This author went underground for her safety, later emerged, and has a few things to say about the justice response to calling domestic violence a CRIME and not a Dispute. 

Nowadays we’re back, in forms, in the press too often, and elsewhere, into calling it “domestic abuse.”  It’s a kinder, gentler word, like a bowtie on the contents of a garbage disposal.  Less upsetting, you know, than the truth.

I shared in early October that my situation is in transition (whose ISN”T that’s been involved?).  So assume that if I post here, it might be relevant, and important.  I’m going to talk about the SF Bay Area’s reaction to attempting to exempt domestic violence cases from mandatory mediation.  Even after Mrs. Charan got killed, obeying a (certifiably insane) restraining order.  I recommend this book.  I ALSO recommend you look at the earlier version, somehow. 

When Violence Begins at Home (2nd ed.)
A Comprehensive Guide to Understanding and Ending Domestic Abuse
Second Edition
by K J Wilson Ed.D.

Since its initial publication, this extensive reference has provided victims of abuse and their caregivers with guidance on everything from indicators of an abusive relationship to advice on leaving an abusive partner, from anti-burnout tips for helpers and social workers to current trends in domestic violence legislation. Recommended and praised by authorities in the field of domestic violence such as Susan Brownmiller, Del Martin and Karen E. Munch (“indispensable”, “the bible”, “one of the best”), the previous edition of When Violence Begins at Home has sold over 30,000 copies.

http://www.hunterhouse.com/shopexd.asp?id=413

WHYquote this book now?

I have the 1997 version of this book.  AFTER I got OUT of my battering relationship and INTO family court, and was stumped at how the concept of my wish to retain a restraining order fell on deaf ears, spongy receptors, and virtual denial by the FIRST round through this venue, and as my livelihood (and work schedule, kids education, etc.) began to start the long dismantling process which later ended in child-stealing on an (unsupervised, of course) overnight, after which, Good Bye Mama (I barely saw the girls again) — at the BEGINNING of this process, I did what Moms do.  We go get informed.  I went onto a used books distributor and ordered as much as I could afford.  This was one of them.  It was SO helpful to me then, and I photocopied some of the pages to relatives to explain how this power-based “intervention” in my life AFTER I got free wasn’t appropriate, or going to be worked, in fact, back off! 

You see, I hadn’t yet processed that there’s a type of family dynamics that tolerates abuse, but will NOT tolerate talking about it, which is apparently stepping on some sacred cow.   I have many times spoken of the family court arena as “shock therapy” and some kind of total immersion experience (think baptism, if this fits your religion) into, this world ain’t what it was cracked up to be.   And those labels on the doors?  They are VERY misleading, for sure. 

========

This has to be a “fast” post on this resource book.  I am going to quote from the preface by Del Martin, and her (I presume? though am not sure) comments on how the system responds to mediation.  You see, in our area, we have MANDATORY mediation.  If it were not mandatory, more kids (I assert) would still be living with their nonbattering parents, when that’s an issue, and the court professionals would have to go drum up some more business elsewhere.    Due process MIGHT take place, and as a consequence, PERHAPS the courts wouldn’t be so overcrowded (supposedly the real cause for “mediation,” although I suspect a closer cause is to be found closer to the AFCC folks, and their wish to transform the language of criminal law, which is “old” (fashioned, i.e.) in to the more fashionable, and MUCH better funded, when it comes to HHS and OVW, etc. — behavioral sciences field.  For AFCC.com,search my blog. or some of the others linked here,  for more on this outfit.  Also see comments on NAFCJ.net, highly relevant, still.

QUOTING, for public information only, from Foreword by Del Martin, author of “Battered Wives.” 

page x:

Dr. Wilson states that the Texas Council on Family Violence considers traditional counseling, family therapy, and mediation inappropriate in a battering intervention.  Mandating couple’s counseling or mediation places the battered woman at a disadvantage and in further jeopardy.

We are not dealing with domestic disputes or communication problems.  The batterer communicates quite clearly that he is the head of the household and will use force to maintain that power over family members.  We are dealing with abject, unreasonable VIOLENCE.  . . .. Appropriate intervention must deal with the batterer’s violent behavior.  You cannot mediate violence.  This bears repeating over and over again.

THIS part is relevant:

Unfortunately the California legislature has not yet understood that message.  Despite the 1990 recommendation of the Natioanl Cuncil of Juvenile and Family Court judges that NO judge mandate mediation in cases in which family violence has occurred, California’s judiciary persists in blocking attempts to exempt domestic violence cases from our mandated mediation of child custody and visitation “disputes.”  The best we have been able to get is the right of the battered woman to have a separate hearing without the presence of her battering spouse, to have a supporter accompany her during the hearing (I rarely got) and to preumse that mediators and judges will be trained in the dynamics of domestic v iolence.”

“SF’s Commission on the Status of Women created a subcommittee [when in doubt, do a committee, right?] to look at a citywide response to DV following the murdedr of Veena Charan by her husband in 1990.  Except for one thing, she had done everything by the book over a period of 15 months.  She obtained a restraining order and awas awarded temporary physical custody of her 9 year old son.  She sought a divorce and participated in mediation through Family Court Services as mandated by Californa law.  She cooperated with the prosecution of her husband on felony wife beating.  (See my Giles’ Amicus post).  The one thing she didn’t do was to avail herself of the safety of a shelter for battered women and their children.”

 

And now she’s dead, and her son’s natural mother is gone:

Joseph Charan was sentenced to 12 months in jail.  THE SENTENCE WAS SUSPENDED, HOWEVER, IN LIEU OF CONDITIONAL PROBATION:  domestic violence cunseling, a stay-away order, and 30 days in jail.  A few days later, before reporting to probation, he murdered his wife in front of teachers and schoolchildren {so much for it being just a “family” matter} before killing himself.”  (emphases mine).

I really hope readers will check out this book.  Here is another section, page xi:

All governmental departments that were involved in any way were coopeartive in tracing Veena Charan through the system to determine what went wrong.  All except the Family Court Services director, who claimed immunity because of client confidentiality.  The presiding judge of Family Court and the city attorney backed her position.  Members of the investigating committee were frustrated.  They needed to know what impact mediation had on Veena Charan.”

Perhaps they might have focused on WHY those 12 months became only 30 days, not leaving Veena enough time to get herself and her son safe, and reflect on what next. 

“Since then unsuccessful attempts have been made to amend the mediation clause in the law to exempt cases in which there is a history of violent episodes.  A father’s rights still prevail over the endangerment of wife and child.”

I’d like to mention here, I LIKE men, I just don’t like violence as a substitute for relationship.  Any father’s rights visitors (we know there are several around these blogs), we are not talking about all men, only about ones who have already been convicted of beating their wives.  Or who did this without a conviction.  OK?  So don’t take it personal if the shoe don’t fit.  There ARE some men, I can testify personally, it DOES. 

From her page ix:

“The role of the judiciary must not be minimized.  Educating judges can be a problem because of their discretionary power and the assumption that they are above public reproach.”  Last year (i.e., 1996), the SF eExaminer revealed that SF municipal court judges were using “civil compromise” in domestic violence misdemeanor cases.  Defendants were being let off with an apology and a few hours of counseling.  Those of us who had orchestrated changes in policies of the criminal justice system were shocked.  . . . . . (para).  Supervisor Barbara Kaufman called for public hearings, and the judges were outraged that we dared to challenge their discretionary privilege. {{Gee, sounds like the guy I used to live with..}}   But the civil compromise clause is a legal option for cases involving neighborhood disputes, property damage, or petty theft.  It was never meant to be used in the disposition of domestic violence caseloads.

It was NOT meant for things that could lead to multiple deaths, or even one, or even a broken bone, or homelessness, or things that DV tends to lead to.  In case you haven’t guessed, I am opposed to the use of mediation at ALL when violence has already been identified, which the presence of a civil OR criminal restraining order should establish, if it was properly granted.

I know how many people cover up this type of violence, and I was a reporter.  I was not a woman covering it up, I asked for help.  It took YEARS before that help came.  Then it was stripped away by the simple act of taking a quick off-ramp into the family law venue, which was ready and waiting for just such cases.  We even hit the mediator BEFORE any divorce was filed — because children were involved. 

I’m out of time today, but my comments, reading this 12years after it was published:

1.  The author talks (incl. of this foreword) talks a lot — as many of these coalitions do — about CIVIL vs. CRIMINAL venues, with a brief side-long glance at FAMILY.  However family law was in full swing by the 1990s, it began at least back in 1980s, and the push into mediation, earlier than that.  See afcc.org.  It’s what the family law venue is ABOUT, primarily.  I find that odd — are we not doing research?  Are we on a one-track line of research?  Which brings me to:

2.  “The love of money is the root of all evil.”  Oops, I didn’t mean to get religious.  OK, “follow the money trail.”  If these groups and women were advocating, including with legislators, commissions, coalitions, and so forth, that mediation NOT be appropriate for DV, andyet it’s still MANDATORY for it (in this SF area referenced), then WHY? 

Possibly, with the Internet not in as full swing as it is now, the facts had not yet surfaced.  But again, look at the funding going to the California State Judicial Commission (for one, example) and look at the Access/Visitation and Fatherhood funding.

