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“Where’s Mom?” and other vocabulary issues

with one comment


 

We have to have a talk about the word “children” and “families” when it really means “fathers.”

 

This is from FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND, a.k.a. “endabuse.org”

FIRST, a little indicator of the funding behind this organization.  But my point is, the vocabulary.  So the charts, are for an indicator, at this point, of the influence. 

For some years, I read materials from this group, and associated groups, and inside, went, “YEAH!  Right-On!” and “THANK YOU! for validating what I (and others like me) already know by experience!”  This is a very big deal when one has been in isolated circumstances and living with a person, or dealing immediately post-separation, with personalities who are still in the gaslighting (crazy-making) mode, i.e., we imagined our own abuse, and that evidence really doesn’t count, etc. 

But I was in the family law system, and the credibility gap between this obvious information and their practice still remained.  I was going through the experiences, without support or help IN THE COURTROOM, because once it hit family law, it was not considered the venue of the federally-funded or other nonprofit DV organizations.  Go figure — once a divorce is filed, or custody action, then suddenly the violence becomes irrelevant?  Not quite, but it might as well be, from the handling in that venue.

So, here’s FVPF.org:

For years, this has been a leading organization in stopping violence against WOMEN movement, but as its funding has changed, so has its vocabulary.

I think it can be identified as a major “player” in this field: (from USASPENDING.gov, I searched on the title).  2000-2010

Federal dollars: $32,245,683
Total number of recipients: 1
Total number of transactions: 68

FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND $32,245,683

It is receiving funds from multiple agencies:

Top 5 Agencies Providing Assistance

 DOJ – Office of Justice Programs $18,464,457
 HHS – Secy. of Health and Human Services $9,607,290
 HHS – Administration for Children and Families $4,071,750
 HHS – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention $102,186

 

Assistance Type

Grants and Cooperative Agreements $32,245,683
Other $0
Insurance $0
Direct Payments (both specified and unrestricted) $0

 

Trend

Bar chart is from the data in the below table

2000Data from census.gov $1,229,542
2001 $1,591,442
2002 $2,466,092
2003 $2,916,044
2004 $1,940,689
2005 $3,573,082
2006 $585,210
2007Data from Agencies $5,243,959
2008 $3,373,812
2009Agencies start send Recovery Act  data $7,825,811
2010 $1,500,000

2009 was clearly a banner year, and the Congress apparently likes this group.  Kids are still getting killed on court-ordered visitation, and sometimes the Moms, and sometimes the fathers too, or bystanders, but this group is going strong for sure.

Top 5 Known Congressional Districts where Recipients are Located Known Congressional District help link

 California 8 (Nancy Pelosi) $5,602,750

Top 10 Recipients

 FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND $32,245,683
 HERE”s ANOTHER SEARCH, from the TAGGS (HHS only) SITE:

Results 1 to 22 of 22 matches. (may not be all:  I just searched on the Institution title on TAGGS.hhs.gov….)

