Archive for the ‘After She Speaks Up – Reporting Domestic Violence and/or Suicide Threats’ Category
(Yet another) Court-enabled infanticide on court-ordered visitation
You want to know why I call the DV Restraining order process “certifiably insane?” Whether granted, or NOT granted? Here’s why.
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Local News in Victorville, CA
Pinon Hills man plans murder of infant son, suicide on Facebook
Comments 55 | Recommend 8
February 01, 2010 11:19 PMIn a chilling letter posted on Facebook for anyone to see, Stephen Garcia, 25, of Pinon Hills appears to detail how he planned his suicide and the murder of his 9-month-old son.
…..
Thinking that it is going to help us is grasping at straws. Instead, make a safety plan.
However, this mother had a choice of possibly going to jail for contempt if she decided to disobey a court order that overrode her mother’s instincts.
“I led everyone on my side of the family to believe I wouldn’t of done this because I did not want them to know…” the letter reads. “I had been thinking about doing this for months.”
In other words, the guy was deceitful, deceiving even his own family. However, the mother of his son, who apparently knew him more “intimately” saw the danger, and tried to stop it. She tried with the usual tools that women in this position are given: Seek a restraining order.
She didn’t even GET one, because there had been no prior criminal record.. Therefore, he could not have possibly been a danger. Sure…
The post may help San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Homicide investigators piece together what led to the Sunday morning tragedy, when Garcia took his infant son during a court-ordered visitation, drove to a dirt road in Twin Peaks and ended both of their lives.
In the letter posted to his Facebook profile, Garcia claimed the deaths were an attempt to save his son from a difficult life — and to punish the baby’s mother, Katie Tagle, for refusing to come back to him.
“Our deaths are a lot for her,” the post continues. “It will have to suffice as her punishment. But that is not the reason I did it. It was the only way we could be happy without Katie. I did this out of love for our son, to protect him and myself.”
Saved letters, text messages and massive files containing e-mails and other correspondence give a glimpse into Garcia’s obsession, cursing Tagle and her family in some posts and asking her to return to him in others.
Court documents tell more of the story, with Tagle filing a request for a domestic violence restraining order on Dec. 11, 2009. On Jan. 12 that order was denied, as it was found Garcia was not a “threat to petitioner or the minor child.”
A search of his criminal record showed no history of domestic violence, battery or similar offenses in San Bernardino County. However, in one of a slew of other online letters attributed to Garcia, it states, “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for hitting you. I’m sorry I made the wrong choices.”
On Jan. 17, shortly after the final visit with Judge David Mazurek, Garcia joined a Facebook group called “Organ Donor.”
In the days leading up to the murder-suicide, Garcia posted a half-dozen videos and dozens of photos of Wyatt with cryptic captions such as, “Please, it’s not too late.”
On his MySpace page, his mood over the last week was listed as “tested,” “bummed” and “scared,” with “one more day :(” his final post.
Hours before officials got a call Saturday night that Wyatt was missing and Garcia had threatened to kill him, he made his final online post: “We love you all.”
The suicide note was posted on Garcia’s Facebook profile Sunday, about eight hours after Hesperia Sheriff’s deputies found the bodies in Garcia’s car. It appears Garcia left directions for someone to post the letter and make it public for everyone to see.
The lengthy post also reads as a will, with directions for how to distribute his possessions and personal notes to family members and friends. It also states that Garcia left a signed letter in his truck, confessing to the killings and explaining why he did them.
Though Garcia mentions using a gun, investigators have not released information on how he killed Wyatt and himself, stating only that they both died from “traumatic injuries.”
Anyone who may have information about this case is asked to call Detective Ryan Ford or Sgt. Frank Montanez at the Sheriff’s Homicide Detail at (909) 387-3589 or call WeTip at (800) 78-CRIME.Brooke Edwards and Natasha Lindstrom contributed to this report.
Beatriz E. Valenzuela may be reached at 951-6276 or at BValenzuela@VVDailyPress.com.
Here’s the SFGate Report on this:
SoCal man mentioned son’s killing on Facebook
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
(02-02) 09:04 PST HESPERIA, Calif. (AP) —
A newspaper says a San Bernardino County man who killed his 9-month-old son and himself left a Facebook message saying he did it out of love.Sheriff’s officials say 25-year-old Stephen Garcia of Pinon Hills was on a court-ordered visit with his son Sunday when he drove to a dirt road in Twin Peaks, killed the boy and committed suicide.
The Daily Press in Victorville says Garcia left a message on his Facebook profile about eight hours after his body was found. The note, apparently posted on his behalf by someone else, says Garcia had been thinking of the crime for months and wanted to punish the baby’s mother for leaving him.
Garcia says the deaths are the only way he and his son can be happy without her and says he did it out of love to protect the boy.
Information from: Daily Press, www.vvdailypress.com (the first article, above).
He did it for “love.” Some kind of love….
Here’s a fellow-blogger’s reaction.
And a site worth spending time on. . . .
See the heartbreaking MySpace page that belongs to the father and the bizzare RIP on it.
Judge J. David Mazurek needs to held accountable on this, and charged as an accomplice in this murder. This needs to happen to every judge that allows abusers to take children, and then hurt or murder them. Maybe then judges will start taking domestic violence seriously. Thanks to the father’s rights advocates and their “false allegations” drivel, they have turned America’s judges into a bunch of pussies who absolutely have no clue. Just get the child to the father….doesn’t matter if he is violent or not. It is time to stop listening to the mantra from these groups and start taking these violent guys seriously, and start putting judges in prison that don’t.
We Moms are NOT de-sensitized to this insane callousness to who lives, or who’s going to die. But if a Mom goes to jail in protest, what good is that to her children? If she doesn’t go, then the risk goes to the children. And/or her, and/or innocent bystanders, in some cases.
THIS overentitled, disillusioned, and unable to have a vital purpose in life other than punishing the mother of his child (how perverted is THAT?) was only 25. Bet he attended a public school system, possibly in this great state. Did he do college too? If so, to what point? Whether or not, there is clearly an attitude problem, a spiritual problem, and a moral problem. I don’t think the millions upon millions (literally) going to the California Healthy Marriage Coalition are going to stop troubles this entrenched. This guy was narcissistic, period. And to a point, he was a product of a system that encourages — and does not DIScourage — this. It’s a system where women have to fight uphill to get away from ground zero in their own lives.
I wonder how well we (well, people) are also reading characters before having babies. Makes you think, right?
BUT: Apparently the courts are, and clearly the judges are callous. Or, they are bound by the requirement to keep an ongoing stream of unwilling clients to their cronies. Excuse me, colleagues.
Well, no, I don’t think the judges are not clueless, and they are not pussies, I believe. They just don’t care! Why? What’s at stake if they do? . . . . An entire system.
A bribe perverts justice. I’m not accusing this particular judge of taking a bribe, but the court docket below tells clearly that they passed the buck to family court because there were custody and visitation orders. That’s how it goes.
And family court was SET UP from the start, at least per some sites (CANOW.org family law page, NAFCJ.net, and some others) to be abuser-friendly, and father-friendly (despite allegations to the contrary).
It was just business as usual. And if you want “business as usual” to change, friends, you have to change who is paying for the “business as usual,” and in the bottom line, this is the taxpayers. The Dept. of HHS in combo with some DOJ (Office of Violence Against Women) sources are conferencing together, educating together, declaring together, but the ONE thing they are NOT doing is confronting t he mandated mediation or custody evaluation where there’s conflict. And that “required outcome” model of the court process.
The judge is not going to be charged as an accomplice to murder. With luck, and persistence, he MIGHT be held accountable if this becomes a pattern. The people most highly motivated to do this are probably already victims of the court system, and are still in the process of trying to stay housed, alive, and their kids alive also.
However, what we MIGHT do for the next batch of innocent young mothers who show up thinking that family court is something you can walk into, and then also walk OUT of with a restraining order, is warn them…
HERE’s the Docket:
12/11/2009 – She requests ex parte DV restraining order.
12/15/2009 8:29 AM DEPT. M3 EX-PARTE MOTION RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – Minutes Pre-D Complete
WOW, lots of “Tagles” in this jurisdiction. This appears to be Katie Tagle in a previous relationship, or another Katie Tagle. In this one, she was charged with domestic violence.
Either way, the KNEE-JERK reaction of the court is to:
1. Consolidate with a family law (dissolution, I guess case).
2. Make a really STUPID order as to where violence has been alleged. THIS one has a daughter, “Dakota” and they are to alternate every other DAY, and — of course — go to mediation, or else.
Here: 2007 DOCKET, different couple (or at least, father)….
Action: (Choose)04/04/2007 – EX-PARTE HEARING RE:TEMPORAR…04/03/2007 – EX-PARTE HEARING RE:TEMPORAR…
EX-PARTE HEARING RE:TEMPORARY ORDERS (DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PREVENTION)REQUEST FILED BY RICARDO TAGLE JR
04/03/2007 – 8:29 AM DEPT. M2
| BERT L SWIFT PRESIDING. |
| CLERK: PEGGY JIMENEZ |
| REPORTER: GARY RAGLE |
| – |
| PLAINTIFF RICARDO TAGLE JR PRESENT |
| DEFENDANT KATIE MARIE TAGLE PRESENT |
| – |
| PROCEEDINGS: |
| DECLARATION RE: 4 HOUR NOTICE FILED. |
| WITNESS — RICARDO TAGLE JR IS SWORN AND EXAMINED. |
| WITNESS — KATIE TAGLE IS SWORN AND EXAMINED. |
| EX-PARTE HEARING IS HELD. |
| CASE CONSOLIDATED WITH CASE(S) MFL010729 MASTER FILE MFL010729 |
| – |
| {{NOTE: THis “consolidation” is where the issue of the DV gets basically lost, and is intentional. It happened to me. … This consolidation action violates due process for at least one of the parties, but is routine…}}HEARINGS: |
| CURRENT HEARING CONTINUED TO 04/04/07 AT 08:29 IN DEPARTMENT M3. |
| – |
| TEMPORARY CUSTODY ORDERS: PARTIES STIPULATE TO |
| SHARE CUSTODY OF DAKOTA TAGLE ON AN ALTERNATING |
| BASIS BEGINNING 04/01/07 EVERY OTHER DAY UNTIL |
| FURTHER ARRANGEMENTS ARE MADE. WEDNESDAYS DAKOTA |
| IS TO BE PICKED UP BY FATHER FROM DAYCARE UNTIL |
| 04/18/07. IF IT IS MOTHERS DAY FOR EXCHANGE IT |
| IS TO BE MADE AFTER MOTHER GETS OFF WORK. |
| THESE ORDERS ARE TEMPORARY UNTIL FURTHER ORDER |
| OF THE COURT. THINK: IF violence truly occurred, the Court just buried discussion of it, and made SURE that the child IS going to be in the full, unmonitored (not that I’m thinking monitoring makes a difference) custody of the abusive parent. |
| – |
| THE PARTIES ARE ORDERED TO REPORT ON 04/11/07, AT 08:00 TO FAMILY COURT SERVICES AND TO COOPERATE FULLY WITH THE FAMILY COURT SERVICES COUNSELORS DURING ALL STAGES OF THE MEDIATION/EVALUATION {{Do you GET this yet? The racket is going through mediation and evaluation and counseling. Yes, I said “racket.” See “Access/Visitation funding” which was thinly veiled way to get more fathers (although it says “noncustodial PARENTS, in practice, and even the language frequently slips into saying, FATHERS) more time with their children. I have blogged on this earlier..} |
| PROCESS. CUSTODIAL PARENT(S) SHALL MAKE CHILDREN AVAILABLE AT ALL TIMES REQUESTED BY COUNSELOR. |
| PARTIES ARE ORDERED TO ATTEND ORIENTATION ON |
| 04/09/07 AT 3PM. |
| ACTION – COMPLETE |
| === MINUTE ORDER END === |
| ==MINUTE ORDER CHANGED OR CORRECTED BY P MARTIN; CHANGES MADE ARE AS FOLLOWS: TO CHANGE TO ORIENTATION == |
It might be that she filed for divorce, and he quickly filed for DV. I don’t know without further research.
Here’s the minutes of the order, the next day. As you can see, the court called the DV “mutual combat” (Sure, right….) and ordered them to a “Strengthening Families Class.”
Here it is. We are talking, now 2 YEARS (almost) before another infant son died:
EX-PARTE HEARING RE:TEMPORARY ORDERS (DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PREVENTION)REQUEST FILED BY RICARDO TAGLE JR (==link here)
04/04/2007 – 8:29 AM DEPT. M3
| BERT L SWIFT PRESIDING. | |||||||||||||||||
| CLERK: PEGGY JIMENEZ | |||||||||||||||||
| REPORTER: GARY RAGLE | |||||||||||||||||
| – | |||||||||||||||||
| PLAINTIFF RICARDO TAGLE JR PRESENT | |||||||||||||||||
| DEFENDANT KATIE MARIE TAGLE PRESENT | |||||||||||||||||
| – | |||||||||||||||||
| PROCEEDINGS: | |||||||||||||||||
| WITNESS — RICARDO TAGLE IS SWORN AND EXAMINED. | |||||||||||||||||
| WITNESS — KATIE TAGLE IS SWORN AND EXAMINED. | |||||||||||||||||
| WITNESS — SOMMER MERCER IS SWORN AND EXAMINED. | |||||||||||||||||
| WITNESS — CARLOS TAGLE IS SWORN AND EXAMINED. | |||||||||||||||||
| WITNESS — MARIA BROWN IS SWORN AND EXAMINED. | |||||||||||||||||
| EX-PARTE HEARING IS HELD. | |||||||||||||||||
EX PARTE ORDERS GRANTED AS FOLLOWS:
|
|||||||||||||||||
| COURT FINDS MUTUAL COMBAT AND ORDERS PERSONAL | |||||||||||||||||
| CONDUCT ORDERS AGAINST EACH PARTY. | |||||||||||||||||
| THE RESTRAINED PERSON MUST NOT DO THE FOLLOWING THINGS TO THE PROTECTED PERSON OR PEOPLE: | |||||||||||||||||
| HARASS, ATTACK, STRIKE, THREATEN, ASSAULT (SEXUALLY OR OTHERWISE), HIT, FOLLOW, STALK, MOLEST, DESTROY PERSONAL PROPERTY, DISTURB THE PEACE, KEEP UNDER SURVEILLANCE, OR BLOCK MOVEMENTS. | |||||||||||||||||
| – | |||||||||||||||||
| THESE ARE NON-CLETS ORDERS. | |||||||||||||||||
| – | |||||||||||||||||
| PARTIES ARE ORDERED TO ATTEND THE STRENGTHENING | |||||||||||||||||
| FAMILIES PROGRAM AT THE NEXT START CYCLE. | |||||||||||||||||
| – | |||||||||||||||||
| HEARINGS: | |||||||||||||||||
| ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SET FOR 08:30 AT M4 IN DEPARTMENT | |||||||||||||||||
| PETITIONER TO PREPARE ORDER AFTER HEARING. | |||||||||||||||||
| ACTION – COMPLETE | |||||||||||||||||
| === MINUTE ORDER END === |
There are “Strengthening Families” programs across the nation. A search found one from San Bernadino, UTAH (not this case, obviously), but this is probably typical of how it’s organized and got started:
(see original link, above for visuals. This is, naturally, an “Evidence-based” practice. The evidence in the Tagle case, out of San Bernadino, CAL is still that something ain’t getting that job done. …. No matter, the court-ordered parenting classes continue…)
The Strengthening Families Program (SFP) is a parenting and family skills training program that consists of 14 consecutive weekly skill-building sessions. Parents and children work separately in training sessions and then participate together in a session practicing the skills they learned earlier. Two booster sessions are used at 6 months to 1 year after the primary course. Children’s skills training sessions concentrate on setting goals, dealing with stress and emotions, communication skills, responsible behavior, and how to deal with peer pressure. Topics in the parental section include setting rules, nurturing, monitoring compliance, and applying appropriate discipline.
