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Christian Sects 2: Progressive Mormon Feminist (??) on Mitt, Back in the Day….

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Just in case I wasn’t clear in that long-winded “Christianty and Its Sects in the Statehouse,” Let’s bring it a little more current. An atheist feminist friend who validated my right to get angry (few others actually did, or exhibited any anger) when my kids were stolen overnight, sent me the first article, which is from “Religion Dispatches.”

The article is self-explanatory enough. But remember to scan the 97 comments, which (surprisingly) are from plenty of men as well. One of them says there are “Judy” Mormons and “Jim” MOrmons, really there are all kind of Mormons. Well, draw your own conclusions — having run my mouth elsewhere today, I’m out of time on the topic!


Jim Reed • 2 months ago • parent 
Not exactly. I was saying if Romney is elected then the church will switch even more that way, and be 99% Romney Mormons. At that point it will become very difficult, or even impossible, for a Mormon to oppose him, especially a woman. Now is their chance to make a big difference, and help the post election shift go the other way toward a more balanced church.

ANYHOW here we are.

Mitt’s Best-known Mormon Critic Tells it All:  One Last Time:

Judith Dushku tells the whole story

Joanna BrooksJoanna Brooks, named one of “50 Politicos to Watch,” is the author of The Book of Mormon Girl: Stories from an American Faith and a senior correspondent for Religion Dispatches.
For years, now, the press has been beating down the door of Judy Dushku, a Mormon feminist, global women’s rights activist, and professor at Suffolk University. It was Dushku who during Romney’s Senate run in 1994 broke the now infamous story of Romney’s pressuring a woman in his congregation not to have an abortion even though her life was in danger. That’s a brave stance to take in a community that prizes conformity and group loyalty.But Judy Dushku is ready to stop serving as the media’s go-to on Romney’s issues with women. She’d like the whole story to be told. But she’d like the press crush to end. After all, she’s busy these days founding an initiative to foster economic self-sufficiency among women in Uganda.

. . . .

This contravenes another cultural norm, which is that Mormons should stick together. How did you come to be so independent?

I grew up as a “military brat”—living all over the country, but going to high school in Michigan. I went to BYU and tried very hard to fit in like the kids from Arizona, California, and Utah. I dyed my hair blonde. I joined the Young Republicans. I went to Cleon Skousen lectures. And I wanted to get married, go to Washington, and work in the State Department. At the very last moment, with no boyfriend to talk me out of graduation, my professors talked me into applying to the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts, and I got a scholarship. It shocked me, but I went to Boston and the Fletcher School. I was the very straight arrow Mormon girl; the one who drank from the separate punchbowl. Then the Vietnam War swept me up, and I began to question everything.

I was hired by Suffolk University and I fell in love with teaching. Suffolk was an iconic working-class university—in the 1960s that meant working-class first-generation-college white immigrant families. I had young men negotiating grades with me because if they didn’t get a C, they’d get drafted. I investigated how people avoided the draft and became very aware of class divisions in Boston and America at large. The war really turned me into a social critic, a thinker, introspective about who has power and who does not and the role of interest groups and elites. That’s when I met Boston’s Mormon feminist community and got involved in the women’s movement in politics. I’d gotten married and was facing workplace challenges—no maternity leave with my first child, and I had to pay my own substitute. My husband was a working-class immigrant from Albania, so I learned a great deal about immigrant life. In my life and in my teaching politics at the university, I became a strong critical thinker about power.

At the same time, I always wanted to stay a Mormon and fit in. I was able to do so in more diverse congregations, even after my husband and I divorced and I was a single woman with four little children in tow. I have had every intention of being an enthusiastic active Mormon mother.

(INTERVIEWER): And you’ve always been active. Now you hold the position of Stake Relief Society president, which is a position of authority over the women in several congregations—parallel to the position of “stake president” once held by Mitt Romney. And you’ve started your own humanitarian organization.

…Be sure, if you click on that link to also read Johanna Brooks 2012 article on some LDS clinical psychologists, one of who was later recommended to be a bishop (verify article, that’s by memory) who were teaching others interrogation techniques.  And how did Romney feel about this.

However, I looked up the account of the “have the abortion, even if it threatens your life” article, which is below.  On that link also is a link to a woman who, while she also had been raped and not gotten pregnant, had (apparently in other circumstances) been highly pressured to give up her daughter who — despite being in what looked like a good, stable, family (adopted by). . . later committed suicide.  This mother writes, she hasn’t gotten over giving up her daughter, 46 yrs later.

I know people are going to vote.  Just think, before you do, OK?  Think about some of these women.  I’m not an ex-Mormon, but,  . . . . just think, OK?  As they say, it’s something to be a woman “without a country”…. speaking, social networks. 


  • SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14, 2012

Romney’s convenient stand on abortion: Flip. Flop. Loop holes.

Hard-hearted Romney then, no friend to women in trouble

More troubling information about the man who would be president, Mitt Romney, and his relationship to women is emerging. We wrote earlier about his encouraging a single mother to relinquish her child for adoption–threatening her with excommunication if she did not–but another story has come to light. It happened in 1983, the same summer that Romney infamously drove to his house at his gated lakefront community on Lake Huron with his Irish setter, Seamus, in a dog carrier lashed to the roof of the car. This became political fodder–cartoons, gags on late-night comedy, even a satirical song–but another incident that summer has been largely ignored until now.