Sometimes, some days, I wonder whether the feminist (and I’m one, believe me, by now!), battered women’s advocates and coalitions are — at least nowadays — playing Good Cop/Bad Cop in these matters, by simply not talking about the economics. Perhaps if there were more mothers who’d lost custody in their ranks, or battered MOTHERS in the ranks (I can’t assess, but I DO wonder), they would quickly see the role of the Child Support Agency (“OCSE” nationally) in all this. 

The flora and fauna to study in why women are STILL getting killed, children molested, others abducted, Moms in prison for trying to protect, Dads sprung  after 2 days in jail, to go out and murder (just substitute the names, they seem endless sometimes), in that if the effort even is made to prosecute, and it actually HAPPENS (not something a battered parent typically has under HER real control), it’s STILL no guarantee of safety. 

Nor is training a batterer, a mediator, or a judge to hopefully pay more attention to the training than to the rewards at the end of the tunnel for a case well “disposed” of, thanks to help from the government in Designer Family Land, where the real crisis is fatherlessness.  Not moral turpitude in government employees, a system of bribes, or a system DESIGNED to minimize and ignore domestic violence, assault & battery behavior, and instead more into publishing tomes on “Parenting after violence.

Please, let’s turn those spectacles around and start looking at the SYSTEM with a critical eye.  I’m not interested in so much statistics, and probability when it comes to the life and safety of someone I am related to.  I am interested in:

LIFE,

Liberty

PURSUIT of happiness, which stalking, and being trapped in the family law venue, is kind of really getting in the way of.  To me, happiness was taking care of my kids, working, and participating in the community, developing good relationships with other people.

When I and my children are regarded as someone else’s property, that dynamic HAS to change.  And that includes becoming a “statistic” in someone else’s social science study of low-income people, or parents int he courts, or the impact of mediation on cases involving domestic violence, or any OTHER thing that has a federal grant number on the resulting report. 

ENOUGH, already!

 – – – – – – – – – –

How Abusers Use The Court System To Continue to Victimize Their Partners and Children

Written by Gail Lakritz and presented by Angela Warren at the Pueblo Conference on Oct. 14, 2009

(This is searchable, and was I believe Southern Colordao Domestic Violence Symposium.  I’ll maybe get the link up soon; took place 10/13 or 10/14/09, and was one of the FEW ones I saw talkinga bout the legal abuse also — Dr. Sharon Araji, Peter Jaffe, et al.)

In the last post (also today), I documented one case in one state, part of it.  

Just understand that not all is as it seems in this alternate reality called family “law.”

Gail writes:

When a woman finally makes that decision to end the abuse and to flee the abusive situation, she rightfully expects that the police, her lawyers and the courts will protect her and her children from further harm. Being a member of the Sheriff’s Posse, that is what I was thought. After all, the courts always operate solely by the law, correct? (Scan audience for nods of agreement) We all know that does not happen and that is why I was so confused by my litigation. When injustice reared its ugly head, it flew in the face of everything I thought our country stood for, and, as with most victims of abuse, I came to realize that the system is stacked against the victim.

Today, I want to speak to you about some of the ways the abuser will use the system to further the abuse during the litigation process. It is my hope that, by exposing these tactics, you will recognize in your peers, and perhaps yourselves, what is being done has real, and all too often, deadly consequences.

The litigation abuse begins the moment the abuser is arrested. He plays on the sympathy of the arresting officers. He will use excuses to enlist them in his game. He is, after all, a master at deception. He has years of practice. He is the person who can look you straight in the eye and lie. During the ride to the lock up, he will say things like “She is an alcoholic or a drug addict”, “She is always picking on the kids” or “She takes all the money and spends it on herself and we never have enough to eat.” Anything that will garner sympathy and sway them to lessen the severity of what is written in the arrest report. And, being taught to spot the antagonist of a situation as they true perpetrator of the situation, the police officer, who is generally male, will empathize with the abuser, and slant his report to favor the abuser. He will ignore what he has been taught, that the victim is most often the one who is hysterical and angry at having been attacked and side with the often calm and rational sounding architect of the situation. And the abuser has gained his first needed corner stone to further the abuse, for in the future, any calls to 911 will be met with skepticism by the police and all future reports of violence will be seen as insane acts by the actual victim.

During the booking process and his appearance for arraignment, when the victim is not present to hear what is being said to the magistrate, he will again repeat his reasons for the attack. Laying the blame on the victim. Now he has widened his circle of conspirators. Word will filter from these people to the Bailiff and on to the judge that there were “extenuating circumstances” that predicated the attack.

Now, as we all know, the key to any successful litigation is money. With money, comes the right lawyers and a venue that is considered to be the “home turf” for that lawyer. Abusers control the money, therefore, they can afford the lawyers who consider winning to be the sole measure of success, not the just application of the law.

In each court system in America, there are lawyers that are known to be the “dirty trick” lawyers. They are the ones who use often unethical and illegal means to deny the Constitutional Rights of a litigant and victim. They will look the other way, or outright encourage, the use of terror tactics against a victim. Judges and other lawyers within the local Bar Association know who these practitioners are will look the other way. In some court systems, judges will actually instruct new lawyers with “I don’t care what you do in my courtroom so long as I am not investigated” leaving the avenue open for them to ply their brand of law in any manner they see fit. The idea is to win, not to be just. The abuser will seek out these lawyers, perhaps getting the name of one from a police officer or someone else in the system who just happens to be overheard talking or from another inmate in the lock up.

So now, the abuser has assembled his “dream team”. The police, the dirty tricks lawyer and the complacent judge. What more could he ask for than to have swayed the system and set the victim up for further abuse? The abuser will get a slap on the wrist, be sent to Anger Management and, in some jurisdictions, have his record of abuse sealed. In Anger Management, the prep will learn new and better ways of abusing. He will learn to abuse without leaving the outward marks that would land him back in jail. He will hone his skills, through the knowledge passed on by other perpetrators attending these sessions. The things that worked for them will be shared in group in the form of “I reacted to the situation by….” You fill in the blank, as each and every one of you know the tactics, know how the pain can be caused both mentally and physically to a victim without leaving the marks or a trail of abuse.

The first thing the abuser will do after being released from jail is to widen his circle of allies. His dirty tricks lawyer has instructed him to get out in front of his victim, and being the superior liar that he is, he is only too willing to accommodate. Generally, abusers are loners, having few friends and having disassociated themselves from family. He has allowed only minimal if any contact between his victim and her family. He will suddenly become the “social butterfly” contacting people to enlist their help, always with the story of having been the victim in the situation. Neighbors that were shunned by him in the past are now become his confidants. Whispers of abuse by the victim are passed from one person to another. This serves two purposes. It provides a support system for the abuser as well as removing any hope of support for the victim.

The next step to the tried and true method of using the system to abuse is to make the victim seem insane to the system. The abuser or one of his allies will begin the relentless process of attacks that are designed to discredit. Break-ins of the home of the victim are a common means as are well placed phone calls where the abuser uses threats, such as the victim never seeing her children again. An abuser will actually enlist the help of the unwitting child, promising rewards of gifts or, if teenagers, no boundaries to live by. The abuser will reward the child for such things as removing evidence against the abuser from the victims home, lying to police or being complacent about what was witnessed in an incident. Often, no system of reward is needed. It is fear of the abuser, that places the child in the unenviable situation of having to lie. The child senses what will cause the wrath of the abuser to rise against them. If you come away from this presentation with anything, this is the one piece of information I hope you retain. The cycle of abuse is learned and continued by this one tactic alone, using the children as tools of abuse. Any person within the system who even suggests that the abuser use this tactic is guilty of nothing less than murder.

Police, having been repeatedly told that the victim is insane, will respond to such things as break-ins as a sign that the abuser is correct in his assessment of the victim. All too often, the abuser will leave something that informs the victim he was there, but at the point in time that the police are called, the victim will not know what is missing, if anything. Sometimes the victim will find veiled death threats, a picture that only the victim and her abuser knows the meaning of, a cartoon left on the computer screen, that is meant to frighten and intimidate. A tire will be slashed when her car is hidden from public view, mementos that have little or no monetary value will be missing. Reporting these incidents to the police enforce the abuser’s position. And, when the victim turns to her lawyer for help, if she has one, she is told to ignore all violations of her home and person. You see, it takes two lawyers to execute a well choreographed legal Tango, and by this time, the repeated calls to the police by the victim, the well placed lies by the perpetrator, and, with the assistance of the complacent judge, her lawyer has been won over to not assist in any meaningful manner. Thus the victim is turned into the abuser and seen only as a source of possible revenue for her own lawyer who will offer little if any assistance in seeing that justice is blind, not blinded by gold.

During the actual litigation process, there will be a number of players that will be easily swayed by the events that have lead up to this process. GALs and CLRs are swayed by having contact with the abuser and his ever growing stable of allies, lawyers, police and judges. If the children are afraid of the abuser, they dare not say anything to these people that would endanger themselves. Social workers, mental health professionals, even medical doctors who rely on the system for income will not oppose the well built facade of the abuser and his well scripted theater of abuse.