Page 1 of 1   1 
Fiscal Year Program Office Grantee Name City State Award Title CFDA Number CFDA Program Name Principal Investigator Sum of Actions
2010  OPHS/OWH  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FY09 HEALTH CARE PROVIDER RESPONSE TO VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN – EDUCATION, TRAINING AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE PROGRAM  93088  Advancing System Improvements to Support Targets for Healthy People 2010 (ASIST2010)  LISA JAMES  $ 1,500,000 
2009  FYSB  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $- 1 
2009  FYSB  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  DEBBIE LEE  $ 1,353,812 
2009  OPHS/OWH  Family Violence Prevention Fund  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FY09 HEALTH CARE PROVIDER RESPONSE TO VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN – EDUCATION, TRAINING AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE PROGRAM  93088  Advancing System Improvements to Support Targets for Healthy People 2010 (ASIST2010)  LISA JAMES  $ 31,000 
2008  FYSB  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  DEBBIE LEE  $ 1,323,812 
2007  FYSB  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  DEBBIE LEE  $ 1,394,127 
2006  FYSB  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTERS FOR INFORMATION AND TECHNICAL ASSISTANCE  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  DEBBIE LEE  $ 1,145,872 
2005  CB  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT  93670  Child Abuse and Neglect Discretionary Activities  ESTA SOLER  $ 496,000 
2005  FYSB  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 1,240,689 
2004  FYSB  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 1,215,689 
2003  NCIPC  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  PUBLIC HEALTH CONFERENCE SUPPORT COOPERATIVE AGREEMENT  93283  Centers for Disease Control and Prevention_Investigations and Technical Assistance  ESTA SOLER, PRESIDENT  $ 102,186 
2003  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 1,133,236 
2002  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 1,113,796 
2001  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 958,542 
2000  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 804,542 
1999  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 698,710 
1998  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 50,000 
1998  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 678,710 
1998  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION SERVICES  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  LRNI MARIN  $ 50,000 
1997  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION & SERVICES – SPECIAL ISSUE RESOURCE CENTER  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  ESTA SOLER  $ 637,604 
1997  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  P.A. FV-03-93 – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: HEALTH CARE & ACCESS: SIRC  93592  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Discretionary Grants  JANET NUDELMAN  $- 9,549 
1995  OCS  FAMILY VIOLENCE PREVENTION FUND  SAN FRANCISCO  CA  P.A. FV-03-93 – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: HEALTH CARE & ACCESS: SIRC  93671  Family Violence Prevention and Services/Grants for Battered Women’s Shelters: Grants to States and Indian Tribes  JANET NUDELMAN  $ 451,525 

 

Here’s a recent program listed:

National Institute on Fatherhood and Domestic Violence

 National Institute on Fatherhood and Domestic Violence

It’s no surprise that children who are exposed to domestic violence need supportive and protective adults in their lives to mitigate the effects of exposure. The FVPF has created many programs and campaigns in response to this need. We also know that there are many adverse outcomes for children who are exposed, but how can we as a society make it better for the next generation? One way is to create more opportunities for abusive men and fathers to stop their violent behavior and make amends.

Since 2002, the FVPF has been developing a framework, strategies and products to help further the work of keeping abusive fathers accountable, while supporting them to change their behavior. Partnering with batterers intervention programs, victim services, child witness to violence programs and supervised visitation centers across the country, FVPF created Fathering After Violence (FAV), an initiative to enhance the safety and well-being of women and children by motivating men to renounce their violence and become better fathers and more supportive parenting partners. As a continuation of this work, in 2008, the FVPF created the National Institute on Fatherhood and Domestic Violence (NIFDV). We are adapting the original framework and guiding principles for use in new and different practice fields and create the next generation of champions for this work.

Guiding Principles of the Fathering After Violence Initiative

The working collaborative behind the Fathering After Violence Initiative developed the following guiding principles to inform its work:

  • The safety of women and children is always our first priority;   {{{OH??? I HAPPEN TO DISAGREE!}}
  • This initiative must be continually informed and guided by the experiences of battered women and their children;   {{Oh??  HOW CAN IT WHEN OUR INPUT IS NOT SOUGHT, we ARE STUCK IN FEAR & LITIGATION OVER CUSTODY, FINANCIALLY STRAPPED, AND FORCED INTO MEDIATING WHAT ARE CRIMINAL MANNERS, WHICH DEPRIVES US OF DUE PROCESS?  }}
  • This initiative does not endorse or encourage automatic contact between the offending fathers and their children or parenting partners;
  • In any domestic violence intervention, there must be critical awareness of the cultural context in which parenting happens;
  • Violence against women and children is a tool of domination and control used primarily by men and rooted in sexism and male entitlement;
  • Abuse is a deliberate choice and a learned behavior and therefore can be unlearned;

LOOK, the courts are either for justice, or they are not.  If they are social transformational behavioral modification centers, then forget the Bill of Rights, OK?  Which is exactly what is happening….

  • Some men choose to change their abusive behavior and heal their relationships, while others continue to choose violence;
  • Working with fathers is an essential piece of ending violence against women and children; and
  • Fathers who have used violence need close observation to mitigate unintended harm.

Personally, I  think this is just about a lost cause.  Get protection for the women, teach them to protect themselves, and allow them to separate.  Acknowledge that if you are going to abuse a woman, you forfeit fatherhood privileges.  I’m sure the message will get out sooner or later, instead of the contrary message now being sent — nothing much will happen….