A pregnant woman and a practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints (LDS or Mormon) had a life-threatening blood clot lodged in her pelvic region. Carrel Hilton Sheldon was in her late thirties, had four teenage children, and had lost fifth in childbirth. This was her sixth pregnancy. To treat the clot, Sheldon was administered an overdose of the blood thinner Heparin in the eighth week of her pregnancy, {{@WHERE??}} which led to massive internal bleeding and extensive damage to her kidneys. She might even need a kidney transplant. Given the fatal repercussions to her, she and her husband faced the great likelihood that the fetus was also severely damaged.

 (=author, “Lorraine”)

The LDS stake president in Massachusetts was a Harvard-trained physician, Dr. Gordon Williams. He counseled Sheldon to follow her doctor’s advice and terminate the pregnancy to save her life. “Of course, you should have this abortion and then recover from the blood clot and take care of the healthy children you already have,” she recalls him saying. A stake president is a male volunteer in the church who is in charge of several Mormon congregations, called wards or branches; bishops in the church, also volunteers, are the spiritual leaders of the wards, and as such, are below the stake presidents in the hierarchy. At the time Romney was 36 and a rising star in the church, and Sheldon’s bishop.

{{Rock, Scissors, Paper, Stone.  Stake President trumps bishop}}

According to an account that Sheldon wrote anonymously for the LDS women’s journal, Exponent II, and an interview with a friend of Sheldon’s, Romney paid her an uninvited visit late that summer (after returning from Canada) in her hospital room and urged her to have the child, all medical advice to the contrary. He talked about his sister who has a a retarded child, and what a blessing the child was. “He told me that ‘as your bishop, my concern is with the child.'” Not only was there no empathy forthcoming from Romney, he said he doubted the stake president’s approval, and said he would call him. “At a time when I would have appreciated nurturing and support from spiritual leader and friends,” Sheldon wrote, “I got judgment, criticism, prejudicial advice and rejection.”

wives of Brigham Young
Brigham Young’s wives in the late 1800s. Charming.

According to R.B. Scott, author of Mitt Romney: an Inside Look at the Man and His Politics, Romney’s only concern was for the unborn fetus, not the health of the woman, not her other children.

Author Scott, also a Mormon, interviewed Sheldon’s 90-year-old father, Phil Hilton, about the incident: “I have never been so upset in my life,” he told Scott. “[Romney] is an authoritative type fellow who thinks he is in charge of the world.” Hilton was so offended by Romney’s lack of sensitivity to her daughter’s life that he ordered him out of his home. He told Scott he was fully prepared to throw Romney off his porch if he did not leave immediately. Romney left.

When confronted about the incident by reporters from the Boston Globe in 1994—little more than a decade afterward—Romney claimed no memory of the incident. You can bet that Sheldon has not forgotten.

Now living on the West Coast, she is no longer a member of LDS. “Here I—a baptized, endowed, dedicated worker, and tithe-payer in the church—lay helpless, hurt, and frightened, trying to maintain my psychological equilibrium,” she wrote, “and his concern was for the eight-week possibility in my uterus—not for me!

Romney’s flip-flopping on just about all issues has been covered extensively, but his stand on women’s rights and abortion, and even contraception, is what concerns us here. According to a former friend of his and a LDS member today, Judy Dushku, his position on abortion has changed with the expediencies of politics. Dushku is no light-weight throwing pot shots. She has been a professor of government for 40 years and she now teaches at Suffolk University in Massachusetts where she is the Fulbright Senior Specialist. Dushku was an editor of Exponent II, and knew Sheldon well, when she asked her to write a piece describing what had happened to her. The magazine agreed to publish the story anonymously.



  • THURSDAY, JANUARY 12, 2012

Romney urges single woman to give up her baby–or be outcast from LDS

Mitt Romney, as a leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, pressured an unmarried woman to give up her unborn child to be adopted. That revelation comes from The Real Romney, a new book excerpted in the February issue of Vanity Fair.  In the book, co-authors Michael Kranish and Scott Helman tell the story of one Peggie Hayes, who had a long-time connection with the Romney family.

Hayes had joined the church with her mother , and knew the Romneys so well that as a teenager, Hayes baby-sat for the Romney boys in Boston. In her last year of high school, however, her mother abruptly moved with her daughter to Salt Lake City.

{{That must have been a little traumatic…}}

Peggie married, moved to Los Angeles, had a daughter, divorced, and eventually moved back to the Boston area, where she made contact again with the Romneys. She stayed a member of the Mormon church.

{{I wonder if the marriage had anything to do with Mormons pushing marriage, or to get out of the neighborhood.  Sounds like she did this while just out of high school — see ff.}}

In 1983, Hayes was 23, a nurses’ aid struggling with her finances, and Romney was not only her church leader as her bishop, but she also thought of him as a friend. He helped find her odd jobs with other members of the church. Then Hayes became pregnant, and though marriage was not part of the equation, she looked forward to having another child. “I kind of felt like I could do it,” she is quoted as saying in the book. “And I wanted to.”

{{comment:  jobs with other church members; keeping it in-house.}}

But Romney, hoeing to Mormon policy of discouraging out-of-wedlock mothers, sat down with her and “said something about the church’s adoption agency.” From the excerpt in Vanity Fair:

Hayes initially thought she must have misunderstood. But Romney’s intent became apparent: he was urging her to give up her soon-to-be-born son for adoption, saying that was what the church wanted. Indeed, the church encourages adoption in cases where a successful marriage is unlikely.

