PARENTING COORDINATION:  This post is going to show how the people crying that Moms are Coaching their kids actually coach each other to say this in reports to the courts.  This is the AFCC-sponsored, engendered, promoted, and if they have their way, exclusively controlled field of “Parenting Coordination.”

(I’m also going to split this post — some of the people mentioned above may not show up til the next one….)

Another place to find wording like (see end of last post) is in your basic “parenting coordination” manual.  It’s AFCC.    And it’s sick — which is probably why it isn’t posted in public at the “self-help” “Family Center” resource centers:  You are going to face a “HAPC” (hostile-aggressive-parenting coordinator) talking about your hostility in protesting or even reporting, aggression.

Why also are we not informed of how AFCC practitioners and their “ilk” are genuinely attempting to change family law into Therapy — and are brazen about it.  This is essentially what the “Center for Families & Children in the Courts” are.  They are venues where parents can be discussed, in third person as a foreign population, and how the far wiser and more noble practicing professionals can plot and plan to deal with their flawed, parental selves.

Might as well show it right now:

NEW HAMPSHIRE  PARENTING COORDINATOR ASSOCIATION LIST — AT LEAST THE AFCC-TRAINED ONES:

Footnote 1, Footnote 2 (and the entire list, this one at least, all have a footnote, or some, 2) stands for:

1Practicing parenting coordinator.

2Completed Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) prescribed training program.

A quick look (the list is only 2 pages) shows that these are either attorney, psychologist, or therapists.  If I were in New Hampshire with an open custody case, I’d memorize the list and be prepared….

Now for that training, a sample page from a sample report, on the association home page:

Notice (on home page) the “high-conflict” phrase, all over the place:

Welcome to Parenting Coordinators Association

The Parenting Coordinators Association of New Hampshire (PCANH) is a non-profit interdisciplinary organization dedicated to fostering the understanding and use of parenting coordination and to supporting professionals who serve as parenting coordinators. Our membership includes attorneys, mental health providers, and other professionals committed to improving the process of family transition in New Hampshire by managing and reducing inter-parental conflict and creating healthier outcomes for children of divorce and separation. The purposes of PCANH are to promote the highest level of practice by parenting coordinators through networking and continuing education, and to educate the judicial branch, legal community, and the general public about the use of this dispute resolution process in high conflict parenting cases.

Their membership includes (most likely, just is) the same fields of practice that AFCC membership covers, with possible exception of the judges themselves.  They are going to educate EVERYone (see last sentence) and of course promote it to the general public as well.   They are excellence-minded, and are going to promote the HIGHEST level of (unbiased?) practice, etc.  They will teach the judges (the judges in AFCC already know this stuff — they attend conferences!  So is this going to trade some training funds around, or go proselytize to the non-AFCC judges?)

This is a very basic (not links- heavy) site, but one of the links is to AFCC.

I can’t drag the picture of a pretty little (Caucasian) girl, with a ribbon in her hair, and a yellow butterfly on her shoulder.  Oh how gentle and sensitive.

Now, (by contrast) for the SAMPLE from the Handbook, and what they really think about ADULT women with children, separating:

I notice, up front, the comment the Indiana Parenting Coordinators group (INDIANA just also happens to be a state in which Family Justice Center has been established; it also on its child support page contains a direct link to Fathers and Families soliciting (from Fathers & Families) grant applications.  They are unbelievably networked…..

The Parenting Coordinators Association of New Hampshire deeply appreciates Families Moving Forward, Inc. of Indiana for granting permission to the Association to incorporate material from the Indiana Parenting Coordination Guide in preparing this document.1

…..

Furthermore, parenting coordination can help heal damaged family relationships and establish the communication, cooperation, conflict resolution, and general coping skills necessary for effective co-parenting so as to enable children to remain psychologically healthy following the divorce or separation of their parents.

John D. Cameron, Esq. Benjamin D. Garber, Ph.D. Co-Chairpersons, Parenting Coordinators Association of New Hampshire April 2008

….

As the manager of the treatment team, the parenting coordinator coordinates the needed services and has the authority to select different services and different service providers, and to replace service providers when necessary, to ensure that the needs of the family are met for the sake of the children. ***  This role would typically be applied in cases where the parents are deadlocked about treatment options for their children, and in cases where mental health problems, parental alienation tactics, or other problematic family dynamics may threaten the parenting coordination process, the safety of the children, or the relationships of the children with one or both parents.