At this point, I would like to see a show of hands. How many of you are judges? Please raise your hands. Keep your hands raised, please. How many are police officers? Keep your hands raised, please. How many of you are lawyers who represent abuse victims exclusively? Good, now if you could all stand up and look around. Do you recognize people from your own court systems in this room? Isn’t it nice to know that some of the people who are not standing could, and I emphasis the word could, be manipulating you? Thank you, you may all be seated.

How do the dirty tricks lawyers actually manipulate? First, talk is cheap, and the dirty tricks lawyer and his client never seem to run out of voice. They will take every chance to influence the judge and the opposition lawyer if there is one, the GAL and CLR, the therapist and mental health evaluator , the social worker, shelter workers and people in the Court Clerk’s office. Ex parte is common and rampant in any court system. It can’t be stopped unless you, the judges, choose to stop it. A few well placed words prior to the opening of court, the happened, but planned, introduction of the abuser to you prior to proceedings so that you can see how likeable this person is and to get his side, again getting out ahead of the opposition in the litigation. Tools used to put a human face on an inhuman act of violence.

During the early stages of the litigation, the dirty tricks lawyer and an abuser will go for the “all or nothing” approach to a custody question. The abuser, and his lawyer, being confident in the groundwork they have already laid, will not present a parenting plan. They will often seek to move out of the jurisdiction, often so far away from the abused, as to effectively terminate all parental rights. The abused, on the other hand will present a generous plan which will include more time with the abuser than a court would normally mandate. The judge, being the Solomon of the court, knows he cannot split a child down the middle, will have to award temporary custody to one parent or another, and this is usually to the person who already has “possession” of the child at the time of the hearing. (make the hand sign for quotes when you say the word possession). If the victim was forced to flee without the child, or if the child happens to be visiting the abuser at the time of the hearing, guess who gets the temporary custody? Yup, the abuser.

This is the beginning of the motions process. The abuser’s lawyer will file motions with the court, often filing them back to back, and always asking for contempt sanctions against the victim. If the victim is unrepresented, this confuses and terrorizes her. If she is one of the fortunate ones, one of the women who was able to afford a lawyer, and motions and subpoenas are filed on her behalf, they are ignored by the dirty tricks lawyer. In the meantime, if she is Pro Se, her filings are ignored by the clerk’s office or disappear all together. It never ceases to amaze me how often victims report missing filings, even whole files of proceedings that have gone missing. I can only surmise how it could happen, all of which violate state law. When she asks for a subpoena which must go through the courts for approval, the subpoena that is received for service contains errors made by the person who entered it into the system, precluding the effectiveness of that subpoena. These errors would only be obvious to a trained lawyer, thereby giving the dirty tricks lawyer a reason to quash.

The motions process will offer more ample opportunities for the dirty tricks lawyer to ply his trade. He will mail important filings to the wrong address, often transposing the actual numbers, to prevent receipt in time for rebuttal. He will refuse to accept mail from the Pro Se and then claim that it was not sent to him. He will state a date and time verbally, but put another date and time in writing, often bolding it to attract attention to the erroneous information. He will send a copy of a minor issue in a motion, with proof of mailing, and have a second copy hand served. The problem with this is that he has actually filed two separate motions with the court, one of paramount importance and the one of minor importance. He will then have proof of two separate deliveries to the victim and state that the one hand served was in reference to the major issue while the one mailed was in reference to the minor issue. Of course, he will blame all of this on the victim. She gave me the wrong address, I never got it, she was served and I have the proof.

Depositions are an extremely useful tool for the trickster. Though most states follow the rules of the Federal Courts for deposition, tricksters do not. As all lawyers know, the only time depositions should be used is when information cannot be gotten by subpoena. The dirty tricks lawyer will force deposition to make the victim face her abuser in an environment controlled by the trickster. One deposition trick will be to inform the pro se that a date and time for a deposition of his client has been set. He will send a list of questions to be asked, and state that the deposition will be limited to these questions. This offers the opportunity to pound the Pro Se with intimidation and terrorist tactics of threats. It also forces the Pro Se into setting up a second deposition of her own. Not knowing that it is not required to submit questions in advance, the Pro Se will dutifully submit the entire list of questions to the trickster, giving him time to concoct answers that would favor him. And lest the abuser make a mistake, there is nothing to worry about. The Court Reporter in attendance is one favored by the lawyer. One only need to Google the search term “Changed Transcripts” to confirm this is a common practice. The number of hits are well in excess of 7,000,000.

Proffers are useful when it comes to the dirty tricks lawyer. It is not uncommon for them to submit Proffers to the Pro Se that are never filed with the courts. These are filled with the lies that the abuser intends on in court and are designed to see which arguments are going to be used to counteract the lies in court.

Surprise witnesses are the life blood of the trickster. No subpoena has been issued to these people to appear, but they just happen to be in the area when the court date came up. Judges have a duty to curtail the use of these convenient witnesses, but seldom do, preferring to overrule objections. Often, they are nothing more than hired guns for the defense, parroting whatever the trickster wants them to say. There is often no rebuttal for their testimony, as the Pro Se or her lawyer had no time to prepare for their appearance.

Witness tampering is blatantly illegal but used by the dirty trick lawyer and his client at every turn. All that is needed is for the potential witness to be mislead with a story of the victim being the true abuser, and after all, if they testify, they would be putting the children, and perhaps themselves, in danger. Surely, anyone in their right mind would not want to testify under these circumstances, given that few people are willing to testify in the first place. If that doesn’t work, there is intimidation of the witness. Most people have something in their backgrounds they would prefer no one find out. The dirty tricks lawyer is a master at using innuendo and sources like police, family and acquaintances to find that one skeleton. If that doesn’t work, there is always the avenue of the witness’s employer. Innuendo can be placed in letters to the employer from the lawyer stating that this or that has never been cleared.

In his bag, the dirty trick lawyer and his client rely on the assistance of Child Protective Services. If a direct call from his client does not produce the desired response, there is always the “innocent and disconnected” third party report. These reports can vary from the upper end of sexual abuse or exploitation of the child to reports that the mother is furnishing drugs to the child to such things as a child being left alone. In one case I know of, the GAL was talked into calling CPS when a teenage boy overdosed. What the GAL forgot to report was that the 15 year old had arrived from his father’s home with a plastic bag full of pills, and when the mother discovered them, he grabbed them and downed them in an attempt to get rid of the evidence. The same mother was accused of leaving the than 16 year old alone for two hours by the same GAL. Again the GAL left out a very important fact. The child was at the home of a friend.

Court orders are often altered to reflect what the attorney and abuser wants. One mother, while living here in Colorado heard a knock on her door one day. The father, who had never once exercised his visitation, had moved five years previously to Washington state. He went to the local Colorado police with an altered court order for full custody of the son, than 7 years old. No one questioned the validity of the order, in fact, the police were only too willing to help him in removing the child from the mother. She never saw her son again. She was able to locate him last year in a suburb of Seattle, but now 20, he has had it drilled into his head that she wanted nothing to do with him and had willing given him up.

If all else fails, there is always the use of Parental Alienation to fall back on. Dr. Richard Gardner, using no identifiable research and much to the consternation of all recognized authorities, first placed this Syndrome in the minds of the courts to discredit mothers and to help men save on alimony and child support payments. We are all familiar with the theory that states that the mother is toxic to the relationship between the father and his children and that the only true cure for this toxicity is to severely limit visitation or to remove it all together. Abusers and their attorneys love to use PAS. It is one of the most effective forms of abuse of the victim.

Through all the court abuse, and I have only touched on some of the verifiable things that women suffer in the courtroom, there is a continued onslaught from the abuser. Stalking, break-ins, destruction of property and threats of further harm to the victim are normal. Checks for alimony or child support that are never received are also widely reported. Harassment is an ongoing problem to the victim. Planting seeds of doubt of a mother’s love for her child in the child’s mind, any avenue an abuser can think of will be used.

All of this for one objective, to carry on the abuse. And, the players in the courtroom are all aiders and abettors to that abuse, whether they realize it or not. The crimes we allow these people to get away with are crimes that are punishable by law, and by each and every one of you allowing them to be predicated on victims of violence, you are taking part in those crimes.

Now, as one last thing, I would like some of you to take part in a fun little exercise to reinforce some of what you have heard here today. I would ask that every judge in the audience stand up and glace around the room. I want you to pick out a person here that you do not know and walk over to them and without saying a word, I want you to grasp their hand and shake it.

Now, again without giving this person your name, I want you to whisper in their ear the year, color and make and model of the car your closest loved one drives. Now, I want you, without giving the city or town you live in, to tell them the street address of that person. Good. You have just given someone who may be a trickster lawyer or an abuser all the information they need. You have just put your loved one in danger, possibly signing that their death warrant.

Think about it and try to have a nice day.

Authors Note: I, Gail Lakritz, grant permission for any and all parts of the above to be reproduced so long as the express purpose of the reproduction is for use in combating violence against women and children. All other reproduction of this article for any other purpose is expressly forbidden.

Again, see “selfreportedfool.org” and also see “justice4mothers.wordpress.com” for an article given at the Southern California Domestic Violence Symposium, Pueblo, Colorado:  Angela Warren speech is posted there (and my comment responding to it also). Then go to lizgates library.  Then think about how horrific it is that SOME children don’t sleep in the same house as their fathers at night.  One of these below didnt have a bed, maybe she didn’t sleep too well, either.  And she ain’t sleeping too well these days, as her mom faces contempt on a minor issue (including threats of jail), while the other charges keep dropping by the waysides.  