Hayes was deeply insulted. She told him she would never surrender her child. Sure, her life wasn’t exactly the picture of Rockwellian harmony, but she felt she was on a path to stability. In that moment, she also felt intimidated. Here was Romney, who held great power as her church leader and was the head of a wealthy, prominent Belmont family, sitting in her gritty apartment making grave demands. “And then he says, ‘Well, this is what the church wants you to do, and if you don’t, then you could be excommunicated for failing to follow the leadership of the church,’ ” Hayes recalled. It was a serious threat. At that point Hayes still valued her place within the Mormon Church. “This is not playing around,” she said. “This is not like ‘You don’t get to take Communion.’ This is like ‘You will not be saved. You will never see the face of God.’ ” Romney would later deny that he had threatened Hayes with excommunication, but Hayes said his message was crystal clear: “Give up your son or give up your God.”

Hayes gave birth to a son she named Dane. Before he was a year old, he needed risky surgery because the  bones in his head were fused together, restricting the growth of his brain. They would have to be separated. Hayes looked to her church for emotional and spiritual support, and, setting aside their uncomfortable conversation before the baby’s birth, called Romney and asked him to come to the hospital to give her baby a blessing. Hayes was expecting him, but two people she didn’t know showed up instead. From VF:

She was crushed. “I needed him,” she said. “It was very significant that he didn’t come.” Sitting there in the hospital, Hayes decided she was finished with the Mormon Church. The decision was easy, yet she made it with a heavy heart. To this day, she remains grateful to Romney and others in the church for all they did for her family. But she shudders at what they were asking her to do in return, especially when she pulls out pictures of Dane, now a 27-year-old electrician in Salt Lake City. “There’s my baby,” she said.

One has to be a strong and brave woman to stand up against the pressures of the LDS strictures. LDS is not like Catholicism, where in America there are “cafeteria Catholics” who go to Mass on Sunday but use birth control on Saturday. To be a Mormon in good standing, the rules are strict, no exceptions. How many more mothers and children must be sacrificed in order to hoe to church dogma until the elders have a divine revelation and LDS policy changes?

In this day and age, after all that we have learned about the psychological harm to both mother and child in unnecessary adoptions, urging any mother who wants to keep her baby to give him up to strangers is cruel and unusual punishment.–lorraine

{{So do too many people with their talons in welfare diversionary, and/or faith-based funding.  They encourage women to marry their way out of poverty, or give it up, and are open about this.  This is why, regardless of the next President, voters should address this issue in the reauthorization of welfare in 2013.  MOREOVER, my lookups are showing there a huge development in federal funding to encourage adoption (Promoting Safe & Stable Families, etc.) — millions of $$.   Also the development of child welfare as a field of law, $600K to the “National Association of Counsel for Children,” (NACC) which overlaps with the AFCC I keep yakkin’ about, was labeled “ADOPTION ASSISTANCE.”  MEANWHILE, at the law school level, and again coordinated by AFCC members, centers (with private funding help) are being set up called “CFCC”s (Center for Families & Children in the Courts) where experts can convene and decide policy without a lot of single mothers, or uninfluential single fathers around.

THEIR thing has been to promote Unified Family Courts as a model.  While this may sound efficient, the real purpose is to gain SUBJECT MATTER JURISDICTION over both custody (which may not involve abuse, at least by both parents) and dependency courts, and to order more therapeutically jurisprudent services (to cronies).   I am networked with mothers and have been reporting this — you can smell the patronizing tone when you walk in a courtroom.  This is where it comes from.  Not reported at the centers — repercussions.  For example, the “Unified Family Court” set up in Lackawanna County, PA (which definitely got help from the Baltimore-based CFCC on the pilot unified court) has already been raided by the FBI on allegations — which seem pretty likely in my opinion — of financial misdeeds, overbilling, double-billing, etc. — by an NACC member.. etc.

To Summarize:  Mormons are not the only ones with this attitude.  However, (see Christianity and its Sects article) it does appear that having adopted children when they can’t have real children might help a couple in the afterlife…  It appears to be taken further in these circles, perhaps.

In THAT regard, I notice that one of the significant marriage grants from HHS was aimed at stepparents, and was moved from one state, grantee, and category AND to Utah…And again, as I a few posts ago blogged, UTAH was apparently (per “smartmarriages.com link on “Legislation”) one of the first states to have a Governor-level State-wide Marriage Initiative or declaration. Here’s that information, available from “Smartmarriages(r) site, left bar, under “Legislation”…. (actually that site’s pretty messy too, considering how much money the conferences, etc. must pull in..))


In 1998 and 1999, for the first time, governors in three states, Utah,
Oklahoma, and Arkansas publicly made reducing the divorce rate a goal
of their administration.

– Utah Governor’s Commission on Marriage – In 1998, Governor Michael Leavitt
organized the nation’s first Governor’s Commission on Marriage and charged the Commission
with the task of identifying programs and tools to strengthen
marriage in the state. He and First Lady Jacalyn Leavitt gave the opening
address at the 1999 Smart Marriages conference laying out the blueprints
for Utah’s statewide conferences that teach marriage skills to couples.