**This basically is putting in place permission for a parenting coordinator to replace a NON-AFCC provider who might be a little more neutral with one more friendly to their particular philosophy, as demonstrated, below in the sample report (p. 28 of handbook).  Notice, “mental health problems, parental alienation tactics,” and of course an assumption that there ar elikely to be “treatment” for children.  Moreover, the material shows parenting coordinators are going to seek to have access to what would be otherwise very privileged information about the parents and children in a particular case:

5. Access to Information.

In carrying out responsibilities the parenting coordinator will have access to non- parties and privileged information as may be required, including school officials, physicians, mental health providers, guardians ad litem, and other professionals involved with the family. The parenting coordinator will also have access to related court records.

Judges have to file with the secretary of state or . . . . . officially, a DIsclosure form, so litigants know there is no “conflict of interest” and can require (or attempt to) a judge to recuse him/herself if there IS one, and the judge hasn’t done so voluntarily up front.  Do Parenting Coordinators have to reveal which AFCC (etc.) conferences they have attended, or which nonprofits they run, with each other, J.D. & Ph.D.?  This is NOT good…..

Of course, parenting coordination is hard work and takes time (so does fighting frivolous causes of action in a family law scenario– are the parents paid for this?), so about FEES:

Fees:

Fees of the parenting coordinator are set by the particular professional and would typically, but not necessarily, depend on the qualifications of the parenting coordinator. {{Hence, run more trainings}} Fees can be expected to apply to all parenting coordination services, including but not necessarily limited to: interview time, meeting time, investigation time (of court, school, or other records), collateral time (conferring with attorneys and other professionals), home visits, travel expenses and travel time, preparation of reports or agreements, and court appearances.

Can they set a minimum level of parental wealth before engaging a parent coordinator?  Oh — I forgot, usually who has the money is sought close to the beginning of any divorce/separation case, so the court knows whether to high-track it, or to low-ball it through mediation (20 minute hearing following 45 minute medication, goodbye children..)

WHO GETS parenting coordination.  In a set of amazingly “clear” reasoning, they say, not parents with high conflict or a history of disobeying court orders.  (well, if not, then what is a coordinator needed for?  Because parents DO keep court orders and can figure out their own business?)

Parenting coordination works best when both parents are willing to accept the parenting coordination process. That is why parenting coordination in New Hampshire typically requires the agreement of both parents for the appointment of a parenting coordinator.** Parenting coordination may be least effective in cases where one or both parents have never accepted the court’s authority and repeatedly violated court orders. Such parents will likely dispute or defy the parenting coordinator’s decisions as well.

**Just wait.  Sooner or later this will be flagged and mandated up front. Probably Indiana will get to this before NH….

After another section establishing their retainer and billing procedures in some detail, we get the assurance that the parenting coordinators are VERY, very, very concerned about impartiality

9. Impartiality.

The parents understand that parenting coordination will be furnished on an impartial basis and that the parenting coordinator will not provide psychological counseling or legal advice to either parent.

. . . . i.e., “just trust us.”  You are in a high-stakes struggle for your civil rights and sometimes safety for children, there is a lot of money at stake, and you are going to pay a parenting coordinator, even if child support is in arrears and you are transitioning from stay at home status as a parent.   So, as with all legal proceedings, be encouraged to take the professionals impartiatlity at face value, although you will of course have to pay a retainer to get their impartial services.  Now, about that lack of gender bias in this profession, which has a gender-neutral title, “Parent” coordination:  SAMPLE REPORT: (in diff’t format in original, see pdf)

THE STATE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE

ROCKINGHAM, SS FAMILY DIVISION AT

In the Matter of Father and Mother Case #2008-M-0000

PARENTING COORDINATOR REPORT

NOW COMES the Parenting Coordinator and submits the following report for the information and assistance of the Court and the parents:

Parenting coordination was ordered by the court in Month 20XX. The role of the parenting coordinator has been helping both parents manage and resolve conflicts and attend to the needs of their children within the scope of the Final Custody and Parenting Schedule Agreement. Every effort was made to encourage them to resolve disputes themselves; however, information was obtained from third parties when necessary to understand the issues, i.e., children’s pediatrician, teachers, and pastors of the respective churches.