File this under “AFTER SHE SPEAKS UP — DOMESTIC VIOLENCE . . CHILD ABUSE”  And Cast Characters, Script, Action.

Disclaimer

What I’m posting here IS hearsay.  I have no firsthand knowledge of the actual events and have not personally met any of the participants (any more than I’ve personally met almost anyone whose writing shows up on my site!).  On the other hand they fit entirely with the patterns being reported nationwide.  Judge for yourself if this account is coherent, chronological, and reports a sequence of events in an orderly fashion.  This Mom requests blogging, I suspect she was just a little annoyed at getting a 30 day sentence, stayed, for (in essence) doing what Moms do, trying to protect that offspring.

Notice the staggering amount of people involved in what otherwise should be a straightforward situation.  I numbered them, making the original flow — well it no longer flows.  I just want us to notice.

Ask yourselves HOW is it possible for any mother to move forward in life with this situation.  As in other cases involving prior abuse, her re-marrying was a hotpoint for the ex.  Who apparently moved back in with Mom.  

I’ll highlight the different individuals involved.  Notice the roles they played in giving one little girl nightmares, along with, I imagine her Mom not a few restless nights also.

I was just going to paste the neatly paragraphed text.  However, I got involved counting the characters involved (about 36 by the end) and other commentary.  ASSUMING for the sake of argument this is factual (I happen to believe it is), this is but a sample of how it can go in the family law venue.  Trust the experts, they are all in control.

By the end you’ll likely see that the end goal is to put a child with a CONCERNED mother into foster care  needlessly, after repeated punitive measures for trying to protect her daughter.  This is how one little girl is learning how the world works.  Learn well, little one . . . . . 

AFTERWARDS, I’ll repeat, the uninterrupted text.  We are talking, waking nightmare, people.  For the adults, too.  And lots and lots of BUSINESS for the individuals in the courts, some of who may have personality disorders, I’d guess….

I’m responsible for chopping up the text, all bolds, all bullets, anything in {{……}}} and any scatalogical terms (there are none}.

After, I’ll simply paste the narrative version.  I think the restraint of putting it out beats the lack of restraint of filing repeated contempt orders on a woman trying to be a mother and move on in life, and judges scolding women in court for not getting along with dudes that THEY believe are molesting one of their offspring, especially after 2 separate individuals, qualified to do so, had it confirmed.

As this gives names, I assume that it might be found on FindLaw, etc. — the sequence of actions (not including CPS involvement) is likely public record.

==========

Can be blogged…..names named….agencies….blog blog blog blog blog blog blog….did I say you can blog? yes,,,you can blog =) 

A BEDTIME STORY (my title, not hers):

In 2003 my abuser forged my signature and had it notarized on a court stipulation giving him “50/50” custody and all back child support dropped, this is a paternity case. The notary was his real estate/insurance agent. The only reason I found out about the forgery is that he tried to remove our daughter, Michaela from daycare and they contacted me immediately.

People:  

• 1. this woman/mother,
• 2. her abuser, (Craig Hensberger — see next para.)
• 3.  notary/real estate/ins. agent (conflict interest?),
• 4. daughter Michaela, Daycare.
•  

I filed a police report regarding the forgery, the DA, Jay Conley, he said that “even though we know who the likely suspect is there was no proof that my abuser, Craig Hensberger, did this”. Even though no one else would benefit from such an arrangement but the “likely suspect”.

• 6.  Whoever took Police report (police unnamed)
• 7.  DA Jay Conley (dismissive, even though it represented, if true, perjury and affected custody)
•  

I got a handwriting analysis done on my own and presented that evidence to the DA, he stated that only “proved it was not my signature”, he refused to do anything. 

• 8.  Whoever did handwriting analysis
• 7.  DA (again) dismissive (again)

I went to court in front of Family Court Commissioner, Frank Calvert, of Oconto County, who just happened to be the GAL on my divorce/custody proceedings in 1997 who recommended custody to my ex abusive husband, John Fetterly.

9.    Former Abusive Husband, John Fetterly

10.  Former GAL, antagonistic {{give custody –of 3 older daughters?, not shown yet — to ex-abuser}} in 1997, now Family Court Commissioner, Frank Calvert.  CONFLICT OF INTEREST MUCH?

It was also Mr. Calvert who made sure that in his recommendations that in order for me to have primary placement with my older three daughters I was to have a “stable living environment away from Craig Hensberger”.

In 2003 Mr. Calvert moved up in ranks from lowly GAL to Family Court Commissioner and even with me expressing to him my concerns of his ability to be impartial I was ignored, chastised and intimidated by him. 

He refused to hear or see any evidence regarding the forgery and kept it as is, “50/50” custody and ordered child support in the amount of $25 per week based on 50/50 custody even though the father had placement every other weekend. 

Character note:  ex-abuser also forges.

The weekend of Fathers Day in June 2005 my daughter was in the custody and care of her father. {{indicates mother was likely obeying a court order}}  On Saturday of that weekend he was arrested for his second DUI in less than a year with our daughter as a passenger in the middle of the day. 

Seems to be a cluster of behaviors.  I fail to see the mothers’ involvement in this situation — he got himself arrested, apparently, while daughter was with him, not her.

At this time I had decided to move out of the state {{Fairly understandable in context??Or maybe there was another reason…}} and per the county rules sent a certified letter to my former abuser to notify him of our move. He refused the certified letter and it was returned to me, although he was alerted that I was planning on moving and then filed an objection to my move. 

{{Do these men read from the same rulebook?  Wasting her time, and money, obstruction of co-parenting communication.  Been through this myself.  Certified letters don’t grow on trees.  And aren’t free of $$ or time.}}

We again went in front of Frank Calvert who appointed GAL, Aaron Krzewinski. 

• 11.  GAL, Aaron Krzewinski. 
•  
• COMMENTS:  Clear difficulties here.  Rather than actually rule on them (abuser, drunk & arrest, possibly forging a letter to gain ground in time with child, child support only $25/week), Family Court Knee-jerk reaction:  “QUICK!  Look official, call in another court professional.”  Note:  litigant (mother) questions the Commissioner’s impartiality.  WHAT are the chances that Calvert & Krzewinski are perhaps — cronies??

They ordered that my child stay in her current school but that Craig’s mother was to do all the transportation and supervision of placement. 

• 12.  Craig’s (ex-abuser’s) mother.

{{COMMENT.  This woman/Mom wants to move.  Perhaps she has legitimate reasons, perhaps according to the court she doesn’t.  Are they discussing the reasons?  NO.  The first court reaction is punitive!, to make a stipulation regarding her daughter’s schooling (since when are courts educational experts??) and give transportation control over to the mother of the abusive ex — even though the same? judge had refused to allow her custody of her older 3 daughters unless she found stable housing AWAY from this same guy, Craig H.  Now how’s she supposed to do that if she can’t get away, period?}}

{{As to this practice — involving the abuser’s parents.  My comment:  They raised an abuser, right?  So how “cool” is that little one going to be in his or her care?  Parents set values.  Whatever happened to the adult offspring’s values, if he abused women?}}

This was when my former abuser anger began to escalate and he vandalized three vehicles of mine which rendered them useless as well as loosening all the lug nuts on my tires which could of killed me as the tire fell off while traveling to work one morning. 

• 13?  I’m going to hazard a guess that maybe she reported this (police).  I’m going to hazard a guess that perhaps she got help replacing the tire that fell of her car while it was going down the road.  At a minimum, passer by.  Then again, I have changed a tire and used a jack.  I bet she was just a little shook up and pissed off….

{{3 vehicles in order, or that she had simultaneously?  Doesn’t say.  }}

{{Note;  Sounds like so far, it’s a near-total “rout” in court.  He just won.  But, to punish her for being challenged? or caught (as in, DUI), here comes some vandalism, potentially lethal.  Oh yes, and she appears to be working.  Tire fell off en route to work.  Anyone hear about interfering with work as a characteristic of abuse??}}

Finally in October 2005, I moved in with my mother who lived well within the 150 mile radius I was allowed to move without notifying him. 

• 13.  The Mom’s Mom.  An identified 13th party.

{{Sounds like financial independence is an issue here….Again, she is complying with court orders, ridiculous though they seem, at least to me}}

In December he served 20 days in jail for his DUI w/our daughter (the minimum is 30 days) and he also was allowed out on “Huber” so that he only had to report to jail at night when he was done working or not working. 

• 14-15?  At least one jailer.  you know, that’s gboing to be more than one person involved in a man staying in jail 20 days.  But we’ll just chalk it up to ONE.

{{a free cot, and possibly one hot?  That’ll show him not to endanger children by driving drunk..  Kind of reminds me of Nicholas Soppa, head of OCSE, which comes under the noble HHS dept. of US government, who was (while working and I bet at a good salary) spending nights or was it weekends in jail over back “family” support}

After he did his time he filed a motion to enforce placement when he was in jail for most of December.

Again FCC Frank Calvert chastised me in court for not hav[ing] legal representation and stated that if he could make me move back he would.