SFP was developed and tested in 1983 with 6- to 12-year-old children of parents in substance abuse treatment. Since then, culturally modified versions and age-adapted versions (for 3- to 5-, 10- to 14-, and 13- to 17-year-olds) with new manuals have been evaluated and found effective for families with diverse backgrounds: African-American, Asian/Pacific Islander, Hispanic, American Indian, Australian, and Canadian.
| Goal / Mission | The goals of this program are to improve parenting skills and children’s behaviors and decrease conduct disorders; to improve children’s social competencies; and to improve family attachment, harmony, communication, and organization. |
| Results / Accomplishments | SFP has been evaluated at least 18 times on Federal grants and at least 150 times on State grants by independent evaluators. {{I question HOW independent…}}The original National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) study involved a true pretest, posttest, and follow-up experimental design with random assignment of families to one of four experimental groups: 1) parent training only, 2) parent training plus children’s skills training, 3) the complete SFP including the family component, and 4) no treatment besides substance abuse treatment for parents.
SFP was then culturally adapted and evaluated with five Center for Substance Abuse Prevention High-Risk Youth Program grants by independent evaluators using statistical control group designs that involved quasi-experimental, pretest, posttest, and 6-, 12-, 18-, and 24-month follow-ups. Recently, SFP was compared with a popular school-based aggression prevention program (I Can Problem Solve) and found highly effective (effect sizes = .45 to 1.38), employing a true experimental pretest–posttest, 12-month, and 24-month follow-up design in two Utah school districts. A NIDA four-group randomized clinical trial with about 800 primarily African-American families in the Washington, DC, area also found good results. |
| Categories | Social Environment / Family Structure Social Environment / Children’s Social Environment |
WHICH (to me) JUST GOES TO PROVE, THERE’S NO “FREE” LUNCH. YOU GO TO A NONPROFIT (POSSIBLY FUNDED B Y THE US GOV’T OR A STATE, OR BOTH) OR THE GOV’T (VIA AN AGENCY) FOR HELP — OR FOR THAT MATTER, ENROLL A CHILD IN A PUBLIC SCHOOL FOR EDUCATION– AND YOUR CHILDREN, AND PROBABLY YOU, will, (read my lips), will BE “AT RISK” of becoming the subject of a demonstration, or randomized trial of some behavioral management theory.
in this case, Ms. Tagle went to a judge seeking protection for her (new) infant son, and lost. Again, I do not know that this is the same Tagle. Possibly, possibly not. Different man, though. Last names not changed. Was this a rebound relationship?
Oh yes, the 2009 docket, in reverse chronologic order. No dissolution in this one:
- Case FAMMS900840 – KATIE TAGLE -N- STEPHEN GARCIA
Viewed Date Action Text Disposition Image
01/26/2010 FEE PAYMENT Not Applicable
01/26/2010 FEE PAYMENT Not Applicable
01/12/2010 9:00 AM DEPT. M3 OSC RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FILED BY KATIE TAGLE – Minutes Pre-D Complete
01/11/2010 ANDREW H. LUND IS REMOVED AS ATTORNEY FOR STEPHEN GARCIA, AND PRO/PER IS ADDED AS ATTORNEY OF RECORD. Not Applicable
01/08/2010 PROOF OF SERVICE OF SUPP DECL BY KATIE TAGLE BY MAIL ON 01/07/10 AS TO ATTORNEY ANDREW LUND, FILED. Not Applicable
01/08/2010 DECLARATION OF KATIE M TAGLE FILED Not Applicable
01/05/2010 PROOF OF SERVICE OF ANSWER TO TRO/IE BY MAIL ON 01/05/10 AS TO KATIE TAGLE, FILED. Not Applicable
01/05/2010 INCOME AND EXPENSE DECLARATION FILED BY STEPHEN GARCIA Not Applicable
01/05/2010 ANSWER TO TEMPORARY RESTRAINING ORDER FILED BY STEPHEN GARCIA, PARTY REPRESENTED BY ANDREW H. LUND. Not Applicable
12/15/2009 8:29 AM DEPT. M3 EX-PARTE MOTION RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE – Minutes Pre-D Complete
12/11/2009 CERTIFICATE OF ASSIGNMENT RECEIVED. Not Applicable
12/11/2009 EX PARTE RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FILED BY KATIE TAGLE
12/11/2009 REQUEST FOR ORDER DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PREVENTION Not Applicable
12/11/2009 REQUEST AND PARTY INFORMATION ENTERED.(DV) Not Applicable
Case FAMMS900840 – KATIE TAGLE -N- STEPHEN GARCIA
Action: (Choose)02/01/2010 – ORDER FOR TRANSCRIPT02/01/2010 – ORDER FOR TRANSCRIPT01/26/2010 – FEE PAYMENT01/26/2010 – FEE PAYMENT01/12/2010 – OSC RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FI…12/15/2009 – EX-PARTE MOTION RE: DOMESTIC…
EX-PARTE MOTION RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
12/15/2009 – 8:29 AM DEPT. M3
DEBRA HARRIS PRESIDING. CLERK: KIMBERLEY HATCH COURT REPORTER GARY RAGLE GARY RAGLE – PETITIONER KATIE TAGLE PRESENT RESPONDENT STEPHEN GARCIA PRESENT SPECIAL APPEARANCE BY LORI SMITH FOR ANDREW EUND FOR RESPONDENT. – PROCEEDINGS: OSC/MOTION HELD. BOTH PARTIES ARE SWORN AND EXAMINED. DECLARATION REGARDING EXPARTE NOTICE FILED. EX-PARTE HEARING IS HELD. EX PARTE ORDERS DENIED. – HEARINGS: OSC RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FILED BY KATIE TAGLE IS SET FOR 01/12/10AT 09:00 IN DEPARTMENT M3. ACTION – COMPLETE === MINUTE ORDER END ===
For those unfamiliar with the process, let me narrate:
- She asks for ex parte protection (12/11/09) which starts a process, and gives the respondent time to go get an attorney, which he does. The request for protection stands, it’s just not ex parte — a requirement which is for safety purposes, because of potential for retaliation.
- 12/15/09 the OSC for EX PARTE (immediate, without telling the other party) protection is apparently denied and the request for protection is continued to 01/11/10. NOTE: Christmas seasons, holiday seasons, can be very dangerous for the parties when there’s been a breakup; as it highlights “family” and a family is breaking apart…
- On 01/05/10 the man, who by now has an attorney (WONDER WHO PAID FOR HIM… ACCESS / Vistation FUNDING?), Mr. Lund, and files an answer.
- The parties exchange income and expense reports (if family law is going to make some money off this, it’s important to know which side has the money…. If not, they’ll be sent quickly through mediation, not evaluations….).
- On 01/07-08/10 the woman files and serves (by mail) a supplemental declaration to the man’s attorney, properly (Proof of service).
- On 01/11/10, the man’s attorney QUITS. (not enough money in it for him? Or, the case has already been, basically, decided).
- On 01/12/10, the OCS for a normal domestic violence protection order occurs, as follows:
OSC RE: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FILED BY KATIE TAGLE
01/12/2010 – 9:00 AM DEPT. M3
| J. DAVID MAZUREK PRESIDING. |
| CLERK: KIMBERLEY HATCH |
| COURT REPORTER JENNIFER BARNAKIAN POLAND JENNIFER BARNAKIAN POLAND |
| – |
| PETITIONER KATIE TAGLE PRESENT |
| RESPONDENT STEPHEN GARCIA PRESENT |
| – |
| PROCEEDINGS: |
| OSC/MOTION HELD. |
| BOTH PARTIES ARE SWORN AND EXAMINED. |
| COURT FINDS THERE IS A PENDING PROCEEDING IN |
| THE VICTORVILLE COURT THAT IS SUBJECT TO CUSTODY |
| AND VISITATION ORDERS. |
| – |
| COURT FINDS THERE IS NOT THREAT TO PETITIONER |
| OR THE MINOR CHILD. |
| THE OSC IS DENIED. |
| – |
| ORAL MOTION FOR ATTORNEY FEES BY RESPONDENT IS |
| DENIED. |
| – |
| BOTH PARTIES ARE REMINDED BY THE COURT OF THEIR |
| FAMILY COURT SERVICES APPOINTMENT FOR THEIR |
| VICTORVILLE CASE. |
| COMPLAINT STAGE AT DISPOSITION – OTHER DISMISSAL BEFORE HEARING (FL) |
| DISPOSITION OTHER DISMISSAL BEFORE HEARING (FL) |
| COURT ORDERS ENTIRE ACTION DISMISSED WITHOUT PREJUDICE. REASON: REQUEST DENIED.. |
| ACTION – COMPLETE |
| === MINUTE ORDER END === |
- This (civil, I presume) venue tosses the ball back to the FAMILY law venue, and reminds them to be good little girls and boys, and go to Family Court Services.
- 01/26/2010 (LAST week, folks), something regarding fees is filed.
- 01/30/2010 — Father kills son on court-ordered visitation, and then himself. (NOT ON DOCKET).
- 01/31/2010 — Sheriff’s Dept. reports to press (see top of post):
01-31, 18:38 PST HESPERIA, Calif. (AP) —
Authorities in San Bernardino County say a 25-year-old father and his 9-month-old son have died in what investigators believe is a murder-suicide. A sheriff’s news release says deputies found Stephen Garcia and son Wyatt Garcia dead in a vehicle on a rural dirt road in the Twin Peaks area early Sunday.
The release says the Hesperia Sheriff’s Station had received a report Saturday night that Garcia took his son during a court-ordered visitation and threatened to kill the child and himself. The department did not say how the pair died, only that they “sustained traumatic injuries.” The county coroner will conduct an autopsy on both father and son this week.
Stephen Garcia was from the Pinon (pin-YONE) Hills area and his son was from Yucca Valley.
- 02/01/2010 Someone requests a Court Transcript.
I had not meant to spend so long on this case, After all, EVERY WEEK, even in my own Golden State, it seems someone ground up by this system, dies. If not a child also. I can’t keep up.
But it does illustrate the futility of (I think– make your own decision, and this is NOT legal advice) seeking a civil restraining order, versus criminal, versus, better yet, some kind of safety plan. Then again, for women with kids leaving abuse in the family law, there does not appear to be any safety. Congressmen (Danny Davis was active in a case) will help fathers haul kids back from overseas (China, Brazil, come to mind recently), but good luck getting yours back from your own state, or a next door state.
And again, a word to the wse — not that it’s an excuse — but cool it on the rebound relationships, if this was one.
AND — whoever posted on Facebook, and whoever SAW what was posted on facebook (i.e., a cry to have his threats taken seriously, as they should’ve been), YOU are responsible if you knew this couple, and did nothing. Sorry, but you are.
AND all of us need to get on the stick about this family law system. The AFCC and all their experts that PROFIT from these situations leading to, basically, more deaths, is convening in February — this month. Do research, people! It’s not rocket science, just an investment of time!
I think that if marriage, and relationships are continuing to be this dangerous to have, and leave, it is a testament to the strength of testosterone (and other hormones) that people continue to engage in sex, let alone ongoing relationships. Good grief!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A task force or a committee is not going to stop this stuff. A good audit, ongoing, by someone with courage (and other source of income) MIGHT make a dent….
Wish I had time to say more, but I don’t.
A man shot a woman in the head (another day, another “dispute,” another death)
- Man, woman found shot to death in murder-suicide in Oakland …
A man and a woman were found shot to death in an apparent murder suicide inside a house at 6168 Mauritania Ave. near Mills College this morning
-
Jan 23, 2010 … Man informed relatives, friends of intended murder-suicide … Oakland
Marlon King, 45, told his acquaintances that he was going to kill himself and the woman, said Officer Jeff Thomason, a police spokesman.
On Friday afternoon, a resident on the 2500 block of 67th Avenue in East Oakland, near the Eastmont Mall, got a text message from a neighbor in a nearby house that “a suicide was imminent” there, Thomason said.
Upon arriving at the house at 2:49 p.m., officers found King critically wounded and a 46-year-old woman dead. The Alameda County coroner identified her as Aprile Moore of Oakland.
Thomason said he did not have specifics on whether King was unemployed.
Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/01/23/BAE11BML80.DTL#ixzz0dTeS8RKY
> > >
- Man informed relatives, friends of intended murder-suicide
By Harry Harris
Oakland Tribune
Posted: 01/23/2010 09:23:24 AM PST
Updated: 01/23/2010 09:33:21 AM PST
OAKLAND — A man who fatally shot his girlfriend Friday afternoon then wounded himself was upset over losing his job earlier in the day and had called and texted friends and relatives about his intended actions, police said Saturday.
Police identified the dead woman as Aprile Moore, 46. In critical condition Saturday morning with a gunshot to the head was Marlon King, 45, who police said had been involved in a relationship with Moore at least three years.
{{WHY does this not read, “about three years” or “only three years”? That’s a very short time to already have a domestic violence record with calls to police…}}Police said they were told King was separated from his wife.
{{Was the fact that he was violent towards his new girlfriend a “casual” or a “causal” factor in why he separated? Does losing his wife give him the right to assault a new romance? Did she get tired of his abuse, so he moved on? We don’t know, do we…. Were there kids??}}
The shootings happened about 2:29 p.m. Friday at a house where King and Moore lived at in the 2500 block of 67th Avenue.