  • Oklahoma: Using Welfare Money to Promote Marriage –Wade Horn, April 4, 2000
  • West Virginia $100 monthly welfare bonus to married couples – 8/01

– States with TANF set-asides as of 12/07

TANF – The 1% Solution – step-by-step how to recording by Chris Gersten of FAMLI

  • Texas Passes 1% Solution TANF set-aside legislation! – 6/07 

Marriage Handbooks – developed by STATES as part of their marriage legislation, governor’s initiatives, etc. Click to read.


An LDS birth mother talks about her church, search and reunion, and the LDS position on such matters.


“I guess my unique perspective is that the sealing ceremony [of the LDS] should give adoptive parents all the comfort and courage in the world. If they truly believe the sealing ceremony joins the adoptee to their family for time AND all eternity, then what does it hurt to let an adoptee find his or her natural parents? I suspect the resistance to the opening of sealed records has to do with the secrecy and shame surrounding single motherhood, especially during the era of mass surrenders.

In the early ’90s when I relinquished, I was told to NEVER tell anyone what had happened, that it would affect my chances at marriage and future callings or leadership positions. I was even told that I should not tell my future husband, who ever he might be. It was to be a secret and should remain that way until I died. If I was being told those kinds of things in the ’90s, I can only imagine what the mothers of early times had been told.

(some of the contents on this page reference similar deals with the Catholic church and were suggesting that telling others might lead to discovering paternity, some of which might lead back to supposedly celibate priests…)

One of the issues we struggle with as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is pride and in trying maintain the appearance of perfection. As you are well aware, many first mothers go on to over-compensate for their loss by becoming uber-successful in other areas of their lives. In the LDS culture, success is defined as having a perfect home life with perfect children and a perfect husband – anything less than that is considered substandard.So if a woman had been admonished to NEVER tell a soul about what happened or it will destroy her and her family, then spends the rest of her life in a very closed culture which reinforces prideful behavior towards “perfection” in the home, it is no wonder that she is terrified of what will happen if anyone were to find out. However, it doesn’t make it right. In fact, it is a great tragedy for all involved. . . . .

That’s a shame, because Christianity — or, should I say, “the gospel,” as represented in the New Testament, shows a pattern of forgiveness.  God forgave Paul, and he was one bad guy….There’s also an account in John 8 of forgiving a women caught in adultery, the theme is of forgiveness and atonement.  From what I’m hearing of Mormonism, it’s pretty much the opposite.  I’m hard put to figure out where a Jesus Christ figure, and the entire message around the crucifixion, Lamb of God (etc.) comes into the mix, coming out of the temple practices, animal sacrifices, and such. This religion sounds terribly legalistic, and no mercy even after death, either, for the unmarried….

ANYHOW, regarding Legislation (Probably a done deal by now) might as well look at this:


Attorneys & Legislators in touch with SMARTMARRIAGES’ “Diane Sollee,” and one of them reporting a recent triumph. I wonder if the person is or was also an AFCC member as an attorney… These are things to pay attention to– BEFORE the bills are passed! This datesto 2007; note another round of marriage funding was reauthorized in 2006, I believe (and basically Welfare was re-appropriated, nationally, in 2005 as DRA (Deficit Recovery Act). Time to stay on top of these matters as citizens!

March, 2007

Dear Diane:
I am an attorney and Utah state legislator, and attended your conference last year in Atlanta. I just passed the nation’s first divorce orientation legislation, HB 128 and it has been funded! This bill is in addition to the already required 2 hour divorce education class for parents. The divorce orientation class is to help them understand the impacts of divorce, provide resources for strengthening their marriage, and resources to go through the divorce and deal with post-divorce issues with less pain, if they proceed.

I don’t know specifically which classes she’s referring to (a 2-hour class isn’t that long, but do the math, and who is the contractor, who wrote up the class?  The AFCC crowd is pushing classes about Conflict, and the KidsTurn (etc.) stuff, but they want I believe 8 weeks of someone’s time, and a good bit of money.  In Lackawanna County, Pennsylvania, last I heard, the KidsFirst class (also being marketed right from the Kentucky State courts site under about 11 or so “Divorce Education” options) was costing $60 and was administratively mandated by a certain AFCC Judge (Chet Harhut) writing it into action via a Rule of Court.  He simply said it was so, and it was so — kinda like “God.”  A crony got the business..See herein (look up “Libassi”).

California tried to pass a law overtly stipulating KidsTurn be studied, then backtracked not mentioning their pet project by name (too obvious), but the Governor (then Gray Davis) veto’ed it on the basis that the legislature was probably not qualified to measure mental health qualities of divorcing parents in this manner, etc. (SB-577 or similar name, see “Kehoe” and I blogged that, too).  They never give up…

It also allows couples to file for a temporary separation, WITHOUT filing for divorce, for up to one year. During the separation, they must take the course.

Cannot couples already do this by other means without taking a course?  One means is when the marriage has already been marked by DV — and that will precipitate a custody arrangement.  Another way is to amicably (without the courts) figure out how to separate, in a nonabusive marriage; I do not know if there is another way in this state to file for custody matters other than starting a divorce or DV action (the DV action will often precipitate a divorce action). Another one — not advised for women, given the current climate — my opinion — is to file for child support, if it’s needed, for a couple that is already separated.   Point being — why do couples need to allow these folks to get their sales marketing in also, during those difficult transition times?