(Guess no Jews or Muslims, or atheists, are likely to cross the PC’s paths…  Guess Christian pastors are likely to be gender-neutral, too:  Use of the word “pastor” indicates Protestant, but FYI, here’s the Catholic version of gender-equality, from a random search on “church, fatherhood”)

MISSING FATHERS OF THE CHURCH

The Feminization of the Church & the Need for Christian Fatherhood

byLeon J. Podles

You may have noticed that, in general, men are not as interested in religion as women are. There are usually more women than men at Sunday mass, and there are far more women than men at devotions, retreats, and prayer groups. The men who do come are often there because wives or girlfriends have put pressure on them to attend. . . . . “In my book,The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity,I examine the lack of men in the Western churches, which only the unobservant doubt, and I look at the possible causes and results of the lack of men. My thought has continued to develop, and I have slightly revised my thesis. In what follows I will first summarize my thesis that men stay away from the Church because they regard it as a threat to their hard-won masculinity. Second, I will explore how the Church has become identified with femininity. Third, I will consider how this feminization has undermined fatherhood, and how the Church can reach men and help them to be Christians and Christian fathers.

(Unbelievably, this is copyright 2011).  Is it better with the non-Catholics, this panick about feminizing or rendering men impotent through church involvement?

Here’s an attorney’s writing:  ”

Tips for Restoring the Biblical Role of Fatherhood in the Church  Scott Brown. (note:first quote is from an attorney);

“To know the true state of a nation, look at the state of the Church. To know the true state of the Church, look at the families who populate her pews. To know the state of her families, look to the fathers who lead them. Destroy the vision of the father, and you render impotent the family, thus creating a chain reaction that spreads throughout civilization” Douglas W. Phillips, Esq.

If a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God? -I Timothy 3:5

How does a church begin to restore the role of fathers to the pattern prescribed in scripture? First of all, she must deal with PMS (Passive Male Syndrome). This is accomplished by focusing the energies of the church toward men and challenging them to carry out their Biblically defined roles.

Well, here’s someone else’s “Public Notice Calling for the Repentance of Douglas W. Phillips” (probably the same guy, judging by content):

2. As a self-appointed, unordained, sole elder of Boerne Christian Assembly, Mr. Phillips pronounced an “excommunication” on a member family of his church in 2005. 2 The “excommunication” was vindictive and appears to have been motivated over a difference in political views. 3 The “trial” was conducted without any due process in what can only be described as a Kangaroo Court. The accused were tried in absentia. No witnesses were called. No defense was afforded the accused. No specific, detailed list of charges was made. No evidence was provided. Any actual valid excommunicable sins had already been repented from, including a pre-conversion sin that had been repented of fifteen years prior. 4 A prominent Pastor has since described the excommunication as “the Salem Witch Trials.” The family has attempted ever since to be reconciled with Mr. Phillips, but he has refused all offers to meet with them, thus confirming his vindictiveness.

3. After being “excommunicated,” the entire family was shunned, including the family’s children. The children were never charged with any sins. Yet they, too, were punished. One of the daughters had received an award as a runner-up in a Vision Forum writing contest, but Mr. Phillips ordered her name be removed from the Vision Forum web site.

4. Doug Phillips is known as a leader in what is known as the “Patriarchy” movement. However, his conduct as a pastor makes it apparent that he is more of a misogynist than a Patriarch. “Let the women keep silent” (1 Cor. 13:34) is taken to such an extreme at BCA that women cannot make prayer requests or even introduce their guests. Women aren’t even permitted to get the elements of the Lord’s Supper for themselves. If their husbands aren’t present, they must be served by another man, or one of her sons, even if that son is too young to take the Lord’s supper himself.Mr. Phillips’ treatment of women is degrading and demeaning, and he does not treat them as fellow heirs of Christ Jesus. 5

Be assured the people who tend to talk like this can meanwhile be treating their women (and/or, previously, slaves) like second-class animals. This same person expounding on evolutionary versus revelation concepts of law, starting with Oliver Wendell Holmes..

