not having been born yet. 


    Let’s reduce the occasions for violent incidents!

    Let’s move away from nationalized, attention-deficit-friendly, polytheism and ADD closer to either monotheism, or atheism?

    It might give us more time to breathe, reflect, THINK, and memorize our national constitutions.

    Here — this is only >>one<< instance of incidents planned for Father’s Day.  There were others for Mother’s Day, for example, major political leaders in the US gearing up for the 10th Anniversary of Father’s Day (right around Mother’s Day), and (lying) to the public about how neglected and underfunded the concept of fatherhood was, and how we need to pass more laws, and send more money, of course, hire more experts, to protect the concept.

    Included in such proclamations are the usual (gag….) statistics on how female-headed (formerly called “single-mother” only we are now carefully avoiding the use of this word “mother” in public arenas, except YOUNG ones that might generate home nurse visitation programs, also part of the agenda under Health and Human Services, USA).  It’s no longer MOTHERS, it’s Children and Families.  And, of course Fathers.

    Absent from those statistics would be, for example, children such as Amy & Owen above.  They are no longer “at risk” for anything at all, except, depending on your version of reality and the universe, possible resurrection, or is it fossilization.  Their long-term futures are not going to be part of any Head Start, Healthy Families, or Low-Income Maternal/Parental bonding studies.  So if you are reading any of these studies, generally footnoted by a number of Ph.D.’s, LCSW’s, MFTs, etc. (as are some of the contrary studies), just remember — the statistics are skewed.  SOME kids never make it this far, and THAT is one reason why “FEMALE-HEADED HOUSEHOLDS” can — yes indeed — be dangerous to children.

    Especially as mediated by  a court system that doesn’t take this possibility into account.

    Incidents like this arouse emotions in the rest of us — of course.   When people’s emotions are at high pitch is not always a great time to make major decisions, and it is DEFINITELY not a great time to analyze government spending.  SOMEONE’s money is going to transfer hands, on the basis of these things.  Some grants are going to get funded, adn for sure a few print newspapers were sold on the backs of those two kids, as well as the on-line search ratings.    

    Since I began this blog, I noticed that by the time I had one incident up, or narrated/commented on, another one had hit the news.  It was impossible to intelligently keep up commentary with all of them, let alone analysis:

    Search Results

    1. Brian Philcox Inquest: Killed Children Amy And Owen In Llanryst 

      Feb 20, 2009  A father “unlawfully killed” his two young children and rigged up a makeshift bomb at his house before committing suicide, an inquest has 
      news.sky.com/…/BrianPhilcoxLynMcAuliffe/…/200902315226750 – Similar – 
    2. Man who killed himself and his two children left ‘Bitch’ note 

      Feb 21, 2009  Lyn McAuliffe is helped into the inquest into the deaths of her two  Mr Gittins told Miss McAuliffe: ‘When Brian Philcox took Amy and 
      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/…/Man-killed-children-left-Bitch-note-rigged- homemade-bomb-wife.html – Similar – 
    3. Lyn McAuliffe: Birthday visit for tragic mum – Liverpool Echo.co.uk

      Feb 10, 2009  Brian Philcox 320. A WOMAN whose two children were gassed to death by her  Lyn McAuliffe, 38, said she would go to the graveside of her 
      http://www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/…/lynmcauliffe-birthday-visit-for-tragic-mum- 100252-22893336/ –Similar – 
    4. Daily Post North Wales – News – North Wales News – Mum of children 

      Feb 21, 2009  Karate expert Brian Philcox drugged his two children, Amy, seven, Philcox’s then wife Lyn McAuliffe had begun divorce proceedings 
      http://www.dailypost.co.uk/…/mum-of-children-killed-in-north-wales-will-not- forgive-dad-55578-22975841/ – Cached – Similar – 
    5. Brian Philcox: Philox killed kids and planned to kill 2 more 

      Brian Philcox, 53, of UK, devised a homemade bomb to kill his wife and mother of his 2 children.  Philcox later called McAuliffe to ask her to enter his home.  India News, Jade Goody, Jamie Hince, Jamie Lynn Spears, Janet Jackson 
      celebgalz.com/brianphilcox-philox-killed-kids-and-planned-to-kill-2-more- photos/ –Cached – Similar – 
    6. Mama Liberty

      Security guard Brian Philcox drugged his two children before killing them and himself on After the hearing, the children’s mother Lyn McAuliffe, 38, 
      rights4mothers.blogspot.com/ – Cached – Similar – 
    7. 26 February 2009 – Local Runcorn & Widnes news 

      Feb 26, 2009  Lyn McAuliffe describes Amy and Owen Philcox’s killer as evil and  Child killer Brian Philcox had glittering career in world of karate 


    Now, the United States, and I believe other countries, are in the grip of a nationalized religion, but one that still hasn’t — other major world ones, stood the test of time — I mean, thousands, or at least hundreds, of years.  

    We have a nationalized public educational system, and it has to get organized around SOMETHING, as far as schedule.  Ironically –according to at least one of my readings on the history of this system — it was pushed and promoted in part as a RE-action by Protestant Christians against an influx of Catholic immigrants from Southern Europe, and/or Ireland.  I don’t think Jews or Muslims made honorable mention in this, let alone Hindu, Buddhist, or anything else.  There were also the Harvard Unitarians versus the mainline Trinitarians.  It was basically fear-mongering about the incoming religions (plus economic and sometimes military, force) backing it up.  A land grab was involved of church properties.  If you’re really interested, submit a comment, and I’ll submit some bibliography.

    So what do we have now, in the school schedules, and reflected in the family court visitation orders (schedules) as well?  Ironically, we have some of the most Catholic in origin holiday schedules:  Christmas, Easter, Halloween.  Google these, and you’ll get somewhere back to the time of Constantine, Rome, and recognize that they, too, had a national religion, and had to sort of, er, do a melting pot.  Polytheism was patriotic, monotheism was, well, unnatural.

    Jews, and later, Christians, protested, refusing to sacrifice and well, this was entertainment and gladiator fodder.  They were made examples of, and you can read history on your own times for a better version of the word “holiday.”

    I’m working on this theme, but it seems to me that any national religion pushed down the national throat — is going to produce a reaction, and reactionary elements, and they will kill.  There will be war.

    What I see right now is Male Supremacists versus “Ms.” and I see LGBT vs. Healthy Marriage enshrined, and I do mean that.