If they proceed with the divorce, the relatively small filing fee for the temporary separation is applied to the divorce filing fee. It passed the HOUSE unanimously and the Senate with only one dissenting vote. The court administrator’s office is ready to begin implementation through the office that now administers the divorce education class for parents.

I would like people to know about this legislation so that they can introduce something similar in their state. I appreciate all that you do for marriage and families in this country.

Copy and paste this URL into your browser and you will have several options
to retrieve the text or even listen to committee and floor debates.


Lorie D. Fowlke
District 59
Orem, Utah

I think you should look at the minutes in the amended (substitute) bill, which say if after shelter hearing the child doesn’t go with a parent or relative, it has to go to a married couple, in the context of also another amendment about expunging criminal records.  Interesting.. The legislator who wrote this was Vice Chair of the Judiciary Committee, which i’m sure helped.

After finding her website (below) it turns out she’s also selling (no doubt) what looks like possibly this seminar — and I’m sure, along with it, her book by the same name, ‘Thinking About Divorce”? (more below)….


What do you know about how a divorce will affect your life? What can you realistic anticipate from the divorce process? Can your marriage be salvaged? Lorie Fowlke is a divorce attorney and wants to help you make an informed decision. Scheduling the ”Thinking Divorce? Think Again!” seminar for your group or organization may salvage a marriage or help reduce the damage of divorce litigation.

Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts and Unsolicited marriage helpers…. in any state!!  You can do church — in which case the woman loses, most religions — or you can do secular — which may be a tossup, but once it gets to child support, it’s tweaked in the fathers’ favor, although on closer inspections, it’s kind of like staging dogfights (cat fights?) — someone is always paying for the venue, placing bets, and the house always wins…. that’s the attorneys, etc.

Looking up Rep Lori D. Fowlke, she sponsored and got passed a bill naming a week in February “Celebration of Marriage Week” in 2005.  These people are smart — one step at a time, right?  Here it is!




Chief Sponsor: Lorie D. Fowlke

Senate Sponsor: Curtis S. Bramble

This joint resolution of the Legislature designates February 7-14, 2005 as Marriage Week in the state of Utah

This resolution: < designates February 7-14, 2005 as Marriage Week in the state of Utah; and < encourages all Utahns to reflect on the importance of strengthening the institution of marriage.

Be it resolved by the Legislature of the state of Utah:

WHEREAS, the legal marriage between a man and a woman is the cornerstone of healthy family life;

WHEREAS, this cornerstone brings security, commitment, meaning, joy, and spiritual maturity to the man and the woman who enter this lifelong covenant with unselfish commitment;

WHEREAS, this cornerstone provides children with a safe haven in which to grow, learn, and experience life from the hands of caring parents;

WHEREAS, this cornerstone buoys and unburdens society from the costly impacts of dysfunction and helps to mitigate continued cycles of dysfunction;

WHEREAS, this cornerstone creates interconnected communities of family, generations, neighborhoods, faiths, and the nation;

WHEREAS, this cornerstone engenders family autonomy and pluralism that are the frontline defenses in preserving the nation’s political freedoms;

WHEREAS, this cornerstone advances economic prosperity and hedges families against difficult economic times; and

WHEREAS, this cornerstone, marriage, is ordained of God to perpetuate the human race and to prosper both men and women:

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED that the Legislature of the state of Utah, in recognition of this vital and essential institution, designates the week of February 7-14, 2005 as Marriage Week in the state of Utah and encourages all Utahns to reflect on the importance of marriage generally, and their own marriages specifically, for the purpose of strengthening its influence, appeal, and affect.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that a copy of this resolution be sent to the Governor’s Commission on Marriage.

More lookups:

This link from the “Roman Catholic Diocese of Altoona & Johnstown, Pennsylvania” is advertising a book by Lori D. Fowlke (who is probably a Mormon, not a Catholic) who apparently is BOTH divorce attorney AND a legislator (I found out, below) (the logo is the link):  The link has references to pornography, Natural Family Planning, etc. but nothing on domestic violence or child abuse (naturally)…

diocese banner

If you are tempted to divorce, read:
Thinking of Divorce? Think Again: Seven realities you need to know
by Lorie D. Fowlke, JD. Written by a divorce attorney who describes the monetary, legal, and emotional nightmare of a divorce. “A must-read book for anyone who is seriously considering divorce.” – Stephen R. Covey

This attorney was actually born in China Lake, CA — some indicators of AFCC affiliation — and she attended law school in UTAH after having her family.    She’s listed under adoption attorneys, and is a court-certified mediator.  I.e., she’s “drunk the Kool-Aid:” and is selling her book on the website, too..

Practice Areas

Family Law; Civil Litigation; Mediation

1994, Utah and U.S. District Court, District of Utah

Unlisted school, J.D.

Member: Central Utah Bar Association; Utah State Bar; Utah Council Conflict Resolution (Founding Member); Collaborative Lawyers of Utah.  {{underlined = an AFCC “tell”}}

Biography: Member, Moot Court.

Representative, Utah State Legislature.

Born: China Lake, California, March 30, 1952

 Current Practice: Lorie joined the firm in 1999. Lorie has an extensive practice in all areas of domestic relations law, including divorce, paternity, modifications, adoptions, and juvenile court work.