{{See character #10 above, who now has affected the family’s (and see other 13 involved) life in:  1997, 2003, and here, 2005.}}

He then gave my former abuser every weekend custody and ordered that I drive roundtrip every weekend because my abusers license was suspended. He stated that it wasn’t “his fault I moved, it was mine”. He also refused to review child support and the $25 weekly was upheld. 

{{Gas, and weekend time, does not grow on trees.  But apparently this woman is supposed to make it.  Meanwhile, Commissioner Calvert appears to have some true 21st century notions of who is responsible for another individual’s criminal behavior.  Let’s see:  DUI vs. attempting, in accord to first stipulation to find stable housing AWAY from abuser, to move away froma buser?  Clearly the latter behavior needs to be punished….}}

In August 2006 I moved back to Oconto County with my then fiancé’ soon to be husband, Chad Tipton. 

• 16.  Chad Tipton.  Must be a brave man, what with Hensberger, Calvert et al around.  Very perhaps, what with taking it so hard, repeatedly, on the chin from the court (after from the men, as described as “abusers”), our Mom here would like to have a companion or partner.  Perhaps Mr. Tipton found something to admire in her.  I can see it — stamina!  Well, I only speculate, but here is a 16th person in the drama.

It was the Labor Day weekend and we were set to drive her for visitation with her father. {{translation:  comply with court orders}} 

My daughter stated that she was scared to go because her father was putting his finger in her “butt crack” down her pants, she made a motion of up and down. She made this revelation and stated how uncomfortable it was to her.  {{note:  Labor Day means 3 days in a row. I don’t know how the 50/50 was arranged, but the little girl was in school part of the days.  Now she’s facing a 3-day, non-school weekend with Dad alone…}}

I immediately contacted Marathon County CPS who interviewed my daughter. They did make a TPR and advised that Oconto would then handle it when we moved there after that weekend. 

• 17.  Marathon County CPS.  {I’m guessing that this is the county where her mother lived, within the 150 mile radius.  Or thereabouts}.  DAUGHTER IS INTERVIEWED.

During the first weeks of September 2006 my daughter was met at her school by Oconto County CPS worker Carrie Silbernagel. 

• 18.  Ocoton County CPS, Carrie Silbernagel.

After not hearing from Ms. Silbernagel 

{{Note:  Not hearing???  A mother has just presented a daughter in another county, to that CPS worker, who believed the daughter’s account of sexual abuse by her father, and made a TPR.  Assuming this WAS true, how do you think a mother might feel?  How would a CPS worker assume a mother might feel?  yet it was up to the MOTHER to follow up with the 2nd county’s CPS.  Note — if this worker had followed the case at all, she’d have seen prior domestic violence and problems with the girl’s father, which should’ve been a red flag.  If she’d been overworked and couldn’t bget to it, than admitting that would’ve been the more honest thing to do}}.

I contacted her and she was very volatile towards me. Stating that she didn’t believe my daughter, that she believed she was “coached” and that she had children younger than my daughter who could provide specific details such as smells, times of days, etc. but my daughter did not. 

• Apparently this worker doesn’t know much about “DID.”  Look it up.

She stated that she knew of my “history with CPS” and reporting false allegations of sexual abuse. I asked her to explain as I had never made any other report to CPS regarding sexual abuse. 

{{That phrase is a red flag (key phrase) to those who are familiar with some of the literature from the fatherhood movement.  Discreding DV and child abuse seem to be part of it.    }}

She referred to another CPS worker that I had allegedly spoke to in 2004 regarding my older daughter. She made comments that she “knew ALL about me” etc. 

{{In other words, without directly talking to this mother, and having dismissed her claims without informing the mother she did so, this new worker she has correctly analyzed her character.  WHAT ABOUT THE REPORT FROM MARATHON COUNTY?  Filed in the trash bin??  Welcome to this arena, folks!!}}

When I pointed out that my daughter is in danger as her fathers history of driving drunk. She then stated that “driving drunk with his child didn’t make him a bad father, he made a bad choice”.  {{And could’ve killed a child…}} She refused to take any action and the matter was closed. 

{{WELCOME to “DUE PROCESS AT CPS.”  Sound like too much authority vested in a single person??}}

In May 2007 my former abuser decided to file for sole custody of our daughter as his behavior was to the point of madness since I was getting married on July 7, 2007. 

{{This is what Presidents Bush, Clinton and Obama WANT, right?  And a whole BUNCH of conservative religious denominations across a few diffferent faiths.  No father absence, no female-headed households, these girl(s) are going to have a man in the home.  One less social crisis to worry about, right?

. . . .wrong . . . . . . }}

{{Sounds to me as though this is fully 10 years after she separated from Mr. John Fetterly, with a relationship inbetween?}}

It was during this time that FCC Frank Calvert recused himself finally after I had filed a complaint against him with the Wisconsin Judicial Commission regarding his impartiality and biasness.  [bias]

• 19.  Wisconsin Judicial COmmission X however many they are, plus any support staff involved in the process.

{{Exercising her free will to protest wrongs.  Sounds like I read that in the Constitution somewhere.  Unbelievable, really, but the Wisconsin Judicial Commission — were they going to act or did the fact that she was serious wake up Commissioner Calvert, lest he get a real blot on his name??}}

By this time he was already facing charges of endangering safety with a dangerous weapon {{a.k.a. vehicle}} as he tried to run my then fiancé’ and 13 yo daughter in a grocery store parking lot one night as he waited outside for us. 

{{Had he done so, those charges would’ve also had an added charge, laying in wait.  }}

During that summer he was given… 

• 20.  Since Calvert recused himself, let’s assume another judge (unnamed) is involved.  I’m up to 20 now, not including any grocery store personnel involved in witnessing the vehicular stuff.

every other week custody and they kept it that way until school started. Every bad behavior he gained more and more custody as the GAL was continually getting more money. 

{{Seems to be a pattern; I’ve noticed this too.  GAL is drawing a salary.}}  

By January 2008, last minute he agreed to joint custody and dropped his sole custody claim. 

{{i.e., “I’m dangerous to others, do not appear (if so, none is showing up in the narrative) to have found another woman, or let go of THIS one, despite, she’s about to remarry and is trying to have a life…..  But I still want JOINT custody of that daughter, even though I’m DUI, molesting (alleged), and dangerous in a vehicle (alleged).”}}{{Abusive habit:  Making outrageous claim, then backing up a foot, perhaps.  Typical of the controlling personality.}}

In February 2008 my daughter came home and said that her grandmother had forced fed her soup and then her vomit while threatening to beat “her ass” with a wooden spoon if she didn’t eat it. 

{{see personnel, #12, above….}}{{See my prior comments on the “wisdom” of giving kids to the custody of an abuser’s parent.  Sounds, like mother, like son .}}

I contacted CPS {{DOES she have another legal option?  Women are not so easily let off the hook in contempt of court orders in family law venues, FYI}}  and was told that the same CPS worker Carrie Silbernagel whose last name was now Burke as she married would contact me. 

•  Not quite a player in the case, but I’m counting.  Add #21, Mr. Burke, simply indicating change of status for CPS worker.  Again, did Mr. Burke know that his new wife is blowing off charges of child molestation?

After I told her of the force feeding incident she stated that she wanted to get down to the bottom of this “once and for all”. 

• {{Like, by checking some facts??  the phrase “get down to the bottom of this “once and for all” indicates a lack of patience, irritation.  Not exactly receptive. . . . . .  Indicates there’s a real puzzle to be solved, not a potential abusive situation.}}

She suggested to take my daughter to a neutral third party who would interview her, I agreed. Although she only needed one parents permission she made the appointment at the Child Advocacy Center when it was the fathers placement time to avoid any of my ‘coaching’ etc. 

On February 25 my daughter was picked up by Carrie Silbernagel Burke 

{{not coached or influenced by her, naturally — the woman who had ignored Michaela’s first set of complaints about her Daddy’s habit of putting his finger down her butt crack and moving it up and down….}}

and had my child interviewed by Sara Schumacher who was a forensic interviewer for child abuse victims. 

• 21 Real (not theoretical, like newlywed Mr. Burke)  “neutral 3rd party.” to interview I believe Michaela..Sara Schumacher who was a forensic interviewer for child abuse victims.

The interview was recorded and transcribed. During the interview not only did my daughter tell of the soup incident but once again how her father sexually abused her. She told both Sara Schumacher and Carrie Silbernagel Burke that he father had instructed her to lie that day to them. 

{{Perhaps with 2 there, this little girl feels a little safer.  Age?  In 2003, she was in day care.  This is 2008.  Can’t be TOO old}}

By that afternoon I received a call from Carrie telling me that they were substantiating the abuse and placing my daughter with me. 

{{Did I hear an apology anywhere from Ms. Carrie? Or a note of any future policy changes made in light of this oversight?}}

I thought that the nightmare was finally over. The CPS worker advised my husband and I that it would be a good idea if we left town for the night, get a hotel room as when she contact Craig he was extremely upset. She also advised that we should immediately file a child abuse restraining order for the TPR would not help protect my daughter very long. She explained that they would be filing a CHIPS (child in need of protection) petition {{Signifying??}}  and she would be in contact with us. 