    I also see — and if you follow my blog, or others linked to it (see the buttons), or if you simply are motivated enough — how with ONE side of the mouth, our government is taking advice from “faith-based initiatives” on how marriage is ALWAYS just so wonderful, that we should play matchmaker, federally speaking.  What do do about cases like the young man in Tennessee, who had 21 children by 5 (or was it 15?) different women is a little unclear.  And a moot point — he wasn’t earning much.  A

    And from another Department (of Education), same Branch (Executive) — there’s a battleground for conttrol of our children in the K-12 school system, i.e., “It’s Elementary” and “Days of Silence,” spawning all kinds of nonprofits justice groups to track this, and defend that.  Generally speaking, the ACLU is probably going to come up the other side of, say, Pacific Justice Institute, who tend to defend the conservative Christian groups.  WHICH (in case you wondered), I’m not.  Primarly because they won’t stick up for women when their own are being beaten, nor was I raised thus anyhow.

    So what we have here is:

  • SYSTEMIC PROBLEM #1 (for sake of numbering them somehow)
  • Fatherhood, Healthy Marriage is, essentially, conservative — and has a religious base  They RULE in the courts (or will soon, if not yet).
  • Practically the entire public school educational system is quite progressive.
  • So you have a built-in war between the EDUCATION system (if you’re rusty, EXECUTIVE Branch) and the COURT  system (JUDICIAL BRANCH). One way to also conceptually phrase THAT war could be on the basis of sexuality (LGBT vs. Hetero, plus Dads Rule), OR, it could also be considered, Religion versus no religion.

  • APPARENT SYSTEMIC PROBLEM #2  – within the Health and Human Services alone (Executive Branch)

  • I want to know more about the origins of this department, currently our country’s largest.  This is the topic for a different post. My study (since my schedule was vacated, rudely, by certain governmental institutions, which cast me upon the (still incoherent, best I can interpret) mercies of other ones, I have both been highly motivated to find out HOW they got away with this, and how to stop the process.
  • I could readily, and competently, navigate the familiar waters of:  housing, working, parenting, and alongside that, negotiating for the best education of the dollar possible given our family history.  I also competently negotiated a household move with my work schedule, and even a moderate compromise within the family lines (I compromised school choice for my kids, believing at face value, this to have been a temporary situation, so long as I could thereafter make ends meet, only to find it had instead been a land mine….. a sacred cow . )
  • I could not, nor do I feel responsible for not having been able to, engage meanwhile in mind-reading of either people who had no business running MY business, nor institutions who also thought it was there privilege to do so.  As we had homeschooled (while I taught for public schools, private nonprofits, and among other homeschooling families), I had not yet been indoctrinated into the concept of “YOUR children are OUR property” mentality, nor the unbelievably condescending and negative attitude some schools hold towards parents who are neither on the PTA, the School Board, or the class volunteer list.
  • ANY family (I’ll be neutral and not say the more accurate, “WOMAN” or “MOTHER”) leaving an abusive situation has done so by virtue of some help from somewhere.  She is NOT in a position to understand, generally, that other than her most IMMEDIATE abusers, which may or may not include family of origin, faith community, or other immediate circles who didn’t report — as some of them are mandated by law to, in the US — that she should no more trust intervening outsiders saying “let me help you” than she did the person assaulting her “for her own good.”  
  • No woman, or kid, becomes independent and self-sufficient by having theorists and philosophers tell them how to live, OR, how to leave.  In retrospect, my / our civil rights were compromised every single step of the way — and I can identify this in my case, and in others.  As I protested, the resistance — not just individual (ex), and his new associates, but also corporate and governmental entities — to the concept that I was intelligent enough to make a choice, and that one of those choices was that any governmental intrusion into OUR life should begin with equal treatment under the law, and addressing violations of court orders.  Such violations are indicators.  Perhaps if women ran government, as we run the raising of lots of little kids (I mean, til they go to preschool, or such), we’d drop the massmanagement theory, and go to the, knowing individuals, and CALLING them on whether an infraction was intentional (i.e., testing the limits) or harassing/distracting/destructive, or simply unintentional and a mistake.
  • At every step of the way, as I began calling attention to these repeated infractions of my personal boundaries, the court orders, my home space, decision-making, and much, much more, the reactions escalated.  Hmm. . . . . . real indignation at the concept that a woman should NOT be passive, malleable, and dependent, in every way.  That she should deserve some privacy — for REAL — or that she might have a clue what’s good for her kids.  That she might not to choose to re-engage sexually right away, given the last man was dangerous.  And that, possibly if she DID, such might bring on further aggressions from the deposed male.  
  • Defending one’s borders, and boundaries, takes effort and time, and energy.  RIGHT, border patrol?  This is also true personally.
  • I personally think that the US Government has other business to do than transgressing mine, particularly because I happened to have shown up as female, and fertile.  It is not my patriotic duty to fork over children for categorization, education, indoctrination, or demonstration grants in Responsible Fatherhood, Healthy Marriage, or anything else that is not necessary for US to pursue:  Life, Liberty, and Happiness.  Now, when the government DID catch me briefly, and say, We will Enforce a Child Support Order, which I did not ask them to do, then it has a duty to behave honestly towards my children in that activity.  And failing to inform us about all the other initiatives (in place, as I have said repeatedly on here, since at least the 1990s, and many sources say, 1980s) is “Irresponsible Governmenthood.”

  • It is not my civic duty to fork over my time, life, or children to jump onto the petri dish to be examined and become fodder for the mental health industry if we resist, being either literate, or old enough to remember memorizing the Declaration of Independence in a public school.

  • My last few months of studying the Health and Human Services Department (a.k.a., following the trail of bread crumbs from when contact with my kids — and their child support — got lost in the bureaucratic woods of “help, stop!, protect! enforce! Beware! Advocate!” red tape in two (California) counties) — has shown clearly that in this last point, I and they differ.  180 degrees.  100%.  I have a high-conflict relationship with that philosophy, one that no amount of “in loco parenting” classes is likely to correct.  I value my sanity, and I tried the placate, duck, and appease method for a long time in my marriage before we got to Call it by the right name, Restrain, Protect, (“CPR”) philosophy.

  • THIS CREATES BUILT-IN CONFLICT AND POVERT – for some, and professions — for to.  

    See my (hopefully) upcoming post(s) on Responsible Citizenhood (Parts III, IV and V) and

    “Survival of the Fittest:  Study and Prosper, or Be Broke and Be Studied” a.k.a.,

    “Multiple (Life) Choices in a New Brave World:   (1) Etymologist or (2) the Bug on the Plate”





    NOW – I have a recommendation (See top of post):


    Can we reduce our specialty days, in the courts, and in the educational systems to perhaps FIVE? or SEVEN?


    And no two in the same month:


    • One for atheism.
    • One (or you say how many) for polytheism.
    • One, or at most 3, for each of the three monotheistic religions:  Judaism, Christianity, Islam (In chrono order).  Or, Christianity, Islam, Judaism (in alpha order).  Or . . . . . 