She also practices in the area of construction law, small business, real property, probate and contracts.

In addition to her court practice, Lorie is on the list of court-certified mediators and mediates cases cheaper than she litigates them because she believes so much in that process.  {{Mediation is also a federally-supported endeavor; see access/visitation grants..}}

The US Postal Services also contracts with Lorie to mediate their EEO employment discrimination complaints, which she has done for over eight years. She does conflict work for the office of the Guardian Ad Litem, representing abused and neglected children.  {{define “Conflict work…”}}

Education: Lorie graduated from BYU with a bachelor’s degree in Law Enforcement and worked as the first female police officer on patrol in Santa Barbara, California. After returning to Utah and having her family, Lorie went to law school at the J. Reuben Clark Law School, where she was a member of the moot court and trial advocacy teams and graduated cum laude.

that “J Reuben Clark” Wikipedia has been flagged for verification, but does tell us who J. Reuben Clark was, including First president of LDS and Dept of State under Coolidge, Ambassador to Mexico in 1930…. In 1933, at age sixty-two, Mr. Clark’s lifelong devotion to the Church culminated in a new calling—counselor to President Heber J. Grant of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As a member of the First Presidency, President Clark was a leading supporter of the Church welfare plan. He also helped put the finances of the Church on a budget plan. He was an inspirational leader and spoke forcefully on topics including freedom, his court, the inspired Constitutions, work, integrity, and chastity. An avid student of the life and teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ, he authored many scholarly books on gospel topics.

In Rep. Fowlkes,

I’m showing the profile of someone serving as attorney and state legislator at the same time, also the mother of six children. She has also a bachelors in law enforcement from BYU — likes to run & exercise authority over others, I guess (does this help compensate for the mother of six situation? Is this a Mormon marriage?). Look at the pose (this is her commercial website, a little moonlight maybe will help the kids’ college educations??)

http://thinkingdivorce.com/bio.htm  Look at the pose & demeanor, on a site reading, “Thinking Divorce?

Lorie Fowlke, J.D.
Lorie Fowlke is a practicing attorney specializing in family law and domestic issues. She also serves as a state legislator, court appointed mediator and mediates EEO complaints for the U.S. Postal Service. She frequently represents children in divorce and abuse/neglect cases as a Guardian ad Litem. Lorie served as a past president of her local Bar Association and is active in family law and alternative dispute resolution issues.

Lorie obtained a Bachelor’s degree in law enforcement at Brigham Young University and worked as the first female police officer on patrol in Santa Barbara, California. She is a former businesswoman and newspaper columnist.

The mother of six children, Lorie enjoys horses, skiing, and camping. She lives with her family, three horses (attorney’s salary & state rep salary probably helps with that!), and her yellow lab, Gizmo:

 The Book & DVD                  
 Mediation Services                
 Divorce Quiz                        
 Divorce Resources                 
 Divorce Statistics                   
 Alternatives to Divorce Litigation
 Lorie Fowlke Bio                   
 Children’s Bill of Rights        
(Note, above, showing a forlorn, isolated looking woman (not man) with no kids around…..)

Resources — I’m going to post these.  The only referral for DV is the hotline; but there are several recommending self-improvement, visit your church, visit a therapist and ask for a referral — and mental health resources.  Apparentl someone wanting a divorce needs (her) head examined, too.  Last, but not least, see “smartmarriage.com” — which is FYI a business (for-profit) in washington, D.C. so this is free advertising.

I just looked at the Divorce Resources page, and now am a little incensed — flat-out marketing, recommending mental health, therapy and a passing reference to “physical abuse” that if it’s present, call the national DV Hotline (the words “Domestic Violence” do not show in the  blurb), which many women, including me, have done, and know approximately how that turns out (it’s also federally funded, and expensive, too).  After recommending some books written in the 1970s (for God’s sake!) — Gail Sheehy “Passages” – and pushing some more marketing efforts (I’ll show) it concludes with the smartmarriages conference, #10.  One good turn deserves another, right?
So yes, think again — if you’re about to divorce, especially in Utah — you will have to run the gauntlet, and one of your potential family lawyers is also a state legislator recommending anti-divorce, and (quite honestly) anti-feminist legislation, for profit, and as par for the course in what I’m going to guess is her religion.  Like I said, Catholicism and Mormonism are significantly different, but they come together on this one!  Make lots of babies and stay married, plus there are lot of spiritual beings floating around up in the sky who have died already, and may be influencing your options on earth.  If they aren’t, those who believe they are are still going to influence (restrict) options on earth anyhow . . . .possibly from the statehouse.
If you analyze the offerings below, it’d be a real eyeopener.  Again, restricting the reauthorization of WELFARE DIVERSIONS TO PROMOTE MARRIAGE AND FATHERHOOD would clip some of the flight feathers on certain of these businesses and nonprofits.  That’s March, 2013…
Whether you choose to seek a divorce or to try again on your marriage, it pays to be as informed as possible. There are numerous resources available to help you move forward in a constructive manner. Use them.
In local bookstores, look in the self-help, self-improvement, and relationship sections. For those of you who are readers, there are dozens of books about how to improve communication skills, how to improve your relationships, and how to maintain your marriage. Knowledge is power and you can learn how to change the status quo in your home.