{{So now, the Dad that was driving drunk and wasn’t a bad dad, had just made a bad choice, had been identified as making more than one “bad choice” AND they are acknowledging a possible volatile reaction.  Of course FCC Calvert (then GAL?) had noted this years ago, and it was I bet in the file.}}

The next day I filed child abuse restraining orders against Craig and Betty Hensberger and it was granted by Oconto County [[JUDGE or FCC, I presume]] Richard Delforge for 30 day pending the CHIPS petition. 

• 22 (possibly already in the picture, above)  Richard Delforge.)

By March CPS {{NOTE:  2/25/09 interview with child identifies abuse}} was already back pedaling and we were advised by Carrie Burke that Corporation Counsel, Robert Mraz, 

• 23 Corporation Counsel, Robert Mraz (unclear in context who this is….Which corporation?)

stated that I was already “protecting my daughter in Family Court” when in fact there was no such order but only the one in which she was to go every other week. Then CPS offered for both parties to sign a stipulation agreement for “co-parenting” classes for both parents. 

{{Never miss an opportunity to push those “co-parenting” classes.  Ladies, Gents — I suspect that some of this activity was funded by ACCESS VISITATION funding, and suggest you look into the finances of whoever was involved there….Like Child Advocacy Center?}}

They never even ordered any alcohol or drug assessment for Craig whose history of alcohol abuse was severe. {{Why fix an identified problem, when unidentified ones left to be pioneered through co-parenting classes?}} My attorney at the time, Michael Perry,  advised me not to agree to the stipulation and also my former abuser refused to sign. 

• 24.  Attorney for mother, Michael Perry.

Also in March he was acquitted of his charge of endangering safety with a dangerous weapon (i.e., vehicle) (what about lying in wait?). Somehow my former abuser contacted my ex husband and had my older daughters recant their statements. When this was brought forward to the DA, Jay Conley of possible witness tampering, he stated it wasn’t because Craig only talked with my ex husband. 

• {{In the absence of other facts, should I presume this was the equivalent of mind-reading, or Seance 101?  For WHY daughters might recant see my last post, Giles Amicus Brief about this topic.}}

On May 21, 2008, my daughters 10th birthday, an Administrative Appeal was held by recused FCC Frank M. Calvert. 

{{exCU U U USE me??}}

My lawyer and I were not privy to this hearing in which (1) my former abuser, (2) his attorney, (3) Corporation Counsel, Deputy Director of Oconto County CPS Greg Benesh [[I think this is 3rd, and not 2nd) and (4) Carrie Burke were a part of. {{WHY not Sara Schumaker, who’d done the interview?}}  {{Commentator added the #s in paragraph}}

• 25 Craig H’s attorney John D’Angelo (see below)
• 26 if not same person, Greg Benesh ((above) County CPS.

The only reason my attorney learned of this hearing was due to my abusers attorney, John D’Angelo, sending a copy of [[transcript of?]] the hearing in which Mr. Calvert unsubstantiated the sexual abuse allegations. My attorney advised me to get the recording from the hearing and I did. {{see Mr. Mraz, counsel, above?  I’m getting a little lost on the hearings…Plus, hadn’t Calvert recused himself earlier?  So this was then his SECOND hearing while recused??}}

{{As such, that hearing was illegall and should be scratched from the record.}}

What I heard was chilling as my character and credibility was more of an issue than the actual abuse. 

{{In other words, we are indeed in the family law venue, and not in a criminal investigation of outrageous abuse of a child, which she has now reported 3 times to 3 different workers}}

Especially in which Mr. Calvert snickers and makes fun of me that he’s “well aware of the difficulties with Ms. Fetterly-Tipton”. My lawyer instructs me to file a complaint with the judicial commission as Mr. Calvert had recused himself and he had no right to hear that case. When I requested the CD recording of the hearing Mr. Calvert’s assistant Julie Depouw stated that perhaps Calvert “forgot” he recused himself. A complaint was filed with the judicial commission regarding the ongoing bias and unethical practices of Frank M. Calvert. 

• 27.  Mr. Calvert’s assistant Julie Depouw .  Let me see, does SHE have any ethical constraints in her behavior, as a civil employee, I’m presuming?

In July 2008 my former abuser wanted his placement times back. {{At about that time, this mother wants her LIFE back, i bet…}}  We went to court and after my two witnesses testified, 

• 28, 29 – Mother’s 2 Witnesses

Sara Schumacher and Greg Benesh, Judge David Miron ordered a recess. 

• 30.  Judge David Miron.

My lawyer, my former abuser’s lawyer, GAL Krzewinski met in chambers.

My lawyer returned to say that the judge was not going to hear any more testimony because so far we had not proven that there was any substantial change in circumstances for change in placement. {{As bad as that placement was to start with, given the child abuse, drunk driving, and overall harassments}} He also stated that due to her father subpoenaing my daughters counselor, Jennifer Werner, 

• 31  Daughter, abused, is GOING to need a counselor, who is Jennifer Werner.  Is this now the 4th individual/expert the 10 yr old is confiding in? Since the courts have pretty much discredited her MOM.  Who is paying for that?  The abuser?  The courts (taxpayers..)?

her (Ms. Werner’s) supervisor 

• 32 Child’s Counselors’ supervisor.

wrote to the judge to tell of his disdain that she was being ‘used’ as a pawn in this proceeding and she had no knowledge of the ongoing custody dispute (her counseling records do not reflect that). 

{{how can you counsel without a little background info?  At a minimum, prior legal proceedings are GOING to influence a child’s perceptions and give it some context}}

My lawyer stated I had to agree to two supervised visits, one overnight unsupervised, one weekend unsupervised then back to week on week off, 

{{Pardon me, but what the F___K??}}{{First of all, the attorney represents the mother, and not vice versa! and this is a protective mother.}}

providing that GAL Krzewinski and newly appointed counselor, Mike Mervilde, found no reason for that schedule, and they didn’t. 

• 33 Counselor (GAL or counselor? Mike Mervilde…for FATHER (see below)

When I had tried to make further appointments with Mike Mervilde I was thwarted by saying that he was only court ordered to see her twice. When I requested copies of her counseling records I was told that my daughter wasn’t the patient, her father was. 

By the very first unsupervised visit my daughter came back stating her father was drinking and driving with her. Every other week she was coming home from his home with lice. CPS said that wasn’t neglect. My daughter refused to go for visitation and in October her father filed his first of three contempt motions on me. 

{{. . . .  not having a vital life of his own at this point, or other pursuits in this world….}}

I was found in contempt by Judge Miron and it was ordered that my daughter be forced to live with her abuser for five weeks straight, I was not allowed visitation. 

{{See STOPFAMILYVIOLENCE.org and elsewhere; NAFCJ.net, see all kinds of indications nationwide that children are being sent to live with their abusers after reporting abuse.  The clear intent of this is to tell BOTH the Moms AND the kids, they must NOT report abuse of any sort, up to and possibly including incest — or at least sexual molestation of a LITTLE GIRL.  I guess Wisconsin never heard of, or doesn’t care about, Joyce Murphy case…..}}

This was when I was first accused of PAS, a.k.a. ’brainwashing’ her. The judge stated that he believed that I had “poisoned” my daughter against her father. When I shook my head slightly the judge yelled at me to not shake my head at him.

{{Let me annotate.  By protesting, this Mom had gotten a crooked (i’d say) judge to recuse himself, Calvert.  Now here’s Miron (I think), and is he a bit better?  ??}}

She left on 10/31/09 and returned on 12/05/09. During that time she was tormented and tortured by her father and grandmother. My daughter still says that was the worst time of her life. 

In February my daughter came home and said her father caught a 8lb Walleye and kept it alive in his 100 gallon fish tank for two weeks. He then proceeded to use her and sign her up for three different fishing derbies in one weekend with the same fish. He told my daughter if she told no one she would receive an ipod. The total of $150 of prize money that was won in my daughters name she never saw one penny or an ipod. 

Her father was caught in his lying, cheating and stealing but blamed her for “ratting him out”. This was the turning point that my daughter lost any last respect for her father, she would ask me, “why would he do this to me?”, I had no answer, I still don’t. 

{{He’s a user….}}

She missed a weekend visit in March, by Monday he went to her school with the police to pick her up. {{MAYBE he had another kind of contest to win 2 weeks of child support for, $50 a pop}} She refused and the Gillett police officer, Gary Pemmrich, threatened my daughter that he would take her down to juvenile hall, she would be placed in foster care, she would never see me again and that she would have to go to a new school. 

• 34.  Serve and protect (Dads) police officer Gary Pemmrich.

It was after this That my former abuser brought me to court again for contempt, the judge did not find me in contempt and dismissed it. This was when Judge Miron made a threat that perhaps neither parent was fit and maybe he would put her in foster care. 