A millennium of Christian legal tradition came to an end in 1870. In that year, Christopher Columbus Langdell, newly appointed Dean of Harvard Law School, began a revolutionary approach to legal education which specifically discarded the Genesis foundation of law in favor of a philosophy rooted in Darwinism.

Langdell abandoned the historic method of teaching Christian principles of the common law in favor of the new “case-book method” which directed the student to discover law through the constantly evolving opinion of judges. Langdell described the relationship between science, law, and uniformitarianism in the preface to the first “case-book” ever published, his Cases on Contracts:

While it’s clear AFCC is in favor of evolutionary legal language (in fact, moving towards therapy and away from law, just USING the courts to dispense the therapeutic assignments to court cronies, if I may be so sarcastic (and accurate) – – – Be assured that among the people coming before the courts will be women attempting to exit the dominate-the-woman lifestyle of one, or more, religions, and that sometimes they are risking their lives for doing so.

One more — since the Parenting Coordinators of New Hampshire feel it appropriate to consult “Pastors” for “information” on the children and parents.  Pastors are mandated reporters of child abuse (and have been caught as perpetrators, also, or covering up for perpetrators).

For this reason (or at least so He stated), former US President Jimmy Carter LEFT the Southern Baptist Convention, stating as a reason its treatment of women:

Via Feministing, the former president called the decision “unavoidable” after church leaders prohibited women from being ordained and insisted women be “subservient to their husbands.” Said Carter in an essay in The Age:

At its most repugnant, the belief that women must be subjugated to the wishes of men excuses slavery, violence, forced prostitution, genital mutilation and national laws that omit rape as a crime. But it also costs many millions of girls and women control over their own bodies and lives, and continues to deny them fair access to education, health, employment and influence within their own communities.

And, later:

The truth is that male religious leaders have had — and still have — an option to interpret holy teachings either to exalt or subjugate women. They have, for their own selfish ends, overwhelmingly chosen the latter. Their continuing choice provides the foundation or justification for much of the pervasive persecution and abuse of women throughout the world.

The article here is July, 2009. Contrast with the position of former U.S. President Bush, in 2001 (OFCBI), or in 2003 (heart of the Family Justice Center Alliance — see my post — cites an interest in keeping the “faith” component involved in helping people escape violence, abuse including sexual abuse of children, human trafficking and wife-beating.   And in 2008, the PCANH, in a casual reference, figures that they’ll go get some more data from the pastors…. Yeah, right.. Meanwhile, to clean up its racist act the conservatives targeted urban innercity black MEN to sell them on Fatherhood initiatives, when they were already en route to civil rights….

There’s still over?compensation and a church attempt to solicit men (women are expected to show up and serve, what else have they got to do?) in the form of (date:  2010) a “MANLY MEN conference” which appears to have a Responsible Fatherhood/Marriage Connection:

Celebrate Being a Man!No singing. No crying. No holding of hands.

Take some time to explore the website to learn more about each part of this life-changing weekend. Space is limited and the event is expected to sell out, so take advantage of early bird pricing and get registered today! Bring a friend, bring your sons, but make sure you join us in celebrating MEN!

What beats hanging out with 1,000 men for a weekend?Roasting our own pigs.

This summer, The Manly Man Conference returns to Green Bay with an all new event, Manly Man III: Time to Man Up. MMIII is a weekend for men, by men. From the food to the speakers and the music, everything is planned with YOU in mind.

This year we’re going hog wild with the pig roast. We’ve purchased a few pigs to raise at a farm in Wisconsin and are forming plans to roast them ourselves. Why? Because we’re men!

Yes, this has a religious and “Focus on the Family” theme.  Do I sense a fear of the feminine somewhere? The key speaker is a pastor, and probably on the CFDA 93.086 circuit too, as he is marketing marriage seminars…

As such, I find the parenting coordinator comment  a bit of a “red flag” (or just ignorant of the influence of religion here…..).

But, after they have assembled all the relevant information (and obtained retainers) then it’s time to write a report.  Benjamin D. Garber, Ph.D. (mental health leadership of PCANH.org) and John D. Cameron, Esq. (legal leadership of PCANH.org) suggest a report as follows:

(After very brief info, this is the first substantive paragraph, attacking Mother.  Again, this is a standard, or sample report.  No contrasting one is suggested to validate any concerns a mother might have about a father.  Catch the tone — this is a PC association coaching PCs how to Coach the Judge to say the Mom Coached the Children.  And you wondered where that idea came from, eh?