{{I believe it’s fair to say this is directed at the women, whose sphere is the home, right?}}


Visit local churches, classes, workshops and seminars. Learning from books provides a great deal of information, but you need practice, too. Many mental health organizations, civic organizations, local colleges, and churches offer courses to improve your home life, sometimes at minimal cost. Take advantage of the opportunities there.
Visit the National Domestic Violence Hot Line at www.ndvh.org or 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Physical abuse can be a problem that requires serious a commitment in order to be overcome. Both spouses must be committed to addressing this situation or be prepared to accept the consequences, which can be grave. This site has resources for both the victim and the perpetrator of abuse.

{{The Victim needs the abuse to stop — NOW.  If it’s not going to stop — NOW, then the resource needed is called DISTANCE.  Getting that distance means probably going through family court and wading through famiy law attorneys that believe targets of crime should “work it out” with the perpetartors. Notice the word “perpetrator” is actually used..

HERE — and not leaving it up to the “NDVH” hotline — is where mention should be made that  DV unchecked can lead to death, and/or orphaned children.  I guess that’s not an issue (She also works in adoptions, right?)}}


Another site to visit is the National Vital Statistics System at www.cdc.gov. The United States Center for Disease Control actually maintains statistics for all types of information, including marriage, divorce, children per family, unwed pregnancies, and other important data. {{NOTICE the fOCUSE!!}} The organization also releases articles that will help interpret the information and make it meaningful to you.

{{notice no mention is made of homicides or femicides due to item#3.  This item#4 is to counter item#3. From here, we are going to go into two reference books written in the 1970s (during the tmie no-fault divorces in some states were instituted, a time of feminism, AND I believe before even some DV laws were written.  As our friend/state legislator above here surely knows (having graduated at the top of her class from law school in 1999, even a Mormon one) laws against DV were increased and the shelter movement (battered women’s shelters, in otherwords) were jsut getting under way seriously in the 1980s…).  The VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN ACT (OF THE U.S. CONGRESS) WAS PASSED IN 1994 (the first time) and has continued to be reauthorized AND funded — but doesn’t rate even a passing mention above.  Instead, we are going to find the following two books written 20 years earlier.

That’s a clear statement of what people in Utah might face when they choose to divorce.  I’d relocate first!}}


Read Sheehy, Gail, Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life, NY E.P. Dutton, 1974. This book will help you understand that the crises in your life may not be as unique as you think. May of us go through stages in adulthood similar to the stages of childhood, and our behavior is not necessarily unexpected, at least by those who are informed. Check out this book to see if your actions or those of your partner are part of the natural evolution of growth, rather than something that is extraordinary or unacceptable.
Read Stanton, Glenn, Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in Post-Modern Society, September 1977, Pinon Press. This is an example of many books available that propose marriage is still a viable and vital institution in our society. If you do not believe in marriage in general, it may be hard to believe in your marriage personally.  (See below)***

ALSO under “Why I Look things up” — LinkedIn shows he was a Bush Administration person pushing for more fatherhood involvement at the HeadStart level …He has five children (one boy, looks like they kept trying til they got one) and lives in Colorado.  SITE

He debates and lectures extensively on the issues of gender, sexuality, marriage and parenting at universities and churches around the country. He served the George W. Bush administration for many years as a consultant on increasing fatherhood involvement in the Head Start program. Glenn is a regular contributor to Focus on the Family’sBoundless blog,  National Review Online’s The Corner and The Home Front, as well as the Gospel Coalition

He also went StRAIGHt from graduation in Florida to working for Focus on the Family (from same site, bio & cv):

  • 6/93-11/97:  Social Research Analyst for Marriage and Family Studies, Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO.
  • Education
  • B.A. Humanities Interdisciplinary,  emphasis in Philosophy, Communication Arts and Religion from the University of West Florida, 1991.
  • M.A. Humanities Interdisciplinary w/ Honors, emphasis in Philosophy, History and Religion, University of West Florida, 1992.
  • Master’s Thesis:  “The Intellectual Impetus of the Religious Right: An Expository Analysis.”


Contact state bar associations. Every state has an association, usually in the capital city, which keeps track of the licensed attorneys in that state. Some states require attorneys to join the bar association while other states make it optional. A bar organization generally disciplines its lawyers and maintains records of complaints by the public. Certain types of discipline are private and others are public, meaning you can find out whether an attorney you are considering has had public discipline. It is like calling the Better Business Bureau for lawyers.
Contact your state and local mental health facilities. Every community has local mental health facilities and, often, state facilities. Some of these facilities are priced on a sliding scale, depending upon a client’s income. Many individuals may require some additional assistance to learn how to communicate effectively. Some people have mental health issues precluding their ability to reason and communicate. Sometimes, these issues need to be addressed before a couple can work together constructively.
Visit www.aamft.org (American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy). This organization can assist in referrals for the type of therapist you may need. Remember that therapists are just people, and sometimes your personality may respond better to one therapist than another. You should try another therapist if you do not become comfortable with your first choice within a reasonable time. Sometimes people do not necessarily need therapy but instead need some life coaching skills. Coaching or mentoring is a new field and you should be cautious but open to new approaches in dealing with old problems. Finding the right coach for your marriage could make all the difference.
Visit www.acresolution.org. The Association for Conflict Resolution is a professional organization dedicated to enhancing the practice and public understanding of conflict resolution. This web site explains the mediation process in a family dispute setting and describes the attributes of a qualified mediator. It also has referrals for mediators registered with its organization.
Visit www.divorcemagazine.com. This site provides all sorts of useful information about divorce and about maintaining relationships. It has everything from Dr. Patricia Love‘s remarks, to call-in polls showing how many divorced people wish they had stayed married if they had known then what they know now. (A whopping 40%, by
the way, though other polls have rated the figure as high as 70%!)
Visit www.marriagebuilders.com. If you are willing to work on your marriage, this site will provide you with articles, workshops, information, and referrals to help you in that direction. There are a number of similar sites available, some of which are affiliated with universities.

