Let's Get Honest! Absolutely Uncommon Analysis of Family & Conciliation Courts' Operations, Practices, & History

Apologies in advance if this post is a little ill-tempered.  So was I, at the time.

The need for the most human of functions in life is rapidly becoming obsolescent.  We are becoming, I fear, a patriarchal society modeled on the Queen Bee and hive mentality.  Assets are collected centrally, larvae (adjust term for biological precision) nursed, and workers sent out to collect more, for more of the same. 

Those with too much drive, individuality, and just dang eccentricity will be dumped, and not allowed to breed.  Or if they do, not keep their own.  Or, if they do manage to keep their own for a few years, they will be forced to break that “unnatural” parental bond and be coached on REAL parenting from, I suspect, people who haven’t gone through the most challenging aspects of it — like: poverty, exposure to racism, sexism, and the familycourtism(s).   

This is only half in jest.  And in order to express this, I may have to incorporate some scatalogical terminology.  Otherwise, it just doesn’t make sense…

I am trying to think of some sphere of human activity — character-formation that has NOT become a market niche.  That I could engage in, PRIVATELY, without being told by some expert how to do it better. 

Certainly no one could state that the basic human functions of eating, copulating, and (sometimes, sometimes not) a product of the second, parenting are not now major market niches.   Similarly, communicating, and making basic decisions relating to, say, their own lives….

Decisionmaking has been outsourced in the courts, obviously, to those more expert in (well, the facts and the law) than the general peasantry. 

Face it, you’re either expert, or you’re not.  The key to determining whether a person is a true expert, or not, is language.

If they use simple, declarative prose with concrete active verbs and nouns, they don’t know what they are talking about, obviously.

If they use passive tense, and speak in terms so ridiculously vague no one could prove or disprove a single fact regarding (whatever the subject matter is), t hey are “one of us” and should be given more power over more people (and said people’s money, children, and futures).

If they behave in a generally moral fashion without being educated, forced, bribed or threatened in order to do so, they are living in an alternate economic system, and should be quarantined, or otherwise silenced, and prevented from propagating more of their kind.

If they show signs of independent THINKING, ditto.

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How did I come to this jaundiced opinion?  Well, on my way to this particular internet access, I am confronted coming and going with signs encouraging the (unwary) to open a child support case.  A beautiful photo of a young, light-skinned black girl tenderly holding a growing plant claims that it’s quick, easy, and free to open a child support case.  Please do so.

NOTHING, friends, in life is truly free except life itself from (so far) sperm & egg when it comes to humans.  You may squeak out a little privacy between him and her (initially), but institutionally, there are sperm banks and egg donors, too.  THOSE are not free. 

 TurboCourt has fostered a collaboration between the California courts and the Department of Child Support Services 

07/01/2008TurboCourt has also fostered a collaboration between the California courts and the Department of Child Support Services where Domestic Relations court filers are directly linked to the Child Support application allowing them to immediately request IV-D services. And the data from TurboCourt’s Family Law application is transferred to the Child Support application, speeding up the process.

Not in the fine print:  http://fatherhood.gov/

Now, the logo changes to a profile of one adult male holding a child (boy’s?) hand, and the motto to “Take Time to Be A Dad today!”  (I couldn’t copy it, but you can go look….).

The National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse (NRFC) is funded by the Administration for Children and Families’ Office of Family Assistance’s (OFA) and supports efforts to assist States and communities to promote and support Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Marriage.

Primarily a tool for professionals operating Responsible Fatherhood programs, the NRFC provides access to print and electronic publications, timely information on fatherhood issues, and targeted resources that support OFA-funded Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Marriage grantees. The NRFC Web site also provides essential information for other audiences interested in fatherhood issues.

http://fatherhood.gov/documents/promisingpracticesreport.pdf

If you THINK you understand government, read this and think again. . . . . There is NOTHING that can’t be sold, taught, marketed, and summarized in a slick brochure paid for by (your donations and/or taxes).  

Target population?  Anyone that has a problem with practically anything relating to human life (raising children, personal relations) or supporting it (low-income families especially welcome for subject matter, or those in prison, or under other distresses — possibly from the same institutional sources that are now going to illuminate and fix the problems that “emerged” during the passage through some other institution(s).