Public and Private Partnerships:

The NIFDV has been supported by public and private partners including the Doris Duke Charitable Foundation, the Ms. Foundation for Women, the Office on Violence Against Women, the Department of Health and Human Services, and the Family Violence Prevention & Services Program, Administration on Children and Families. 

This project is being developed in partnership with other national organizations, such as the>> Center for Family Policy and Practice, <<the Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community, the National Latino Alliance to Eliminate Domestic Violence, Mending the Sacred Hoop, the Domestic Violence Resource Network, and the Minnesota Center Against Violence and Abuse

The National Institute has three core elements:

  1. Training and Technical Assistance Leadership Academy
  2. Program Practice and Development Center
  3. Information Clearinghouse

Fatherhood has proven to be a powerful tool to reach men in understanding the effects of family violence. There is much to learn in this area and we need to move cautiously forward. Safety for women and children remain the focus and center of our work. By working with fathers in breaking the cycle of abuse, we will enhance the safety and wellbeing of their partners, children, grandchildren and future generations yet to come. ===========

 Fatherhood is not a tool, it’s a role that responsible (versus violent, and intending only to control and dominate) men fill.  It’s not an entitlement. 

Amy Castillo, who lost 3 children drowned in a bathtub years ago, because some judge was smarter than her, when she warned he was unstable and had threatened to kill them or himself (she’s a pediatrician — what would she know?  In family law, she’s just a woman) now is trying to make a difference for future women, and took more insults in public recently.  This link from 2/28/2010 and yesterday’s post, comments on it:

Amy Castillo testified at this hearing, as she tried to get a protective order in 2007, but was denied.  Her husband Mark Castillo had their three children on visitation after when he murdered all three in a Maryland hotel, drowning them in the bathtub.  At the protective order hearing, her husband’s lawyer questioned her (from the transcripts):

Douglas Cohn–Defense Attorney, Mark’s Attorney: “He threatened to kill your children and you, and you made love to him that night.”

Amy Castillo: “Yes, because I’m scared of him.  If I act scared or upset or emotional, he really reacts to that, and I didn’t want him to know I was trying to get a protective order.”

With this, the judge denied the protective order.   Judge Joseph Dugan ruled “There is not clear and convincing evidence that the alleged acts of abuse occurred.”  This left Mark Castillo the opportunity to murder the children.

28.Feb.2010 Maryland Mother Fights to Change Law After Husband Killed Children

Updated: Friday, 26 Feb 2010, 12:26 PM EST
Published : Thursday, 25 Feb 2010, 7:15 PM EST
By Sherri Ly

ANNAPOLIS, Md. – When Amy Castillo’s husband, Mark, killed her three children nearly two years ago she knew he’d carried out his threat.  “He said well really the worse thing I could do is kill the children and not you so you have to live without them,” Castillo said.

Fifteen months earlier she told a Montgomery County judge the same story but he denied her final protective order because there wasn’t “clear and convincing evidence.”  Castillo says she was devastated.

The interim protective order had already angered her estranged husband, who suffered from mental illness and transcripts show had planned to violently end his own life.  “I think he would have had to have hurt them before, in the past, actually physically injured them. All along I felt that you have to actually hurt someone or prove you sexually abused them before you can get any help,” Castillo said.

For her efforts, she is insulted again…

AND we are talking about fatherhood after violence?  Pierce county, same thing:  PARENTING CLASSES to handle an out of control man who doesn’t respect the law.  More important to get those kids with Daddy. 

This post to be continued…

One Response

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  1. this is a great post.

    one note though, and this is to Amy Castillo:

    The lawyer, as he is a person of words, tried to trick Amy and throw the court off, which he successfully did.

    What Amy should have said, is that no, she didn’t make love (there was no love to make)–SHE LET HER HUSBAND FUCK HER, to protect her kids. Big difference.

    rj

    March 4, 2010 at 4:00 pm


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martinplaut

Journalist specialising in the Horn of Africa and Southern Africa

Let's Get Honest! Blog: Absolutely Uncommon Analysis of Family & Conciliation Courts' Operations, Practices, & History

'A Different Kind of Attention Develops Sound Judgment' | 'Suppose I'm Right Here?...' (posted 3/23 & 3/5/2014). Over 680 posts, Public-Interest Investigative Blogging On These Matters Since 2009.

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