    (Kind of like mono and poly unsaturated fats, right?)  



    Or, extend the school year, and shorten the work week, as Friday, Saturday and Sunday characterize these weekly holy days, right?


    (The naming, versus numbering, of the days of the week is itself a pagan concept.)


    And teachers, you will have to find some other “themes” (such as skills development?) around which to build the school year, not, respectively, (Sept.-June):

    Labor, Halloween (DV awareness), Thanksgiving, Hannukah-Kwanzaa-Christmas, Presidents, Martin Luther King, Jr., St. Patrick, Easter (SA/CA/PAS awareness), Veterans & Mothers ((although the parallel seems appropriate in some contexts…), Fathers, and Hallelujah, summer vacation — or school, depending on how well your children concentrated the above in one piece).


    No WONDER pharmaceuticals are needed to keep kids focused.  


    Independence Day (July 4th, US), is coming up.  Now, I know the above is ludicrous — but I hope I showed at least that these federally-sponsored (that’s your tax dollars, USA) institutions:


    • National Holidays
    • PUBLIC School
    • Courts
    • Government Institutions (at least a few of them)
    • Religions


    are all intertwined.  These institutions also affect the workforce.  





    Let’s talk profession — remember the  joke:  What is the “oldest profession in the world”?  (Put one of two possible answers).  Now you just saw the oldest religion too.


    Sex, for money.  So who is being sold what?


    I note that Mr. Philcox, having been booted out of the house (guess that was HIS religion) opted –quickly– to kill his entire family and himself, and partially succeeded.  Guess we know what religion THAT was.  He picked up a single mother (who had a son at around age 20), about 15 years his junior, and quickly made some babies, was aggressive towards the son NOT of his gene pool, and when  those who WERE of his gene pool were not allowed to live with him, apparently, he wiped them out.  Possibly Darwinist?


    Would you give up at LEAST:  Mother’s and Father’s Day to save a few children’s lives? 


    Note:  This might affect which Congressperson you elect next term.  There is no “motherhood” initiative, but there sure as hell– and it’s been hell on Moms, and kids — a “Fatherhood” one!  And I already posted who voted for it, in both Houses of the Legislature.


    Or do you believe that female-headed households are dangerous and should be eliminated, by hook or by crook, or by pipe bomb?  


    You know, some prophesies are self-fulfilling, and at this rate, unless some major institutions are somewhat re-arranged (NO, I am NOT advocating the overthrow of anything United States — particularly not the Constitution, Bill of Rights, and due process in all 3 branches of government), it looks to be heading towards Armageddon.


    PERHAPS — just PERHAPS — if we could dissolve some of the more monolithic aspects here, and allow a bit more fluidity and dynamic response to actual situations (within the scope of, of course, law), there would be fewer reactionary fundamentalist factions proclaiming, pronouncing, warring, and killing — or stealing.  Kids, and dollars.


  • . . . and Non-sense, diagrammed….

    leave a comment »

    1994-2009 , it’s about “Fathers,”

    and is beginning to remind me of the Viet Nam war.

    Began in secret, finally acknowledged, and I hope someday

    we will have something better to talk about, as a nation.

    These quotes are from June 2006


    June 2006 – THE WAR ON FATHERS: How the ‘feminization of America’ destroys boys, men – and women

    The June edition of Whistleblower magazine is a mega-eye-opener exploring one of the most crucial but little-reported (??) phenomena of modern America – what WND calls “THE WAR ON FATHERS.”

    The evidence of this almost unthinkable scenario is everywhere:

     In public school classrooms across America, in every category and every demographic group, boys are falling behind. Girls excel and move on to college, where three out of five students are female, while young boys – who don’t naturally thrive when forced to sit still at a desk for six hours a day – are diagnosed by the millions with new diseases that didn’t exist a generation ago. To make their behavior more acceptable, they are compelled to take hazardous psycho-stimulant drugs like Ritalin.

    This happens to be true.  But how is this a war on fatherhood?  And why should girls, or grown women, who are already socially conditioned to sit still; do for six hours a day either?  They are more likely to daydream and underperform in some response to this, or start intrigues, or other non-scholastically-engaged activity.   How is that any more acceptable for girls either?

    Boys are more than 50 percent more likely to repeat elementary school grades than girls, a third more likely to drop out of high school and twice as likely to have a “learning disability.” And the suicide rate among teen boys is far higher than that of girls.

    “What we have done,” explains Thomas Mortenson, senior scholar at the Pell Institute for the Study of Opportunity in Higher Education, “is we have a K-12 school system that seems to work relatively well for girls and does not work for a very large share of boys.”

    (And he cites the same study I just did! but with diffferent conclusions):

    I take issue with this “we.”  I was born in the 1950s, and I didn’t create the public school system, and, like “war”, it was not conceived, designed, or pushed to full fruition by women.  

    Common sense says that children are going to learn better where there is some personal relationship with the teachers, and their classmates, that has half a chance of enduring past a semester.  And for them to individually recognized for WHO they are, not only how they perform.  This will have to require some “down” time and informal associations as well.  Putting them in large groups to absorb the nationalized curriculum en masse is a recipe for failure.  Moreover, there possibly IS something to the different rates at which boys and girls tend (overall) to be literate and fluent; there already is among different children of the same sex as well.  The age-segregation thing — as the rule, and differences, the exception — is unnatural in almost anything but armies.  Good grief!  It doesn’t happen in families, and doesn’t always in corporations or businesses either.  Why do it in school?  That’s a recipe for gangs, which — face it — we have. 

    But declaring that situation, and this clear, systemic educational failure to be a “war on fatherhood” is ridiculous, and ignores that it fails girls just as well.  Any system rigged for one gender, or social class to succeed and another to fail, is failing allof them.  In fact one of the prime functions of this system, and characteristics, is to set children loose in large groups, where for sheer survival they must figure out a “gang” to belong to, a “type” to become. 

    And I do not at all approve of our current administration’s promises to “fix” something that has a design flaw — which has been already identified — it sorts by sex, and it also sorts pretty thoroughly by income.  It wastes parents time and energy (propping it up by involvement, or by fundraising).  It dumbs kids down, and slows them down.  I 

    For more information, please see “edwatch.org”  

    A mother’s lament/rant on the public school system.

    If you want to skip it this time, scroll down past the red ink, which it also has helped drown my household in, as a result, not to mention red tape.  I think there might be some forgiveness for my seeing some “red” on this issue!  

    Also, this post is not copyedited, I’ve had several “saves” so far, and the most current one is not posted.  I am not going to proofread here (on such a personal “hot topic,” but simply want the thoughts, references, and information out.