{{AND NOW YOU HAVE THE ENDGAME PLAN.  NOW, THIS IS THE MOM’S ACCOUNT, BUT THEORETICALLY, THE TROUBLE SHE’S CAUSING IS REPORTING ABUSE THROUGH THE PROPER CHANNELS, AND FUNCTIONING AS A MOTHER, FOR WHICH ONE TIME BOTH MOTHER AND DAUGHTER WERE PUNISHED, BY DAUGHTER SPENDING A5 WEEKS WITH 2 ABUSERS.  IS THIS OR IS THIS NOT A TECHNIQUE OF WAR, TO TORTURE RELATIVES FOR LACK OF “COMPLIANCE”??}}

He then changed the order that each parent could pick up the child directly from school rather than the police station as the drop off. {{EVEN THOUGH — SEE START OF STORY — CRAIG H. HAD DONE THIS ILLEGALLY BEFORE, AT HER DAYCARE, HAVING ALLEGEDLY FORGED A JUDGE’S SIGNATURE, 5 YEARS EARLIER….}}

Shortly after she returned from her week placement stating how cold she was at her fathers, stating his electricity was “broken”. The next week it was the same, finally CPS was alerted that there was no electricity, running water/plumbing, refrigeration for food etc. They then began staying at his mothers small two bedroom home, my daughter was given a choice of either sleeping on the living room floor or the unfinished basement. By August my daughter had been frightened several times by her grandmother driving her drunk, specifically one occasion where they took her out with them to the bar and as the grandmother stumbled out of the bar she proceeded to get into the wrong vehicle and then drove them home, drunk. 

My daughter asked to stay at my home on his weekend 8/7/09 due to her older sisters coming for a visit. She kept saying how relaxed she was, how well she slept in an actual bed in her own room. She called him and told him she would not return to his mothers house because she had no bed or bedroom there. By 8/12/09 he filed a motion of contempt on me but waited until last minute 9/18/09 to  have me served. Due to the untimely notice it was dismissed, He soon filed another contempt. 

{{FILING CONTEMPT MOTIONS SEEMS TO BE A LIFE SKILL THIS GENTLEMAN HAS PICKED UP ALONG THE WAY….IF NOT SUSTAINING A SEPARATE LIVING ARRANGEMENT SUFFICIENT FOR A GIRL TO HAVE A LITTLE PRIVACY.}}

At no time after school started did he ever go to school to retrieve his daughter. In court on 10/14/09 he and his mother perjured themselves that she has her own room, I’m brainwashing her, they don’t drink. When asked why he didn’t go pick her up he would say he was “working” or he was “busy” but I was being held accountable. On 9/4/09 we drove up to the grandmothers house for my daughter to retrieve her clarinet. We requested the assistance of Oconto County Sheriffs Deputy Ryan Zahn, who happens to be the nephew of Craig Hensberger, grandson of Betty Hensberger. At no time did the grandmother attempt to keep my daughter at her residence, her father according to his testimony was working. 

• 35, Oconto Co Sheriff’s Deputy Ryan Zahn — purpose?  Normal pickup with a volatile situation.  She wanted a witness, I bet.  Too bad about the nepotism factor.

Judge Miron found me in contempt {{FOR WHAT?  GOING TO THE HOME?? TO GET A CLARINET??}} and ordered me 30 days in county jail, with it stayed and ordered that my daughter be picked up by her father on 10/16/09 after school. I was also found in contempt and ordered 30 days in county jail for claiming my daughter on my taxes even though he has an order to do so the IRS will not allow him to since he unlawfully claimed her from 1999-2007. Also because she lived with me exclusively from Feb 2008-August 2008 which the federal government agreed I could claim her. Judge Miron also made his threats again that maybe he would “contact CPS because neither one of us is a fit parent and maybe he should take he away from both of us”. He stated that maybe foster care was the best place for her. 

{{This judge is obviously trying to create a paper trail that would justify that outrage.  How is a mom supposed to function around all this?  And yet she’s trying…..}}

Since the (improperly delayed) contempt motion being served on 9/18/09 my child has began sleep walking, having night terrors, and was placed on Xanax for her sleep disturbances and anxiety issues brought on by her father. She has stated she is not going with her father ever again, she can’t and won’t. She won’t be in school tomorrow due to her flu and is adamant that nobody can make her go, not even me. 

{{end of narrative}}

In 2003 my abuser forged my signature and had it notarized on a court stipulation giving him “50/50” custody and all back child support dropped, this is a paternity case. The notary was his real estate/insurance agent. The only reason I found out about the forgery is that he tried to remove our daughter, Michaela from daycare and they contacted me immediately.

 

I filed a police report regarding the forgery, the DA, Jay Conley, he said that “even though we know who the likely suspect is there was no proof that my abuser, Craig Hensberger, did this”. Even though no one else would benefit from such an arrangement but the “likely suspect”. I got a handwriting analysis done on my own and presented that evidence to the DA, he stated that only “proved it was not my signature”, he refused to do anything. 

 

I went to court in front of Family Court Commissioner, Frank Calvert, of Oconto County,[[WISCONSIN]] who just happened to be the GAL on my divorce/custody proceedings in 1997 who recommended custody to my ex abusive husband, John Fetterly. It was also Mr. Calvert who made sure that in his recommendations that in order for me to have primary placement with my older three daughters I was to have a “stable living environment away from Craig Hensberger”. In 2003 Mr. Calvert moved up in ranks from lowly GAL to Family Court Commissioner and even with me expressing to him my concerns of his ability to be impartial I was ignored, chastised and intimidated by him. He refused to hear or see any evidence regarding the forgery and kept it as is, “50/50” custody and ordered child support in the amount of $25 per week based on 50/50 custody even though the father had placement every other weekend. 

 

The weekend of Fathers Day in June 2005 my daughter was in the custody and care of her father. On Saturday of that weekend he was arrested for his second DUI in less than a year with our daughter as a passenger in the middle of the day. At this time I had decided to move out of the state and per the county rules sent a certified letter to my former abuser to notify him of our move. He refused the certified letter and it was returned to me, although he was alerted that I was planning on moving and then filed an objection to my move. We again went in front of Frank Calvert who appointed GAL, Aaron Krzewinski. They ordered that my child stay in her current school but that Craig’s mother was to do all the transportation and supervision of placement. This was when my former abuser anger began to escalate and he vandalized three vehicles of mine which rendered them useless as well as loosening all the lug nuts on my tires which could of killed me as the tire fell off while traveling to work one morning. 

 

Finally in October 2005, I moved in with my mother who lived well within the 150 mile radius I was allowed to move without notifying him. In December he served 20 days in jail for his DUI w/our daughter (the minimum is 30 days) and he also was allowed out on “Huber” so that he only had to report to jail at night when he was done working or not working. After he did his time he filed a motion to enforce placement when he was in jail for most of December. Again FCC Frank Calvert chastised me in court for not have legal representation and stated that if he could make me move back he would. He then gave my former abuser every weekend custody and ordered that I drive roundtrip every weekend because my abusers license was suspended. He stated that it wasn’t “his fault I moved, it was mine”. He also refused to review child support and the $25 weekly was upheld. 

 

In August 2006 I moved back to Oconto County with my then fiancé’ soon to be husband, Chad Tipton. It was the Labor Day weekend and we were set to drive her for visitation with her father. My daughter stated that she was scared to go because her father was putting his finger in her “butt crack” down her pants, she made a motion of up and down. She made this revelation and stated how uncomfortable it was to her. I immediately contacted Marathon County CPS who interviewed my daughter. They did make a TPR and advised that Oconto would then handle it when we moved there after that weekend. 

 

During the first weeks of September 2006 my daughter was met at her school by Oconto County CPS worker Carrie Silbernagel. After not hearing from Ms. Silbernagel I contacted her and she was very volatile towards me. Stating that she didn’t believe my daughter, that she believed she was “coached” and that she had children younger than my daughter who could provide specific details such as smells, times of days, etc. but my daughter did not. She stated that she knew of my “history with CPS” and reporting false allegations of sexual abuse. I asked her to explain as I had never made any other report to CPS regarding sexual abuse. She referred to another CPS worker that I had allegedly spoke to in 2004 regarding my older daughter. She made comments that she “knew ALL about me” etc. When I pointed out that my daughter is in danger as her fathers history of driving drunk. She then stated that “driving drunk with his child didn’t make him a bad father, he made a bad choice”.  She refused to take any action and the matter was closed. 

 

In May 2007 my former abuser decided to file for sole custody of our daughter as his behavior was to the point of madness since I was getting married on July 7, 2007. It was during this time that FCC Frank Calvert recused himself finally after I had filed a complaint against him with the Wisconsin Judicial Commission regarding his impartiality and biasness.  By this time he was already facing charges of endangering safety with a dangerous weapon as he tried to run my then fiancé’ and 13 yo daughter in a grocery store parking lot one night as he waited outside for us. During that summer he was given every other week custody and they kept it that way until school started. Every bad behavior he gained more and more custody as the GAL was continually getting more money. 

 

By January 2008, last minute he agreed to joint custody and dropped his sole custody claim. In February 2008 my daughter came home and said that her grandmother had forced fed her soup and then her vomit while threatening to beat “her ass” with a wooden spoon if she didn’t eat it. I contacted CPS and was told that the same CPS worker Carrie Silbernagel whose last name was now Burke as she married would contact me. After I told her of the force feeding incident she stated that she wanted to get down to the bottom of this “once and for all”. She suggested to take my daughter to a neutral third party who would interview her, I agreed. Although she only needed one parents permission she made the appointment at the Child Advocacy Center when it was the fathers placement time to avoid any of my ‘coaching’ etc. 