There was evidence in the meetings with the children that they were caught in a loyalty bind by mother (i.e., feeling pressure to choose their mother as right or good and their father as wrong or bad). The children shared that their mother asked many questions about their father and his household. They acknowledged that they did not always tell their mother the truth. Sometimes they lied to stop their mother from questioning them intensively after visits with their father. Other times they lied in an effort to please their mother, or because their mother had confused them.

Often, the children complained about their father or his household. For example, “I don’t feel I’m safe at Daddy’s” or “I’m scared of Daddy.” However, when these issues were explored, it was learned that in some cases they were totally without foundation and in other cases they were related only to an incident two years earlier when their father grabbed an arm and directed one of the children to time-out in the garage.

a.k.a., how to discredit any assaults…..

The children also brought up issues and requests which parroted their mother….

“Mom says our clothes don’t fit” and “I want to talk with Mommy more than just the Sunday ” With discussion it was revealed that their mother raised the issues and then directed the children to discuss them in the meetings. In addition, it appears that the mother has made statements that have caused the children to doubt the parenting coordinator. For example, the children said to the parenting coordinator: “Mom told us that you took Daddy’s side and didn’t stay neutral and on the kids’ side.”

a.k.a. how to counter with allegations Mommy is coaching, AND she doesn’t trust the PC authority, either!  (As it seems, with good reason, if this is typical of the bias!)

Father showed improvement in raising only important issues instead of trivial concerns in the joint meetings.

a.k.a. how to win points for Daddy’s patience and forbearance with hysterical mother.

Subsequent paragraphs are no better, and continue to castigate bad Mommy and patient Daddy, and then psychoanalyze the Mother:

Mother displayed a distorted view of the father, seeing him as without redeeming qualities and specifically as abusive to the children. She constantly scanned the world for evidence of his harm to them. She viewed trivial events as having great significance; she interpreted inconsequential remarks by the children as indicative of major problems; and she exaggerated the anxious remarks of the children and accepted their complaints about the father as facts. For example, when the children complained about normal disciplinary (end p. 29) consequences from their father, the mother concluded the father was being abusive.

Similarly, despite evidence to the contrary, the mother alleged that the father’s church did not adhere at all to the Scriptures, and she believed that the father never dressed the children properly.

The mother exhibited rigid or black-white thinking. She had difficulty taking in information, considering it and viewing it objectively. Instead, she integrated it into her unrealistically negative belief system about father She rejected evidence, explanations and interpretations that were inconsistent with her beliefs.

The mother seems to use the children as a narcissistic extension of herself. She is unable to separate her own needs and emotions from those of the children. She attempts to undermine the children’s relationships with their father. The effect on the children is confusion and anxiety. The children vigilantly look for information to fit their mother’s perception of their father. As a result, the children are not learning to trust their own observations and judgments, and they are at great risk of becoming alienated from their father.

Mother’s distorted view and lack of trust in the father does not lend itself to building an effective co-parenting relationship and is destructive to the children. She lacks introspection and sees herself as virtuous and without fault. Mother viewed the parenting coordinator’s attempts to point out these dynamics as persecution and evidence of bias against her.

Actually, it is the parenting coordinator profession that perceives itself as virtuous and without fault, therefore deserving of this authority over — apparently, the mothers in a high-conflict parenting couple.    Is there any indication there that PERHAPS a woman’s instinct, or a mothers’ might notice something the paid PC might not?   The last statement there, to me, indicates that this handbook has anticipated resistance from an alert mother and how to counter it by labeling her.  Ain’t NOTHING new under the son in this field, except the name of the new niche assigned to do the same job!

In summary, a degree of stability has been established in the family system with accountability offered by parenting coordination.

(Actually, there is precious little accountability with this system!  Again, they are looking at “family system” and have a particular spin on events in an individual family.  There is no mention in this whether or not there has been previous severe violence, threats, including to kill or kidnap.  While it says no parenting coordination to be assigned unless parents both “consent” (what would the options be?) — only a very desperate mother, for example, would submit to a process that indicates this much bias going out the gate.

(Continuing….)