    I have participated in education in, around, before, and after public schools, as well as private, home, and some Catholic schools, and I’ve had my share of watching simply intelligent boys be labeled hyperactive.  IN one case, I had to throw out a 4-year old from a piano class, but he turned out to have been gifted, and I took him on as a private student.  I have taught boys bouncing off the wall (literally sometimes) but able to focus when they were allowed to be engaged — which singing tends to do, to some.  I have also had a daughter daydreaming in class while the entire class read aloud a book geared to several grade below her level.

    Jonothan Kozol detailed in “I Won’t Learn From You” how some kids get into “Special Ed” that really don’t belong there.  John Taylor Gatto wrote of his struggles to get a fluently reading you lady out of a slower classroom.  A book on “JUMP” (Junior Undiscovered Math Prodigies) writes of how he worked with supposedly “slow” kids and their successes.  There are many more profitable things that can be done when someone fails to learn than labeling and sidelining them.  By and large, public schools don’t do this.  

    My children were forced back INTO this system by a man cheated by it himself (it did not compensate for family lacks), who I’d just left because of violence.  I myself am still unlearning values I absorbed while in public school system (at which I excelled), one of which was slowing me down and undervaluing my strengths, and judging myself as a person by the things I was less adept at, rather than appreciating the strengths.  I know this affected how hard I pushed in my career, prior to marriage, although that came out pretty decent overall.  Now my kids are incorporating the same values.

    When we homeschooled, both children were vivacious, engaged, ready to talk to adults, and with time in their schedules to play also.  They were, in short, themselves, and felt free to relate to both parents, the custodial one and the noncustodial one.  We moved in and out of various learning situations with relative ease, which is typical, and adds interest to the school day. They saw sunshine every day, and not just during gym class or a hurried lunch.

    The style, motivation, and goals of us as a homeschooling family differed from the larger classroom, which teaches to the middle or bottom level.  As a parent, OR teacher, I’m never interested in my kids’ middle or bottom levels, but their top ones, and had a pretty good idea of where that was, because we lived in the same household, and I had adequate time to see them at work in a variety of situations.   

    They both excelled although had different learning styles.  I watched in horror, and shock, as my own offspring became commodities in a war against allowing them to continue in this fashion because a woman had made a decision to return to it after a non-relative non-parent, non-educator (by lifelong profession) told her to stop.  Watching them give up great activities to participate in classrooms where some teachers, let alone the average student, couldn’t put a paragraph together without grammar mistakes, where math was slowed down, and one daughter’s major concern was literally daydreaming in class (and missing something) because they were reading the entire book aloud in class to compensate for kids who otherwise wouldn’t do their homework. . . and that book itself was aimed at a reading level far below hers — this was like torture to a parent. 

    The school system took me out of their lives in any significant role — because we were a two-household family — and put me in a traffic jam instead, a place no single mother can really afford to be!  Time counts!  Our schedules were stressed whereas before they weren’t.  I have talked to wealthy professional mothers (same neighborhoods) who were equally stressed for the reasons of supplementing the school’s failures with after-school enrichments.  I tried to each some of their stressed out students too, and finally became more discriminating in who I would and would not take on as a private student.

    NOTE:  My children, after years of the School wars, would disagree, and sought peace, at any price.  As a parent, I note that they are not yet fully grown, and may (or, OK, may not!) think differently afterwards.  I know what it cost our family.  And as a musician privileged with 13 years of private lessons, which helped me get into a top liberal arts college — majoring in music — I know that continuity in an instrument is required for some mastery.  Mastery of any sort of skill that requires this sort of development opens doors socially, often far beyond grade school.  This also goes for other skills, such as language, athletics, gymnastics, or for that matter science interest.  

    To hold back multiple children from their long suits to help some children learn to read, write and count, sometimes under methods that are known to not work well (such as the deletion of phonics, for a period in US history, or the experimentation in math texts, about which I know something, and which a book called, appropriately (it’s a pun), “Class Warfare” addresses — has GOT to be a form of child abuse.  Many, many authors have already addressed this.  

    If someone wishes to look for a major source of social problems, it would make much  more sense to look at significcant institutions in our country, rather than half its populace — women!  And declare that they have declared war on the other half in all situations where they left a marriage.  Or to declare a new national religion:  Fatherhood!  The real war is much more likely to be: inherited wealth “haves” from up and coming “have-nots.”

    The Rhetoric of “Fatherhood” does exactly this:  It rides parasite style on existing situations (in this long post, I address two:  education, and war, with attendant PTSD), and co-opts them into the fire fanning the cause.  I have seen it also complain about the family law system in the ssame manner, calling it pro-mothers, when the facts are, it svery origin and design, by primarily men (southern California) is to prolong family strife (for an endless cash machine) and diminish the rule of evidence in favor of out-of-court situations where due process can be better violated.  I am talking about mediation, where there has already been criminal behavior.  

    Back to Education as a “war on fatherhood” (implying, by feminists):

    In 1990, John Taylor Gatto documented seven primary lessons this system ACTUALLY teaches.  Look them up!  Like me (I have scope and experience as a teacher, graduate, and having kids go in, out and back in to this system, while in my household, and have also dealt professionally with many parents, year after year, with kids in a variety of schools as well:  urban and suburban.  Beyond that, I read a lot!), as teh New York State Teacher of the Year at the time, he explains correctly in his little book called “Dumbing Us Down” what this system actually does, as opposed to its stated mission.  That he doesn’t mention “war on fatherhood” or unfairness to boys or girls may  have been because this was before the founding of the “National Fatherhood Initiative,” or it might have been because that’s not the situation.  He DOES mention that it breaks down family units and true communities, as opposed to false, and fleeting networks.

    Another author, Samuel Blumenfeld (I picked males, guys, OK?) wrote “Is Public Education Necessary” and narrated some of its history.  That’s  rhetorical question, folks!  Diane Ravitch has written a book called “the Language Police” and she worked FOR the U.S. Dept. of Education, a Dept. our Constitution said nothing about originally.  Other books such as Adult Illiteracy, The Literacy Hoax, and many others have categorized its failures. No matter, where there is a government contract, there is an ongoing proposition.

    I ran afoul of a recent product of the California Teacher Credentialing process in my own custody and divorce in the 2000s. The same personality took issue with my homechooling (which had been our standard) but none with the violence, not even while the RO was on, instead, characterizing my decision to homeschool as “emotionally violent.”  Say What??