Sgt. Mike Gantt said King was depressed about losing his warehouse job at a Hayward company earlier Friday. It was not confirmed if he was fired or laid off.
{{Lose a job, shoot a woman??}}
Gantt said King had called and texted relatives and friends that he was planning to kill himself and possibly harm others.
{{So much for “relatives and friends,” including their ability to prevent DV homicide, know how to save a woman, convince her to flee, or what not. It sounds to me like women have to get smarter somehow, and more discriminating about their men..}}But before police were summoned to the house Gantt said King fatally shot Moore in a bedroom before turning the gun on himself. Moore was pronounced dead at the scene.
{{Police cannot be everywhere, and it should be understood that they can’t always get somewhere in time.}}
Police also said the Moore and King had a history of domestic problems and that officers had been at the house several times in the past.\
=======
My Commentary:
**According to this account, Moore appears to have been a girlfriend he moved in with (or vice versa) in the process of leaving a former wife. I wonder why his last wife was a “former” wife. … His new, non-marital relationship had “domestic problems” *** 2nd (ff). WOMEN, WAKE UP!!
{{I can’t speak for 2010, but I can speak for the 1990s. Officers didn’t give me domestic violence literature, recommend I press charges, tell me I had anyRIGHT to press charges, or offer to take the man who’d just been assaulting me out of the house. Therefore, the assaults continued until I struggled my way to a nonprofit (I think) agency that told me how to file a CIVIL restraining order with kickout, which was not respected in court. We were then funneled right to mediation, and the local friendly mediator promptly — VERY promptly — virtually undid said restraining order. . . . PERHAPS there was a better route to safety for all of us? Yet no pastor, friend, or relative was any smarter in the 1990s than they appear to be still, locally, in the 2000s.
I guess women are just going to have to develop some smarts themselves, including being a LOT more careful about a man that has an ex-wife… Sorry guys, but it makes sense to me… Perhaps they are just using you for (whatever is involved in a relationship}}
MORE on this incident:
OAKLAND, Calif. — An Oakland man who allegedly shot and killed a woman before turning the gun on himself is in critical condition Friday night, a police spokesman said.
Oakland police went to a home in the 2500 block of 67th Avenue at about 2:50 p.m. to conduct a welfare check after being called by a concerned neighbor, Oakland police spokesman Jeff Thomason said. The neighbor had received a text message from one of the home’s occupants, saying a “suicide was imminent,” Thomason said.
{{a man of his word, at least…}}
Officers found Marlon King, 45, and a 46-year-old woman both suffering gunshot wounds in a bedroom. The woman was pronounced dead at the scene and King was listed in critical condition at a local hospital, Thomason said.
Homicide investigators believed King shot and killed the woman before turning the gun on himself, according to Thomason, who said King had been depressed about his employment status. King had allegedly notified friends and family of his intentions to take his own life as well as that of the female victim, Thomason said.
He did not immediately release the relationship between King and the victim.
Anyone with information regarding the case was encouraged to call Oakland police homicide detectives at (510) 238-3821.
AND NOW YOU SEE WHY PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS STUFF. IN SEARCHING FOR THE FOLLOW-UP, NATURALLY, I GOOGLED SOME KEY TERMS FROM THE PRINT EDITION. AND GOT THE SAME STORY, NATIONWIDE, AS WE HAVE BEEN GETTING FOR A VERY LONG TIME:
{{note: I am not going to take valuable internet time to straighten out these links: a similar google on your part might call up similar results).
yet more of the same thing:
TORONTO, ATLANTA, PHILADELPHIA, OAKLAND, OKLAHOMA (Geary, OK) . . . . Can you keep track?
Woman dead, man in hospital after apparent murder/suicide attempt …
A woman is dead and a man is in a Toronto hospital after an apparent murder, then a suicide attempt yesterday afternoon. No names have been.
www.midlandfreepress.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e… – 3 hours ago – Cached
Man, woman dead in murder-suicide | ajc.com
Jan 4, 2010 … Two people are dead after an apparent murder-suicide Sunday night in southwest Atlanta. The incident began about 9:30 p.
www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/man-woman-dead-in-266343.html – Cached
KYW Newsradio 1060 Philadelphia – Woman Hospitalized After …
Jan 23, 2010 … Woman Hospitalized After Domestic Murder-Suicide Attempt. by KYW’s Al Novack. One person is dead and a second person is clinging to life …
www.kyw1060.com/…Woman…Murder-Suicide…/6180532 – 7 hours ago – Cached
Geary man dead, wife wounded in murder-suicide attempt | NewsOK.com
Jan 18, 2010 … GEARY — A Geary woman is in the hospital and her husband is dead in what investigators are calling a murder-suicide attempt.
newsok.com/geary…dead…murder-suicide-attempt/…/3432906?… – Cached
Man and Woman Dead From Murder-Suicide at 7-11
Identified Created by Kimberlee Sakamoto on 1/4/2010 7:26:00 AM …
Have Justice Will Travel — Rural Vermont DV help
I heard of this woman on PBS a long time ago. She is an Ashoka Fellow, doesn’t make a lot of money, and helps women stuck in rural areas, probably saving lives. . . . . . This was NOT a governmental program, not initiated by a federal grant, or managed by those whose prime business is getting such grants and attending lots of conferences. it’s a hands-on type of help.
I googled “Domestic Violence” on the Ashoka site, and will look further. Initially, it seems (as ever) people are much more aware of “what works” when they go outside the continental US than when they look inside. However, judge for yourself!
(1)
from the ASHOKA Social Entrepreneurs site
Wynona Ward

| Country: | United States |
| Region: | North America |
| Field Of Work: | Human Rights |
| Subsectors: | Criminal Justice, Violence and Abuse |
| Target Populations: | Families, Law Enforcement, Women |
| Organization: | Have Justice – Will Travel |
| Year Elected: | 2000 |
Related Links
- Wynona Ward
- Criminal Justice
- Families
- Human Rights
- Law Enforcement
- North America
- Violence and Abuse
- Women
–>
The New Idea
Recognizing that victims of domestic violence in rural areas are not only isolated, but also have to seek assistance from a number of disparate agencies, Wynona launched Have Justice-Will Travel (HJWT) to address this two-fold problem. Raised at the end of a dirt road in rural Vermont, Wynona understands that women in rural areas, particularly battered women, often do not have a phone or transportation necessary to get help. They also find it difficult to trust a wide group of legal and social service providers. Instead of asking women to seek services in distant towns, Wynona brings services to their doorstep. She helps them understand the root causes of abuse and to leave their abuser by achieving economic independence and emotional self-sufficiency. From an initial interview to free legal representation to follow-up services, Wynona’s program offers it all.
The Problem
Results from the first comprehensive national health survey of American women conducted by the Commonwealth Fund in 1993, report that in the United States, more than four million women are abused each year. Children at home and others in the locality are also affected by this violence. The 1995 Gallup Poll of family violence reports that between 1.5 million to 3.3 million children witness parental violence every year. Seeing, hearing, and experiencing the abuse traumatizes most children for life. It results in a cycle of generational abuse, as children who have been victims and witnesses are more prone to becoming violent adults.When women look for assistance, they find a fragmented mosaic of services. Victim advocacy organizations run twenty-four-hour hotlines, give referrals to social services, teach safety planning, and provide emergency shelter. Legal advice and representation must be sought from other quarters. Social Service agencies counsel, support, and help women to be financially independent. Unfortunately, many are unable to navigate this complex network.
In rural areas, other obstacles such as inadequate public transportation, few law enforcers, and lack of privacy in tight-knit communities can seriously hinder access to legal recourse and other support. Moreover, while public awareness about violence against women has increased considerably in recent years, it has been limited to urban areas. As a result, while there is little variation in the extent to which urban, suburban, and rural women experience violence, the primary beneficiaries of research and improved services have been in urban areas.
The Strategy
The third component is free legal representation. Rural Vermont has few attorneys who address domestic violence. Wynona’s on-the-road legal services include client and witness interviews, taking affidavits, pretrial motions, filing for divorce and child support, motions to modify parental rights and responsibilities, custody and visitation, and motions to extend relief from abuse orders.
Understanding that simply ensuring safety is not enough to end the generational cycle of abuse, Wynona is helping women to become self-sufficient and thus raise their self-esteem. The final two components of HJWT programs work toward this end. These programs enable the victim and her children to achieve social, economic, and psychological independence. The first is a skills development and mentor support group for women and mothers. Led by former victims,…
{GOT THAT?? “Led by former victims..”}
this group educates women on the cycle of abuse, the effect of domestic violence on children, generational abuse, and theories of power and control. It also covers practical training such as money management, budgeting, and job skills.
The last component is a supervised visitation program, The Kids Place, which manages supervised visits at home and off-site, parent education, age appropriate children’s classes on domestic violence, and counseling and support groups for victims and their children.
{{And right about there is where I’m sorry I posted this. However, it’s better than not helping the women. . . . . Again, no damn abuser should have access to kids, PERIOD, and no outsider should have to pay for him (or if a her, her) to do so. Plus,this whole system — which I imagine Wynona hasn’t stopped helping women long enough to realize – – of supervised visitation come from a different paradigm, and is in essence refusing to let them get free. The tool can be turned against the women in a flash, also… and is….}}
Wynona piloted her program in rural Vermont and is currently working in three counties. The majority of her clients are referred by victim advocacy toll-free telephone hotlines located in laundry mats, grocery stores, doctor and dentist offices, and schools.
The courts and police also make referrals. In 1999 alone, Wynona served thirty-eight clients between the ages of twenty-one and fifty-eight. National statistics suggest that it takes an average of seven times for a woman to leave before she makes the final break from her abuser. Wynona’s high success rate speaks for itself–95 percent of her thirty-eight clients have left their abusers.
For more of her story, see next post…
Wynona plans to spread her idea by creating an HJWT Institute overseen by a national advisory board. The goal of the Institute will be to teach others across America how to incorporate cultural, psychological, geographical, and economic considerations with legal services for victims of family violence to bring an end to the generational cycle of abuse in rural areas. Using the HJWT mobile model, the Institute will work with partner organizations to train lawyers and advocates using a training curriculum Wynona is developing. Wynona intends to partner with Legal Aid, Legal Service Corps, law schools, and victim advocacy organizations. Her 2001 expansion plans include Maine, New York, Arizona, and Wisconsin.
The Person
“When I’ve think of how far I’ve come from an abused home, I think: Wow! Look how far you’ve come. Then I think: Wow, lady, you have a lot more to do!'”Born in West Fairlee, Vermont, Wynona was one of five children. Wynona’s father sexually abused his daughters and other village children. At an early age she was “given the role of oldest child.” As a result, while she watched her father abuse her mother, Wynona was only abused once “when he was drunk and mad at everybody else in the house.”
After graduating from high school, Wynona worked as a secretary at Dartmouth College and then for a high-tech firm. She attended Boston University for two years, but quit for financial and personal reasons. In 1980, Wynona and her husband started a trucking business and she spent fifteen years as a long-haul trucker. Wynona drove during the day, with the CB radio handle “Daybreak,” and her husband drove nights as “Black Cat.”
In 1986, the family discovered that Wynona’s father had abused a three year old niece. This event forced Wynona and her sisters to confront the family’s history of abuse. They prosecuted their father. He spent a few days in jail but the case was dropped, as it was difficult to have a three year old as a witness. In 1992, the same niece revealed in counseling that Wynona’s forty-two year old brother had also abused her. Once again, Wynona led the effort to prosecute her sibling. This family crisis and the role she played as a “volunteer victim advocate” convinced Wynona that she had to complete college so that she could help other abused women and children.
In 1993, Wynona completed her undergraduate degree from the “back of the cab,” earning a degree from a Vermont College adult education program. In 1995, she entered Vermont Law School. While in law school, she worked at the South Royalton Clinic on domestic violence cases. It was here that the HJWT was born. “I realized that these women needed transportation, in-home consultations, and legal representation.” Wynona drew on three experiences: a survivor of domestic violence, fifteen years working as a long-haul trucker, and legal training to develop Have Justice Will Travel. Wynona is a role model for women who want to break free of abusive relationships as she has been there and survived.
(2) more info:
from AnneCarolineDrake.com\
“Bravo Wynona Ward, 2010 CNN hero”
(best viewed on original site — more active hyperlinks….)
When these women get away from the abuse, they just bloom. They become assured, confident, and want to help other people.
I think about my mom sitting at our kitchen table, trying to figure out how to make the last 10 cents last to feed us all.
You do not have to be a submissive wife. And you do not have to put up with having someone beat you. We can help you. We can help you to get out.
Let the Blog-roll… My picks, and comments
To tell the truth (per my handle, “Let’s Get Honest”), I’ve got something stewing under my collar. And it’s this. I didn’t bring children into this world and remove them from an abusive situation just to have them and it stuffed back into the situation, myself excommunicated for actually speaking up, and the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, So Long as We’re Not Caught” policy I just don’t think is appropriate for the topics involved in our particular family line, including: domestic violence, incest, suicide, mental illness, substance abuse (by my father, who grew up witnessing violence in HIS home), stalking, and in general shred the evidence, point the finger, and let society pick up the tab.
Ain’t that how the cycle is perpetuated?
Sentiments of the Seasons….
I can remember seasons of Christmas (day after tomorrow, my hemisphere), from childhood (glitter, music, lights), from the abusive family (sometimes sullen and nothing — literally NOTHING was allowed to happen). One year, explosive [assault & battery, I was pregnant, toddler witnessing and affected by it, reacting], I cannot forget THAT incident, which I reported to a relative, who gave a single expression of indignation, and went right back into enabling/don’t ask, don’t tell mode. To this day…
Less than a month later, a more dramatic repeat of nearly the identical incident, after which I told a doctor, a pastor (OUR pastor), and my mother. Similar reaction. A pattern was established of non-intervention, and the circus was afoot.
And inbetween the insane, and steadily increasing control, the job sabotage, the transportation sabotage, the shutting down of access to finances, and trying to keep me at home and on my knees, cleaning, and if I got it clean, more stuff was dumped out, lest I GET out. Sometimes it was dumped, and he’d grab the kids for some fun times. Dysfunctional households, major functions not working, and I couldn’t fix this. Increasing animal abuse, and when I tried to intervene, was myself threatened. Kids witnessing this. I kept them, and best I could us, out, and busy with more healthy activities, with strangers who were nicer than family, with classmates, with classes. Their stuff got sabotaged too, at times. I had to sneak, sometimes my education, their education, and bargain, negotiate, and figure it out.