Visit www.mediate.com. This site provides many interesting articles about mediation and the effects of divorce. It also has information regarding mediation training and a network of mediation and conflict resolution organizations throughout the country. A mediation referral service is available here as well.
Visit www.nami.org (National Alliance For The Mentally Ill). If you or your loved one is dealing with a mental health issue, you should be in contact with this organization. It may have resources available that will help you in ways you had not yet contemplated. A correct diagnosis is critical and, if not obtained, could explain why you feel like you are hitting your head against the wall.
Visit www.smartmarriages.com. This is another site that will provide a wealth of information and resources to help you save your marriage. This organization also has an annual seminar and provides training for individuals and therapists interested in assisting the rest of us work on our marriage. Remember, marriages, like any relationship, are rarely stagnant. They either get better or get worse; it is up to you. They do take effort but most people believe it is worth it.
(read all about Dr. Harley in MarriageSavers(r):
Dr. Harley earned a Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara in 1967 and has been a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota since 1975. For the first ten years after earning his degree, he taught psychology at both the graduate and undergraduate levels. During those years, he was also a frustrated part-time marriage counselor with little success in helping couples.   In 1973 he discovered that he was not alone in his failure to save marriages — almost everyone in the marital therapy profession were also failing . . .

…(He writes):  for a number of years I had to explain that Marriage Builders, Inc. was a for-profit corporation, and as such, was not eligible for tax-free contributions.

However, it did get me thinking about what we could accomplish if we had more money. So I formed a new 501c3 corporation, The Association of Marriage Builders, Inc., whose stated purpose is to save marriages through education and research.

Beginning next year (2011) the Association of Marriage Builders, Inc. will have it’s own website (AOMB.org) with information regarding past, present, and future projects as well as on-line training programs. When the site is up, it will be acknowledged on this page.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ PLEASE BOYCOTT THEM….._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Fact Checker: Do Faithful Christians Take the Bible Literally?

Note: FactChecker is a monthly series in which Glenn T. Stanton examines claims, myths, and misunderstandings frequently heard in evangelical circles.

One of the things I enjoy most in my work at Focus on the Family is the opportunity to speak at secular university campuses and to organizations that are indifferent or opposed to orthodox Christianity. Most of my colleagues are sane enough to avoid such invitations, but I relish them because they allow me to mix with folks who see the world very differently and it’s intellectually and rhetorically stimulating to interact with them in a meaningful way. I also get the opportunity to correct lots of misunderstandings about what Christians actually believe.

Glenn T. Stanton is the director of family formation studies at Focus on the Family and the author of five books on various aspects of the family, including his two most recent, Secure Daughters Confident Sons, How Parents Guide Their Children into Authentic Masculinity and Femininity (Waterbrook, 2011), and The Ring Makes All the Difference: The Hidden Consequences of Cohabitation and the Strong Benefits of Marriage (Moody, 2011).
Also per linkedin has a Colorado Connection:

Glenn Stanton

Colorado Springs, Colorado Area Research
Research Fellow at Institute of Marriage and Family Canada, Author at InterVarsity Press, Author at NavPress, Director, Family Formation Studies …
University of West Florida
He attended college for three years (did he get a degree in anything?) and then began what — writing? The canada connection is interesting….
  • Research Fellow
  • Institute of Marriage and Family Canada
  • June 2006 – Present (6 years 5 months)
  • Author
  • InterVarsity Press
  • September 2004 – Present (8 years 2 months)
  • Author
  • NavPress
  • August 1997 – Present (15 years 3 months)
  • Director, Family Formation Studies
  • Focus on the Family
  • June 1993 – Present (19 years 5 months)
  • Glenn Stanton’s Education
  • University of West Florida
  • 1989 – 1992
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The University of West Florida (UWF) offers over 400 fully online course sections each semester that lead to undergraduate and graduate degrees as well as credit-earning certificates. Admittance to one of our 29 degree or certificate programs provides the opportunity to apply for an out-of-state tuition waiver that substantially reduces tuition for non-Florida residents. Waivers must be requested every semester.

It’s a large school in the state system of Florida with several campuses also.  i don’t see any (at all) of the studies listed above mentioned, but perhaps he wrote his own, or I didn’t see it yet.

UWF is a member of the State University System of Florida. The Florida legislature established the university in 1963, ground was broken in 1965 and classes began in the fall of 1967. UWF has three colleges, Arts and SciencesBusiness andProfessional Studies, and is accredited by the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools. UWF serves a student population of approximately 11,200.

(Obviously would not be in favor of gay marriage, etc.)
(I think we get the general idea, and I have other things to do….)

Written by Let's Get Honest|She Looks It Up

October 27, 2012 at 9:04 pm

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