     I was shocked !! at the prejudice and tunnel vision involved, and at the callousness to the impact on our family household (including its income) in these matters.  Our kids are not to be testing grounds for drugs, theories, or human behavioral management techniques.  They are not to be strip-searched, punished military style for something their classmates done, indoctrinated, sorted by sex and age, locked down, taken hostage, sexually assaulted (or harassed) by teachers OR fellow-classmates, or shot to death in or near a school, yet this has happened and continues to happen.  This is not what childhood is for.  

    Moreover, childhood passes fast, and it shouldn’t be squandered.

    I worked in and around homeschoolers — the student/adult ratio was enough to keep a watch on violence, abuse, hate-talk, and I guarantee you, these kids wouldn’t have thought ganging up on or about stoning me, as a middle school band teacher (female) recently was in this county.  I knew the parents of the children I taught.  I also know that these people have the power to hire great teachers and fire bad or unreliable ones.  I appreciated working with children who were intelligent and had some self-control, this was good for all of us.  Moreover, apart from a few relationships around music, the friendships with kids and parents alike that my children formed in this manner were among their most stable and long-lasting ones, lasting beyond a change of schools or personal interests in life.  They knew each other as PEOPLE in a variety of situations, which traditional school doesn’t allow. 

    And neither girls nor boys deserve to be locked up in one box, while parents work in another during daylight hours, when a better way is available.  I know the finances of this personally also.  It was totally impossible for me to accomplish, in my situation as a single mother with weekly visitation to Dad (in a nearby county) with my kids IN this system what I could had I been given permission for them to exit it.

    But the reason I could not relates directly to this school systems’ need to perpetuate itself, and pick off the stragglers who otherwise might put them to shame.  My kids experienced parental stealing by their angry father because I as a mother dared to say, this is NOT good enough for our children!  ANd that attitude — that doing this — came from the near-lethal (and I do mean that literally) combination of fatherhood promoters (such as these below) and the financial “ancillary interests” serving the public school system.  

    I will take on any one in fair, open, debate on-line on this matter, with some moderation.  This school system is cheating both genders, which should not be blamed on one of them.  Moreover, the school system is generally speaking “progressive” and leftist, while the federal government appears to becoming — through these HHS grants I keep speaking of — more and more influenced by conservative right-wingers, who like to keep their women under control, and in large part from supposedly religious bases.  Your blogger here has not only experienced this, but also read on the issue of domestic violence as addressed in conservative Christian mainstream press (i.e., Focus on the Family, Promise Keepers, etc.)  Books such as “Battered into Submission” and others address their silence on this plague — physical violence backing up other forms of violence, within personal relationships — is always a plague when it’s system- endorsed.  Dr Chesler addresses its format in the other fundamentalist religion, Islam, when she writes on honor-killings.

    When a school system is actively pro-LGBT and not very friendly to Christianity (as opposed to, say Islam), and a government agency is pushing a Christian agenda through, the natural consequence is conflict.  Both approaches are likely to engender a reactionary exodus from the system, or reaction to it.  Add to this, underperformance intellectually when a school is more about indoctrination that education, and we have a cesspool of conflicting ideologies and power struggles, both within the school and between parents and the schools.


    Most human beings don’t appreciate being the target of a mass label of any sort.  This is a way to sort fruit, cattle, or sheep, not people.

    Te American public, across the board, and is hostile to competitors, principally homeschoolers.  In other countries — such as Germany! — homeschooling is illegal, which should be a message to us all about what direction this is heading.  Our economy would be better off with private, market-based competition, and allow people to re-engage in their own communities.  Schools throughout Chicago have demonstrated alternatives.


    Here’s one tirade:

    The problem,” said David Kupelian, managing editor of WND and Whistleblower, “is that misguided feminists, intent on advancing a radically different worldview than the one on which this nation was founded,

    What would that worldview be — life, liberty, and the pursuit of manliness? . . . . .  “Puh-leez!”

    As I pointed out in my post of 06-01-09, the exact opposite appears to be true.  In general, baseline sanity (as with family court in general, when it comes to labeling) the ground-zero truth is often 180~ reversal of the proclaimed truth.  


    I posted the original documents for us to look at, also, or links to them:  Declaration of Independence, Gettysburg Address, and Martin Luther King, Jr.’s speech, at the Lincoln Memorial (1776, 1863, 1963) all talk about JUSTICE.  In seeking freedom from being colonized by England, the signers pledged their lives and their fortunes as well.  In 1863, on the battlefield of a war, commemorating the cost of not letting the South secede and keep their slavery trade going — then-President Lincoln reminded his audience BRIEFLY of 1776.  The concept of slavery was supposedly anathema.  In1963, another civil rights leader said, that promise was made, but for a certain sector has not been realized.  Notably, both Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr., were later assassinated.  All around this, women had been seeking to vote, at a minimum.  

    In 1994, VAWA said :  STOP! hitting and killing us because we are women.  Stop it!  It was not a “we hate you because you are men,” but a “what about justice?  We are people too!”  Anyhow, “Whistleblower” (the source) drones on. . . . 

    have succeeded in fomenting a revolution. And that revolution amounts to a powerful and pervasive campaign against masculinity, maleness, boys, men and patriarchy.”


    No, if along the way, manhood has become associated with the ability to oppress, we have a problem indeed.

    Also, in the process of patronizing feminists verbally, let’s get consistent.  Either they are misguided, and to be pitied and instructed, or they are wicked and evil revolution-fomenters, disturbing your peace and (Patriarchy), therefore to be hated, because they DO know better but are simply mean, nasty, family-haters.    . . . .   No wonder this is a call for mental health practitioners in the business; make up your mind!  Which is it?  Dumb, or bad?  And while you are deciding which one women as a whole are (that’s ALL women who want to leave their marriages, or protest abuse of them or the children, and expect protection from this, etc.  OR who not only expect BOTh to be (a) protected from assaults AND (b) to have the former assaulter continue to provide for his offspring (yes, you breed’em you feed’em, and it takes two, still, to start one…), for you own credibility that this is not a murder trial, but if it were, either the person would be deemed mentally competent, or not. This type of inflammatory speech, incidentally, isn’t, because it can’t choose between even those two. Among other reasons, which I hope to illustrate below, along with some sensible talk by men addressing issue that pertain, at least, to veterans.

    Intelligent discourse (exchange of dialogue, or consideration of ideas/theories) is not possible, really, around these kinds of propositions.  Add to that, we know now the Responsible Fatherhood Healthy Marriage Federal funding behind “teaching us our lesson,” so the poor and oppressed paradigm doesn’t really stick.  As well as (I hope to also show) some of the funding behind the media portrayal of these issues.

    “Issue highlights include:

    Note “war;” “win/lose” and fear-mongering vocabulary below:.  Get out the paint and drums:

    • “Banning ‘mom’ and ‘dad,'” by Joseph Farah, who exposes the latest in bizarre and dangerous legislation by the California legislature. 