 

On February 25 my daughter was picked up by Carrie Silbernagel Burke and had my child interviewed by Sara Schumacher who was a forensic interviewer for child abuse victims. The interview was recorded and transcribed. During the interview not only did my daughter tell of the soup incident but once again how her father sexually abused her. She told both Sara Schumacher and Carrie Silbernagel Burke that he father had instructed her to lie that day to them. By that afternoon I received a call from Carrie telling me that they were substantiating the abuse and placing my daughter with me. I thought that the nightmare was finally over. The CPS worker advised my husband and I that it would be a good idea if we left town for the night, get a hotel room as when she contact Craig he was extremely upset. She also advised that we should immediately file a child abuse restraining order for the TPR would not help protect my daughter very long. She explained that they would be filing a CHIPS (child in need of protection) petition and she would be in contact with us. 

 

The next day I filed child abuse restraining orders against Craig and Betty Hensberger and it was granted by Oconto County Richard Delforge for 30 day pending the CHIPS petition. By March CPS was already back pedaling and we were advised by Carrie Burke that Corporation Counsel, Robert Mraz, stated that I was already “protecting my daughter in Family Court” when in fact there was no such order but only the one in which she was to go every other week. Then CPS offered for both parties to sign a stipulation agreement for “co-parenting” classes for both parents. They never even ordered any alcohol or drug assessment for Craig whose history of alcohol abuse was severe. My attorney at the time, Michael Perry,  advised me not to agree to the stipulation and also my former abuser refused to sign. 

 

Also in March he was acquitted of his charge of endangering safety with a dangerous weapon. Somehow my former abuser contacted my ex husband and had my older daughters recant their statements. When this was brought forward to the DA, Jay Conley of possible witness tampering, he stated it wasn’t because Craig only talked with my ex husband. 

 

On May 21, 2008, my daughters 10th birthday, an Administrative Appeal was held by recused FCC Frank M. Calvert. {{SEE BELOW}} My lawyer and I were not privy to this hearing in which my former abuser, his attorney, Corporation Counsel, Deputy Director of Oconto County CPS Greg Benesh and Carrie Burke were a part of. The only reason my attorney learned of this hearing was due to my abusers attorney, John D’Angelo, sending a copy of the hearing in which Mr. Calvert unsubstantiated the sexual abuse allegations. My attorney advised me to get the recording from the hearing and I did. What I heard was chilling as my character and credibility was more of an issue than the actual abuse. Especially in which Mr. Calvert snickers and makes fun of me that he’s “well aware of the difficulties with Ms. Fetterly-Tipton”. My lawyer instructs me to file a complaint with the judicial commission as Mr. Calvert had recused himself and he had no right to hear that case. When I requested the CD recording of the hearing Mr. Calvert’s assistant Julie Depouw stated that perhaps Calvert “forgot” he recused himself. A complaint was filed with the judicial commission regarding the ongoing bias and unethical practices of Frank M. Calvert. 

 

In July 2008 my former abuser wanted his placement times back. We went to court and after my two witnesses testified, Sara Schumacher and Greg Benesh, Judge David Miron ordered a recess. My lawyer, my former abuser’s lawyer, GAL Krzewinski met in chambers. My lawyer returned to say that the judge was not going to hear any more testimony because so far we had not proven that there was any substantial change in circumstances for change in placement. He also stated that due to her father subpoenaing my daughters counselor, Jennifer Werner, her supervisor wrote to the judge to tell of his disdain that she was being ‘used’ as a pawn in this proceeding and she had no knowledge of the ongoing custody dispute (her counseling records do not reflect that). My lawyer stated I had to agree to two supervised visits, one overnight unsupervised, one weekend unsupervised then back to week on week off, providing that GAL Krzewinski and newly appointed counselor, Mike Mervilde, found no reason for that schedule, and they didn’t. 

 

When I had tried to make further appointments with Mike Mervilde I was thwarted by saying that he was only court ordered to see her twice. When I requested copies of her counseling records I was told that my daughter wasn’t the patient, her father was. 

 

By the very first unsupervised visit my daughter came back stating her father was drinking and driving with her. Every other week she was coming home from his home with lice. CPS said that wasn’t neglect. My daughter refused to go for visitation and in October her father filed his first of three contempt motions on me. I was found in contempt by Judge Miron and it was ordered that my daughter be forced to live with her abuser for five weeks straight, I was not allowed visitation. This was when I was first accused of PAS, a.k.a. ’brainwashing’ her. The judge stated that he believed that I had “poisoned” my daughter against her father. When I shook my head slightly the judge yelled at me to not shake my head at him.

She left on 10/31/09 and returned on 12/05/09. During that time she was tormented and tortured by her father and grandmother. My daughter still says that was the worst time of her life. 

 

In February my daughter came home and said her father caught a 8lb Walleye and kept it alive in his 100 gallon fish tank for two weeks. He then proceeded to use her and sign her up for three different fishing derbies in one weekend with the same fish. He told my daughter if she told no one she would receive an ipod. The total of $150 of prize money that was won in my daughters name she never saw one penny or an ipod. 

Her father was caught in his lying, cheating and stealing but blamed her for “ratting him out”. This was the turning point that my daughter lost any last respect for her father, she would ask me, “why would he do this to me?”, I had no answer, I still don’t. 

 

She missed a weekend visit in March, by Monday he went to her school with the police to pick her up. She refused and the Gillett police officer, Gary Pemmrich, threatened my daughter that he would take her down to juvenile hall, she would be placed in foster care, she would never see me again and that she would have to go to a new school. 

It was after this hat my former abuser brought me to court again for contempt, the judge did not find me in contempt and dismissed it. This was when Judge Miron made a threat that perhaps neither parent was fit and maybe he would put her in foster care. 

He then changed the order that each parent could pick up the child directly from school rather than the police station as the drop off. 

 

Shortly after she returned from her week placement stating how cold she was at her fathers, stating his electricity was “broken”. The next week it was the same, finally CPS was alerted that there was no electricity, running water/plumbing, refrigeration for food etc. They then began staying at his mothers small two bedroom home, my daughter was given a choice of either sleeping on the living room floor or the unfinished basement. By August my daughter had been frightened several times by her grandmother driving her drunk, specifically one occasion where they took her out with them to the bar and as the grandmother stumbled out of the bar she proceeded to get into the wrong vehicle and then drove them home, drunk. 

 

My daughter asked to stay at my home on his weekend 8/7/09 due to her older sisters coming for a visit. She kept saying how relaxed she was, how well she slept in an actual bed in her own room. She called him and told him she would not return to his mothers house because she had no bed or bedroom there. By 8/12/09 he filed a motion of contempt on me but waited until last minute 9/18/09 to  have me served. Due to the untimely notice it was dismissed, He soon filed another contempt. At no time after school started did he ever go to school to retrieve his daughter. In court on 10/14/09 he and his mother perjured themselves that she has her own room, I’m brainwashing her, they don’t drink. When asked why he didn’t go pick her up he would say he was “working” or he was “busy” but I was being held accountable. On 9/4/09 we drove up to the grandmothers house for my daughter to retrieve her clarinet. We requested the assistance of Oconto County Sheriffs Deputy Ryan Zahn, who happens to be the nephew of Craig Hensberger, grandson of Betty Hensberger. At no time did the grandmother attempt to keep my daughter at her residence, her father according to his testimony was working. 

 

Judge Miron found me in contempt and ordered me 30 days in county jail, with it stayed and ordered that my daughter be picked up by her father on 10/16/09 after school. I was also found in contempt and ordered 30 days in county jail for claiming my daughter on my taxes even though he has an order to do so the IRS will not allow him to since he unlawfully claimed her from 1999-2007. Also because she lived with me exclusively from Feb 2008-August 2008 which the federal government agreed I could claim her. Judge Miron also made his threats again that maybe he would “contact CPS because neither one of us is a fit parent and maybe he should take he away from both of us”. He stated that maybe foster care was the best place for her. 

 

Since the contempt motion being served on 9/18/09 my child has began sleep walking, having night terrors, and was placed on Xanax for her sleep disturbances and anxiety issues brought on by her father. She has stated she is not going with her father ever again, she can’t and won’t. She won’t be in school tomorrow due to her flu and is adamant that nobody can make her go, not even me.

Oconto County Case Number 2008CV000451

Oconto County Case Number 2005CM000033  

The defendant Craig I. Hensberger was found guilty of the following charge(s) in this case.

• Disorderly Conduct, a class B misdemeanor, Wisconsin Statutes 947.01.

Oconto County Case Number 2005CT000093

The defendant was charged with both OWI (2nd w/ Passenger < 16 Yrs Old) and Operating w/PAC-Passenger <16 Yrs(2nd).

The defendant was found guilty of OWI (2nd w/ Passenger < 16 Yrs Old) and the other charge, Operating w/PAC-Passenger <16 Yrs(2nd),

was dismissed by the court.  Craig I Hensberger was found guilty of OWI (2nd w/ Passenger < 16 Yrs Old),

an unclassified misdemeanor, Wisconsin Statutes 346.63(1)(a).

That passenger was the little girl . . . . apparently . . . . . . Clearly some priorities are upside down:  Where are all this mother’s “misdemeanors,” and if they aren’t there, then how come she and her daughter are being punished in this manner?  And who the heck is Susan L. Younger in the case?