Seriously now, I printed this one out and read it….

INITIAL SALES PITCH:  We love your CHILDREN and we want to make sure they are SUPPORTED.  (aren’t we nice?).

ACTUAL INTENT:  We need CHILDREN to participate in RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD PROGRAMS as run (substantially) through the OCSE (Office of Child Support Enforcement):

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/

On the bar to left of this page is one called “Access Visitation.”  Click on it:

The motto on THIS page is “Giving Hope and Support to America’s Children.”

[[Doesn’t that  sound noble enough?  It had BETTER, when it involves wage garnishment, possible incarceration for contempt of orders (but never mind, Big Brother will contact you in prison to teach you how to be a better man, or woman, and give you FREE legal help to get back with your children, possibly even job training… and that child support payment which –in typical ‘rational’ system manner, continues to accumulate while you’re IN prison — reduced, therefore helping you, if not the kids, experience “success” and “support.”]]

Whoever wrote this cannot have been on the requesting help in the form of CHILD SUPPORT end of a custody battle, and attempting to get a consistently straight, honest response out of this agency.

If I had ONE piece of valuable advice for women leaving a battering relationship, which I well know usually includes economic abuse as well (else we’d LEAVE, right?) it is — Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT entangle yourself in this system.  Figure out SOME other way. 

Here’s from that Access/Visitation page:

Overview

With an annual appropriation of $10 million, 54 States (*including the District of Columbia, Guam, Puerto Rico, and Virgin Islands) have been able to provide access and visitation services to over a half million non-custodial parents (NCPs) and their families since the program became operational in 1997! In FY 2006, States contracted with over 300 court and/or community- and faith-based, non-profit service providers for the delivery of access and visitation services to NCPs and their families.

I. Enabling Legislation

The “Grants to States for Access and Visitation” Program (42 U.S.C. 669b) was authorized by Congress through passage of the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996.

Goal: “..to enable States to establish and administer programs to support and facilitate non-custodial parents’ access to and visitation of their children…”

II. Allowable Services

According to the statute, States are permitted to use grant funds to develop programs and provide services such as:

• Mediation
• Development of parenting plans
• Education
• Counseling
• Visitation enforcement (including monitored and supervised visitation, and neutral drop-off and pick-up)

Development of guidelines for visitation and alternative custody arrangements.

Mothers attempting to leave abusive relationships with kids intact, FORGET THIS ROUTE!  Do anything (legal) to avoid the emotional and fiscal prostitution of Y OUR soul, time, and potential loss of your children (and money) in the long run anyway.   Put extraordinary and superhuman effort in UP Front.

Think about it:  If he was going to pay willingly because of the goodness in his heart and concern for the kids, he would, without being forced, or bribed to with more time with the kids.

How hypocritcal — the same theory that is to teach “morality” (relationship counseling) and so forth, is doing it in the form of a bribe, and not because it’s just the right thing to do.  Go figure.

MEANWHILE, on the outside (for the custodial parent, often a MOM), SHE is repeatedly told, there is NO connection between payments and visitation, and if she withholds visitation on teh basis of the person simply won’t pay support (No, I do NOT recommend this either), SHE could be jailed for custodial interference.    But on the INSIDE (and out of her hearing) he gets free legal help and reduced support assignments for moving a few steps in the direction of payment,  i.e., we got here a serious double standard, and dishonesty.

And this is who is telling us how to raise kids and be better parents?

Caveat Emptor and Beware unsolicited helpers bearing ridiculous, vague, and ( unenforceable) promises.  Get enough help to get out and then develop good boundaries and if possible a cash flow system. 

 Keep your self away from that agency.  Think about it:  Why are they soliciting parents with cute fuzzy pictures in high commute areas? 

 Why don’t they instead go to the soup lines and ask the mamas and papas what’s up?  That’s where to find at least SOME people that truly need some help (if divorced) with child support payments. . . . .

Add this to the Moral Reconation Therapy — which was first tested on female inmates, then males, then I guess trademarked, bundled, and marketed.  Beginning with a truly “captive” audience.

To “get” this first read the history of it, and then the variations.  A sense of humor will be required.