    Did the word “bizarre” come from some of these access/visitation grants?  My ex used that one, of a very normal activity we were engaged in, although his description of it made it sound like Guantanamo.   Bizarre & Dangerous together conjure up some great images, if the intent is to play them emotions and other rabble-rousing.    (I am thinking he’s referring to Prop 8, or the attempt to switch the marriage registration forms from reading “Husband” and “Wife” to Party 1 and Party 2?   For gay marriages, I suppose, it could be simply “Husband and husband” (til further notice) and “Wife and wife” I suppose.  Or “Ms.” and “Mr.” — but in any case, I don’t think it’s nearly as bizarre or dangerous as the fatherhood movement, presently, which is affecting the justice processes in the U.S.

    • “The fathers’ war” by Stephen Baskerville, a troubling look at how increasing numbers of America’s military men risk all to serve their nation in wartime, only to be divorced by their wives and lose their children


    Let’s consider the phrase “be divorced by their wives and lose their children” in its proper context, as to Vets:


    Whistleblower author, you didn’t know that War messes with men, and women, both?

    Mr (or Dr.) Baskerville must not have served as infantry, or in actual combat?  And he doesn’t understand that PTSD happens?  And in a soldier, can become lethal, including to his own family?

    Let’s hear from some serious authors (not just serious about their own causes…).  Senator McCain (See US Veterans article below) served  in war — did Jeffrey Leving, David Blankenhorn, Wade Horn? ??  (We know about Clinton, he didn’t fight, and he didn’t “inhale”. either..)  

    NYTIMES:  Across America Deadly Echoes of Foreign Wars

    January 13, 2008, By DEBORAH SONTAG and LIZETTE ALVAREZ

    Individually, these are stories of local crimes, gut-wrenching postscripts to the war for the military men, their victims and their communities. Taken together, they paint the patchwork picture of a quiet phenomenon, tracing a cross-country trail of death and heartbreak.

    The New York Times found 121 cases in which veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan committed a killing in this country, or were charged with one, after their return from war. In many of those cases, combat trauma and the stress of deployment — along with alcohol abuse, family discord and other attendant problems — appear to have set the stage for a tragedy that was part destruction, part self-destruction.

    Three-quarters of these veterans were still in the military at the time of the killing. More than half the killings involved guns, and the rest were stabbings, beatings, strangulations and bathtub drownings. Twenty-five offenders faced murder, manslaughter or homicide charges for fatal car crashes resulting from drunken, reckless or suicidal driving.

    About a third of the victims were spouses, girlfriends, children or other relatives, among them 2-year-old Krisiauna Calaira Lewis, whose 20-year-old father slammed her against a wall when he was recuperating in Texas from a bombing near Falluja that blew off his foot and shook up his brain



    These men, and I bet some of then are responsible fathers, too, are actually DOING something about the struggle the veterans have coming home. . .


    Odysseus in America: Combat trauma and the trials of homecoming

    By Jonathan Shay, MD, PhD;

    Foreword by Senator Max Cleland and Senator John McCain

    Book review by Helen A Williams, MS

    New York: Scribner; 2002. ISBN 0-7432-1156-1 352 pages. $25.00

    Those moved by Jonathan Shay’s first book, Achilles in Vietnam (1995)1–an inquiry into Homer’s Iliad as metaphor for the deforming effects of military combat on character–are in for another compelling read. This time, Shay examines The Odyssey and discovers that Odysseus’ adventures look a lot like the symptoms of what we now call posttraumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. Shay’s gift is to convey these symptoms as dramatis personae from The Odyssey cannibalizing the inner life of the Vietnam veteran.

    Jonathan Shay is a psychiatrist in the US Department of Veteran Affairs Outpatient Clinic in Boston, where he began his career in 1987 working with Vietnam veterans suffering with PTSD. Based on Shay’s work with these vets, his second book culminates in a plea for changing the way the US military organizes itself to fight a war–or, at least, for changing the way the military had organized itself through December 2001. The book went to press in 2002, before the war in Iraq began (in March 2003). 


    United States Department of Veterans Affairs

    Boston’s Jonathan Shay Honored with MacArthur Fellowship

    VA PTSD Psychiatrist Given “Genius” Award

    September 25, 2007

    WASHINGTON — A Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) employee in Boston, Dr. Jonathan Shay, has been awarded the so-called “Genius Award” from the MacArthur Foundation.  Shay, the author of two popular books about post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), has been a VA staff psychiatrist treating combat veterans with PTSD since November 1987.

    Dr. Shay is living proof that VA is providing our veterans with the best health care this country has to offer, especially for the treatment of PTSD,” said Secretary of Veterans Affairs Jim Nicholson. “Our veterans deserve — and VA is providing — world-class health care.”

    Shay was one of 24 Americans who each recently received a $500,000 grant from the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, one of the nation’s largest philanthropic organizations, for “exceptional merit and promise of continued creative work.”  Shay combines a study of classic literature with 20 years of experience treating veterans inBoston to explain PTSD to both the public and health care professionals.

    In addition to publications in professional journals, he is the author of Achilles in Vietnam and Odysseus in America, two widely regarded books that helped spread the understanding that PTSD is an age-old battlefield injury by comparing the works of the ancient Greek poet Homer to the experiences of modern combat veterans.

    He also pioneered the use of certain anti-depression medicine, called “selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors,” for combat trauma, a treatment that now has broad endorsement for veterans with psychological injury.

    (3) The men in my family, in re: military service:


    The men in my family background did not come home and get betrayed by their wives, bad women.  This is how it went:

    One cousin went to Viet Nam  and served.  He came home, and had a wife and two kids and was an upstanding man.  He was done in, eventually, by Agent Orange and died, leaving THEM.  The other cousin was disqualified due to poor circulation.

    My Dad, I’m told, was held back here to work on a military-funded  project for a major research lab in NJ.  Naturally, as a kid, I was not privvy to on all of this.  Later, I learned more. from a book and the Internet than my own family ever shared.  One thing  I also learned, and remembered, is that behind MOST technological advances is a military purpose (and money).  He died early (65), why, I don’t know.  I am sure had he not died early, he might have put my ex in place when the battering began.  However, it’s also quite likely that childhood abuse was a factor in his life, and stress level overall.  DNK.  He overperformed and dedicated himself to study and work, and providing for us.

    My uncle served in the war, and I never knew him that well as a person to start with, he was always kind of sidelined in the family; he was very talented artistically, and I have some cartoons of his, sardonic commentaries on how inhumane the treatment of his soldiers.  He typically had a silly smile on his face (mental illness?  Fetal alcohol syndrome?  Smacked around as a kid by his Dad??) and never said much.  No one would talk about this.  He never married, and died early; I wasn’t told why.