Every possible work scenario: employed FT office, PT from home office, unemployed stay at home Mom, business from home Mom, and no matter what I did, practically, it seemed to even out, we still had to beg for necessities more often than needed. It wasn’t a family together holding it together, it was not a sharing situation, it was a dominance situation. He didn’t lack clothes, transportation, electronics, or freedom to get out unpredictably. I was to conform to this thing I wasn’t, or else…
Years went by, and holidays. I remember 2 days before one, we had to flee the home with a barefoot child from a well-set peaceful dinner. His rage was that I had actually visited a pastor for help (I was still dumb enough to thing that pastors might help with this criminal matter and had not yet picked up on my legal rights to ask for an arrest to STOP it!) (and the pastors, on their part, were dumb enough to counsel us both together, meaning, it wasn’t exactly safe for me to speak openly…). He was furious that I’d done this without him being there to, I guess, “interpret” and do damage control on the truth.
Luckily this time, I actually had a car. In the dark, right before Christmas (and not having received any funds to buy them anything) The youngsters and I deliberated (in the dark), do I head for a relative (the same one who did nothing earlier), or Christian friends in a nearby city (who to date hadn’t done anything so far either, though they knew about his physical and economic in particular abuse towards me, which the little ones witnessed growing up). They didn’t ask questions when we just “appeared” at the door while they ate dinner. We stayed overnight.
One of the dumbest things I ever did was to return home the next day, even though I called first and asked whether he could, according to his stated faith, promise to stop threatening us. I even quoted the Bible verse that said “forbearing threatening.” The answer, basically, along the lines of “the devil made me do it, and [ in short, no…] Did I have somewhere else reasonable to go? NO. So guess where I went. Back. Big mistake, I guess.
We were great at doing holidays in front of others and pretending to be happy family (or else, I learned my lessons years earlier for failing to perform up to snuff, making him uncomfortable, resulting in a physical drubbing I shall never forget, and probably (let’s hope) the children blanked out, as one of them was not yet born, but inside at the time.
Like a ripple in the pond, I had to keep splashing about for years, until finally one of my ripples picked up a responding resonance from a “family violence law center” which helped me out, and then sold us out, almost straight out of the gate. Nevertheless, (him) OUT was still OUT, and a definite improvement.
After that TRO, with the energy unleashed, and a woman intent on getting her house in order, now that the chaos-creator was temporarily disabled (i.e., OUT), I most certainly had hope, and stamina and resolve, and within 3 short years (if ONLY the restraining orders had been even a single year longer, we would literally have made it!), we were just about off anyone’s dole, including child support.
In order to become solvent, I had to increase income and reduce expenses.
Alas, doing this meant disobeying an order (I later found out it was an order, not a suggestion) by another nearby male, no kids’ father, and who had not intervened at all (though informed of the violence, and asked for help) for years. Suddenly he became an expert, and I became a needy child (rather than the blossoming woman and mother I was at that time, and further energized by the ability to practice the profession I was trained in, which had been almost shut down by that abuse, and for a long time, too….). When I informed him and his wife that
~~he had no jurisdiction in this divorce/custody issue; it was between the father and me, not the whole “clan,”
~~a restraining order was on, and please stop sending messages from my ex via you to me, that’s breaking it…
~~In case you’re not watching, I have things to do, i.e., a business to rebuild (like, WORK?), and in essence….
~~thanks, but no thanks, and if you wish to learn more about the thing you just proclaimed yourself expert on (talk about self-anointed!), here’s where you can find out. I’m BUSY…. ”
I had learned, now, not to take years before deducing whether this person was willing to listen, or interested in interrogating me without witnesses, and I didn’t waste much time in making an assessment. Not much time to lose, eh?
Nor did he (not my ex, but his new “buddy” on my side of the family) lose much time in building some momentum from the anti-single-Mom, don’t let them get loose side of the family, and I experienced a new phenonenon — not just tolerance and silence, but actual flip-flopping betrayal, followed by serious aggression. It was a win-win situation for them. They got to be heroes, and nobody was accountable for either domestic violence, or having enabled it, or missed it. They had a common cause enemy — derailing the conversation, and, me if I protested said derailment.
Sensing true male support in his “let’s dominate a woman” cause (sort of like the church had given during the marriage), my ex picked up some steam himself, meaning, I had to face both of them as a single mother. Nevertheless, Dad at least paid child support steadily; apparently he understood this was an obligation. Myself, I tried to mind my own business, get along, and was in general still in “good girl” mode, but this time with more boundaries.
Until we went into family court. Reviewing how this happened, I realized (too late) that the manner, which I hear from respectable authority locally, is common practice — that TOO violated due process. He was informed in advance, an ex parte decision was made by a judge to consolidate actions, and it was sprung on me in court when I went to renew the order. THIS was the beginning of the degradation of:
my relationship with the children, as they watched me both prosper, rebuild, and be respected among colleagues and their friends’ parents (many of who were professionals in this, or that field), and themselves began to blossom as people, wh le still seeing Dad regularly….
~~due process in any subsequent court hearings
~~any sense of predictability and order in our lives, as court orders began to have less and less meaning, of any sort, and
~~first thing to go — of income, and (which family court EXISTS for, folks!)
~~tipping the power balance back towards the (abusive, in this case) father.
Soon enough he picked up ANOTHER woman, this time to live with, drive her car, help with aggressions towards me, and apparently (?) pay h is bills, meaning he could afford to not work: translation: CHild support arrears began to mount, and Dad became more and more troublesome during the week, as well as weekends. Restraining order got stripped off the last round of hearings. I tried for another. This time it was girlfriend, father, and MY ( female) relative on one side of the courtroom, and me, alone, striving to protect what was left of my work life, on the other, as well as the kids’ educational alternatives (which had been a target). I lost. I was sent to debate with his lawyer, him and myself OUT of the courtroom, and for hours, I tried (alone) to stick up for my rights in front of a man who’d asssaulted me. No one — at all — was with me. As good an arrangement as I thought I had (definitely better than nothing), it was inadequate protection.
One more year of more nightmare exchanges — weekly, any week, any holiday, and during the middle of the week (remember? no restraining order in effect, although exchanges no longer happened at my home) — could be, and many were, incidents. I gained and lost a prime music job, a car, and ground. The speed of job losses was beginning to frighten me. Oh yes, and he’d learned a new trick — sporadic child support payments. My credit had already been ruined, and this hurt us, for sure. If only, I thought, I could get some LEGAL help and get either (A) protection so I myself could work without job loss, or (B) child support enforcement, so he would work, and therefore have less time to harass me while I was working. (I was self-employed professional in the arts at the time, working with kids, and had to show up with my emotions intact and usable, and LEAD things. This is dang hard to do when safety, whereabouts of one’s own kids, and trepidation at whether or not right before or right after a job is going to escalate. I burned up the cell phone bill calling crisis lines, stayed on the internet searching for help, got validation of what was right, but no means to do anything about it (Hence, “I don’t CARE “WHY Does He DO that?” I care how to make it stop!) and so forth. My kids managed, somehow…
I learned where help wasn’t. This is helpful, for not going there with hat in hand NEXT time round. I survived by talking to people. I was found at times crying in the parking lot right after an exchange. We went from police incident to job, or job to police incident. The same family members that enabled in the last decade did worse, this decade — they SHOWED my kids now to “Say nothing, Do nothing,” and exploited the increasing PTSD for increased bonding with themselves. I was aware of this and spoke to it; it seemed to be something of an operational plan. Cause an incident, grab the kids, take them to the relatives, they bonded while I was in shock, rather than actually having a respite from the other parent over a weekend, or a week. ….
When I asked for them to support court order enforcement, as I was attempting to do, I was met with increasing anger and indignation. Expect the father to work, like I was? To behave, like I was? WHo the hell did I think I was? A citizen or something?
I began going after the child support also, when that became a thing. I did printouts, mailed my relatives (mistake, but i was still learning), and even attempted to tell a 911 policeman I’d called to the scene for his refusing to leave MY home (and there was only one exit from the place, and I had no car) on a non-pickup day. I showed the nonstop calling, described it, and told the fellow (in this nice suburban town) that we had a history of violence, and I was attempting to say no to arbitrary orders on his part, no reason given (particularly in light of increasing child support arrears) and restrict us to the actual wording of this court order.
No deal. The police officer let him violate, and the race was off. Oh what a season THAT was! That’s what led me to try for a 2nd restraining order. Jobs I got to replace jobs were being affected. Add a new responsibility: It became clear I was going to have to locate a domestic-violence-proof profession, and I was serious about this, and went in a certain direction.
Now, eventually, as I’ve probably narrated ad nauseam herein, this escalated suddenly on an overnight visitation when I’d just moved — again– into another very promising housing and work situation, nearby, great schooling, great opportunities, and income (mine at least) in progress. His actual residence, something up in the air, although my attempts to smoke it out, supported by court order, were NOT supported by him, his girlfriend, my relatives, or even police I asked to enforce THAT aspect of the order,showing it to them. No deal. My kids, naturally, were absorbing this, and every now and then one of them would give me some very pungent analysis of the situation. She knew they (plural) felt they needed another “win.”
I continued to tell, in writing at times, the people NOT on the court order that they were NOT on the court order, and please let the Mom (me) and the Dad (him) work this out like adults; you are supposedly also adults, and don’t you have a life, somewhere? I do — where’s yours? Go get a foster child, there are needy kids. Go get a life purpose, don’t you have another one somewhere? I said, in writing (and when we had to talk, over the phone), if you love (my daughters) as you are shouting from the housetops (and on court paperwork, to which they now began adding), how about demonstrating it in this manner: help their Dad find a job & work. Like I am — see? Encourage him to obey the court order — like I am.
No deal. That wasn’t on the agenda.
AND so yes, another Christmas, after my kids were kidnapped, essentially, Dad dumped out on the street by woman #2, who still won’t fork them over, and what else is new in lala land, no one even in the court OR law enforcement system appears interested in enforcing, or helping me to, any order. Should I try for another CERTIFIABLY INSANE RESTRAINING ORDER (or anti-stalking) for what I would consider, currently to be these CERTIFIABLY INSANE policies being pursued, zealously, by this certifiably dysfunctional family line (mine, I mean)…??? Wow, that sounds like a “great” idea. … Someone else would have to blog any resulting statistics, as I’d be less likely to survive this round. It IS escalating, and there are only so many more places one can escalate to, at this point…
So, yeah, that’s in my mind today (obviously). I do not share the “let’s not have conflict” and “let’s not talk about it” mentality.
Jesus Christ had a lot of conflict in his life, and ministry, surrounding his birth, and death. And we human parents aren’t supposed to?
Should we just go along with the crowd, like too many did until finally someone raised a ruckus, as happened in Richmond?
Is it a family value to shut up under criminal behavior? Or else? No, I have daughters. I wish them to know WHAT”s right and speak up in the face of what’s wrong, if they can do so safely. And I want a society where they CAN do so safely. I have XX years ahead, by the grace of God, and they have XX plus another generation or two more. So, right from wrong counts. Direction they are being steered in counts. Associates count.
Values count. Values about what is most important — placidity? Or integrity? Can’t always have them both.
===============
So, I just narrated some married (WITH a father in the home) and SINGLE (without a father in the home) years. Now, some of my fellow bloggers have a thing to say — by “fellow blogger,” I mean, probably on my blogroll, or another favorite I picked up along the way somehow.
I may be inactive for about a week, depends on internet access. Have a happy season, remember those who don’t, and make plans for what to do when the tinsel comes down… And always, always count the cost of hiring Big Brother to Design, Educate, Evaluate, Raise, Adjudicate, and Legislate YOUR family. Get YOUR family to understand YOUR legal rights (in whichever country) and carve out some time to learn what they are.
And make a big stink about any violation of them: “Don’t tread on me.”
And teach your sons and daughters to do the same.
Beware the 2nd wives club, that’s where women can get pretty vicious, I”ve watched this, and the males involved in the background, enjoying the show, and the perks, including money, respect, and probably just the drama of it. I hear they are, after all, visually oriented, and it’s quite a spectacle, being fought over, or fought for.
NB: I’m not a second wife, you betcha. I’m a Momma. And what I’m steamed up about, I just found out who was carting them off where, again, this season, illegally. Damn….
I was just getting warmed up here. Now for the re-post, and my repartie, afterwards:
HERE”s RANDIJAMES.com, on Obama on Mother… My comments below.
Saturday
Obama and His Fathercentrism
It has become more than apparent that our President has some psychological issues related to his father being “absent.”
But is it really that serious? And does he have to make the rest of us suffer with him?
We all know that the President, in spite of having an absent father, turned out quite well. In fact, President Obama said that his mother was “frequently absent.” So, where does this leave us? Is this such an atrocity because of the racial issues? Because we knowz dat da man keeps telling us dat da Black family be damned ‘cuz of all of dem single momz.
Obama’s father was an “intellectual” who pursued his goals, including attending Harvard. He was like many men who are committed to education and career first, and thus leaving the family behind. He may not have been “there” for Obama but Obama can still attribute some of his own success to his genes.
How many other Black boys and men can say the same?
And don’t go blaming single Black mothers, again. If these fatherless kids end up as troublesome youth and adults, you can likely attribute that to the characters of their fathers, coupled with the constraints of life in poverty.
Obama described his own father as “volatile and vaguely threatening.” Would he have wanted someone like this in his life full-time?
What Obama is doing and preaching is unfair, because he is coming from a position of privilege.
Didn’t Obama make his family secondary to his career?
The fact that he remains married and participating in his household [as a “father”] is related to the resources that he has had available to him (education and money for both Barack and Michelle, and a patient wife whose number one duty is the kids), coupled with his value system and self-esteem issues related to his family of origin.
I respect that as a role model, our President is intent upon helping us reach the mountaintops through speech directed at fathers. But we would be better served if Obama focused on our educational system and jobs, respected different family styles and values, and licked and healed his wounds on his own dollar and time. By giving people the tools they need to reach their potential, everything else will fall into place. Stop legislating the family. [end of post]
My feedback:
Whitehouse.gov on “Families” (notice “Women” are filed separately from “families.”)
Guiding Principles
A strong nation is made up of strong families. Every family deserves the chance that so many of our parents and grandparents had – to make a better future for themselves and their children. Strong families will always be front and center of President Obama’s agenda.
This is why, while Fatherhood Folks (Jeffrey Leving, etc.) helped him get in office, and HHS of course going full steam ahead withpromoting the conservative evangelical Norman Rockwell heterosexual, a chicken in every pot and a father — ANY father, no matter the behavior, we’ll haul them out of prisons, too — in every kid’s life, because when H1N1 ain’t got nothing on fatherlessness. On the other hand, we have a bang-up educational system where if you’re not LGBT-friendly, you’re committing a hate crime and to be feared as a religious bigot. This also applies if your kids are not attending public school where they can figure out which values apply. Just to make sure, we have a new appointee…
EDUCATION:
Invest in Education
President Obama is committed to providing every child access to a complete and competitive education, from cradle through career. First, the President supports a seamless and comprehensive set of services and support for our youngest children, from birth through age 5.