Father’s improvement in non-reactivity and being issue-focused has been beneficial. The parenting coordinator is concerned about the mother’s unresolved emotional issues** and the adverse impact these may have on co- parenting and on the children’s psychological health. It is strongly recommended that the mother seek individual counseling with a Ph.D. level mental health professional. Without intervention, co-parenting will be eleven more years of accusations and mistrust, necessitating ongoing parenting coordination. Furthermore, there is reason to be concerned that the mother may further confuse and alienate the children this summer.

In other words, parenting coordination the first step, intervention, the next step, and here is the “alienation” buzz word.

As a school nurse, she has the summer off and will be with the children all day on her parenting time. Finally, it is recommended that parenting coordination continue for 6 more months in order to facilitate effective co-parenting, monitor the dynamics in the family system, and determine whether the mother’s individual counseling has a positive impact.

Good grief, the woman is a school nurse, which is a profession where one is trained to notice details and work with kids.  Now, she may want to have some private down time with her own, perhaps?  Not with this parenting coordinator around.

Did I mention, who is paying child support to whom about this time?   oh, I forgot — this absolutely has nothing to do with $$ and the parenting coordinators are certainly neutral (at least by AFCC standards). ….

Respectfully submitted, Parenting Coordinator

**Cobblers see shoes and mental health service providers see mental health problems.  Does anyone actually see potential CAUSES of the responses?

So there you have it – HOW to call “ALIENATOR!” — blow by blow.  A sample report.  So, isn’t it nice to know that IF you actually agree to a parenting coordinator voluntarily, this is about the level of impartiality to expect.  Don’t agree unless there is no other option, if you’re female, wouldn’t you think?  Or at least, don’t grasp at stray straws of hope….

Now that how to write an antagonistic report about a paranoid mother who needs more therapy (or else), it’s time to get down to the issue of who gets to be a parenting coordinator.  For some reason, reading this, I feel like we are back in grade school again, picking the winning team — who is “in” and who is “out.”  Of course the Non-AFCC are going to be “out” but this is expressed in the following manner:

Mental health and legal professionals who are interested in developing parenting coordinator skills should, in addition to pursuing training in the above areas, consider joining the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts or AFCC (website: http://www.afccnet.org). Furthermore, they should obtain supervision from a professional who is recognized as a skilled parenting coordinator. That supervision should continue throughout at least six parenting coordination cases

(Thus ensuring no “high-conflict” struggles within the Parenting Coordination Community — all will be properly groomed and screened.  With as many judges as AFCC has on its board and in its ranks, this shouldn’t be too hard.  Sounds like they don’t deal too well in this organization with challenges to their authority…..).

Suppose there are real violence or child abuse cases a parenting coordinator is handling?  would such a person then actually consult an expert in the field?  Like a medical expert, or criminal investigator who specializes in this?  Well — no, how about another AFCC parenting coordinator who knows how to put the mental illness spin on anyone who reports.  Notice the order:

Any parenting coordinator cases involving (1) parents with  severe personality disorders or mental illness and (2) cases with allegations of physical or sexual abuse should be conducted only by a licensed mental health professional with more extensive experience as a parenting coordinator and substantial continuing education in parenting coordination, such as parenting coordinator workshops provided through AFCC.

Excuse me, when there are allegations of physical or sexual abuse, let’s not settle where or not this actually took place, but call in the psychiatrists?   I wonder how that will work out.  Notice it’s PARENTS (probably mothers) who have the severe personality disorders, and CASES not with physcial or sexual abuse, but allegations of it.  Just to get the priorities straight. . . . . .

(Are we AFCC enough yet?  in this field).

Again — read it.  It’s an eyeopener.  http://www.pcanh.org/NEW%20HAMPSHIRE%20PARENTING%20COORDINATION%20HANDBOOK.pdf 

Of course, because I am questioning the authority of this profession, I just might be a female with a severe personality disorder…called reading .

How I found out about this:  I read in a case which had been turned around through Alienation charges, and it just so happened to be in NH and involve not one, not two, but THREE mental health professionals stroking each other’s egos and deferentially quoting each other.  The couple involved hadn’t even lived together that long, but they managed to get the kids back to the father away from the mother.

(material on the personnel mentioned in title, on the next post; I am splitting off  one long post by word-count)….

To be continued….