    SIDE NOTE:  My Dad grew up with domestic violence, we were told.  I suspect some of it got to this uncle and may have accounted for how well he did in life, and how short a life he lived.  As he lived, so he died — though a niece, I was told next to nothing, then, or now.

    In-law:  My father in law served in Korea, and came back, at least, paranoid schizophrenic, medicated, and is described by my ex as uninvolved / depressed.  My sister in law described him as a drunk (she refused to ride home in the same car with him from the airport).  His household was definitely dysfunctional and he was most likely uninvolved as a parent because he was on medication and depressed.  Eventually, well after one son divorced, remarried & was jailed for incest, and another one got a restraining order with kickout for domestic violence, and I guess after a daughter had multiple kids with a man who wouldn’t support them, my father in law blew his life out with a bullet to the head.  Certificate reads “acute chronic depression.”  

    A brother in law I never met served in the military, came back, and remarried a woman with children.  He was the one jailed for incest — not long enough as far as I am concerned.  He since remarried almost 20 years older than than himself and judging an on-line  photo, and his track record, I’d say she was desperate.   

    This was NOT “women leaving their husbands,” and it was not woman’s war on manhood.  Perhaps THE logical conclusion of this version of manhood IS war.  Period.  Manliness  = fighting someone.  I don’t know.  I don’t go for it.  Not safe!

    • “The war on fathers,” by David Kupelian, an in-depth look at what’s really behind the feminization of America.

      Who knows — perhaps the “feminazi” (as we are called) came at one point from having to deal with generation after generation of war-torn fathers, brothers, orphans?  Perhaps these men were coming back and acting out what they’d lived in war. . .  And we protested.

      Anyone who wishes to blame the ‘feminists” for everything has an ahistorical perspective.  Where did we come from to start with?  Not wanting to be the new slave class?  Nationally speaking — and these FR guys DO obviously get national platforms to speak from — they own many of them, and pay for others (which can be traced at least in part) – – have externalized and targeted women as their personal “demons,”  For being women, for not going along with the stereotyped gender roles, for wanting to leave the home and work, even if the household is suffering for lack of their doing so, for failing to crawl low enough – —   A bigger, better man would face his own issues and think about maybe why she left. . . . . I know the man I left has apparently not done that yet.  He’s simply found more people to agree with him, and got them all worked up (and incited to action), also.

    • Why men are being attacked,” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who says: “It isn’t all about hating men – it’s largely about disdaining and dismissing them.” 

    I don’t disdain men overall.  For one, that’d be foolish — I work with choirs, and it takes all kinds to sing, deep voices and high voices, “SATB.”  Historically within music, I have worked with male and female, let alone straight and gay, old and young. The children’s choirs I hung out with, some were boys and girls, and some girls only, and some boys only.  It takes all kinds.  I married and had children, which indicates at least a nominal ability of some sort, and stuck it out for almost a decade.  I drew the line somewhere between the collections of weapons (more than one kind), destruction of my credit, attempt to keep me without transportation, and being concerned that a suicide was imminent.  Not to mention being physically assaulted in front of my own kids, and lectured, too.  Enough was too much.  

    Now, I want a little space, some peace, and sanity within the family court, only to find it is more interested in funneling funds to tweak the male/female family balance because of earlier concerns about welfare vs. child support and the establishment of what looks, sounds, feels, and is experienced like the establishment of a new national religion.  Now THAT, I object to.

    Those who have lived with certain personality types understand how setting a limit can be interpreted as declaring “war.”  

    I do reserve the right to determine when someone is talking sense, or nonsense, speaking treasures of wisdom or rubbish coming from sloppy, emotional, thinking.  I do reserve the right to not be assaulted in my own home — and for this, I eventually had to have one of us leave — him!  (we rented, don’t get all worked up about family property — I had chaos to deal with, from years of the chaos of violence.  And plenty of debt.  No assets — at all.  Period.  None, other than books, I suppose.  An old car…, and not the only one…)


    • “Has the bias pendulum swung against men?” Fewer college-bound, higher suicide rates, shorter life spans suggest males getting shaft.  (OR, maybe they are not doing something right?)

    NOTE:  I am ONE woman, not ALL women.  Most women I know are not “ALL” women.  To attack us  — to the point of killing! — because of perceived injustices by other women shows delusional thinking no different than attacking all people on the basis of race, national origin, or for that matter, body size, or faith.  The rhetoric simply makes no sound sense.

    • “Paternity fraud rampant in U.S.,” showing how 30 percent of men assessed for court-ordered child support are not actually the fathers of the children receiving the support. 

    Cites please?  And if this is so, it is likely made up for the ones who ARE the fathers not paying it.  Plus some fathers who are having custody switched and now their wives pay, or are jailed.  

    • “‘Shared parenting’ seen as custody solution,” a look at bills in New York that would require courts to treat mom and dad equally. (Courts have never done this, and do not do so now, thanks to the U.S. HHS  // ACF programs and many more initiatives from at least as far back as 1994, and ongoing.  Millions of dollars gone towards these initiatives.  See elsewhere on site.)
    • “Resolving the boy crisis in schools” by Jeffery M. Leving and Glenn Sacks, showing how today’s public schools are profoundly unsuited for the genuine needs of boys.         

      I lived and worked in Mr. Leving’s home greater metropolitan area.  

      I do not think he was practicing on the Chicago’s South Side.  I was there in the 1970s and 1980s working under a man who talked less and did more to help support and supplement inner city public schools through inspired excellence in music, the Unitarian church, to help boys AND girls get along together in mixed ensembles and non-age-level-separated situations.  Another unique (for his generation) thing he did, starting in the 1950s (before Maryland had fully ratified women’s right to vote, and told Congress so!)  was get some of the kids from the privileged Chicago Laboratory (private, upperclass) school  and others on the North side of town to function, at work and play, and on tours and rehearsals, with some on the South and West sides.  This was (the late) Rev. Christopher Moore. I came in from Oberlin Consevatory, and learned a thing or two as well.  

      I respect that man (shortcomings and longsuits) because I saw his work and service. Unlike Promoting Responsible Fatherhood, it’s not getting families killed or put back on poverty — except ONE child, “Virgil White” who was shot for quitting gangs through this group.  It enriched their lives and infused something terrific INTO these public schools — singing.  He also got kids OUT of the schools to sing together after school, and concertizing in front of a variety of others.  This group is still going, and infusing emotional, musical and other cultural life into the city, and the lives of the boys and girls (now  young men and women, or some gray-haired ones).  In 2007 they had their 50th anniversary celebration, brining across male — and female; young — and old – musicians from across the country and across time.   We (I came, too) sang for almost 3 days straight and filled the Lyric Opera House as to both audience and stage.   