Yes, indeed, whose children are they? Ask AFCC, ask any mental health professional, social worker, guardian ad lit, and family law attorney (“$$$”), they are OUR children. Forget the parents, and particularly the mothers….
[[I blogged earlier on the absence of the word “mother” in his pages on “families.” You can search this site. I don’t see it currently. Apologize for my sarcastic tone…]]
The 50 Richest Members of Congress (2008)
Sept. 22, 2008
By Paul Singer, Jennifer Yachnin and Casey Hynes
Roll Call Staff
IN 2007, The Obamas were 10th. Interesting, that….Not that I mind, but it’s not exactly the typical perspective….
Published on Wednesday, June 30, 2004 by the Agence France Presse |
Millionaires Fill US Congress Halls |
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| WASHINGTON – The US Congress, the domed bastion of democracy in the capital of capitalism, abounds with deep-pocketed politicians whose fortunes have made the legislative branch of government a millionaire’s club.In the 435-member House of Representatives, 123 elected officials earned at least one million dollars last year, according to recently released financial records made public each year.
Next door in the ornate Senate, whose blue-blooded pedigree includes a Kennedy and a Rockefeller, one in three people are millionaires. By comparison, less than one percent of Americans make seven-figure incomes. |
MANY of the top 10 are Democrats, per this:
Roll Call calculates net worth based on the minimum assets and minimum liablities listed in each lawmaker’s annual financial disclosure report. These reports exclude some assets including primary residences, however, and may not provide a full representation of a Member’s financial portfolio. Click column headers to resort the chart; click Members’ names to see descriptions of their assets; for top 10, click their net worth for PDF copies of their disclosure forms. See story for details.
Assets, liabilities, net worth and difference figures in millions of dollars.
| Rank | Member | Assets | Liabilities | 2008 Minimum Net Worth (MNW) | 2007 MNW* | Difference Between 2007 and 2008 MNW | Percent Change in MNW, 2007-2008 | Rank in 2007 | Chamber | Party | Date Entered Congress |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | John Kerry (Mass.) | $215.41 | $47.86 | $167.55 | $231.88 | -$64.33 | -27.74% | 1 | Senate | Democrat | 1985 |
| 2 | Darrell Issa (Calif.) | 164.70 | 0.00 | 164.70 | 160.62 | 4.08 | 2.54 | 3 | House | Republican | 2001 |
| 3 | Jane Harman (Calif.) | 112.13 | 0.00 | 112.13 | 225.96 | -113.83 | -50.38 | 2 | House | Democrat | 1993-1999, 2001 |
| 4 | Jay Rockefeller (W.Va.) | 85.70 | 5.25 | 80.45 | 80.40 | 0.05 | 0.06 | 4 | Senate | Democrat | 1985 |
| 5 | Mark Warner (Va.) | 75.77 | 3.40 | 72.37 | 90.80 | -18.44 | -20.30 | Senate | Democrat | 2009 | |
| 6 | Jared Polis (Colo.) | 76.14 | 5.14 | 71.00 | 97.62 | -26.62 | -27.27 | House | Democrat | 2009 | |
| 7 | Vern Buchanan (Fla.) | 85.39 | 35.60 | 49.79 | 65.49 | -15.70 | -23.98 | 6 | House | Republican | 2007 |
| 8 | Frank Lautenberg (N.J.) | 48.88 | 0.50 | 48.38 | 55.33 | -6.95 | -12.56 | 7 | Senate | Democrat | 1982-2001, 2003 |
| 9 | Dianne Feinstein (Calif.) | 43.94 | 1.00 | 42.94 | 52.34 | -9.40 | -17.96 | 8 | Senate | Democrat | 1992 |
| 10 | Harry Teague (N.M.) | 41.63 | 1.00 | 40.63 | 6.26 | 34.37 | 549.04 | House | Democrat | 2009 | |
| 11 | Michael McCaul (Texas) | 38.08 | 0.00 | 38.08 | 23.93 | 14.15 | 59.13 | 11 | House | Republican | 2005 |
| 12 | Alan Grayson (Fla.) | 31.24 | 0.12 | 31.12 | 29.06 | 2.06 | 7.10 | House | Democrat | 2009 | |
| 13 | James Risch (Idaho) | 19.49 | 0.20 | 19.29 | 20.21 | -0.92 | -4.55 | Senate | Republican | 2009 | |
| 14 | Rodney Frelinghuysen (N.J.) | 18.15 | 0.00 | 18.15 | 22.41 | -4.26 | -19.01 | 12 | House | Republican | 1995 |
| 15 | Cynthia Lummis (Wyo.) | 18.22 | 1.10 | 17.12 | 17.19 | -0.07 | -0.41 | House | Republican | 2009 | |
| 16 | Bob Corker (Tenn.) | 21.79 | 4.70 | 17.09 | 19.19 | -2.10 | -10.93 | 15 | Senate | Republican | 2007 |
| 17 | Claire McCaskill (Mo.) | 16.04 | 0.02 | 16.02 | 19.52 | -3.50 | -17.93 | 14 | Senate | Democrat | 2007 |
| 18 | Edward Kennedy (Mass.) (deceased) | 15.74 | 0.00 | 15.74 | 47.62 | -31.88 | -66.94 | 9 | Senate | Democrat | 1962 |
| 19 | Nita Lowey (N.Y.) | 14.38 | 0.00 | 14.38 | 17.77 | -3.39 | -19.08 | 18 | House | Democrat | 1989 |
| 20 | Carolyn Maloney (N.Y.) | 16.50 | 2.50 | 14.00 | 19.01 | -5.01 | -26.35 | 16 | House | Democrat | 1993 |
| 21 | John McCain (Ariz.) | 15.83 | 2.05 | 13.78 | 19.64 | -5.86 | -29.84 | 13 | Senate | Republican | 1983 House; 1987 Senate |
| 22 | Gary Miller (Calif.) | 13.26 | 0.00 | 13.26 | 14.49 | -1.23 | -8.47 | 22 | House | Republican | 1999 |
| 23 | Nancy Pelosi (Calif.) | 25.28 | 12.75 | 12.53 | 18.71 | -6.18 | -33.03 | 17 | House | Democrat | 1987 |
| 24 | Lamar Alexander (Tenn.) | 13.04 | 0.91 | 12.13 | 12.43 | -0.30 | -2.40 | 23 | Senate | Republican | 2003 |
| 25 | Kenny Marchant (Texas) | 14.70 | 2.81 | 11.89 | 10.49 | 1.40 | 13.35 | 28 | House | Republican | 2005 |
Interesting, anyhow…
Next Post, Dr. Chesler letter to Alice Walker re: her pro-Obama stance.
…
Circular Reasoning – 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (with your kids)
A Quick Post (not mine, except intro & comments)
summarizing the situation fairly well:
On reading this post, pretty accurate, I thought of “50 ways to leave your lover,” by (if you don’t know this, you probably were born after the VAWA act passed the first time) Simon & Garfunkel.
Which I’d like to rededicate to women attempting to do so, once they realize what “love” is and is not. Switch the gender, the song applies; and act on it sooner, rather than later. I guess — pray, carry Mace, and suggest you also enroll in law school ASAP, you’ll need it…
she said it’s really not my habit to intrude
furtermore i hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
but i’ll repeat my self, at the risk of being crude
there must be 50 ways to leave your loverchorus:
just slip out the back, Jack
make a new plan, Stan
don’t need to be coy, Roy
just get yourself free
hop on the bus, Gus
don’t need to discuss much
just drop off the key, Lee
and get yourself free.she said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
i wish there was something i could do to make you smile again
i said, i appreciate that,
and would you please explain about the 50 ways.she said, why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight
and i believe that in the morning you’ll begin to see the light
and then she kissed me and i realized she probably was right
there must be 50 ways to leave your lover
50 ways to leave your lover…chorus
If children are involved, realize that Big Brother has a different plan for them, and you, as well. See below:
[[my comments in brackets, otherwise it’s quote. Quote ends at the line of ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]’s..]]
Note: Cross posted from Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.
Randi James is a brilliant writer- her site is replete with information from the top to bottom -thx you Randi James! http://www.randijames.com/
Between a Rock and a Hard Place: The System Sends Mixed Messages to Abuse Victims
Do you stay, or do you leave?
If you haven’t been a victim of abuse, or a victim of the legal system, you may not be able to understand why this is even posed as a question.
Of course you should leave!
I mean, who deserves to get beat up and/or sexually assaulted in their own home…regularly…or even occasionally. Even as careful as you could try to be to make sure everything is perfect, so as not to anger your abuser, SOMETHING always sets him off…sooner or later. He is a time bomb. You are his target.
What does it mean to be a target?
When you are a target, all of your abuser’s anger is directed toward you, specifically. Typically, he doesn’t pull the same shit towards those who he considers his equals, or more powerful than he. This is about power. He needs you like capitalism needs slaves. He uses you so that he can feel better about his shortcomings. He doesn’t know how to feel good without you.
But he is a good father. He doesn’t beat the kids.
You’re right. Good fathers don’t beat their kids…But nor do they beat up on women to whom they are temporarily, or permanently committed. Getting beat in front of your children doesn’t exactly send the kids a good message. In fact, they are put in limbo because your kids will either
A) Side with your abuser because he is more powerful and gets what he wants, or
B) Side with you in attempt to protect you…But let me break that down a little more
1) In protecting you, your children become targets, and the moment will come when they take blows for you
2) In choosing to side with you or not, your children will mimic the behaviors they have seen and normalize them.
Is this what you want?
I hope not because if some outsider reports what is going on in your household, CPS will come knocking and your kids may be gone before you ever get a chance to ask questions. You will be charged with neglect, endangering your children, or failure to protect.
Why?
Because everyone on the outside thinks you should have just left. You are themother. If you didn’t leave, you must be an accessory to the abuse.
What mother allows her children to get abused?
And what mother lets her children watch as she gets abused?
You must be a bad mother. You don’t deserve to have children. If you’re lucky, maybe your relatives will do you a favor and step in and raise your children for you. If not, foster care will do a great job…because it is indeed a job when they are getting paid.
Maybe you have a chance though, if you would just leave.
That seems like the best idea. Leave.
Wait!
Are you going to tell your abuser in advance, or are you going to sneak out in the middle of the night?
Remember, he needs you…is he going to agree to all of this?
Who the fuck do you think you are leaving him, and taking his children?
He owns you. He’s paying the bills. He’s the reason you can stay home and take care of his children.
[[Comment: Not all the time. Wasn’t true in my case… Many times they are financially dependent on you as well…]]
If you go, you have reason to be fearful. Get a lawyer and a restraining order. But, back up a little. The lawyer says, if you take out a restraining order, in the near future, the judge in family court could use it against you. He (the judge and your abuser) may say this was part of your vindictive scheme to get the kids and the money and the house and the car. Restraining orders don’t prevent you from being harmed though anyway, because you still have to rely on law enforcement to act.
Get the restraining order anyway.
You’ll have record of what you tried to do, in case the news opts to report it upon your “tragic” death. But you can’t put the kids on the restraining order…Silly woman! You know fathers have rights!
In fact they have so many rights that if your abuser happens to get locked up, Responsible Fatherhood money will ensure that he has the means to transition back into his caretaking, father-role (don’t roll your eyes, we know you were doing the caretaking, but you’re not important and this is politics).
Go ahead and report the entire history of abuse.
You do have pictures, right? You mean to tell me in all these years that you have been getting assaulted, you weren’t taking pictures of your injuries and saving them in a secret location?
Did you at least tell the doctor? Is there anything in your medical record?
Where are your vaginal tears, bruises, scars?
In talking to police without evidence (or with it), your case will seem suspicious. It will be your word, against your abuser’s. Your local DA will be hesitant to take the case…well, hesitant is an overstatement because he may not even acknowledge you. DA’s only take cases they can win. DA’s aren’t interested in intrafamilial abuse reports in the midst of divorce…
[[No matter what the local DA’s office website declares, it’s often true.]]
You have bad timing. You should have reported this before you were trying to separate. Oh, whoops, I forgot, they would have charged you, too!
Maybe you can work things out peacefully without involving the court.
[[Yeah, that’s the general philosophy behind sending such cases, involving kids, to mediation… Just “work it out.”]]
When was the last time you worked things out “peacefully” with an abuser?
In good conscience, you allow your abuser to continue to have a relationship with the children he didn’t abuse, well, directly abuse (or at least you think so). I don’t know if you are really doing him a favor, or rather doing as the court would order you to do so, because you do know that the court will order you to do it, right (askMs. Leichtenberg and also ask the Paul family…family, because Monica Paul happens to be deceased)? Father’s rights.
I know, I know. Yes, you have been abused, but now, yes, yes, you will be court ordered to continue to have a relationship with your abuser because kids deserve both parents. If you try to resist, they will call in the child custody evaluators and Guardians ad Litem and they will say things you would never imagine…because you ARE crazy, aren’t you?
What mother would keep a father away from his children?
[[I didn’t, because doing so would’ve been to violate a standing custody order, ordering visitation. Consequence? I lost contact with my kids. To this date! He continued to violate without impunity thereafter.]]
You know your abuser best.
[[Yeah, right. Everyone knows that only the ‘experts’ know what they’re talking about when it comes to abuse. ‘Experts” prefer to talk with each other in their language, out of the earshot of the traumatized folk. It’s cleaner and less personally disturbing/challenging. People suffering PTSD often skip around in chronology, speak or write associatively, and can ge derailed on particularly frightening topics. It takes a lot to overcome that. . . . . . . So, in one sense, this is understandable, because after long enough living with “lethality assessments” and threats, after actual physical assualts and the very high stakes of child custody, plus retaliation for reporting, some women can sound more garbled than they really are. In reality to even stay alive, or emotionally somewhat intact, through significant abuse, esp. years of it, takes keeping track of more things that the average middle manager can, I’d be, in a rapidly changing economy. We have literal lives at stake, let alone livelihoods. Let alone the normal multi-tasking that often goes with being a mother, let alone a working mother with small kids who are growing up watching your abuse. We also are highly motivated to stay alive, knowing that if we don’t who is likely to get custody of our offspring — either the abuser, or someone who enabled it, such as a close, nonreporting, non-intervening relative. Or CPS, for which money changes hands…]]
You know that when he makes threats, he can carry them through. You know if you don’t meet his demands, you and your children will suffer. But if you try to protect yourself and the children, you risk losing custody to your abuser. And why would you want to put your kids in that situation? They don’t want to live with him and if they do live with him, you already know how their lives will turn out. They will be like lost souls.