      They also had something better (more noble) to focus on than gender, and gender alone.  OR marital status. Good grief.

      Guess why I was unable to bring a daughter along?  Not in small part because of what demagogues like these were pushing through Congress, and then down through the Health and Human Services Department by way of Child Support Enforcement (or non-, as the case may be), and other programs that were set in motion while I was:  1.  working to put music back in the schools, and not for high pay; 2. as a woman, pursuing a B.Th because it was part of my faith, and still doing music, and 3.  During marriage, getting slapped around, in marriage, in front of pastors, family, employers, and others without intervention.  And thereafter, in the family law system, when I was again attempting go rebuilding the profession marriage had trashed.

      I can testify that the family law and child support systems are in bed financially with several others, and that groups that helped weaken the VAWA laws and enforcement of existing family codes in place to protect women — and children — and men from beating on them and hounding them out of work — couldn’t/wouldn’t even stick for a mother whose kids were stolen on an overnight visitation, and refused to enforce child support collections diligently either before or afterwards.  

      So I went to that 2007 50th anniversary of this group (Chicago Children’s Choir, incidentally) without my daughters, and inbetween the 6th & 7th court hearings in one year, ALL of them jumpstarted with a felony crime that no one will take responsibility for to start with:  child-stealing.  

      Had they come, they would’ve had an eye-opener culturally (my daughters have scarcely left the state they were born in, to date) and seen adults respecting their mother, been musically inspired beyond belief, and heard a choir from South Africa sing also.  (A group from here has also toured South Africa, and some of them sung for Nelson Mandela).  Why should I, because I am female, and single, be prevented from bringing my offspring in front of such wonderful opportunities?  How does this figure into the “feminazi war on fatherhood” because I protested that injustice?  One daughter is accomplished musically, and still sings in a choir.  This would’ve been a great opportunity.  What kind of mindset would make that opportunity, for a lower-income single mother (which we became primarily through the courts to start with!), impossible for some growing daughters?

      We are indeed in dark times. To me, that’s just totalitarianism.

      I’d rather SEE a sermon — or hear a concert — than hear a sermon any day.  

      I think perhaps we need as a nation to start choosing our leaders from poorer backgrounds, uniformly, and not people who come straight out of college into law school, clerkships, judgeships, and privilege.  Our current President apparently didn’t, but what about the rank and file of Congress?  I think “royalty” is highly overrated, and the Fatherhood and Healthy Marriage is about neither topic, but about dumbing down the general level of conversation to TWO identifiers only:  1.  Gender and 2.  Marital Status, both of them to be considered privileged, when neither of them is really a character indicator.

      Humanity is much more diverse, as are the issues important to debate nationally.  And neither wealth nor poverty are, of themselves, sole indicators of how well a child is going to do in life.  Let’s get out of the fields of virtual self-fulfilling prophecies, and predictions, and take a closer look at PROCESS (as in, due process) in the court systems, among other places.

    i recommend a closer look at Tom Mortenson’s blog:

    “postsecondaryoppotunity.blogspot.com.”  There are valuable lessons on it, including one on the recent omission of the “family income” category in US Census work.  One of the most stratifying institutions we have today — and one that was supposedly in place to do the opposite — is the k-12 educational system.  Because of what comes out, only wealthier communities, or those where nonprofits committed to certain causes exist, to put it back in, as they still do ( from what I recall) in Chicago.  Moreover, the monopoly has to be willing to let go some of its privilege and acknowledge failure.  ONE of the failures is also character failure.  One character builder includes competence, but it is not the only one.  Another one is service, and participation in meaningful communities.

    I think it’s also time to look at the dependence of our national economy on the public school system. Whole sectors would have to be dismantled if it were, yet it is failing students.  I say this as a former teacher and parent, supplemented by experience and reading.  Childcare cannot solve everything, and boys in particular, need their mothers when they are very young, and to not be age and grade-sorted with girls, and then stigmatized because they are different.  And children who literally DO learn differently, should be allowed to — they are among the creators and inventors, we are drilling out of the population by reducing things to a standardized test answer.  Such kids need TIME and some freedom to experiment, and permission to fail also without stigma.  Edison did, after all! And Einstein.

    That’s all for today.

    This blog is becoming unwieldy (electronically), and I recommend that readers perhaps explore some of the links, and do their own research particularly on what our government is doing with tax dollars.  There are few subsitutes for a little direction and a lot of googling, mixed with real-life experience and informal, unmonitored conversations with lots and lots of people from many walks of life.

    If life is work, church/mosque/synagogue/single community organization, school, and commute — when does this happen?

    What are we living, working, schooling, and campaigning/worhipping FOR?  The right to direct someone else’s lives, or restrict their opportunities, or living one’s own, peaceably?

    Above all, children are not property.  Of all things, parents should know this.  Too many entitities are making merchandise of them.  When parents divorce, Sometimes it’s “no-fault,” but sometimes there are legitimate faults or crimes.  At this time, one size fits all does not work, and shouldn’t be forced to at public expense in the courts any more than it does in the school system.  ANy more than an employer should be forced to keep incompetent employees affecting its bottom line and public reputation.

    As a nation, the US Government is the EMPLOYEE of the American people, as well as employing many in the exercise of its authority.  It is in too many different businesses for sure, and has forgotten who it was to be Of, By, and For.  Looking at who is greasing the wheels of Congress, and presuming to speak for an entire nation without openly consulting them on its policies, this has gotten entirely out of hand.  

    Like most bulldozers, or for that matter outsized tanks, it lacks the finesse, and substitutes force.  and works best with a free rein in a large area.

    People who work primarily as employees, paying taxes, have been bulldozed over at teh behest of private foundations running institutes at major universities driving data for federal purposes not voted on.  It is paying salaries of judges who are sometimes caught with their pants down, or taking kickbacks, and trafficking in kids too (I refer to a federal judge in Texas on sexual harassment, a NJ judge on pornography involving kids,  and two judges who sent juveniles, improperly, to detention centers, in Pennsylvania, among others).  

    I’m tired of this — as a mother, and former musician (as to employment) both practices require finesse and a degree of freedom to work right.

    As to this post, I apologize for the length and its condition (not up to “snuff”) but hope that some of its links, references, and ideas may spark something in a reader for follow up, or to reconsider some of the rhetoric in light of, perhaps education, versus the gender or ideology wars.  Maybe there is a better way!

    Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

    June 3, 2009 at 11:34 am

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