Sacrifice yourself…like Jesus Christ. Maybe you were put on earth to suffer for the sins of others.
You were supposed to be omniscient–to know that this man you chose would end up being an abuser.
You were supposed to be omnipresent–to know that this man would abuse your children while you were away at work, or school, or while he was away with the kids.
You were supposed to be omnipotent–to protect yourself and your children and to be able to hide and simultaneously remain visible, and to be able to leave your abuser, but let him remain in your life.
How do you want to die?
[[Seems to me I blogged on this long ago — title about unacceptable choices for women.]]
What do you want the news to say about you when you are murdered?
That you were nice? No, they won’t say that! The neighbors and other members of the community will say how nice your abuser was. He was a family man. He played with the kids in the yard.
Everyone will be so shocked and sad that this happened. No one knew that you and your children were getting your asses kicked on a regular.
Your family may’ve thought you were crazy, or a bad mom, so they may’ve distanced themselves from you a long time ago. In fact, they may have ADORED your abuser.
Your children’s friends will not come forward. They are children–either they won’t tell anyway, or their parents won’t let them.
You know who else might know? The teachers. But teachers are so busy disciplining and teaching to the test…and besides, it’s too late for them to come forward now.
You see what you get for pretending and ignoring and trying to keep the family together? No credit.
Maybe the media will pull your court record and note that you tried to get a restraining order, but you didn’t show up. More than likely, they will relay gossip about how you were having an affair and how you were always provoking your abuser. Because violence is mutual. Girls hit, too.
Didn’t you know in advance that he was easily provoked? You should have checked his criminal record, or asked his ex.
Maybe your children will die, too. But everyone will talk about how tragic it was andhow innocent they are. They, not you, because you had to have done something to make a nice guy want to kill you.
Or maybe you wanted to be killed, because who stays with an abuser anyway?
See Also: Carl Brizzi: Prosecuting Battered Women
Minnesota Supreme Court Allows Judge Timothy Blakely to Profit from His Fraudulent Earnings
In Texas and Florida–Court Ordered Exortion
Pennsylvania, Corruption, and Children, Just Like Florida
How Judges Set Up A System to Rig Cases for Fathers
Technorati Tags: Rock,Hard,Place,System,Messages,Abuse,Victims,Randi,James,haven,victim,abuser,equals,needs,capitalism,father,kids,children,message,fact,limbo,Side,moment,outsider,reports,failure,accessory,Maybe,Leave,Wait,Remember,lawyer,money,orders,news,death,woman,rights,Responsible,transition,role,politics,history,pictures,location,doctor,Where,tears,word,overstatement,cases,midst,conscience,relationship,Leichtenberg,Paul,Monica,custody,Litem,threats,demands,situation,Sacrifice,Jesus,Christ,earth,life,yard,friends,affair,violence,Girls,Didn,Also,Carl,Brizzi,Women,Indiana,Bench,Paradox,Recusal,Minnesota,Supreme,Court,Judge,Timothy,Profit,Fraudulent,Earnings,Texas,Florida,Exortion,Pennsylvania,Corruption,Just,Judges,fathers,injuries,Guardians,souls,members,teachers,doesn,aren,parents
Note: Cross posted from Battered Mothers Rights – A Human Rights Issue.
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http://www.nbc-2.com/Global/story.asp?S=10697462
Joseph and Melissa Shook had been separated and a final mediation hearing for their divorce was scheduled for the 26th – two days after her disappearance.
Meanwhile, her van was located at the Alva residence, allegedly abandoned with the keys in the ashtray.
The case was then turned over to detectives with the Lee County Sheriff’s Office Major Crimes Unit.
Air, K-9 and ground searches were coordinated with family and friends in attempts to locate Melissa over the following . . .[fill in the details… they tend to blur, one family after another…]
On July 29, Shook’s body was found in a shallow grave, just four blocks from the Fitch Avenue residence.
Her hands were tied behind her back with approximately 10 feet of rope and her mouth was covered in duct tape.
AND, obviously:
Wednesday, a local hardware store employee was contacted and verified the sale of a red handled shovel and approximately ten feet of rope.
Thursday, an employee positively identified Joseph Shook as the person who purchased the items.
Around 6:00 p.m. on Thursday, 32-year-old Joseph Shook was located at local restaurant and taken into custody.
He has been charged with second degree murder.
Thursday evening Amy Davies, spokeswoman for Melissa Shook’s family said, “The family is relieved an arrest has been made, that justice has been served, and the family now has some closure.”
Davies said now the family’s main concentration is providing care for Shook’s three children.
Her parents knew something was funky about those text messages declaring she was going to break up with a boyfriend. Her coworker heard her ask who wanted some lunch brought back, after dropping off child(ren) to the father….
On Wednesday, Melissa Shook’s mother took the stand to talk about texts message she received, supposedly from her daughter, the day she disappeared.
One said she and her boyfriend, Justin Castagner, were through.
Smith thought that was odd since she’d spoken to Melissa just a few hours earlier and there was no mention of any problems.
Castagner testified Tuesday that the couple had made plans for that night and she left him a note in his lunchbox that said, “I love you.”
Melissa’s father, Gary Esckilsen, also testified Melissa was happy with Castagner.
Melissa’s parents said she had a strong relationship with Castagner and texts saying she was going somewhere to get herself help didn’t make sense. They knew something was wrong.
A co-worker of Melissa Shook testified as well, saying he got a call from her when she was on her way to drop the baby off at Joe Shook’s home.
He said she asked if anyone in the office wanted her to bring back lunch – and never heard from her again.
Just to reiterate my point: Mediation, frequent exchanges ordered. Was there prior domestic violence? WHY did she leave? Was the risk known? Should ALL women separating — not just ones experiencing abuse as the reason for separation — be afraid?
Or, should they learn to be cautious, period, and should the family law venue stop advising them to “just get along” for the sake of the kids, without regard to this possibility…
Was money a factor? Who knows…:
……..
Police say emotional distress led man to kill estranged wife
Mother’s death, impending divorce, lack of medication are factors in Lakemore killing
By Phil Trexler
Beacon Journal staff writer
Published on Saturday, Jan 10, 2009
LAKEMORE: His mother had died unexpectedly, he avoided the pills that helped combat his depression, and just this week, his wife left him.
Daniel Tice’s emotions boiled over Thursday afternoon when his wife, Brandi, came to pick up their three children, a day after announcing her intention to divorce.
Brandi Tice, 28, would never leave the Lakemore house. She died of a single gunshot wound to the head — a rifle shot that police say was fired by her estranged husband.
About seven hours later, after keeping SWAT officers at bay with his 4-year-old son by his side, Daniel Tice was shot by police, struck by a 9 mm bullet that miraculously bounced off his forehead, sparing his life.
Tice, 32, was to undergo surgery Friday for a fractured skull. He is expected to recover and be charged with murder.
Daniel Tice admitted in conversations to family, friends and police that he killed his wife of eight years, shooting her once in the head with a .22-caliber rifle, police said.
He blamed infidelity and divorce.
”[Brandi Tice] told me before she
was wanting to leave him and I said be careful because of his mom dying, [Daniel] was bomb,” family friend Janice Wood told police in a taped call. ”I was afraid something would happen.’
Wood, a close friend of Tice’s late mother Diana, told police that Daniel Tice called her after the shooting. Around the same time, police were surrounding his home.
”He said he killed his wife,” Wood said. ”He thought everybody was against him or hated him . . . he said, ‘I’m not coming out [of the house]. They’re going to have to kill me.’ ”
Daniel Tice made a series of phone calls that afternoon, including one to a sister who came to the Tices’ ranch-style home on Martha Avenue shortly after 3 p.m., saw Brandi Tice’s body on the living room floor and fled outside.
Tice’s brother-in-law struggled for the rifle outside the home, but the towering Daniel Tice won out, and retreated back inside.
At one point, Tice stood guard by a window with his rifle in one hand and his son, Noah, in the other, police said.
Shortly afterward, Tice’s daughters, Faith, 8, and Grace, 7, exited their school bus and were met by police, who rushed the girls away before they could go inside their home.
Stressful standoff
For the next seven-plus hours, police took over Martha Avenue, trying to coax Tice into surrendering and hoping to avoid more bloodshed. Lakemore Mayor Michael Kolomichuk gave the order to use deadly force on Daniel Tice, if necessary.
A small army of SWAT officers, talking by phone to Tice, crept closer over several hours — from the street, to the front door, to the living room and eventually to the basement stairs, where Tice paced below with his son.
The silence was sometimes unnerving to police, who feared little Noah was dead. As the night dragged, they hadn’t heard from the child and Tice was talking to police in past tense about how much he loved his son.
”We were worried that he had done something to Noah because he wouldn’t let us talk to the child,” Police Chief Kenneth Ray said.
Police eventually disconnected a land line into the Tice home and with the help of prosecutors, they cut off Tice’s cell phone. Negotiators then moved inside the house to bring Tice a cell phone.
By then, Tice had moved to the cover of the basement, at times hiding under the staircase. Metro SWAT members tossed a miniature camera to the basement, which gave them insights into Tice’s location.
Around 10:40 p.m., SWAT snipers from the top of the steps could see Tice and his rifle leaning against a wall out of reach. They fired two nonlethal bean bags, hoping to knock him to the floor. The bean bags didn’t faze Tice, who then made a move for his rifle, police said.
A sniper tried to fire his AR-15 assault rifle, but the trigger jammed. A second SWAT sniper twice fired his MP5 assault rifle. One shot missed; another struck Tice’s forehead, penetrating to the bone and bouncing off.
Suspect interviewed
Police interviewed Daniel Tice at Akron City Hospital shortly after he was shot.
”He confessed, that’s all he did,” Chief Ray said. ”He didn’t give a reason. He just said he did it.”
Noah was reunited with his sisters. The children are staying with Brandi Tice’s mother, Sandra Fox, 53, in Green.
”She was a good mother, she loved her kids so much,” said Brandi Tice’s uncle, Randy Renard.
The Tices spent Christmas with Renard and other family members at Sandra Fox’s home. The get-together came four days after Daniel Tice’s mother died.
Daniel Tice, who family said suffers from bipolar disorder, said little on Christmas Day. Family and police said Tice stopped taking his medication, which contributed to his erratic behavior.
”They brought the kids over for Christmas and I already heard what he was going through with his mother,” Renard said. ”He come over and he didn’t talk for four hours. He just sat in the chair with a stare.”
On Wednesday, Brandi Tice told her husband she wanted a divorce and was taking the children, Renard said. Police said the couple had a history of domestic squabbles, some of which ended with Daniel Tice’s arrest.
Daniel Tice also told friends that his wife was carrying on an affair with one of his relatives. The couple married in 2000.
On Thursday afternoon, Brandi Tice arrived at the Martha Avenue home, planning to take her daughters with her as they exited their school bus.
Brandi Tice worked the past four years with Community Caregivers, a Hartville home health care provider. She visited three or four patients every day, helping them with health needs.
Terry Smith, the company’s director, said Brandi Tice grew close with her patients, whom she would visit for more than two hours a day, passing the time sharing stories and proudly showing pictures of her children.
She hoped one day to be a nurse to better provide for her family, he said. The company has set up a fund at all Huntington bank branches to help the Tice children.
”Brandi was somebody who had been through some bumps in the road, some hard knocks,” Smith said. ”Yet she was someone who gave so much even though she had so little herself.”
Phil Trexler can be reached at 330-996-3717 or ptrexler@thebeaconjournal.com.
LAKEMORE: His mother had died unexpectedly, he avoided the pills that helped combat his depression, and just this week, his wife left him.
Daniel Tice’s emotions boiled over Thursday afternoon when his wife, Brandi, came to pick up their three children, a day after announcing her intention to divorce.
Brandi Tice, 28, would never leave the Lakemore house. She died of a single gunshot wound to the head ? a rifle shot that police say was fired by her estranged husband.
About seven (Akron Beacon Journal (OH), 1079 words.)
June 2009 — Autenreith – Pennsylvania:
Police rescued a 9-year-old boy who had been kidnapped by his father as a fatal gun battle broke out between the man and state troopers.
After arguing with his estranged wife during a custody exchange, Daniel Autenrieth kidnapped his son at gunpoint, then led police on a 40-mile high-speed chase that ended with a crash and an exchange of gunfire, state police commissioner Col. Frank Pawlowski said. Autenrieth and a state trooper were killed.
“I can’t begin to describe the hurt and sorrow being experienced by the Pennsylvania state police,” Pawlowski told a somber news conference at the Swiftwater barracks, the trooper’s home base. “What happened yesterday is nothing short of an American tragedy.”
September, 2009 (Labor Day) Minnesota:
Minn. officer reportedly killed with own gun (see video)
Holidays — family times for some — can be trouble hotspots for others.
Veteran North St. Paul police officer Richard Crittenden apparently was shot dead with his own gun during a violent struggle with a man who lunged at his estranged wife and the slain officer with a burning towel or rag.
“He died saving someone else,” said a law enforcement source of Crittenden. The source, familiar with the ongoing investigation, offered the first detailed description of Monday morning’s chaotic scene.
Crittenden reportedly pushed the woman out of harm’s way but in the process left himself vulnerable for the man to ambush him, grab his handgun and shoot him, the source said.
A Maplewood police officer was slightly wounded but shot the suspect dead during an exchange of gunfire moments later inside the North St. Paul apartment in the 2200 block of Skillman Avenue.
The scenario, based on preliminary witness accounts from the injured female officer and the estranged wife, remains to be confirmed and is the subject of an investigation by the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension.
But the setting pieced together so far by investigative sources shed light on the likely circumstances that led to the first shooting death of a police officer in the line of duty in North St. Paul’s 122-year history.
Investigators on Tuesday released little official information about the details surrounding the Labor Day shootings — including the names of the injured officer and slain suspect, who was identified by his estranged wife as Devon Dockery.
But reams of court papers released Tuesday on Dockery’s numerous run-ins with the law show a violent and troubled man.
“Devon is a ticking time bomb ready to explode,” his estranged wife, Stacey Terry, wrote in filing for one of four orders of protection against him.
What would she know? Is she an “expert”?? However, she got those protection orders. . . . . .
October 23, 2009 Atlanta, Georgia, Strube-Allen:
(Isn’t this DV awareness month?)
Child of woman killed at Target in custody battle
Mother-in Law charged!
In April, a toddler sat in the backseat as someone shot and killed his mother, Heather Allen Strube. She had just gotten him from her estranged husband, his father, and hadn’t buckled her child into his car seat yet.
Moments after Steven Strube left the Target parking lot on Scene Highway, his estranged wife was approached by a person wearing a black wig that looked like a mop. As Heather tried to get into her SUV, the disguised person shot her. Investigators found Carson holding his mother’s cellphone. His mom turned 25 years old just six days before her death on April 26.
Carson, who turned 2-years-old last month, has been in the care of Heather’s parents — Buddy and Mary Allen.

Little Carson Luke Strube is now thriving in the care of his maternal grandparents. But his other grandmother, Joanna Renea Hayes, was charged this week with killing his mother, her daughter-in-law.
Hayes in jail facing charges of malice murder, felony murder, aggravated assault and possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony. Carson’s father, Steven Strube, is also in jail, following a probation violation from a 2008 conviction (for what??)
Hayes is now behind bars following her murder indictment on Wednesday. Police believe she is the one who donned a disguise and killed her daughter-in-law.
Sometimes it turns into a virtual tribal warfare, with in-laws and relatives involved….
November 30, 2009 (this one, barely cold…), New Jersey:
Police Search For Motive In Fatal N.J. Shooting
Paterson Father Allegedly Shot Estranged Wife, 2 Children
PATERSON, N.J. (CBS) ―Police are still trying to figure out what triggered Edelmiro Gonzalez to go on a shooting spree, killing his seven-year-old son, and injuring his wife and other son. They are recovering at St. Joseph’s hospital.
- Related Stories
- 2 Dead, 2 Wounded When NJ Dad Shoots His Family
(11/29/2009)Police were looking for a motive Sunday in a triple shooting that left one boy dead, and his mother and brother fighting for their lives.
Detectives in Paterson said Edelmiro Gonzalez opened fire Saturday morning on his estranged wife and two young children.
“I don’t know how anybody could do something like that,” said resident Angie Rolon.Investigators said 31-year old Johanna Gonzalez, who had been separated from her husband since September and had a restraining order against him, was in the process of dropping off their two sons at her mother’s apartment on Broadway. That’s when the 54-year-old father allegedly walked up to their vehicle, armed with two handguns.
“Her estranged husband came up to the vehicle, shot several times into the vehicle, at which time her two sons, Adrian and Eldryn exited the vehicle,” said Det Lt. Ray Humphrey.
Police said
Gonzalez actually then chased down his 7-year old son and shot him in the neck near the rear of the apartment building.The boy was pronounced dead at the scene.However, the ordeal didn’t end there. Police said Gonzalez went back to the street and chased down his estranged wife. That’s when off-duty Paterson Detective Lt. Washington Griffen, a 19-year veteran who was at a nearby McDonald’s drive-through with his son saw what was happening and intervened.“He hollered out to the suspect, advised him he was a police officer, and to drop the weapon. There was an exchange of gunfire, and the suspect was shot twice,” Humphrey said.
Edelmiro Gonzalez died later at an area hospital. His elder son Edryn and the child’s mother Johanna remained in critical condition.
Gunman kills estranged wife at Tualatin lab, injures two, kills self
By Bill Oram, The Oregonian
November 10, 2009, 8:49PM
TUALATIN — By late afternoon Tuesday, a lone state trooper guarded the front of a drug-testing clinic where a man with a rifle opened fire, killing his estranged wife and injuring two of her co-workers.
The gunman fired multiple shots inside Legacy MetroLab-Tualatin shortly before noon, said Tualatin Police Chief Kent Barker.The shooter was found dead at the scene, apparently of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, Barker said.
The dead woman was identified as Teresa Beiser, 36, of Gladstone.
A week ago, she filed for divorce from her husband of 15 years, Robert Beiser, 39, who worked as a car appraiser for Property Damage Appraisers in Lake Oswego and as an independent contractor for The Oregonian.
They had two children, a 14-year-old daughter and an 11-year-old son.
Hans Reiser Admits to Murdering Nina Reiser, Pleads to Reduced Murder Sentence
Full story: Associated Content
Hans Reiser was sentenced to 15-years-to-life Friday in an Oakland, California, courtroom for the murder of Nina Reiser. Many believe that the sentence was too lenient, that prosecutors should have given Reiser more time on his sentence. Besides, Hans Reiser was convicted in April — andconvicted without the body of Nine Reiser. But Hans Reiser, a brilliant Linux guru, had held onto one piece of information about Nine Reiser throughout his trial, a trial throughout which he maintained his innocence. Hans Reiser knew where Nina Reiser was buried.According to Wired, Hans Reiser led authorities to Nine Reiser’s body Monday in exchange for his prison sentence being reduced from a 25-years-to-life charge to 15-years-to-life charge. Prosecutors offered him the deal with the added stipulation that he waived his right to appeal the conviction. He had buried his wife just a short way from the house where he lived with his mother.
According to his confession, which was part of the plea deal, Hans Reiser killed his wife, Nina, on the afternoon of September 3, 2006. She had dropped off the couple’s two children for the Labor Day weekend. The two were going through a bitter divorce.
FYI: All I googled was “estranged wife exchange of children”
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Did you enable any of these events? I bet you’d say, Heck NO!
But, wait again (US residents) — do you pay taxes? Well then, perhaps you did….
The Trap Door They Don’t Tell Divorcing Mothers, or separating-from-abuse partners about — almost ANYwhere…
Forcing the Connection through “Access Visitation Funding” and social policy closing the exit door.
Taxpayer funds enabling these events, sometimes, through federal grants to encourage contact with noncustodial “parents” (Dads).
Meanwhile, nationwide HHS-funded “Access/Visitation” funding encourages more, and more frequent, contact between children and noncustodial parent (if male), and advertises this through child support services (“OCSE”):
GEORGIA:
These services are offered at no cost to OCSS clients and include the following:
- Coordination of visitations or parenting time
- Mediation between the parents (non-legal, non-binding)
- Written parenting plans
- Group parenting education
- Counseling on access issues
Funding for all of these projects comes from grants from the Administration for Children and Families
What is access and visitation?Mississippi’s Access and Visitation Program (MAV-P) is designed for noncustodial parents to have access to visit their children as specified in a court order or divorce decree.
[[HUH? The court order or decree ALREADY specifies this, so why do we need this program?]]
Assistance with voluntary agreements for visitation schedules is provided to parents who do not have a court order.
NOTE: Participation without a court order is strictly voluntary. Both parents must agree to be involved.
What are the goals for MAV-P?The ultimate goal is to afford services that improve the quality of life for separated families by providing noncustodial parents opportunities to participate in their children’s growth and development.
[[If it didn’t have a noble-sounding goal like this, it might not have passed Congress or anywhere else. Who wants to vote for, after-all, exchange-related gunshots, stabbings, and officers/bystanders-down headlines? But if you read details of many of these articles above, it’s in there.
“Improve the quality of life.” How does this resemble “Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of Happiness” eh? Come here. We have federal grants to improve the quality of your life. TRUST US…]]
Other goals include:
- Encouraging family agreements through mediation;
- Providing parent education plans to enhance parenting skills;
- Furnishing a safe, neutral facility for visitation, as needed; i.e., [pushing Supervised Visitation]
- Promoting compliance to the noncustodial parent’s court ordered support obligations; [[Translation: reducing support obligations in hope to bribe the other parent to better comply. This is called “helping.” ]]
- Aiding custodial parents in honoring court ordered visitations; and
Women are regularly jailed when they fail to comply with court ORDERS. Recently, a 14 yr old young man in Michigan was jailed himself, briefly, for refusing to comply. So what is this a sort of persuasive pleading session, or brainwashing? The legal process provides for a contempt process. When custodial parents are women, this is often enforced, regardless of consequences. When they are men, a different standard seems to apply.
- Working with fatherhood mentors and coaches through a Fragile Families Initiative Program.
Now WHY doesn’t that surprise me?
What are the benefits of the program? The program benefits include:
- BOTH parents being involved in the development stages of the child’s life.
- BOTH parents providing emotional, medical, psychological and financial support.
- BOTH parents sharing in the child’s character and core values development.
- BOTH parents agreeing on scheduling and time-sharing.
Potential side-effects, where an overentitled abuser, a man off (or on) medication for depression, or someone not in control of his emotions is involved — death. That’s a potential “benefit” in certain contexts. But let’s not talk about that in THIS setting, OK?
Who is eligible to participate in MAV-P?Individuals interested in participating in MAV-P are not required to have a child support case or affiliation with the Mississippi Department of Human Services. Paternity must be established for all cases. Participants seeking assistance with supervised visitation must have a verified court order or divorce decree. Finally, the custodial and noncustodial parents must agree on scheduled mediation, parent education, unsupervised or supervised visitations, as needed.
(EVER tried to “agree” with an overentitled abuser? See Randi’s article, above….)
What services are provided in MAV-P?
- MEDIATION includes MAV-P staff working with both parents to develop a peaceful resolution to visitation disputes. This process is a face-to-face interview and/or telephone sessions.
- SUPERVISED VISITATION is scheduled for parents with legally established visitation directed by a court order or divorce decree.
- EDUCATION is offered through parenting classes which address the basic needs of the child, money and stress management, child abuse, co-parenting and the concerns of the parents for their child(ren)’s well-being.
Take time for THIS link: a “wiki-leak” an “mit” site. I’m OUT of time for today….
fathers who do not pay their child support are more likely to have frequent contact with
their children (many on a daily basis) than fathers who pay their child support.
fathers’ rights groups would argue that spending time with one’s children (especially on
a daily basis) should be counted in terms of reducing that father’s financial obligation.
More generally, advocates of increasing parental responsibility would argue that it
is now time for the federal government to focus more attention on the “non-financial”
benefits associated with preserving the connection between noncustodial parents and their
children. Many policymakers and analysts maintain that a distinction must be made
between men who are “dead broke” and those who are “deadbeats.” They argue that the
federal government should help dead broke noncustodial fathers meet both their financial and emotional obligations to their children and vigorously enforce CSE laws against deadbeat parents.
+/- $1/million/state/year for Access/Visitation grants (ongoing) can’t be all wrong, despite headlines, and despite reality of the consequences of frequent exchanges, more time, with resistant disgruntled fathers..
I may take up that document in a later post; it illustrates the system involved in these issues.
Randi, good writing, thank you –I find it pretty darn close to the reality.
Like slavery, Domestic Violence costs some and profits others. ARE we really all in this together??
As we near the end of yet another Domestic Violence Awareness month, let’s evaluate the costs and benefits {say, what??} of domestic violence, and Let’sGetHonest — there IS a benefit to some folks for perpetuating it, and for some of the folks perpetually stopping it.
Face it: An asset on one person (or institution’s) balance sheet is a liability on another. An expense on one’s is income on another’s. A loss on one’s may show up as a profit on another’s. That’s called “transfer of wealth” and “marketing.”
Right now, the American people (at least) have mortgaged their conscience (and families) to others in too many categories, and hopefully by paying taxes, the experts will take care of the major problems and the rest of us can get back to the grindstones, our passions, or whatever makes our days.
Hearing about slayings related to family breakups (innumerable and geographically widespread), or gangrapes after a homecoming dance (Richmond, CA — recent) , or workplace shootings by disgruntled ex-employees (Orlando, Florida), or international parental child abductions, asylum IN the United States from abuse abroad, or asylum abroad FROM abuse in the United States, and — now — at-home military massacres of yet-to-be-determined cause (mental health caregiver stress + fundamentalist religious protest against the war in terror — Ft. Hood, TX — 13 dead) — and so forth. These are high costs.
How many common values do we really share?
The question is who’s invested in maintaining it, and who really is invested in stopping it. Once that becomes clear, then another question is who is invested in the fruitless effort to turn a sheep into a goat, or a bad apple into a good apple. Are all apples really potentially good apples, or is this line of reasoning quack science? And how long, and how much must WHO pay WHOM in trusting that the experts experimenting on — guess which communities — have those communities’ best interests at heart.
Institutions do what institutions are designed to do — grow, and perpetuate themselves. And pay employees to run them, PR to promote them, and advocates to advocate for them. Face it, domestic violence is now an institution, and with many similarities to slavery. And I do believe it has its own carpetbaggers — one reason I started this blog, too.
I ran across TheLoop21.com, and was immediately taken by its common sense and uncommon points of view. Here is one of their series on Domestic Violence:
(1) Blacks, Domestic Violence, and the price of abuse
TheLoop21.com
By Nsenga K. Burton, Ph.D.
Tue, 10/27/2009 – 07:18

Read more of TheLoop21.com’s Red, Black and Green series on domestic violence.
Domestic violence in the African–American community must stop. It seems like an easy enough thing to say, but doing it seems like something else all together. We live in a society marked by violence. This country was founded on violent acts, many of which were against women, particularly Black women who were slaves
AND
(2) Second, consider whose loss == whose gain.
now that we consider for whom DV is a literal $$$ EXPENSE, I suggest we consider, to which groups, businesses, entities, and/or individuals or professional classes of individuals DV is actually an INCOME, if not a business, a livelihood, a name, and a pretty solid cash flow, whether private or governmental.
now here’s that article. . . .
Domestic violence in the African–American community must stop. It seems like an easy enough thing to say, but doing it seems like something else all together. We live in a society marked by violence. This country was founded on violent acts, many of which were against women, particularly Black women who were slaves. It would seem that having suffered such violence at the hands of former male and female slave owners, our cultural practices would demand that we respect and protect Black women from harm. It is truly sad, when the one thing that we can count on statistically speaking, is harm in the form of physical and emotional abuse from our intimate partners.
According to the study “When Men Murder Women: An Analysis of 2006 Homicide Data,” released by The Violence Policy Center, a national non-profit organization that conducts research on violence in the United States, 551 African American women were murdered by males in 2006. The study stated that there were 1,818 race-identified females murdered by males. While white women accounted for the largest total of those killed (1,208), African American women were killed at a rate nearly three times higher. How did most of the murders occur? Guns killed 305 of those women.
Intimate partners are literally blowing Black women away for a variety of reasons that include stress, mental illness, control, narcissism and pathology. Mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, nieces and cousins are leaving this earth with wounded bodies and spirits and sadly enough the numbers are increasing, not decreasing. What does this mean for the black community?
It means that we have to do something to break the cycle of abuse and violence in our homes. If the majority of Black households are headed by women, what happens when those women are killed or injured? Talking about domestic violence hasn’t helped. High profile cases like those involving Chris Brown and Rihanna, Bebe Winans, Big Pun, Don Cornelius, Jennifer Hudson’s sister and Tyrese Gibson haven’t helped. Women offering testimony in church and on YouTube hasn’t helped. Men and women creating awareness campaigns during the month of October hasn’t helped.
If you turn on the television or read a newspaper, there is a very high likelihood that a woman murdered by an intimate partner is somewhere in the content.
We know that domestic violence breaks up families. We know that children suffer emotionally, financially and spiritually with the sudden loss of a parent. We know that it leaves irreparable mental and emotional scars on women and men. But do we know the economic costs of domestic violence to the black community? Let me break it down for you.
According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, in the United States, the cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year, with $4.1 billion going towards direct medical and mental health services.
Victims of intimate partner violence lost 8 million days of paid work because of violence committed against them by current or former husbands, boyfriends or dates. That equals 32,000 full-time jobs and almost 5.6 million days of household productivity.
According to the National Funeral Director’s Association, the average cost of a funeral in the U.S. is $7,323 thousand each year. In 2006, Black families spent over $4 million burying African American victims of domestic violence.
According to the World Health Organization, the cost of domestic violence in the United States amounts to 3.3 percent of the gross domestic product (GDP).
Sadly, I could go on but I’ll stop. Domestic violence is costing this country, and our community, much more than our mental, physical and spiritual health. It is costing us our economic viability and the ability to create financial freedom in our communities. How will we build wealth in our community, when so much of it is going towards costs related to domestic violence?
Appealing to the heart, mind and spirit has not worked in ending or decreasing domestic violence incidents in our country and in the Black community. While we are underachieving in so many arenas, we are overachieving in this one.
When strategizing on how to end domestic violence, think about it from more than an emotional, physical and spiritual perspective. Think about the economics of it. While we’re killing women, we’re killing the economy and our economic growth too.
Nsenga Burton, Ph.D. is managing editor of TheLoop21.com. She also writes the pop cultural blog Tune N, is a cultural clinic for Creative Loafing and an Assistant Professor of Communication and Media Studies at Goucher Collegelike it!
Read more of TheLoop21.com’s Red, Black and Green series on domestic violence.
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LET’S GET HONEST COMMENTS:
Dr. Burton, are you aware of IAADV? May I also recommend randijames.com and rights4mothers.wordpress.com?
Also, on my blog, I have a rather harsh, in some senses, response to a Kansas Legislator promoting another fatherhood initiative. This is an African American woman raised by a pioneer activist, her own mother. Yet the logic totally eludes me – – search “Oletha Faust-Goudeau” on this site. I then researched her, a bit, and found that some key connections had convinced her to go in a certain direction, and not another.
I personally wish more blacks could homeschool, rather than put their kids in HeadStart, then inferior K-12 school systems in which too many teachers have bad attitudes, but the one with great attitudes still have a bureaucracy to deal with. The educational, economic, and court/law enforcement institutions, as well as our federal tax dollars are closely woven together in an operational LOOP.
The comparison wish slavery is a good one. Slaveholders profited, immensely, from free labor — obviously if you pay a slave nothing, or a subsistence wage, discourage literacy, break up families, rape enough of the women, and repeatedly tell them their problem is really discontent with their lot, that’s a lot of effort, but it’s also a lot of profit. hmmm . .. kind of reminds me of aspects of our educational system, too. but back to the point. . . . . . .
Appealing to the costs of abuse to ‘us all’ as a society assumes that those economic costs to those profiting are actually higher than the benefits of abuse, in which those profiting from it have actually invested.
Following my line of reasoning yet? . . . . A chronic abuser does so because it is allowed, it produces benefits that that individual wants, and because no one has forced him, or her, to stop. . . . .
I challenge “us” to consider — really consider — is ‘we’re all in this together’ a myth or not, in matters of DV, neighborhood violence, or national debt.
In Richmond, California, a community is in shock – it will last a few weeks or months, I am sure — when a 15 year old girl leaving a homecoming dance and walking to be picked up by her father — there was a father involved — never made it there. She took a detour with some friends, inhaled a lot of alcohol, it seems, and then she was no longer one of the gang, she was gang-raped. And photographed. And the gang was substantial. This only stopped when someone at a nearby houseparty finally got outraged and called the police. It is all over TV and newspapers.
People, where do we really think the gang mentality is formed??? Why was a 15 year old wanting to drink? Why, in one of the highest homicide cities in the nation, and that’s the truth, was not her Dad able to show up at the FRONT door? How could a young girl not have some friends (not the come, get loaded, and whoa — here are the rest of my male friends who’d ‘love’ to get to know you type of friend) walk her straight into her Dad’s car? If her Mom and Dad were employed, were they paying taxes for an educational system where THIS happened, and where a 15 year old doesn’t have a real friend to support her even a few dozen yards after a dance, and set some better values? Would the fatherhood movement have helped avert this situation? I sincerely doubt it.
In the USA we have a remarkable thing happened. We have an African American President and First Lady. Not only, but our President was raised by a single mother and is bi-racial. How much better hope can we have that someone at the top of the ladder of the top country in the free world, or at least one close to the “top,” would speak for us, feel for us, care for those hurting and those at the bottom, especially after what he went through as a youngster.
I voted for President Obama. Afterwards, and after losing my livelihood, and children, and watching friends also take repeated hits, because of family court corruption, I looked at whitehouse.gov and found out where the word “mother” stood, as far as usage. I found uncomfortably close connections pre- and post-election between fatherhood groups and individuals, particularly Jeffery Leving, Esq., of Illinois, and the honorable stream of feminist backlash conservatives wanting to make sure the WOMEN (any color, but for sure African American) didn’t get too uppity and forget their place in life. I learned that the Obamas were in 2007 the 10th richest US Congressman couple, somewhere underneath Rockefeller, Boxer, McCain, I think Feinstein?, and a Senator from Tennessee who was making a large profit in corporate daycare business, multinational. How “us” is this Congress, really? How many of their children went through the public school system and came from dangerous neighborhoods? How many of them inherited no wealth or, what’s more, no business sense?
How many of them are women?? Let alone African-American women. Let alone African American Women who raised children alone? Apply this also to the other institutions running national policy — I mean at the decision-making level, not the support staff level.. And where these top decisionmakers ARE women, how many of them are holding to policies which go against the grain in the matter of stopping domestic violence, vs. making a profit studying low-income people ground up by one system or another of many?
I fled my home yesterday, briefly I hope, because of a male without a professional or personal life of his own other than his refusal to acknowledge that in the USA, it is permissible to divorce, and no, you canNOT come back in my life. I happen to know some of the fathers’ rights talks he has been egged on by, and this was after one of the firmest, plainest NOs it is possible to deliver.
This man alone was never the sole problem. I survived and got out. For years now, I have appealed to their own economic common sense in the enablers both local, familial, and in an everwidening circle, all I ran into, seeking my own life back, and if possible some contact with children who were being, in essence, held hostage to this IDEA that a single mother is a threat to society and her own children, per se — no evidence required, but proesting this in any form is evidence of bad character — and trust me. For enablers, it has to hit VERY close to home economically or personally, to cause a change of position, opinion, or action. And for those with the added religious gas in the tank — it’s an offence to their God, it’s disrupting society, it’s against nature, to let a competent woman leave a violent man with children in tow — and not go back!!! their own life {and apparently maybe there wasn’t much life outside of dominating women} – – may not even be close enough.
I am typing on a strange computer from a strange place, struggling again with another technology, and I am getting damn tired of this of the stress on my friends, and acquaintances, children, and self.
No struggle is without costs, and all worthwhile things are going to take a fight. But maybe — TheLoop21 folks — we need to really understand that there are indeed sides, and who is on which one.
The marginalized of society are the canaries in the coal mine. They are the barometer and feedback to its institutions, because those institutions are run by like human beings with like instincts, only not so tested yet, perhaps.
So are you a canary, a miner, or do you own the mine– or hope to? The miners and the canaries had best know which one they are appealing to when it comes to domestic violence in the community. Are you part of the Gold Rush, or did you have the foresight to invest in Levi Strauss, and the technology and suppliers of the gold rush folk? Where’s the parallel in this topic?
I can tell you who some of the Levi Strauss investors, with real foresight and a replicatable business plan, were in the BUSINESS of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Can you? If not poke around this blog, ones linked to it, or figure it out yourself. HINT: AFCC. HINT: MMPDI HINT: Center for Policy Research and a few others in the Denver area. HINT: practically the entire family law field. Analyze a few of these, and you’ll recognize the business model.
Thank you for your tolerance, and hopefully this post offends someone enough to stop, pause, and ask other questions.

The case was then turned over to detectives with the Lee County Sheriff’s Office Major Crimes Unit.
Reporting




Rocky Mountain High– if you’re in one of these professions…
leave a comment »
or should I say, Rocky Mountain HYbrid? Sure looks like one here….
A.k.a. Carpet Bagging on Divorce Distress, at high altitudes…
I just had an odd question: Why is SF’s famous, and well-established Family Violence Prevention Fund, a pace-setter and leader in the field of violence preVENtion conferences and training, promoting conferences like this?
I mean, I just got on “endabuse.org” and searched for “family law,” to see if they actually address some of the rampant troubles with the family law system. After all, they are a FAMILY violence prevention fund….
Here are links on top right, first page”:
ACTION CENTER
LEARN MORE
Do you see anything about preventing violence against WOMEN? In fact, women show up, if they’re immigrants. A search of “fathers” versus a search of “mothers” on this site pull up entirely different stats — you should try it some time.
This came up on page 1 of search results, only the 4th item:
**:have evolved.” Wake up. Want to know how? Look at AFCC’s “About us” or history page — this was not accident, it was intentional transformation, and “how” they evolved was particularly through conferences such as the AFCC puts on, policies which the FVPF has now more overtly (i’m not sure for how long they were ever truly independent) bought into….
I DID “click here,” which brought me not to New Orleans, but to Denver. At which point, this post was conceived and “evolved” — we deserve to know that the organization called “endabuse” is advertising for, and sponsoring conferences for, the organization that is promoting doctrines specifically originated to cover up domestic VIOLENCE (not “abuse”), Child Abuse (is the term, although it does violence to children), and incest, etc. . . . To cover up criminal behavior and change it into something else, linguistically.
/ / / / /
Let me clarify “AFCC”, in case you’re under 20, IN one of these professions, and haven’t been a parent involved in divorce: Custody Switches Happen. HOW do they happen? When something is confronted by one parent, or reported by a children, generally speaking. WHY does this occur? Well, a variety of reasons, but generally in retaliation for reporting. (From what I can see). I mean, what’s the common (?) or $$-and-cents for pulling a sole-custody switch midway through a growing child’s life? It’s $$ and sense from a certain perspective… The “best interests” of the child is not as common sense as we might wish to think (see my blog on slavery & domestic violence, a recent one).
But I’m blabbing here: AFCC, per Liz Richards of NAFCJ.net, and I have to agree after my studies, at least of grants patterns and some of the printed materials, not to mention experiences:
The LEGAL disincentive for defaulting on child support obligations is a contempt of a court order action. There was no problem in using this against the protective mother in Oconto Wisconsin, recently, so I know the judges “understand” the concept. But when a father is involved, somehow we need to give them “incentive” to care about their children’s welfare by helping “bribe” (you give me this, I may give you that, perhaps) them to carry this out in the form of stepping up to that child support plate. That alone is suspect to me, as well as many other aspects of the child support system.. . . . . Women are supposed to care, men have to be bribed to?
ALSO, Is that what any type of courts are FOR? To resolve family conflict? I thought that’s what counseling and therapy was for. Sounds like we have a confusion of purposes somewhere (and should throw out the Constitution as irrelevant, as well as laws). ANYHOW, here they are:
47Th Annual Conference
June 2-5, 2010
Denver, Colorado
More information>>
December 7-8 & 9-10, 2009More information >>
AFCC Training Programs In Houston, Texas
February 22-23 & 24-25, 2010More information >>
Subscribe to the AFCC free Monthly eNews
Subscribe>>
‘Traversing the Trail of Alienation: Mountains of Emotion, Mile High Conflict‘
I’d like to pause here for a brief prayer: “Lord, deliver us from all do-gooders, parent educators, and unsolicited profiteering helpers that may cross my life, or my children’s this day, in Jesus name, Amen.” (I’d rather SEE a sermon than attend a parenting seminar any day. This is parenting: you get your kids SAFE, FIRST, and teach them right from wrong based on behavior, character — not family function. You do not assault & batter yourself, and you protect them from those who do, to the best of your ability, and empathize at least when you can’t. How many of those parenting educators have actually GONE through what family law system has put us through, and after DV, too in many cases? Moreover, I’m not paid for being a mother. In some contexts, doing this can be criminalized as resulting in family “conflict,” i.e., taking a stand somwhere along the line!)
FVPF should not be promoting this! Why are they? Oh– I forgot to tell you:
Do you see the word “discretionary” in the “grants to shelters” ??label? Really, it’s about conferences and training, not actually STOPPING violence. For another, perhaps, because they can: I mean — this is 2009, alone.
Funding is going GREAT for THIS nonprofit:
Assistance to Recipient(s) “family violence prevention fund”
(FY 2000-2010)
Total number of recipients: 1
Total number of transactions: 67
Look at which branches are funding it now — the best of both worlds, from HHS and DOJ both. One is promoting fatherhood through federal grants, another is spouting out millions (and that’s literally) to organizations like this, and others, to “train” judges how to recognize domestic violence (clue: look in the law, look at the facts, look at the bleeding, look at the casualties) and be good and address it, supposedly.
Top 5 Agencies Providing Assistance
HERE”s the CALIFORNIA chapter of AFCC, transforming the words “clear and present danger” (lifted DIRECTLY from the legislature’s own definition of a spousal batterer) into a budget crisis — which the same group has contributed to!
Whose children ARE they now? Are they your subject matter or the progeny of two parents? When you see a kid, do you see a $$ sign for your profession?
Apparently so, and government grants to ENDABUSE.org going to promote AFCC — a membership charging organization — for professionals to hawk their wares, while too many parents are UNaware of it.
Which I hope to stop, obviously!
That’s what I call Carpetbagging, no matter what the altitude.
Would like to analyze a bit more, but time and technical limitations prevent. Check this out yourself….
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Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up
November 28, 2009 at 3:05 PM
Posted in After She Speaks Up - Reporting Child Sexual Abuse, After She Speaks Up - Reporting Domestic Violence and/or Suicide Threats, Designer Families, Domestic Violence vs Family Law, Funding Fathers - literally, History of Family Court, Organizations, Foundations, Associations NGO Hybrids
Tagged with AFCC, Alienation, Declaration of Independence/Bill of Rights, domestic violence, Due process, DV, Education, family law, fatherhood, FVPF, Grammar of Male Violence, HHS-TAGGS grants database, mediation, obfuscation, social commentary, Studying Humans, Supervised Visitation, U.S. Govt $$ hard @ work..